Pardon

Sewage And Stones


cjones07142020

First off, if commuting the sentence for Trump friend, goon, henchman, pal, buddyboy, creeper, slimeball of the first degree, and all-around wart on the taint of humanity Roger Stone wasn’t corrupt, then it wouldn’t have been done late on a Friday night.

Why do fuckers do dastardly deeds on Fridays after 5:00 PM? Because it’s an attempt to limit the political damage as people aren’t paying as much attention to the news at that point. Even I, a news junkie, was eating a sub while watching “Ralph Breaks the Internet” when it came over my phone. Sons of bitches! I was already overloaded with three other subjects to choose from for my next cartoon.

I mean, I still haven’t done something on the Supreme Court and Trump’s taxes, his cognitive test, Goya, or the TikTok ban. Sheesh! I’m going to have to work throughout the weekend.

Donald Trump commuted Roger Stone’s sentence days before he was to be ass-raped in a federal penitentiary in Georgia. Commuting instead of pardoning is probably Donald Trump’s compromise with everyone in the White House who advised him it was a horrible fucking idea to pardon a corrupt sleazebag with a Nixon tattoo on his back. Especially when that corrupt sleazebag is guilty.

Kayleigh McEnany, White House spokesgoon, issued a statement that reads like a Trump tweet. It even had exclamation points (Roger Stone is free!). Now keep in mind, spokesBarbie promised she would never lie to us.

In the statement, she referred to the Russia investigation as a “hoax.” It was not. She claimed the investigation of Stone and the charges were because the Mueller investigation they couldn’t find evidence of collusion between Trump and Russia (they found evidence and Robert Mueller didn’t rule there wasn’t collusion). She argued they went after Stone because of his “outspoken” support for Trump. Never mind the fact Roger Stone lied before Congress. Of course to these goons, lying isn’t criminal.

The judge in the case said, “He was not convicted and is not being sentenced for exercising his First Amendment rights, his support of the President’s campaign or his policies. He was not prosecuted, as some have complained, for standing up for the President. He was prosecuted for covering up for the President.”

In her statement, McEnany described Stone’s crimes as “alleged.” SpokesBarbie went to Harvard Law School. She should know that crimes are NOT “alleged” when a jury finds the party guilty on seven counts. She should keep this in mind because it’s definitely going to come up again…a lot.

McEnany also argued that Stone’s health is fragile and placing him in a federal prison in Georgia would expose him to the coronavirus. So what? I thought the White House supported Trump’s contention the coronavirus is 99 percent harmless?

Even Attorney General William Barr agreed with the prosecution and verdict saying they were “righteous” and “fair.” Remember, this is the same fucknut who tried to bury the Mueller report and has helped Trump engage in coverups.

Donald Trump’s commutation of Roger Stone’s sentence falls in line with his firing of the U.S. attorney in New York investigating Trump goons Rudy Giuliani, Lev, and Igor (seriously, motherfuckers named “Lev” and “Igor” are guilty). It’s in line with him putting pressure on the Justice Department dropping its case against Trump goon Michael Flynn. Shortly after the election, expect at least a commutation of the sentence for Trump goon Paul Manafort.

The president’s power to pardon and commute is for righting actual wrongs, not for rewarding friends for not turning over on you. It’s not to be used politically. It’s not to be used for personal interest. Once again, for Donald Trump, everything is about Donald Trump. Just like the nuclear codes, Donald Trump shouldn’t have this power. Donald Trump shouldn’t be in the White House. Before being elected, Donald Trump is the kind of guy the Secret Service would stop before being allowed on a White House tour. I’m sorry, you’re friends are named “Lev” and “Igor?”

The Justice Department’s sole mission in the Trump era is to be the Department of Defending Donald Trump. Donald Trump’s sole mission as president is to help Donald Trump.

The commutation of Stone’s sentence isn’t just a reward, it’s to keep him from talking. A few days, weeks, or months in a federal prison cell may influence Stone to change his mind and start squealing. So far, Stone has been a good soldier and has kept his mouth shut, but it’s not because of principles or ethics. Look at the guy. He’s a dirty trickster. He is a goon. He doesn’t have real friends. He’s the kind of guy who willingly gets a Nixon tattoo on his back, which might actually come in handy as butt-rape deterrent (who wants to look at that?). He tried to stop one associate from testifying by threatening to kill their dog (Trump should lose the dog lover vote for that alone). If he didn’t believe there was a reward in his future for not talking, he would have talked. And Donald Trump, who isn’t loyal to anyone, is not the guy to die on a cross for.

