Pardon

Bribes For Pardons

cjones12032020

This just in: Donald Trump is corrupt. Oh wait. We already knew that.

Details remain sketchy, but last night, reports came out that federal prosecutors have been pursuing an investigation into potential bribery in connection with an effort to secure a pardon from Donald Trump.

Last August, Chief U.S. District Court Judge Beryl Howell issued an opinion in a form that redacted the name of the person seeking a pardon…and offering to make a contribution to Donald Trump’s presidential campaign…where a lot of the funds wind up in Donald Trump’s pocket. The judge granted prosecutors permission to examine emails from lawyers seeking the pardon for whoever their client may be.

How does that work with this Justice Department? Attorney General William Barr, despite being unable to find any evidence of voter fraud, is basically Donald Trump’s henchman, poodle, and personal lawyer. The guy had the department act as Trump’s personal lawyer in a case where Donald Trump is being sued over slandering one of his rape accusers. The accuser is not suing the president. She’s suing Donald Trump. Yet, Barr found it necessary for the Justice Department and taxpayers to foot the bill for his legal defense. In all the other personal legal defenses since he became president (sic), Donald Trump has used campaign funds…which of course you can pay into to receive a pardon…reportedly. Maybe the person being investigated for trying to bribe for a pardon can receive a pardon for trying to bribe for a pardon.

Do you remember the entire “pay for play” scandal the Republican Party concocted about the Clinton Foundation? They claimed foreign nations were making donations to the charity in exchange for special favors from the State Department while Hillary Clinton was Secretary of State. They claimed Clinton sold American uranium to Russia in exchange for donations. Before Trump became president (sic), the FBI looked into it and couldn’t find anything. After Trump became president (sic), the Justice Department officially opened an investigation into the Clinton Foundation. That began in 2017. Have you heard what has become of that investigation? Me neither.

So how does it work when the Justice Department investigates Trump corruption? Do they not tell William Barr? Do investigators go through all the proper channels and hope William Barr pays as much attention as Donald Trump does to security briefings that doesn’t mention his name? We do know investigators didn’t want any of this made public, especially the names of those involved. That makes sense because after Barr finds out, he may shut it down while he’s walking out the door to his retirement.

We do know the investigation rose from a separate investigation into people lobbying for pardons and whether they were violating the law by not registering as lobbyists. We also know that over 50 devices such as phones, laptops, and iPads have been confiscated in this investigation.

We also know this is all true and Donald Trump is a guilty party because he issued a tweet calling it “fake news.” Nearly everything Donald Trump says is a lie. EVERY denial he’s ever issued has been a lie.

But you do remember how Republicans acted over the Clinton Foundation. They were aghast and all lit up over the “pay for play” of it all. They chanted “lock her up” at MAGA rallies. They still do that chant between chants of “Space Force” and “send them back.” Lately, they’ve been falsely accusing Joe Biden of running a corrupt charity. Republicans are horny for investigating charities…except for Trump’s charity.

Here’s another thing: Even if Donald Trump and his administration are totally innocent and said, “No, sir…we do not do anything shady, improper, inappropriate, or illegal. You take your bribe and shove it where the sun never shines, you scoundrel you” (that did not happen), someone still thought with Donald Trump, it was a possibility. Someone thought Donald Trump’s ethics were low enough to take a bribe. Someone thought Donald Trump is corrupt. Do you know why anyone would think that? Because Donald Trump is corrupt.

Donald Trump is legally prohibited from being involved in a charity. Why? Because he stole from his charity…literally. You can assume Hillary did something bad with her foundation. We know Trump did. Donald Trump used his charity in tandem with his presidential campaign which is illegal. He used his charity to pay off legal fines for his shitty golf resorts. He used his charity to purchase expensive ticket items for himself, like portraits of himself (but he’s never purchased one of my caricatures of him. I wonder why). And when Florida Republican Attorney General Pam Bondi was considering investigating the actions of Trump University (another corrupt endeavor that doesn’t exist anymore) in her state, she shut down the inquiry AFTER receiving a campaign donation from…wait for it…the Trump Foundation. Donald Trump used his fake charity to bribe an official to save his fake university. Do you know who put money into Donald Trump’s fake charity? NOT Donald Trump. Today, Pam Bondi is still a pro-Trump surrogate and cult member.

