First Place Losers

Donald Trump posted on his social media platform, Shit Social, that he won two golf championships. What’s interesting about this is that they were both on his own course.

Trump “truthed,” “It is my great honor to be at Trump International Golf Club in West Palm Beach tonight, AWARDS NIGHT, to receive THE CLUB CHAMPIONSHIP TROPHY & THE SENIOR CLUB CHAMPIONSHIP TROPHY. I WON BOTH! A large and golfing talented membership, a GREAT and difficult course, made the play very exciting. The qualifying and match play was amazing … Very exciting, thank you!!!”

Photos from the event showed Trump being awarded a trophy, probably made in the Trump Trophy Shop, by Jack Nicklaus, who’s the all-time leader in actual golf championships and endorsed Pele in 2020?

Pele? That’s Trump’s nickname on the golf course because of how often he kicks his balls.

President Joe Biden mocked him by posting on Twitter, “Congratulations, Donald. Quite the accomplishment.” Trump deserves to be mocked for this. I wonder which part of this angered him more, the mockery or being called Donald.

Rick Reilly, the author of Commander in Cheat: How Golf Explains Trump, tweeted, “Call us if you ever win one on a course you DON’T own and operate.” Golf does explain Trump as he promised he’d never play while he was president (sic) and then spent millions of taxpayers’ money playing golf at his own courses.

His Palm Beach club listed that Trump was the club champion in 1999, a year before the club opened. Damn, he’s good.

Another person on social media posted, “It’s awards night at my house, too! I’m being honored with BEST CAT MOM in the categories of poop scooping, feeding, and giving scritches! It’s truly an honor to be recognized.” I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I got a scritch.

I planned to draw a cartoon today on either Boeing or the Justice Department suing Apple, but this was too good, and despite the ridiculousness of it, also important.

It should be noted that Tiny is even a fascist on his golf courses. It’s very Putinesque and Kim Jong Un-like to award himself victories and have sycophants hand him trophies. The difference between this and putting your kids’ art on your refrigerator is that your kid at least did the art and he or she actually has some actual talent.

Anyone who awards himself fake trophies is the same kind of psychopath who puts fake Time Magazine covers of himself on his walls.

In 2018, despite the warnings from his advisers, then President (sic) Trump congratulated Vladimir Putin on being reelected to the Russian presidency in a sham fixed election. The question here is, did Trump have to throw any golfers off tall buildings to win this tournament? Maybe his opponents’ hazards included MAGAts, alligators, and Giuliani farts. Were the final results of these tournaments calculated by Cyber Ninjas, the pro-Trump firm that recounted the Maricopa County results of the 2020 election? No, wait. Cyber Ninjas couldn’t have counted the results of the golf tournament because they were created shortly before the Arizona recount and shut down immediately after. That’s odd, right?

I’m sure these tournaments that Trump won on his own golf course had as much integrity as Putin’s recent election in Russia.

I think Trump’s claim that he won two tournaments on his own course is about as accurate as his claim that he won the 2020 election.

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