ISIS

Prez For The Caliphate


cjones11042017

Every president from FDR to Obama, (and yes, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, even Kennedy AND JFK) responded to attacks on our country by uniting the nation. Roosevelt didn’t blame Republicans when Japan attacked Pearl Harbor. George W. Bush didn’t throw petty insults and lies at Nancy Pelosi when al Qaida hit the World Trade Center. When a terrorist killed 49 people at the Pulse nightclub, Obama didn’t use the occasion to remind us Ted Cruz is a hideous human being from Canada.

Donald Trump is a president who doesn’t know how to be president. That’s because he’s not supposed to be president. He especially doesn’t know how to react to traumatic events in his life, from a terrorist shooting over 50 people in Las Vegas to Kristen Stewart cheating on Robert Pattinson. The man totally wigs out and loses his shit and his only response is to be as petty as he can possibly be.

ISIS does not expect to destroy our nation by killing eight people on bicycles in New York City by running over them with a rental truck from Home Depot (who still probably had a better week with national exposure than Papa John’s). Their goal is for us to use that to destroy ourselves. Terrorists failed at making us destroy ourselves over 9/11 and they have failed at every attempt since. Now, they have a president who will play into their hands. They have a true puppet in Donald Trump. Putin will have to share him.

After losing the cities of Mosul and Raqqa, ISIS rejoices at an American president who uses one of their attacks to attack his political opponents. It’s probably even better the president lies when he does it.

The president’s responses to attacks have been political, divisive, and outright stupid. As a candidate, his response to the Pulse nightclub shootings was to congratulate himself for predicting it. For San Bernardino, he called for a ban on Muslims entering the nation (as he did for Pulse). We can’t forget his response to the death of a young woman by racists in Charlottesville, when he said “good people” were marching with Nazis.

After Las Vegas, the White House told us not to politicize it, and they haven’t talked about any legislation to prevent similar attacks in the future. Less than eighteen hours after the attack in New York City, Trump is calling for an end to the “Diversary” Visa Lottery  program for immigrants.

This is a system that offers citizens of countries with low immigration rates a chance to come to the United States. The NYC killer entered the nation seven years ago from Uzbekistan as a beneficiary of the program.

The Visa program issues up to 50,000 green cards a year, which is a tiny fraction of the more than one million who receive them. Applicants don’t require a sponsor, must pass a background check, have a high school diploma, and have two years of recent work experience. Citizens of Mexico, Canada, Brazil, China and other nations that have sent at least 50,000 people to the United States in the past five years are not eligible. The intention is to mix up our melting pot, which you don’t do by letting Nickelback stay here.

Trump ignored the facts Wednesday when he tweeted, “we need to get rid of the lottery program as soon as possible.” He also attacked New York Senator and Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer with, “The terrorist came into our country through what is called the ‘Diversity Visa Lottery Program,’ a Chuck Schumer beauty. I want merit based.”

Schumer helped create the program in 1990, and it passed with bipartisan support and was signed into law by President George H.W. Bush. In recent years, he’s worked on legislation that would reduce the number of immigrants, thus ending the Lottery program.

Trump isn’t interested in the details. He needs something stupid for Huckabee Sanders to defend. Kellyanne Conway will surely double-down on the stupidity later today on CNN, and Sebastian Gorka will most likely follow the talking points on Fox News while also doing his creepy vampire routine. Bleah. Bleah. Bleah.

As others have pointed out, the president is very slow in criticizing white people who kill people. Sometimes, he compliments them, as if Putin sent them over. When the perpetrator is brown, he unleashes his Twitter Kraken.

I really miss having an adult as president and I’m tired of being stuck with an illiterate racist child who emboldens terrorists.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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Send In The Clown


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Many believe the greatest threat to the United States is ISIS. Others say Climate Change. Recently you’ve probably read more about people freaking out about clowns. Scary clowns. Creepy clowns.

I don’t get this fad. I don’t think anyone does. I think a news organization needs to find a clown and interview him to find out what’s going on. The clown panic has reached a point that McDonald’s is keeping their mascot, Ronald McDonald, out of their publicity until this clown fear passes. I don’t think anyone’s going to miss Ronald. He spends way too much time with little kids.

If I’m confused about this then how confused can people outside the U.S. be when they hear we have a clown epidemic? Will ISIS start recruiting clowns? Will this embolden terrorists when they see it doesn’t take much to send us into a panic?

I wanted to take a break from the election for at least a minute, unless Mayor McCheese gets impeached for supporting creepy Ronald.

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Great Scott He Found ISIS!


cjones08122016

Mankind will never develop time-traveling technology. We know this because Donald Trump was not smothered in his sleep as a child.

Donald Trump keeps making crazy claims and political pundits keep analyzing them to understand why he would make such statements, totally forgetting that Mr. Trump is not a rational person.

Donald Trump claims Barack Obama founded ISIS and they honor him. He says Hillary Clinton is the co-founder. It takes a pathological liar to make such stupid, false, statements while giving his opponent a nickname “lying Hillary.”