Donald Trump literally used his charity to make a political contribution to bribe an elected official. Is it beyond him, an elected official, to take bribes for pardons? Hell no. He’s Donald Trump. Being corrupt is what he does.

It seems we’re founding out about more Trump fuckery on a daily basis. I worry about what’s being shredded and burned in the White House before Donald Trump is frog marched out. How many transcripts is he burning? What documents are being destroyed? And did anyone count the silverware? We still haven’t found out what happened to all the money that went into his inauguration…which by the way, was four fucking years ago. Republicans don’t ask about any of this…maybe because they’re too busy draining the swamp.

And now, it’s come out that Trump has had conversations with Rudy Giuliani and others about preemptive pardons for Rudy, his three oldest and corrupt kids, and his own corrupt ass. This should be fun. By the way, the family that goes to prison together stays together.

Yes, we are finding out more and more dirt about Trump corruption on a daily basis. Can you imagine what we’ll find out in the coming months and years? Hell, we’re still discovering shit about the Nixon administration that makes us say, “DAMN.” I just hope I found out everything about these Trump assholes before I die.

Trump is also talking about running again in 2024. And guess what. You can run for president from prison.

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Goodbye, Turkeys

cjones11272020

I’m breaking a couple of my rules with this cartoon. One is, I’ve drawn enough turkeys this year. The other is drawing a cartoon with a holiday theme that’s dated after the holiday. This is dated for Friday, which as you probably know, is AFTER Thanksgiving. But, I don’t make my clients embargo my cartoons by the dates, which means they can run them as soon as they get them.

But, I like drawing turkeys…and I like drawing Trump goons. And in my defense, how many more opportunities do I have to draw these people? Have you seen the type of people Joe Biden’s putting in his administration? Adults! How am I supposed to work with that?

In the Biden administration, I don’t see any inept son-in-laws wanting to create a back channel with Russia while taking loans from Arab kingdoms. I don’t see a daughter and her husband receiving security clearances when they don’t qualify. I don’t see a veep lavishing worship on the boss every minute while attracting flies. I don’t see an Attorney General turning the Justice Department into an agency that acts as the president’s personal attorney…which they did in going to court to block a civil suit against Trump by one of his sexual accusers. I don’t see a baby Goebbels in this administration writing policies that’ll kill immigrant children. I don’t see a goon going to prison whose sentence the president will commute. Say what you want about Hunter, but I don’t see a son in this administration as stupid as Donald Trump Jr. I don’t see a personal attorney spreading conspiracy theories outside a dildo store while his hair is leaking transmission fluid. I don’t see the president encouraging right-wing terrorists to shoot and murder protesters or telling them to “stand by.” I don’t see Nazis and Klansmen holding parades for this incoming president. I don’t even see hamburgers.

So, how much fun do I have left? It’s not like next Thanksgiving, when President Joe Biden is pardoning a turkey, I can compare it to him pardoning his goons, children, or even himself. Sheesh! What sort of presidency is this going to be for cartoonists? We have been spoiled by Donald Trump. With Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, I’m going to have to go back to writing my own material. Dammit all.

Sure. Joe Biden has gaffes but they’re not going to make up for a president (sic) who tries to redirect a hurricane with a Sharpie, or asks about nuking that hurricane, or advises people to rake forests, or talks about windmill cancer. Joe Biden has never gone to a debate and talked about the size of his penis. Seriously, people…you left me nothing to work with here.

Maybe our new Secretary of State will scream at a reporter and challenge her to find Ukraine on a map. No? He’s not an asshole? Aw, man!