Trump’s supporters used the whatabout defense last night, as in, “but what about Obama?” Yeah, President Obama pardoned a lot of people. But President Obama didn’t use pardons and commutations as rewards for his friends.

Of course, for that to have happened, President Obama would have had to be like Donald Trump and have thieves, goons, henchmen, and corrupt assholes as friends.

Creative note: While walking near Times Square in Manhattan, I came across some city workers going into the sewers. I told them, “Beware of the C.H.U.D.s”. They were like, “What? Chuds? What the hell is a chud?” They looked at me like I was crazy, which admittedly, I get from time to time. I told them the C.H.U.D.s were from that 80s cult classic about Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers in the sewers of New York City. They had never heard of it. It seems to me if your job requires you to go into the sewers of Manhattan, you might want to be familiar with the C.H.U.D.s. Sheesh.

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Pardo For Blago


cjones02262020

The Trump cult likes to believe Donald Trump is a great negotiator. So how do they deal with the fact that he’s been publicly out-negotiated by people like Nancy Pelosi and Kim Jong Un? They pretend it never happened. They were proud of Trump being a billionaire who promised to release his taxes. When he broke that promise, they forget he ever made it. They scream about Democratic Socialists candidates promising free stuff when Donald Trump literally promised them a free wall. Today, you don’t hear any of them saying anything about Mexico paying for it while Trump guts the military for his favorite racist vanity project. Donald Trump promised he wouldn’t have time to play golf. So what do they do with that broken promise and Trump spending more taxpayer money on golf than any president before him? They talk about the amount of golf Obama played.

So, with Republicans, members of the Trump cult, fucknuts, assorted shitweasels, and MAGAts upset over their savior granting clemency to former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, how will they come to terms with this? Blago was their go-to as proof Democrats were corrupt. He was a stain on Obama’s presidency in that he attempted to sell the Senate seat the new president vacated after winning the 2008 election.

I saw a few posts today by Trump cultists trying to deal with it. Some are claiming it’s the height of hypocrisy for Democrats to rejoice at this while calling Trump corrupt. Excuse me, but can someone point out the Democrats who are happy over this? No, fucknuts. Democrats impeached the Illinois governor (in the Illinois House, 114-1. In the Senate, 59-0). The height of hypocrisy is campaigning on draining the swamp and running against “pay for play” then pardoning Rod Blagojevich. The height of hypocrisy is being upset over this only because Blago is a Democrat.

After leaving federal prison, Blagojevich stated he’s a “Trumpocrat,” whatever the hell that is.

One interesting detail to this is that Trump isn’t really acknowledging that Blago did anything wrong. He’s blaming the James “Comey gang and all these sleazebags” for Blago being caught despite the fact James Comey wasn’t FBI Director, anywhere near this case or even the Justice Department (he was in the private sector) at the time of the Blago investigation. Leave it to Trump to blame the “deep state” while pardoning Rod Blagojevich. Trump said, “That was a tremendously powerful, ridiculous sentence in my opinion and in the opinion of many others.” If you have to lie to justify your actions, then you probably did the wrong thing. Blago didn’t just attempt to sell a Senate seat. He was also convicted of a shakedown attempt involving a racetrack and for withholding taxpayer money from a children’s hospital until its CEO donated to his political campaign. Hmmm…who else is all about withholding taxpayer money for his own benefit and would steal from a children’s charity?

Trump didn’t just stop with Blago. He went on a pardon spree. His pardons are focusing on the types of crimes, lying, and corruption his associates have been convicted of in the Russia investigation.

Trump used his presidential pardoning powers on convicted junk bond king Michael Milken and former New York police commissioner Bernard Kerik who was convicted of tax fraud. He pardoned Edward DeBartolo Jr., the billionaire former owner of the San Francisco 49ers who was convicted in an extortion case involving the former governor of Louisiana, Edwin Edwards. He pardoned David Safavian, a senior official in the George W. Bush administration who was convicted of obstructing a federal investigation as part of the scandal surrounding lobbyist Jack Abramoff.

