Merry Christmas from the Fucknuts.

In the awesome movie “Wreck-It Ralph,” Ralph is the villain in an old 80s arcade game destroying the building that is constantly being repaired by our hero, Fix-It Felix Jr, which he does with a magic hammer gifted to him by his father. Ralph admits that Felix is good at fixing things, but also says, “If he was a regular contractor carpenter guy, I guarantee you, you would not be able to fix the damage that I do as quickly.” But Felix does fix things and it’s entirely what he’s about. But if Felix was a Republican, he wouldn’t be Fix-It Felix. No, he’d be Fuck-it Felix.

Fuck-It Felix would be in Congress and after seeing another American school shooting, this time in the state he represents, he wouldn’t say, “I’m gonna fix it,” which is what Fix-It Felix would say. Nope. Fuck-It Felix would say, “We’re not going to fix it.” In fact, Fuck-It Felix isn’t even going to try beyond “thoughts and prayers.” But hey, at least Fuck-It Felix is finally admitting that not only can’t he fix it, but he’s also not even going to try.

Talking to reporters, Tennessee Congressman Tim Burchett said, “It’s a horrible, horrible situation, and we’re not going to fix it. Criminals are gonna be criminals. And my daddy fought in the second world war, fought in the Pacific, fought the Japanese, and he told me, he said, ‘Buddy,’ he said, ‘if somebody wants to take you out, and doesn’t mind losing their life, there’s not a whole heck of a lot you can do about it.'”

What? By that logic, we shouldn’t have fought World War II. But ya know, go tell the families that when a lunatic with an assault rifle wants to murder their children at school, “there’s not a whole heck of a lot you can do about it.” I guess you just gotta accept it.

He also said, “I don’t see any real role that we could do other than mess things up, honestly … I don’t think you’re going to stop the gun violence. I think you got to change people’s hearts. You know, as a Christian, as we talk about in the church, and I’ve said this many times, I think we really need a revival in this country.”

I’ve been to revivals when I was a kid and for a fifth-grade atheist, they were horrible.

Fuck-It Burchett has an A rating from the National Rifle Association and a 95 percent yay rating from the Heritage Foundation, probably because of shit like proposing more revivals to stop mass shootings over programs that actually work, like a ban on assault weapons. Mr. Fuck-It opposed a bipartisan gun control bill and universal background checks for gun purchases. He’s also one of the 125 House members who signed a brief backing the efforts to overturn the 2020 election and make the United States a fascist dictatorship.

Tennessee is also represented in the House by Republican Andy Ogles, a former mayor who claimed he was the “most conservative mayor in Tennessee”. His district includes parts of Nashville. He offered “thoughts and prayers” to the victims of this week’s school shooting in Nashville but stands by the gun-fetish Christmas card he sent friends, families, and supporters that was very similar to the bang-bang Christmas cards issued by the Boebert and Massie families. Yes, the Ogles family Christmas card featured wife, husband, and kids…most of whom were armed with assault rifles. I guess they’re ready for the War on Christmas if it ever shows up. I think we should at least be thankful that they didn’t show us the boners their guns gave them.

Cartoonist Michael Ramirez is on board with the Fuck-Its, claiming the problem is there are not enough thoughts and prayers. If thoughts and prayers are the solutions to gun violence, then why isn’t it working yet?

Republicans don’t want to do anything about gun violence. They don’t want to try to “fix it.” They would rather use mass shootings to put more guns into the populace and with the recent shooting in Nashville, use them to attack LGBTQ. Never mind the fact that 99.99 percent of all mass shootings are done by white guys.

Fundamentalists love to say “prayers work” while not offering statistical evidence that they do, but statistical evidence shows that while we had a national assault weapons ban, mass shootings were down by 25 percent. Republicans refuse to reinstate the assault weapons ban while knowing it worked and saved lives. Another stat Republicans need to look at is that mass shootings on a daily basis only happen in the United States of America. Another fun fact is that no school shooting was ever prevented by a gun-humper Christmas card.

Republicans offer no solutions to real problems. It’s like when they voted to repeal Obamacare over 50 times without ever offering a replacement. Their replacement for the assault weapons ban is thoughts and prayers.

At least one Republican admits they’re not going to fix it. But if you’re not even going to try to fix major problems in this country, then what the fuck are you doing in Congress?

OK, you guys want to fuck your guns. I get it. But how about you stop posing up a storm with your assault weapons and do something that will actually stop mass shootings.

You’re not owning the libs, Fuck-It Felix…you’re helping gun fuckers murder children.

Music note: I listened to Soundgarden.

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