The newly-passed PACT Act includes almost $300 billion in new financial benefits for veterans suffering from illnesses caused by burn pit smoke in Iraq and Afghanistan, Agent Orange spraying in Vietnam, and several other military toxic exposure events.

It also contains provisions known the “Camp Lejeune Justice Act,” which allows civil suits against the government for injuries related to water contamination at the North Carolina Marine Corps base from August 1953 to December 1987. More than one million individuals could be covered by the measure. This explains why you’re seeing a Camp Lejuene water lawsuit commercial every 30 seconds.

The commercials typically start by screaming, “If you or someone you love served at Marine Corps Base Camp Lejeune prior to 1988, you may be eligible for financial compensation!” Monster truck show commercials don’t scream this loud. The commercials are becoming as annoying as those with Ice T. selling car warranties with Ric Flair (Woooo!), the gutter fuckers, and even Kars-4-Kids. OK. They’re not as bad as the Kars-4-Kids, but they’re getting there.

And, just because you clicked on this blog, you’re probably going to start seeing them on social media…and maybe even this blog. My bad.

And since you’re seeing so many commercials about this, that means a lot of it might be kinda scammy. The thing is, while you may qualify to sue the government for drinking toxic water at or near Camp Lejeune, it may take years to see any money. And if you do receive any money it may reduce the benefits you’re currently receiving. By all means, do check in on it. Just ask all the right questions like, “Are you trying to fuck me over?”

Basically, this is ambulance chasing. Lawyers sniff some money and off they go. For the lawyers, it’s not as much about helping afflicted individuals as it is about making themselves richer. The lawyers who do this kind of law typically don’t have any shame but…they might discover it if Donald Trump came calling because good lawyers don’t want to work for Donald Trump. Even a lot of shitty lawyers don’t want to work for Donald Trump.

Most lawyers relish the opportunity to work for a former president…unless that president is Donald Trump. It’s not that lawyers care if their client is guilty. Trump is guilty of so much shit, but he still deserves legal representation. The thing is, Trump won’t keep his mouth shut.

A lawyer will devise a strategy and even make an argument, then Trump will send out a “truth,” make a stupid statement on Newsmax, or bark out something contradicting his lawyers at a hate rally in North Dakota. And then, the lawyers get stiffed.

Donald Trump doesn’t like to pay lawyers. Even now, he’s paying them with his supporters’ money. You know that Save America PAC that’s supposed to be “saving America,” but in reality, is saving Trump’s ass. The PAC has raised nearly $100 million and some does go to MAGA candidates, but most is being spent on fundraising events at Trump country clubs. This means the money goes to Trump. He’s also using a huge chunk of it on legal fees. Though, he does have a history of refusing to pay lawyers.

In fact, after being sued for not paying contractors who worked on his properties, Trump would later be sued by the lawyers who defended him in those lawsuits. Now, there’s a new story that in the 1990s, Trump tried to squirm out of paying a $2 million legal fee by paying the lawyer with a horse.

In a book by New York Times reporter David Enrich: The unidentified lawyer, from a law firm that worked for Trump in the 1990s, visited the former president (sic) at Trump Tower after he refused to pay. “Trump made some apologetic noises. Then he said: ‘I’m not going to pay your bill. I’m going to give you something more valuable.’” The former president (sic) then “rummaged around in a filing cabinet” and pulled out a deed to a horse supposedly worth $5 million. 

“Once he regained the capacity for speech,” the lawyer reportedly said, “This isn’t the 1800s. You can’t pay me with a horse.”

How much do you want to bet that horse was NOT worth $5 million and was eventually sold to a glue factory? I know. Sad.

And if it’s not bad enough not getting paid for working for a tiny-finger ketchup-flinging baby of a client who can’t keep his mouth shut, lawyers could end up as targets of criminal investigations working for Trump. They can end up in jail. They can have their licenses to practice law suspended.

Rudy Giuliani, who is still owed payment from Trump for all his election lying bullshit, lost his license to practice law in New York AND Washington, D.C. Technically, his license is suspended. Why? Because he lied in court. Lawyers can’t do that. Do you know how hard it is to defend Trump and not lie? It’s impossible.

Christina Bobb and Evan Corcoran are two Trump lawyers who may be targets of FBI investigations after lying about Trump no longer having any documents. As it turns out, he did. The only defense available for a lawyer defending Trump after lying for Trump may be, “Trump lied to me.”

Fortunately for Trump’s current lawyers in trying to stall the investigation into him stealing classified government documents is a corrupt judge.

Rudy Giuliani and Sidney Powell represent the quality of lawyers who represent Donald Trump. Powell’s lawyers argued in court that you can’t believe anything she says, so she shouldn’t be held liable for her election lies.

For Trump Lawyers’ sake, let’s hope their lawyers are better than they are.

Creative note: I got this idea from my Friend Mike Peterson, who does the Comic Strip of the Day thing. He blasted out a Facebook post about Camp Lejeune and ambulance chasers, though he referenced South Carolina when the base is in North Carolina. C’mon, Mike. North and South Carolina are not the same places. They’re not the Dakotas. But anyway, thanks for the inadvertent assist.

Music note: I listened to the Stone Temple Pilots while drawing this cartoon.

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