Devil

Get Behind Me, Satan


cjones01122019

The Devil is a Dick

Republicans haven’t even had the chance to get over their faux outrage over a congresswoman saying “MF’er” or another dancing back in her college days before Batman came along and infuriated them even further.

Christian Bale is in a new movie about Dick Cheney called “Vice.” His performance has been lauded by critics and the guy who played dashing Bruce Wayne pulled off looking like Dick Cheney. Dick Cheney is not dashing. On Sunday night, Bale won a Golden Globe award for his performance. During, his acceptance speech, he thanked Satan.

Bale accepted his award with humor, and thanked director Adam McKay for casting him to play someone “absolutely charisma-free and reviled by everybody.” He said from that point forward, he’d be “cornering the market” on playing “charisma-free assholes.” He joked that he may play Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell next. Then he said, “Thank you to Satan for giving me the inspiration to play this role.”

One group that was ecstatic about his Satan reference was The Church of Satan. They tweeted, “To us, Satan is a symbol of pride, liberty and individualism, and it serves as an external metaphorical projection of our highest personal potential. As Mr. Bale’s own talent and skill won him the award, this is fitting. Hail Christian! Hail Satan!”

Most people are confused about The Church of Satan and believe they’re literal devil worshipers. They’re actually atheist and as they said in their tweet, Satan is a symbol. The church is heavy on individualism. Being a member of a church as a non-believer has always seemed redundant to me. I thought half the point of being an atheist was avoiding meetings, dogma, and getting up early on Sundays.

Among Republicans upset over Bale’s comment was Liz Cheney, one of Dick’s daughters and Wyoming’s lone representative in Congress. She sent out her own tweet referencing an assault charge against Bale in 2008. She tweeted, “Satan probably inspired him to do this, too.” with a link to a story about an alleged assault on his mother and sister. Republicans are big about whataboutism.

Liz Cheney didn’t do much research, or she didn’t care to know all the facts which are common among Republicans these days. British police dropped the charges against Bale citing “insufficient evidence.”

I can’t speak or defend whatever it was Bale was involved in with his family members. But, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t amount to invading a sovereign nation over false pretenses leading to the deaths of over 3,000 Americans, sanctioning torture, or shooting a friend in the face with a shotgun.

As for Liz, maybe it was Satan who inspired her to spurn her own sister by opposing same-sex marriage in her failed run for the United States Senate in 2013. Mary Cheney, who is openly gay, wrote in a Facebook post, “Either you think all families should be treated equally or you don’t. Liz’s position is to treat my family as second class citizens.” She refused to support her sister’s candidacy and didn’t visit any of her family that year for Christmas. Basically, Satan inspired Liz to throw her little sister under the bus and fuck up Christmas.

Republicans have always claimed to be about family values unless someone in their family is gay.

Christian Bale seriously looks down on Dick Cheney, but his speech was humorous. Along with irony and hypocrisy, Republicans don’t understand humor. It was definitely with humor that he thanked Satan.

Is Dick Cheney really Satan, Darth Vader, or Voldemort? I don’t know, but one thing is for certain. Cheney’s a dick.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
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Devil Of A Leak


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Wikileaks dumped a bunch of transcripts from Clinton’s meetings with Wall Street players and emails between her and figures within The Clinton Foundation. They are being overshadowed by the leak of the Trump groper video.

U.S. intelligence says the Russians are hacking into the Democrats’ computers in an attempt to influence our presidential election. It’s not Hillary Clinton they’re trying to help.

Donald Trump, who referred to Hillary as “the devil” during Sunday’s debate, says we don’t know if it was the Russians, or if there are actually any hacks. As it turns out he knows better. During his intelligence briefings one of the topics discussed was the Russians hacking the Democrats. Gee, I wonder who leaked that.

Vladimir Putin wants a Trump presidency. Trump, who’s sending very loud signals that he plans to govern in the authoritarian style of Putin, will be a much softer president for the Russian leader to manipulate. All he has to do is give Trump a compliment. He eats those up.

Trump has said he’s willing to bail on NATO, not offer help to our Eastern European allies, has heaped praise on Putin and said it’d be great if we could get along with Russia. He’s also opposed to taking out Assad in Syria, who is Putin’s puppy. Trump isn’t even aware that Russian troops are in Ukraine and Georgia, and if he did he’d tell them to burn Atlanta.

This all gets really weird. U.S. fugitive Eric Snowden is currently residing in Russia in exile for leaking classified information from the National Security Agency. Julian Assange, the founder of Wikileaks, is holded up in the Ecuadorian embassy in London avoiding being extradited to Sweden for rape allegations. He and Trump would probably have a great conversation, especially if it was on a bus.

Wikileaks has been promising an “October Surprise.” If this is their “October Surprise,” it’s as surprising as every girl you know dressing as Harley Quinn this Halloween. The juciest tidbits are that Hillary stated she needs a public and private viewpoint and Chelsea is a spoiled brat. I expect a future email to inform us that Socks the Cat ate cat food. A lot of the emails are suspected of being manipulated so now we don’t know what to believe. Donald Trump has already recited information proven to be false, which is from the Russian government.

Is Hillary the devil? Yeah she is. But I’ll take the intelligent career-driven devil we know over that racist, putin-lovin’ dumbass, groping devil we know.

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