Pardon

Popeyes Pardon


cjones09062019

Donald Trump denies he offered pardons to aides who break the law in rushing to have his stupid racist vanity project in the form of a border wall built before the election. There are two signs that he did offer pardons to aides who break the law: The first is the report that he wants it painted black so it’s too hot to touch and for there to be spikes on top (the only thing missing is a moat stocked with sharks with frickin’ laser beams on their heads), which is a stupid and cruel idea which means Trump said it. The other sign that’s it’s true is, Trump denied he offered pardons to aides who break the law.

Donald Trump is desperate and in panic mode which explains why a lot of his dumb comments are dumber than usual. He’s afraid the economy will go south before the election. He inherited the longest economic expansion in the history of the United States from President Barack Obama. All Trump had to do is sit there, take credit for it, pretend it didn’t start until he was elected, and try not to muck it up. After tariffs, a trade war, and unpaid-for tax cuts for the yacht and trust-fund-baby crowd, he’s mucking it up. Fortunately for Trump, he has a stupid and racist base that can be easily distracted by something like a completed border wall which hopefully, they won’t find out until after the election that they can’t eat. So far, he’s been successful in convincing his racist stupid base that construction on the wall has already started. In case you’re a Republican, it hasn’t.

Trump’s signature issue is the border wall. He’s been harping on it since he came down that pee-colored escalator to announce his candidacy. The other key detail of his stupid racist border wall is that Mexico will pay for it since all the Mexicans they’re sending us are “rapists and murderers.” The MAGA crowd screams and howls that Democratic voters, millennials, and socialists are demanding “free stuff” while Donald Trump is literally offering them a free 2,000-mile border wall. Satire is getting harder and harder.

In case you’re a Republican, Mexico is not paying for the wall. If the wall happens, the person paying for it is you. Also, you can’t make Mexico pay for it with tariffs. Again, the person who pays for those is you. This is the worst shell game ever. Even you dumbasses shouldn’t be falling for this shit.

Trump is hoping that if there’s a great big racist wall on the border with spikes on top, that racist voters will feel squishy enough not to notice they’re eating their made-in-China MAGA hats because of the Trump recession. In order to do this, Trump has ordered his aides to do anything to make it happen, and if they break the law doing it, he’ll give them pardons.

According to The Washington Post and later confirmed by The New York Times and CNN, Trump told his aides to get the job done by “any means necessary, including seizing land on the Mexican frontier.” A source told the press, “The President (sic) has repeatedly suggested during meetings on immigration policy that aides ‘take the land’ and ‘get it done.'” Trump called it “fake news,” so if you don’t want to believe the Post, Times, or CNN, then take it from his own White House. Two White House officials didn’t deny Trump said it and confirmed it by saying he was joking (it’s real hard to say, “He didn’t say and when he said it he was joking.”).  One said, “he winks when he does it.” Are they sure it was a wink and not a splash of covfefe in his eye?

This isn’t the first time Trump has dangled pardons. There are examples in the Mueller Report of it. The president can issue pardons as he pleases. He can even use them politically and in stupid manners, like pardoning a racist sheriff before his trial begins, or a Republican political aide who leaked the identity of a CIA agent, or a conspiracy theorist who made illegal campaign contributions to Republicans. But offering pardons while directing people to break the law is breaking the law. It is an impeachable offense, or at least it used to be back when Republicans were supposedly “law and order” Americans.

Trump tweeted, “Another totally Fake story in the Amazon Washington Post (lobbyist) which states that if my Aides broke the law to build the Wall (which is going up rapidly), I would give them a Pardon. This was made up by the Washington Post in order to demean and disparage – FAKE NEWS!” So basically, he denies the story while lying that the wall is going up. Here’s a helpful tip for lying: Keep it down to one lie per denial. Don’t throw in other lies. I’m surprised he didn’t combine it with his “I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to Puerto Rico” tweet.

Trump’s lies are about as believable as Popeyes Chicken running out of chicken. How does a chicken place run out of chicken? Oh, they still have chicken, just not the chicken needed for their new chicken sandwich. I smell a rat which I’m not accusing Popeyes of putting into their chicken.

Despite being from the south (mostly), I don’t like collard greens, chitlins, grits, or biscuits and gravy. Biscuits and gravy just seem like wet bread to me. Ew. But I do like my fried chicken and I think Popeyes is the best franchise chicken place (though their red beans and rice and anytime they have jambalaya, étouffée, or gumbo is total crap). Yes, even better than Chick-fil-A. You gotta put the Louisiana hot sauce on it. So, I really wanna try this new sandwich that nobody can get their hands on.

And I’ll tell you this; if I see Donald Trump with one of these sandwiches before Popeyes is able to bring them back to the general public, or at least before I get one, I’m going to demand another special counsel investigation.

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As I noted in a previous cartoon, these are perilous times for political cartoonists. But you can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print).I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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Cheaters Gonna Cheat


cjones12032018

As you read about Paul Manafort’s plea deal being rescinded by Special Counsel Robert Mueller, keep in mind what landed him in jail before his convictions. Manafort was out on bail which he violated by obstructing justice and tampering with witnesses.

