Billionaire Blues

Donald Trump asked 30 insurance companies to underwrite his massive bond in the New York civil fraud case that found him guilty of overvaluing his properties. Not all 30 of the companies said no. Some said nyet. HAHAHA. I’m funny. Other cartoonists, don’t steal that.

Trump’s lawyers wrote, “The amount of the judgment, with interest, exceeds $464 million, and very few bonding companies will consider a bond of anything approaching that magnitude.” The bond is due at the end of the month and Trump’s lawyers are asking for a discount because they think Trump should be privileged.

Trump posted on his social media platform, Shit Social, that “the size of the bond is “unConstitutional, un-American, unprecedented, and practically impossible for ANY Company, including one as successful as mine. The Bonding Companies have never heard of such a bond, of this size, before, nor do they have the ability to post such a bond, even if they wanted to.”

Sure, it’s a high bond but it’s also Donald Trump asking for the bond. Are the companies afraid of the bond or are they afraid of giving it to someone who has a history of not paying his bills and lying about the value of his assets? Maybe they’re a little wishy-washy and weak in the knees about giving half a billion dollars to a fake billionaire.

Trump already posted a $91.6 million bond in the E. Jean Carroll case through an insurance company called Chubb, but Chubb wasn’t chubby enough for the larger fine. The CEO of Chubb had to send a letter to investors and customers to assure them that collateral was obtained for the bond, so they don’t lose their chubby ass when Trump loses his appeal and E. Jean Carroll can collect. The CEO, Evan Greenberg who served on Trump’s Advisory Committee for Trade Policy and Negotiations (what a coinkydink) wouldn’t say what the collateral is, if it belongs to Trump or someone else, or if Trump put any money down.

Maybe Trump hocked that football signed by Tim Tebow he purchased with donations to his fake children’s cancer charity.

Trump needs to post the amount of the fine to appeal the judge’s ruling, but he’s asking for special privileges so he doesn’t have to pay the full amount.

Today, he posted on his platform, Racist Twitter (I’m sorry. That’s not fair to real Twitter as it’s now become Racist Twitter under Elon), that he may be forced to mortgage or sell parts of his real estate business holdings at “fire sale prices.” Awwww. Poor widdle lying grifting racist fake billionaire.

If Trump does have to sell some of his properties, it will prove that state Attorney General Letitia James and Judge Arthur Engoron are correct in the values of his properties and that he was over-inflating their values. For example, Trump claims Mar-a-Lago is worth over $1 billion but if he sold it now, he’ll probably get less than the $18 million the court has valued it. And he won’t be able to sell these properties overnight.

Is Mar-a-Lago worth more than $18 million if it comes with a pool and classified documents?

Trump’s properties in New York City are not the most prestigious or sought-after. They’re all older properties and none are at maximum capacity with tenants, residential or commercial.

What this boils down to is that Donald Trump is not as successful as he claims. His supposed success as a businessman is the root of his support while his racism is the second trait his supporters love. Yes, his supporters love his racism but they don’t want to support a poor racist or even a mildly successful one. They want the stupid billionaire racist who built a brand on a lie. If Donald Trump had come down an escalator less than golden, the 2016 nominee may have been Jeb Bush. Only a supposed billionaire could sell “rapists and murderers” are being sent by Mexico.

Anybody can be a racist shouting stupid statements. Read my email or check on your crazy uncle. But not everyone can be a billionaire racist saying stupid shit.

Fortunately for Trump, as he scrambles to raise money for his campaign (being outpaced by President Biden) and for his personal trials, his supporters are still brainwashed stupid MAGAts. They will believe anything he says over believing their own eyes.

Somehow, MAGAts have to convince themselves that Trump is a multi-billionaire while he’s panhandling on a corner. Sure, they’ll try to distract by saying a Democratic system is punishing Trump to keep him from winning the presidency (which isn’t true) but the fact will remain that Trump is broke.

Trump isn’t going to grift his way out of this one.

Creative note: I chose this idea over two others and they were both much weirder than this one.

Music note: I listened to Splender.

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