Maybe Ashley Biden will sit in for the president at international summits, or get a bunch of Chinese patents, or be investigated for tax fraud. No? She’s not corrupt? Maybe Jill Biden will say “fuck Christmas.” I know. Not very likely when you replace a porn model with a teacher who has a doctorate.

Thanks a lot, America. Sure. You saved the nation from a stupid narcissistic racist reality TV show host and his grifting, and now we’ll stop putting babies in jail and ripping families apart. We’ll save the climate, perhaps stop palling around with dictatorships, and start using complete sentences again…but at what cost? Did you think about the cartoonists and comedians? Did you not think about the satire? No, you didn’t. I hope you’re proud of yourself, America.

It’s not fair. Even the democratic goons Biden could have hired, Donald Trump took. I don’t even have a Blagojevich with this administration. Shit.

So because of all that, you get another turkey cartoon. You can’t blame me. All I have left is an administration full of adults to try to make something out of with my cartoons.

And the fact Donald Trump and his goons will never go away or stop tweeting. Never ever ever. I guess there’s that.

Update: I went back and added Michael Flynn after he was pardoned today.

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Trump’s Gobblers

cjones11202020

Before the election, we worried about election interference from foreign nations like Russia, Iran, and China. After the election, we have to worry about election interference from Trump fuckers.

The sycophants are attacking our election after the results are in.

From the parking lot of a landscaping business he confused for a hotel and next to a dildo store, Rudy Giuliani spread lie after lie about election fraud. He’s gone onto Trump TV to continue spreading conspiracy theories. He’s made claim after claim about fraud and voting machines that are moving votes from Trump to Biden. All are lies.

Lindsey Graham, South Carolina’s Republican senator who just won reelection, called the Secretary of State of Georgia to inquire about the vote count there. In case you’re a Republican, Georgia is NOT in South Carolina. While on the call, Graham inquired as to how some votes for Joe Biden could be tossed out.

Last night in Michigan, where Joe Biden won, the Republicans on an election board refused to certify votes from Detroit which would have given Donald Trump the state. Joe Biden won Michigan with over 146,000 more votes than Donald Trump…and the Republicans tried to throw out all those votes. They relented and finally certified the votes after demanding an audit based upon Giuliani’s lies and bullshit. I guess they were hoping nobody was paying attention.

Also last night, Donald Trump fired Chris Krebs, the Department of Homeland Security official who issued an official press release stating the 2020 elections were the most secure in our nation’s history.

What are these people doing? They’re trying to steal an election. That’s the thing about Republicans. They love democracy as long as it gives them the results they want. If it doesn’t, then fuck democracy.

Don’t you think the Michigan Republicans took an oath, vow, or made some sort of promise to serve the people of Michigan honestly and with full integrity? I bet they didn’t promise to serve a cult, yet that’s exactly what they tried to get away with. This is called “Trump Fuckery.”

Before he was ever mayor, Rudy Giuliani was actually a highly respected prosecutor. Then something happened and today he’s serving up lies in the name of a cult. He’s serving as Trump’s top lawyer and has tried to rope Ukraine into running interference on behalf of Trump. Rudy has become the number one advocate for debunked conspiracy theories. What do you want to bet her never brought a conspiracy theory as evidence into a court room? Rudy’s reputation is shot and he will not be remembered as “America’s mayor.” Rudy will be remembered as a Trump flunky who served the cult while engaging in crazy conspiracy theories and Trump Fuckery.

Back in 2015 and 2016, Lindsey Graham was warning us about Donald Trump. He told us not to vote for him. He warned of Trump’s corruption and racism. After Trump was elected, Graham referred to him as “Mr. President-Elect,” a term he won’t use for Joe Biden. He’s told Donald Trump not to concede. He’s making calls into states he does not represent to pressure officials to thwart democracy. How would Lindsey feel if South Carolina threw out votes for him? Lindsey will forever be remembered as a brown-nosing sycophant who practiced Trump fuckery.

These people are trying to overturn a legal election and void the voice of the people. If they succeed, we will not have a president. We will have a dictator. If this election is overturned, we’ll never have another election ever again…at least not a real one.

