I Can Haz Jihad?


Can we restrict people from entering this country if they’re annoying and self indulgent? Yes, we should prevent dangerous people from crossing our borders, but I think we should add selfie queens (that includes you dudes too) to the list. We have enough insecure people who were born here who can’t resist the urge to share their neuroses with the entire world, why invite more? And don’t get me started on cat pictures. Dog pictures are OK. In fact, being a dog lover should move people to the front of the line.

News reveals that the Jihadist chick who was one of the terrorists in the San Bernardino shootings entered the country without having her social media checked out? What? I doubt you can get a decent job without someone from human resources checking out your Facebook and judging your cleavage and nights of drunken hootenannies. If Burger King wants to see your thong, then why shouldn’t DHS also take a peek?

I don’t think we should stop people from coming to our country. That doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be vetted, or that the process we’re using now is perfect. Hell, the 19 hijackers responsible for 9/11 entered the country on visas. Everyone needs to be checked out whether they’re students or a fiance for a U.S. born loser who can’t get an American date and orders a bride from the Philippines.

So why didn’t Homeland Security check out Tashfeen Malik’ s Facebook page? Sure, stereotyping is bad but she had been a resident of two nations, Pakistan and Saudi Arabia, where people are trained to hate the United States. Reportedly, she made several posts expressing a desire to join ISIL. Her posts were private and could only be seen by her most trusted Jihadists friends, but DHS should have checked it out anyway. I’m sure the NSA is spying on U.S. citizen’s social media, so DHS could probably hack her Facebook and see whether she had a massive crush on Matthew McConaughey or Jihadi John. We need to know if her sugar daddy is Abu Bakr al Baghdadi.

So yeah, check out social media. See if they hate America or just hate Nickelback. And if anyone from the National Security Agency is checking this out, please don’t put me on the No-Fly List for “I Can Have Jihad?”.

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