Obligatory Pat Robertson Obituary Cartoon

I don’t believe there’s a Heaven and Hell. I believe all that stuff is mythology on the levels of Greek gods, Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Big Foot, and the Easter Bunny. I just don’t buy it. But, if they did exist and everything in the Bible is true, then tonight Pat Robertson is burning in Hell.

Why would Pat Robertson, a so-called man of God and televangelist be burning in Hell? Because he was a vile reprehensible hateful bigot. Pat Robertson ignored the Ten Commandments and peddled hate. He would probably describe his hate as love. He loved to hate.

Regarding adultery, which is a violation of one of the Ten Commandments, Robertson said to women, “Males have a tendency to wander a little bit. And what you want to do is make a home so wonderful he doesn’t want to wander.” So if a man cheats, he’s not to be blamed because all men have a tendency to “wander a little bit.” Ladies, according to Pat Robertson, if your husband cheats on you, it’s your fault for not making your home wonderful enough for him.

Talking about a man with a wife who had Alzheimer’s, Robertson said, “I know it sounds cruel, but if he’s going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but to make sure she has custodial care and somebody (is) looking after her.” He said divorcing an Alzheimer’s patient wasn’t violating “til death do us part” because Alzheimer’s is a “kind of death.” Yes, Pat. That does sound cruel.

Regarding so-called Gay Days at Walt Disney World, Pat said, “I would warn Orlando that you’re right in the way of some serious hurricanes, and I don’t think I’d be waving those flags in God’s face if I were you … It’ll bring about terrorist bombs; it’ll bring earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor.” Nice. I think if a gay-hating meteor was to strike Disney World, Ron DeSantis would have figured out how to make it happen by now.

His marriage counseling included, “I know this is painful for the ladies to hear, but if you get married, you have accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household, and the husband is the head of the wife, and that’s the way it is, period.” He describes a lot of his opinions as “cruel” and “painful to hear.”

He also said, “The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians.” I can’t tell you how many anti-capitalist child-murdering lesbian witches I have met in my lifetime. Oh, yeah. I can. None.

After a devastating earthquake hit Haiti, he said, “They were under the heel of the French, you know, Napoleon the Third and whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, ‘We will serve you if you will get us free from the prince.’ True story. And so the devil said, ‘OK, it’s a deal.’ And they kicked the French out. The Haitians revolted and got themselves free. But ever since they have been cursed by one thing after another.” Yeah, true story.

Talking about homosexuals and World War II history, he said, “Many of those people involved in Adolf Hitler were Satanists. Many were homosexuals. The two things seem to go together.” Yeah, they go together like Republicans and corruption, amiright? Amiright?

Gay Satanic Nazis are almost as bad as child-murdering lesbian witches.

Defying the Commandment, Thou shall not kill, he said about Hugo Chavez, “You know, I don’t know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we’re trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it.” Did I mention he was once a Republican presidential candidate?

He also blamed the ACLU, feminists, gays, and lesbians for 9/11. True story. He also blamed abortion for Hurricane Katrina. He also had some very unkind things to say about Buddhism and Islam. I think he’s on to something and, and all those Canadian wildfires are the fault of Nickelback inciting God’s wrath.

So, don’t take my word for it that Pat Robertson is burning in Hell. Read his comments and then take the Bible’s word. If you believe what the Bible says, then you have to believe that a hater like Pat Robertson is extra crispy for eternity.

Music note: I listened to Oasis.

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