Popeyes Pardon


cjones09062019

Donald Trump denies he offered pardons to aides who break the law in rushing to have his stupid racist vanity project in the form of a border wall built before the election. There are two signs that he did offer pardons to aides who break the law: The first is the report that he wants it painted black so it’s too hot to touch and for there to be spikes on top (the only thing missing is a moat stocked with sharks with frickin’ laser beams on their heads), which is a stupid and cruel idea which means Trump said it. The other sign that’s it’s true is, Trump denied he offered pardons to aides who break the law.

Donald Trump is desperate and in panic mode which explains why a lot of his dumb comments are dumber than usual. He’s afraid the economy will go south before the election. He inherited the longest economic expansion in the history of the United States from President Barack Obama. All Trump had to do is sit there, take credit for it, pretend it didn’t start until he was elected, and try not to muck it up. After tariffs, a trade war, and unpaid-for tax cuts for the yacht and trust-fund-baby crowd, he’s mucking it up. Fortunately for Trump, he has a stupid and racist base that can be easily distracted by something like a completed border wall which hopefully, they won’t find out until after the election that they can’t eat. So far, he’s been successful in convincing his racist stupid base that construction on the wall has already started. In case you’re a Republican, it hasn’t.

Trump’s signature issue is the border wall. He’s been harping on it since he came down that pee-colored escalator to announce his candidacy. The other key detail of his stupid racist border wall is that Mexico will pay for it since all the Mexicans they’re sending us are “rapists and murderers.” The MAGA crowd screams and howls that Democratic voters, millennials, and socialists are demanding “free stuff” while Donald Trump is literally offering them a free 2,000-mile border wall. Satire is getting harder and harder.

In case you’re a Republican, Mexico is not paying for the wall. If the wall happens, the person paying for it is you. Also, you can’t make Mexico pay for it with tariffs. Again, the person who pays for those is you. This is the worst shell game ever. Even you dumbasses shouldn’t be falling for this shit.

Trump is hoping that if there’s a great big racist wall on the border with spikes on top, that racist voters will feel squishy enough not to notice they’re eating their made-in-China MAGA hats because of the Trump recession. In order to do this, Trump has ordered his aides to do anything to make it happen, and if they break the law doing it, he’ll give them pardons.

According to The Washington Post and later confirmed by The New York Times and CNN, Trump told his aides to get the job done by “any means necessary, including seizing land on the Mexican frontier.” A source told the press, “The President (sic) has repeatedly suggested during meetings on immigration policy that aides ‘take the land’ and ‘get it done.'” Trump called it “fake news,” so if you don’t want to believe the Post, Times, or CNN, then take it from his own White House. Two White House officials didn’t deny Trump said it and confirmed it by saying he was joking (it’s real hard to say, “He didn’t say and when he said it he was joking.”).  One said, “he winks when he does it.” Are they sure it was a wink and not a splash of covfefe in his eye?

This isn’t the first time Trump has dangled pardons. There are examples in the Mueller Report of it. The president can issue pardons as he pleases. He can even use them politically and in stupid manners, like pardoning a racist sheriff before his trial begins, or a Republican political aide who leaked the identity of a CIA agent, or a conspiracy theorist who made illegal campaign contributions to Republicans. But offering pardons while directing people to break the law is breaking the law. It is an impeachable offense, or at least it used to be back when Republicans were supposedly “law and order” Americans.

Trump tweeted, “Another totally Fake story in the Amazon Washington Post (lobbyist) which states that if my Aides broke the law to build the Wall (which is going up rapidly), I would give them a Pardon. This was made up by the Washington Post in order to demean and disparage – FAKE NEWS!” So basically, he denies the story while lying that the wall is going up. Here’s a helpful tip for lying: Keep it down to one lie per denial. Don’t throw in other lies. I’m surprised he didn’t combine it with his “I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to Puerto Rico” tweet.

Trump’s lies are about as believable as Popeyes Chicken running out of chicken. How does a chicken place run out of chicken? Oh, they still have chicken, just not the chicken needed for their new chicken sandwich. I smell a rat which I’m not accusing Popeyes of putting into their chicken.

Despite being from the south (mostly), I don’t like collard greens, chitlins, grits, or biscuits and gravy. Biscuits and gravy just seem like wet bread to me. Ew. But I do like my fried chicken and I think Popeyes is the best franchise chicken place (though their red beans and rice and anytime they have jambalaya, étouffée, or gumbo is total crap). Yes, even better than Chick-fil-A. You gotta put the Louisiana hot sauce on it. So, I really wanna try this new sandwich that nobody can get their hands on.

And I’ll tell you this; if I see Donald Trump with one of these sandwiches before Popeyes is able to bring them back to the general public, or at least before I get one, I’m going to demand another special counsel investigation.

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2 comments

  1. Fox promised him a shark with a laser beam. Well. No, they didn’t. BUT. He thinks they did. He lied to himself and said they did, but he didn’t recall that he lied about the shark, even though Austin Powers, a good friend of Melancholia, who she likes very much, said so. And now Fox has let him down.

    Liked by 1 person

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