There are over 13,000 people currently waiting for a response to their clemency requests, but white-collar white guys who are friends of Trump get to cut to the head of the line. Blago, for example, was on Trump’s fake reality TV show (which probably made federal prison seem like less of a fall from grace after putting yourself into a situation to be judged and graded by Donald Trump). So far, Trump has only granted clemency to one African-American (no, not O.J.), the late boxer Jack Johnson (which was lobbied for by Kim Kardashian). Then, Trump used that pardon in a campaign commercial during the Super Bowl. I guess pardoning a dead black guy is OK because he can’t move into any Republican neighborhoods.

Trump also didn’t go through the normal protocol of reviewing cases suggested by the Justice Department. Instead, he relied on what his friends were saying. Milken’s pardon was recommended by a friend who threw Trump a $10 million fundraiser at Mar-a-Lago Saturday night (by the way. A lot of that $10 million raised for Trump’s campaign will go to Trump. What? You think he’s loaning out Mar-a-Lago for free? Drain the swamp, indeed). Some of these pardons were recommended by Geraldo Rivera, Andrew Napolitano, Maria Bartiromo, Chris Christie, Newsmax Media’s Christopher Ruddy, and Rudy Guiliani, who’ll probably also lobby for his own pardon very soon. Even the Navy SEAL, Eddie Gallagher, who Trump granted clemency to recently argued for Kerik’s pardon, who was a Gallagher defender on Fox News/Trump TV.

The head of the pardon office in the Department of Justice during the first two years of the Trump administration told The Washington Post that he quit last year because the White House had sidelined his office in favor of taking its cues from celebrities, political allies, and Fox News.

There’s a lot of talk in the press about Trump issuing pardons for Roger Manafort, Michael Flynn, and Roger Stone. But I think those will wait until after the election, which will now be supported by fundraisers held by the beneficiaries of these corrupt billionaire pardons.

Donald Trump is not draining the swamp. He’s the swamp’s Santa Claus. And it’s not so much that Trump is pardoning, and talked of pardoning, so many criminals connected to him, but that the president is connected to so many criminals.

So, how will Trump cultists, fucknuts, assorted shitweasels, and MAGAts overcome this pardoning of corrupt Democrat Rob Blagojevich? First, they’ll stop talking about it. And since most of them are former Never Trumpers, by tomorrow afternoon, they’ll be defending it.

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You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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Popeyes Pardon


cjones09062019

Donald Trump denies he offered pardons to aides who break the law in rushing to have his stupid racist vanity project in the form of a border wall built before the election. There are two signs that he did offer pardons to aides who break the law: The first is the report that he wants it painted black so it’s too hot to touch and for there to be spikes on top (the only thing missing is a moat stocked with sharks with frickin’ laser beams on their heads), which is a stupid and cruel idea which means Trump said it. The other sign that’s it’s true is, Trump denied he offered pardons to aides who break the law.

Donald Trump is desperate and in panic mode which explains why a lot of his dumb comments are dumber than usual. He’s afraid the economy will go south before the election. He inherited the longest economic expansion in the history of the United States from President Barack Obama. All Trump had to do is sit there, take credit for it, pretend it didn’t start until he was elected, and try not to muck it up. After tariffs, a trade war, and unpaid-for tax cuts for the yacht and trust-fund-baby crowd, he’s mucking it up. Fortunately for Trump, he has a stupid and racist base that can be easily distracted by something like a completed border wall which hopefully, they won’t find out until after the election that they can’t eat. So far, he’s been successful in convincing his racist stupid base that construction on the wall has already started. In case you’re a Republican, it hasn’t.

Trump’s signature issue is the border wall. He’s been harping on it since he came down that pee-colored escalator to announce his candidacy. The other key detail of his stupid racist border wall is that Mexico will pay for it since all the Mexicans they’re sending us are “rapists and murderers.” The MAGA crowd screams and howls that Democratic voters, millennials, and socialists are demanding “free stuff” while Donald Trump is literally offering them a free 2,000-mile border wall. Satire is getting harder and harder.

