Stiffing Rudy

Rudy Giuliani is 79 years old and looking ahead with all the trouble he’s currently in, it’s probably safe to say that the quality part of his life is over.

Giuliani, formerly revered as “America’s mayor,” believed casting his lot in with Trump would lead to a cabinet post, such as Secretary of State which probably would have ended up with him farting on the French ambassador. Instead, as The New York Times describes it, Rudy became Trump’s secretary of aggression and blind allegiance, his attack dog, legal adviser, unindicted co-conspirator, and now, co-defendant in a criminal conspiracy case.

Upon being indicted in Georgia with Trump along with 17 other co-defendants, Rudy said it’s, “just the next chapter in a book of lies with the purpose of framing President Donald Trump and anyone willing to take on the ruling regime.” A “book of lies” and “framing” people. Rudy, you told lies about Georgia election workers that inspired MAGAts to send them death threats.

Rudy was once the most popular public figure in the nation. He was Time Magazine’s Man of the Year in 2001 for being the “symbol of America’s response to 9/11”. Now, butt-dialing reporters, pushing lies and conspiracy theories, publicly smearing election workers, holding press conferences in the parking lot of a fertilizer company named “Four Seasons” because he thought it was the hotel that was also next to a dildo store, farting loudly during state legislative committee hearings, having his cheap hair dye running down his face while making public statements, being spoofed by Borat while trying to seduce what he believed was an underage girl, losing his license to practice law, and facing multiple lawsuits from defamation to sexual harassment. Now, he’s hit the lowest point of his life, being indicted on RICO charges, a legal strategy he was once the poster boy for after using it to indict mobsters in Manhattan in the 1980s.

Defense lawyer Jeffrey Lichtman, who represented many of the mobsters Rudy sent to prison said, “I’m thrilled that Rudy will now experience what it feels like to be on the wrong end of a RICO prosecution, with a mandatory five years in prison facing him. He added that Rudy “was a horribly dishonest prosecutor and the wheel of karma is about to crush him.”

A former aide to Giuliani, Rick Wilson, told him not to get involved with Trump, telling Rudy, “Even if he wins, he’s going to destroy you. This guy’s going to humiliate you.”

Rudy has been humiliated repeatedly since becoming involved with Trump. How could Rudy be so stupid to get involved with a lying shyster mafia kingpin-wannabe such as Trump? But then again, Rudy was dumb enough to become a lawyer for a guy who’s famous for not paying his lawyers.

Rudy went to Mar-a-Lago recently to plead to Trump to pay his seven-figure legal fees, to no avail. Michael Cohen, a former lawyer for Trump who went to prison for his services tweeted to Rudolph, “You have a better chance to raise the money from your ex-wives.” Even the ex-wife Rudy’s related to probably doesn’t want to help him.

Jenna Ellis, another co-defendant in the Georgia case, knows she’s not going to receive any legal help from Trump in defending herself, and has already started crowdsourcing for help. She’d probably have better luck making an OnlyFans page. I hope that’s not something Rudy does. Bleah.

Rudy is in debt. Beyond standard legal fees, he faces nearly $90,000 in sanctions from a judge in a defamation case, a $20,000 monthly fee to a company to host his electronic records, $15,000 or more for a search of his records, and even a $57,000 judgment against his company for unpaid phone bills. Rudy can’t even pay his phone bill.

Last May, Rudy was more than $320,000 in debt to the company holding his electronic records. A federal judge in Washington ordered him to pay nearly $90,000 of the legal bills of Georgia election workers Shaye Moss and Ruby Freeman to cover what they had spent on attorneys litigating evidence-gathering disputes in their lawsuit against Rudy. Now, they’re asking for $44,000 more.

Smartmatic is suing Rudy for nearly $3 billion (yes, with a “B”) for defaming the voting machine company during his attempts to overturn the 2020 election for Trump. Rudy has failed to produce evidence to support his argument as that takes money too. Smartmatic’s lawyers said Rudy is using the “dog ate my homework” defense.

Rudy is also being sued by a woman who claims she was an off-the-books employee of Rudy during his time as Trump’s personal lawyer. She claims Rudy coerced her into sex and owes her nearly $2 million in unpaid wages. She got stiffed while being stiffed (maybe not very stiff), which ironically, Trump is doing to Rudy.

Rudy Giuliani has no one to cry to except himself. He knew he was working for a grifter. He was warned against working for the grifter. And while working for the grifter, Rudy lied, smeared, defamed, and made false claims that led to some people receiving death threats.

Rudy is now trying to sell his Upper East Side apartment for over $6 million. He’s asking too much but realtors say that sometimes property can ask for a higher price if it’s attached to a celebrity, but in Rudy’s case, it might drive the price down.

Rudy is about to go from the Upper East Side to a damp and dark Georgia prison cell. Let’s hope he has company.

Music note: I listened to The Fray and Mumford & Sons.

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