Mueller’s office says Manafort violated his plea agreement by repeatedly lying. You wonder why did he do that? Is he being manipulative? Is there further information he’s afraid will get him in deeper trouble? Is he still protecting Trump and why? Or, can he just not help lying because he’s always been a liar? The answer is probably a combination of each of those questions.

Manafort and Donald Trump are con men. Even though they deal in millions and billions instead of mere thousands, don’t give them another classification. They are lying con men and grifters. They are skeezy, sleazy, backstabbing, cheaters who will sell you, the nation, and their own family out for a couple of bucks.

Manafort made his deal with Mueller, so he would only get a few years in prison, instead of dying there, as he’s 69-years-old. Last August, he was convicted on five counts of tax fraud, one count of failing to disclose his foreign bank accounts, and two counts of bank fraud (and this was with a judge hostile to the Special Counsel). Facing an additional trial in Washington and charges of conspiracy to defraud the United States, money laundering, failing to register as a foreign lobbyist, making false statements to investigators, and witness tampering, Manafort struck a deal and pleaded guilty to witness tampering and defrauding the United States. He also surrendered $22 million in cash and property, which means this Special Counsel investigation has actually made the country money.

He was probably thinking that even with a reduced sentence, no prison time is better than any, Manafort started cheating. He was lying and withholding information from the Special Counsel and even leaking details of the investigation to Donald Trump’s lawyers. Not only does Trump have an inside man at the head of the Justice Department, he had a rat in the investigation.

Trump has stated that he feels bad for Manafort, and he probably wouldn’t be in so much legal trouble if he had never worked for his campaign. Basically, Trump, the rule-of-law president, feels bad that Manafort’s lawbreaking was exposed. Now, he’s publicly dangling a pardon in front of Manafort telling The New York Post, “why would I take it off the table?”

Trump is obstructing justice and engaging in witness tampering. While a president does have the power to pardon anyone he wants, he doesn’t have the right to bribe, which is what a pardon in this case is. He’s publicly telling Manafort that it’s on the table.

Trump and Manafort’s lawyers are probably in trouble too for obstruction of justice, and this includes Rudy Giuliani.

Trump has refused to sit down with the Special Counsel and instead, answered written questions. According to reports, two of his answers are that Roger Stone did not tell him about WikiLeaks, nor was he told about the 2016 Trump Tower meeting between his son, campaign officials and a Russian lawyer promising dirt on Hillary Clinton. Who wants to bet that Mueller already knows the answers to these questions? Who wants to place a higher wager on Trump telling the truth?

Like Manafort, Donald Trump can’t tell the truth under any circumstance. He believes he lives by a higher standard than everyone else and can’t be punished for anything he says or does. Hopefully, very soon, he’ll learn that lying to the Special Counsel isn’t the same as lying to the press or in a tweet.

Trump answered Mueller’s questions with help from his lawyers, who are the same lawyers Manafort was leaking information to. Is there any possibility the answers weren’t coordinated with what Manafort was telling Mueller?

Hopefully for all the shitweasels like Trump Jr, Roger Stone, Jerome Corsi, Julian Assange, Manafort, Giuliani, and the 45th president of the United States, orange will be the new orange.

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What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
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Ingrate Gobbler


cjones11222017

The Idiot-in-Chief couldn’t stop tweeting dumb shit this weekend. What else is new, right? He attacked Arizona Republican Senator Jeff Flake, and tweeted, “was caught (purposely) on “mike” saying bad things about your favorite President.” My first thought was, what did Flake say about Teddy Roosevelt? By the way, Mr. Cheeto…it’s “mic,” not “mike,” unless you named the microphone “Michael.”

Trump also tweeted his outrage that a player for the Oakland Raiders stood for the Mexican national anthem, but took a knee during our anthem, before the Raiders/Patriots game in Mexico City. First, why would Marshawn Lynch, the player Trump referenced, be upset with Mexico? Second, for a guy boycotting the NFL Trump is watching a lot of NFL.

Then, Trump went after Lavar Ball. Ball is the father of one of the UCLA students arrested for shoplifting in China, and whose release Trump has taken credit for. Before the students thanked Trump, he demanded they thank him. A couple days later, Lavar Ball questioned Trump’s involvement in their release. Trump had another public meltdown.

Ball is very similar to Trump. They’re both narcissistic self-promoters. They also make very stupid statements that have no basis in reality. Ball once said that during his prime, he could have beaten Michael Jordan one-on-one. I am fully confident, however, that Ball can still beat Trump in a game of one-on-one.

The real kicker here is that Trump said that maybe he shouldn’t have gotten the kids’ release until his next trip to China. That is just a rotten and selfish thing to say.

Trump is too thin-skinned for the job he holds. This is further proof Congress needs to take the nuclear button away from him.

Creative notes: This is a short blog and a quick cartoon today. I really liked this idea and I kicked it out pretty quick. I still plan to keep my usual late-night cartooning routine tonight. Drawing two today will allow me to take next Saturday off, maybe. I didn’t get one last weekend but I still ate ice cream.

Also, Frank could probably use a day off from proofing.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.