In case you’re a Republican, Mexico is not paying for the wall. If the wall happens, the person paying for it is you. Also, you can’t make Mexico pay for it with tariffs. Again, the person who pays for those is you. This is the worst shell game ever. Even you dumbasses shouldn’t be falling for this shit.

Trump is hoping that if there’s a great big racist wall on the border with spikes on top, that racist voters will feel squishy enough not to notice they’re eating their made-in-China MAGA hats because of the Trump recession. In order to do this, Trump has ordered his aides to do anything to make it happen, and if they break the law doing it, he’ll give them pardons.

According to The Washington Post and later confirmed by The New York Times and CNN, Trump told his aides to get the job done by “any means necessary, including seizing land on the Mexican frontier.” A source told the press, “The President (sic) has repeatedly suggested during meetings on immigration policy that aides ‘take the land’ and ‘get it done.'” Trump called it “fake news,” so if you don’t want to believe the Post, Times, or CNN, then take it from his own White House. Two White House officials didn’t deny Trump said it and confirmed it by saying he was joking (it’s real hard to say, “He didn’t say and when he said it he was joking.”).  One said, “he winks when he does it.” Are they sure it was a wink and not a splash of covfefe in his eye?

This isn’t the first time Trump has dangled pardons. There are examples in the Mueller Report of it. The president can issue pardons as he pleases. He can even use them politically and in stupid manners, like pardoning a racist sheriff before his trial begins, or a Republican political aide who leaked the identity of a CIA agent, or a conspiracy theorist who made illegal campaign contributions to Republicans. But offering pardons while directing people to break the law is breaking the law. It is an impeachable offense, or at least it used to be back when Republicans were supposedly “law and order” Americans.

Trump tweeted, “Another totally Fake story in the Amazon Washington Post (lobbyist) which states that if my Aides broke the law to build the Wall (which is going up rapidly), I would give them a Pardon. This was made up by the Washington Post in order to demean and disparage – FAKE NEWS!” So basically, he denies the story while lying that the wall is going up. Here’s a helpful tip for lying: Keep it down to one lie per denial. Don’t throw in other lies. I’m surprised he didn’t combine it with his “I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to Puerto Rico” tweet.

Trump’s lies are about as believable as Popeyes Chicken running out of chicken. How does a chicken place run out of chicken? Oh, they still have chicken, just not the chicken needed for their new chicken sandwich. I smell a rat which I’m not accusing Popeyes of putting into their chicken.

Despite being from the south (mostly), I don’t like collard greens, chitlins, grits, or biscuits and gravy. Biscuits and gravy just seem like wet bread to me. Ew. But I do like my fried chicken and I think Popeyes is the best franchise chicken place (though their red beans and rice and anytime they have jambalaya, étouffée, or gumbo is total crap). Yes, even better than Chick-fil-A. You gotta put the Louisiana hot sauce on it. So, I really wanna try this new sandwich that nobody can get their hands on.

And I’ll tell you this; if I see Donald Trump with one of these sandwiches before Popeyes is able to bring them back to the general public, or at least before I get one, I’m going to demand another special counsel investigation.

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As I noted in a previous cartoon, these are perilous times for political cartoonists. But you can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print).I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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Cheaters Gonna Cheat


cjones12032018

As you read about Paul Manafort’s plea deal being rescinded by Special Counsel Robert Mueller, keep in mind what landed him in jail before his convictions. Manafort was out on bail which he violated by obstructing justice and tampering with witnesses.

Mueller’s office says Manafort violated his plea agreement by repeatedly lying. You wonder why did he do that? Is he being manipulative? Is there further information he’s afraid will get him in deeper trouble? Is he still protecting Trump and why? Or, can he just not help lying because he’s always been a liar? The answer is probably a combination of each of those questions.

Manafort and Donald Trump are con men. Even though they deal in millions and billions instead of mere thousands, don’t give them another classification. They are lying con men and grifters. They are skeezy, sleazy, backstabbing, cheaters who will sell you, the nation, and their own family out for a couple of bucks.