ISIS formed from invading Iraq, while Obama was a state senator in Illinois. If the baby daddy for ISIS is an American, his name is George W. Bush. The sugar mama would be Dick Cheney. Invading Iraq is another area Trump lies about as he states he was against it. The pathological liar who tells us he saw videos of Muslims in New Jersey celebrating 9/11 (another lie) ignores the existence of the recording of him supporting the invasion.

This kind of B.S. might actually work with Trump’s base. This man first leveled the charge that Obama was not born in the United States, that he didn’t have a birth certificate, and later if he did then there was something on it he didn’t want anyone to see. A large portion of Republicans believe this lie. Many believe the president is a secret Muslim, and Trump is helping that by pushing Obama’s middle name “Hussein” while leveling the ISIS charge.

Blaming the president for ISIS, and insinuating he’s part of the terrorist organization, isn’t just false, it’s stupid. It’s as stupid as blaming Obama for the response for Hurricane Katrina, which a third of Louisiana Republicans do despite George W. Bush being president during that time.

There’s legitimate criticism for the way the president has handled Iraq and ISIS. Blaming him for creating it is a lie and irresponsible, especially for the presidential nominee for one of the two major political parties. The nominee should work with facts and information instead of right-wing conspiracy theories being fed to him by the tin-foil hat wearing electorate.

But hey, maybe Trump has it on good authority that Obama is the founder of ISIS. Perhaps he read it when the NFL sent him a letter.

I was a teenager during the 1980s and I really don’t look back on all the fads fondly. Leg warmers, Reaganomics, Max Headroom, Rubiks Cube, Atari, Nintendo, arcades, Hulkamania, Valley Girls (gag me with a spoon!) Cabbage Patch Kids, boom boxes, break dancing, Where’s The Beef, Madonna, Thriller, Purple Rain, Born In The USA, synthesizers and electronic drums on every pop song. I’ll never forget the nightmare of New Coke. Sons of bitches!

One bright spot of the decade was the film Back To The Future. It’s still awesome but depressing to realize the year they jumped to in the future was 2015 and Biff Tannen is actually running for president. Damn I’m old.

Useless trivia time: The album in the 1980s that shot British hard rockers Def Leppard to fame, Pyromania, consisted of electronic drums for most of the album. I just burst a bubble for you, didn’t I?

You may already know this one, but if you don’t you’ll find it, as Marty McFly would say, “heavy.” The original actor hired to play Marty was Eric Stoltz (who did a great job in the Mask and later as Lance in Pulp Fiction). Director Robert Zemeckis pursued Michael J. Fox for the role, who was already a big star at the time, but couldn’t commit due to his TV series Family Ties. So they went with Stoltz and even started filming. After four weeks they realized Stoltz was miscast as he very dramatic as McFly. Marty McFly was basically who Michael J. Fox was in high school as during that time he chased girls, played in bands, and even skateboarded. He just needed the script. Stoltz actually agreed he wasn’t right for the part.

Eric Stoltz did kick ass in Pulp Fiction as heroin selling Lance (“The day that I bring an OD-ing bitch over to your house, then I give her the shot”).

By the way, Zemeckis and Fox teamed up again years later for The Frighteners. It’s not nearly as good as Back To The Future, but it’s still good. Check it out. Michael J. Fox saw dead people way before Bruce Willis did.

Update: After spending two days doubling down on accusing Obama and Clinton of being the founders of ISIS, Donald Trump now says he was being sarcastic.

Trump gave an interview on a radio show where conservative host Hugh Hewitt gave him a chance to clarify his accusation. Hewitt suggested Trump meant to say that Obama “created a vacuum” in the Middle East that led to ISIS. Trump replied “No, I meant that he’s the founder of ISIS. “He was the most valuable player. I gave him the most valuable player award.”

Trump’s usual gaggle of surrogates on cable news backed him up and continued the lie. The surrogates now have more spinning to do as Trump tweeted this morning that he was “being sarcastic.”

 

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How’s My Driving?


cjones07182016

It takes a special kind of monster to kill a child. Ten children were among the 84 killed in Nice by a terrorist, apparently inspired by ISIS.

Before you can get over the shock of a terrorists attack there’s another one. Orlando, Turkey, Dallas, Nice, etc. I waited a couple days to draw this cartoon and I’m kinda surprised another attack didn’t preempt it.

Terrorists are creative. They’ve discovered ways to incite fear beyond shooting guns and conventional explosives. They fly planes into buildings, build bombs into their shoes, create explosive crock pots, and drive large trucks through crowds.

The attack in Nice is one that can happen anywhere, especially in the United States. We have more roads and automobiles than anyone. A terrorist wouldn’t have to wait for a holiday to attract a large crowd. He could just wait for a beautiful day in a large city.  It’s hard to anticipate something that’s never happened before.