Everything these people are doing, Giuliani, Graham, Trump, the Michigan fuckers, needs to be looked into legally. Have they broken the law? Maybe some people should be going to jail. Fortunately, after 12:00 PM January 20, 2021, Donald Trump can’t pardon anyone.

After Trump is out of the White House in January, we should have a second Thanksgiving because there’s going to be a lot to be thankful for and a lot of turkeys that deserve to be carved up.

I call dibs on a drum stick.

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Sewage And Stones

cjones07142020

First off, if commuting the sentence for Trump friend, goon, henchman, pal, buddyboy, creeper, slimeball of the first degree, and all-around wart on the taint of humanity Roger Stone wasn’t corrupt, then it wouldn’t have been done late on a Friday night.

Why do fuckers do dastardly deeds on Fridays after 5:00 PM? Because it’s an attempt to limit the political damage as people aren’t paying as much attention to the news at that point. Even I, a news junkie, was eating a sub while watching “Ralph Breaks the Internet” when it came over my phone. Sons of bitches! I was already overloaded with three other subjects to choose from for my next cartoon.

I mean, I still haven’t done something on the Supreme Court and Trump’s taxes, his cognitive test, Goya, or the TikTok ban. Sheesh! I’m going to have to work throughout the weekend.

Donald Trump commuted Roger Stone’s sentence days before he was to be ass-raped in a federal penitentiary in Georgia. Commuting instead of pardoning is probably Donald Trump’s compromise with everyone in the White House who advised him it was a horrible fucking idea to pardon a corrupt sleazebag with a Nixon tattoo on his back. Especially when that corrupt sleazebag is guilty.

Kayleigh McEnany, White House spokesgoon, issued a statement that reads like a Trump tweet. It even had exclamation points (Roger Stone is free!). Now keep in mind, spokesBarbie promised she would never lie to us.

In the statement, she referred to the Russia investigation as a “hoax.” It was not. She claimed the investigation of Stone and the charges were because the Mueller investigation they couldn’t find evidence of collusion between Trump and Russia (they found evidence and Robert Mueller didn’t rule there wasn’t collusion). She argued they went after Stone because of his “outspoken” support for Trump. Never mind the fact Roger Stone lied before Congress. Of course to these goons, lying isn’t criminal.

The judge in the case said, “He was not convicted and is not being sentenced for exercising his First Amendment rights, his support of the President’s campaign or his policies. He was not prosecuted, as some have complained, for standing up for the President. He was prosecuted for covering up for the President.”

In her statement, McEnany described Stone’s crimes as “alleged.” SpokesBarbie went to Harvard Law School. She should know that crimes are NOT “alleged” when a jury finds the party guilty on seven counts. She should keep this in mind because it’s definitely going to come up again…a lot.

McEnany also argued that Stone’s health is fragile and placing him in a federal prison in Georgia would expose him to the coronavirus. So what? I thought the White House supported Trump’s contention the coronavirus is 99 percent harmless?

Even Attorney General William Barr agreed with the prosecution and verdict saying they were “righteous” and “fair.” Remember, this is the same fucknut who tried to bury the Mueller report and has helped Trump engage in coverups.

Donald Trump’s commutation of Roger Stone’s sentence falls in line with his firing of the U.S. attorney in New York investigating Trump goons Rudy Giuliani, Lev, and Igor (seriously, motherfuckers named “Lev” and “Igor” are guilty). It’s in line with him putting pressure on the Justice Department dropping its case against Trump goon Michael Flynn. Shortly after the election, expect at least a commutation of the sentence for Trump goon Paul Manafort.

The president’s power to pardon and commute is for righting actual wrongs, not for rewarding friends for not turning over on you. It’s not to be used politically. It’s not to be used for personal interest. Once again, for Donald Trump, everything is about Donald Trump. Just like the nuclear codes, Donald Trump shouldn’t have this power. Donald Trump shouldn’t be in the White House. Before being elected, Donald Trump is the kind of guy the Secret Service would stop before being allowed on a White House tour. I’m sorry, you’re friends are named “Lev” and “Igor?”