Manafort made his deal with Mueller, so he would only get a few years in prison, instead of dying there, as he’s 69-years-old. Last August, he was convicted on five counts of tax fraud, one count of failing to disclose his foreign bank accounts, and two counts of bank fraud (and this was with a judge hostile to the Special Counsel). Facing an additional trial in Washington and charges of conspiracy to defraud the United States, money laundering, failing to register as a foreign lobbyist, making false statements to investigators, and witness tampering, Manafort struck a deal and pleaded guilty to witness tampering and defrauding the United States. He also surrendered $22 million in cash and property, which means this Special Counsel investigation has actually made the country money.

He was probably thinking that even with a reduced sentence, no prison time is better than any, Manafort started cheating. He was lying and withholding information from the Special Counsel and even leaking details of the investigation to Donald Trump’s lawyers. Not only does Trump have an inside man at the head of the Justice Department, he had a rat in the investigation.

Trump has stated that he feels bad for Manafort, and he probably wouldn’t be in so much legal trouble if he had never worked for his campaign. Basically, Trump, the rule-of-law president, feels bad that Manafort’s lawbreaking was exposed. Now, he’s publicly dangling a pardon in front of Manafort telling The New York Post, “why would I take it off the table?”

Trump is obstructing justice and engaging in witness tampering. While a president does have the power to pardon anyone he wants, he doesn’t have the right to bribe, which is what a pardon in this case is. He’s publicly telling Manafort that it’s on the table.

Trump and Manafort’s lawyers are probably in trouble too for obstruction of justice, and this includes Rudy Giuliani.

Trump has refused to sit down with the Special Counsel and instead, answered written questions. According to reports, two of his answers are that Roger Stone did not tell him about WikiLeaks, nor was he told about the 2016 Trump Tower meeting between his son, campaign officials and a Russian lawyer promising dirt on Hillary Clinton. Who wants to bet that Mueller already knows the answers to these questions? Who wants to place a higher wager on Trump telling the truth?

Like Manafort, Donald Trump can’t tell the truth under any circumstance. He believes he lives by a higher standard than everyone else and can’t be punished for anything he says or does. Hopefully, very soon, he’ll learn that lying to the Special Counsel isn’t the same as lying to the press or in a tweet.

Trump answered Mueller’s questions with help from his lawyers, who are the same lawyers Manafort was leaking information to. Is there any possibility the answers weren’t coordinated with what Manafort was telling Mueller?

Hopefully for all the shitweasels like Trump Jr, Roger Stone, Jerome Corsi, Julian Assange, Manafort, Giuliani, and the 45th president of the United States, orange will be the new orange.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
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Ingrate Gobbler


cjones11222017

The Idiot-in-Chief couldn’t stop tweeting dumb shit this weekend. What else is new, right? He attacked Arizona Republican Senator Jeff Flake, and tweeted, “was caught (purposely) on “mike” saying bad things about your favorite President.” My first thought was, what did Flake say about Teddy Roosevelt? By the way, Mr. Cheeto…it’s “mic,” not “mike,” unless you named the microphone “Michael.”

Trump also tweeted his outrage that a player for the Oakland Raiders stood for the Mexican national anthem, but took a knee during our anthem, before the Raiders/Patriots game in Mexico City. First, why would Marshawn Lynch, the player Trump referenced, be upset with Mexico? Second, for a guy boycotting the NFL Trump is watching a lot of NFL.

Then, Trump went after Lavar Ball. Ball is the father of one of the UCLA students arrested for shoplifting in China, and whose release Trump has taken credit for. Before the students thanked Trump, he demanded they thank him. A couple days later, Lavar Ball questioned Trump’s involvement in their release. Trump had another public meltdown.

Ball is very similar to Trump. They’re both narcissistic self-promoters. They also make very stupid statements that have no basis in reality. Ball once said that during his prime, he could have beaten Michael Jordan one-on-one. I am fully confident, however, that Ball can still beat Trump in a game of one-on-one.

The real kicker here is that Trump said that maybe he shouldn’t have gotten the kids’ release until his next trip to China. That is just a rotten and selfish thing to say.

Trump is too thin-skinned for the job he holds. This is further proof Congress needs to take the nuclear button away from him.

Creative notes: This is a short blog and a quick cartoon today. I really liked this idea and I kicked it out pretty quick. I still plan to keep my usual late-night cartooning routine tonight. Drawing two today will allow me to take next Saturday off, maybe. I didn’t get one last weekend but I still ate ice cream.

Also, Frank could probably use a day off from proofing.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.