While we can’t defeat terrorism overnight, we can learn from what created it, and perhaps not repeat those mistakes. Mistakes like invading and destabilizing other nations.

While ISIS recruits and encourages followers they’ve never met, some of their disciples are offering examples how to be involved. The bad guys can’t be the only ones learning. We better take note too.

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The McCain Blame


cjones06192016

On Thursday Senator John McCain blamed President Obama for creating ISIS and having a hand in the attack in Orlando. I guess he forgot about that entire episode where President Bush invaded the wrong country, destabilizing it and creating a world class recruitment center and haven for terrorists. It must have slipped his mind.

After accusing the president of treason and coming off as ridiculous as Donald Trump, McCain attempted to clarify his statement. He said his intention was to blame Obama’s policies, not as if Obama was personally cutting off journalists’ heads in the desert outside Raqqa.

McCain is in a tough primary race for his senate seat in Arizona. Now may not be the best time for him to make stupid statements. To retain his seat he needs to distance himself as far as possible from Donald Trump, not mimic him. What’s McCain’s next move, a photo op with a taco bowl while accusing himself of not being a war hero?

Before McCain picked a running mate in his failed presidential attempt in 2008, nobody outside Alaska has ever heard of Sarah Palin. Since that time we’ve suffered eight years of a tidal wave of stupidity that even Donald Trump has had trouble duplicating. Thanks, Senator. It’s the stupid that keeps on giving.

Speaking of stupid, Sarah Palin also had some criticism of President Obama this week. She probably does that every week but this one was noticeable. She said the president is a “special kind of stupid” over his efforts toward gun control. Seriously. Miss Right Winger Bitter Clinger has called someone else stupid. Next, her daughter will start lecturing about abstinence.

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Orlando Tragedy


cjones06142016

Am I politicizing this?

The United States suffered the worst mass shooting in its history this past weekend. A shooter walked into a gay nightclub and started shooting people. At this point 50 are dead and over 50 are wounded.

The shooter claims he’s affiliated with ISIS. He has a history of homophobia and anger issues. Is it really important he’s citing ISIS and the Boston Marathon Bombers as inspiration?

It’s not about Islam or “radical” Islam. It’s about people being radical. Conservatives love to point out that Islam calls for the death of homosexuals. So does Christianity. Most Muslim governments that are theocracies ban homosexuality which is evidence that we don’t want to tie our government to Christianity or any religion. It’s bizarre that those who hate gays want us to focus on other groups who hate gays.

These conservatives aren’t asking how the shooter acquired his weapons. They’re more concerned with people referring to the AR-15 used as an “assault weapon.” Seriously, they have more sensitivity toward the weapon than to the victims.

Conservatives love to politicize people and use them to advance their agenda. They scapegoat. They create a climate of hate and fear where none previously existed. They do it out of hate hate and to distract from other issues. They scream about bathrooms being unsafe from trangenders though all the raping and pedophilia being done out there is by heterosexuals, and usually by very conservative and religious people. It’s always a great time to politicize someone until their politicizing feeds a tragedy. When the tragedy strikes they offer prayers to those they have been tarnishing, degrading, and dehumanizing.

Am I politicizing this? I could have gone with a memorial cartoon. In fact, the cartoonist who I most admire has already published a cartoon with tears for Orlando. When I’m angry, annoyed, and really pissed off, sentimentality doesn’t come easy to me. I’m not a chicken-soup-for-the-soul type of person.

Am I politicizing this? You bet your homophobic ass I am.

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Patience With The TSA


cjones05202016

One of the stories this week every American political cartoonists drew a cartoon on were the long lines in airport security checkpoints. Every cartoonists except me, until now.

The point made by each and every single one of those cartoons were “the lines are long” and “waiting sucks.” I’m really not into that sort of commentary. There were also a bunch of cartoons about graduation with the point that the job market stinks. Yeah, hard hitting stuff. I’ve done my share of those cartoons in the past but that was when I was on the staff of a newspaper and editors LOVE light-heart crap. I’m sure many of my newspaper clients would like for me to draw more of those.

I don’t disagree that waiting sucks. But complaining about long lines is like complaining about the weather.

With the downing of EgyptAir maybe we should keep things a bit more in perspective.

I have had no personal experience with waiting in a country other than the United States, but I have read Americans have the least amount of patience. I’m probably the worst one. I hate waiting in traffic, in lines, for people,girls (seriously, girls. Why?) trailers at the movies, my dog to hurry up and poop. I lose patience with microwaves. Hurry up and pop that popcorn, dammit!

But you know what’s worst than waiting in line at a TSA checkpoint? Exploding. Exploding would suck. Drowning sucks too. Also, eaten by sharks. That’s probably not a good time.

I think it’s too soon to blame this on terrorists. ISIS hasn’t even taken credit yet which is surprising, even if they didn’t do it. Whether this was terrorism or not, it’s a reminder that having the TSA keeping us safe is a good thing. Even if you have to smell someone’s stinky feet on your way to your flight.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!