The Justice Department’s sole mission in the Trump era is to be the Department of Defending Donald Trump. Donald Trump’s sole mission as president is to help Donald Trump.

The commutation of Stone’s sentence isn’t just a reward, it’s to keep him from talking. A few days, weeks, or months in a federal prison cell may influence Stone to change his mind and start squealing. So far, Stone has been a good soldier and has kept his mouth shut, but it’s not because of principles or ethics. Look at the guy. He’s a dirty trickster. He is a goon. He doesn’t have real friends. He’s the kind of guy who willingly gets a Nixon tattoo on his back, which might actually come in handy as butt-rape deterrent (who wants to look at that?). He tried to stop one associate from testifying by threatening to kill their dog (Trump should lose the dog lover vote for that alone). If he didn’t believe there was a reward in his future for not talking, he would have talked. And Donald Trump, who isn’t loyal to anyone, is not the guy to die on a cross for.

Trump’s supporters used the whatabout defense last night, as in, “but what about Obama?” Yeah, President Obama pardoned a lot of people. But President Obama didn’t use pardons and commutations as rewards for his friends.

Of course, for that to have happened, President Obama would have had to be like Donald Trump and have thieves, goons, henchmen, and corrupt assholes as friends.

Creative note: While walking near Times Square in Manhattan, I came across some city workers going into the sewers. I told them, “Beware of the C.H.U.D.s”. They were like, “What? Chuds? What the hell is a chud?” They looked at me like I was crazy, which admittedly, I get from time to time. I told them the C.H.U.D.s were from that 80s cult classic about Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers in the sewers of New York City. They had never heard of it. It seems to me if your job requires you to go into the sewers of Manhattan, you might want to be familiar with the C.H.U.D.s. Sheesh.

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Pardo For Blago

cjones02262020

The Trump cult likes to believe Donald Trump is a great negotiator. So how do they deal with the fact that he’s been publicly out-negotiated by people like Nancy Pelosi and Kim Jong Un? They pretend it never happened. They were proud of Trump being a billionaire who promised to release his taxes. When he broke that promise, they forget he ever made it. They scream about Democratic Socialists candidates promising free stuff when Donald Trump literally promised them a free wall. Today, you don’t hear any of them saying anything about Mexico paying for it while Trump guts the military for his favorite racist vanity project. Donald Trump promised he wouldn’t have time to play golf. So what do they do with that broken promise and Trump spending more taxpayer money on golf than any president before him? They talk about the amount of golf Obama played.

So, with Republicans, members of the Trump cult, fucknuts, assorted shitweasels, and MAGAts upset over their savior granting clemency to former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, how will they come to terms with this? Blago was their go-to as proof Democrats were corrupt. He was a stain on Obama’s presidency in that he attempted to sell the Senate seat the new president vacated after winning the 2008 election.

I saw a few posts today by Trump cultists trying to deal with it. Some are claiming it’s the height of hypocrisy for Democrats to rejoice at this while calling Trump corrupt. Excuse me, but can someone point out the Democrats who are happy over this? No, fucknuts. Democrats impeached the Illinois governor (in the Illinois House, 114-1. In the Senate, 59-0). The height of hypocrisy is campaigning on draining the swamp and running against “pay for play” then pardoning Rod Blagojevich. The height of hypocrisy is being upset over this only because Blago is a Democrat.

After leaving federal prison, Blagojevich stated he’s a “Trumpocrat,” whatever the hell that is.

One interesting detail to this is that Trump isn’t really acknowledging that Blago did anything wrong. He’s blaming the James “Comey gang and all these sleazebags” for Blago being caught despite the fact James Comey wasn’t FBI Director, anywhere near this case or even the Justice Department (he was in the private sector) at the time of the Blago investigation. Leave it to Trump to blame the “deep state” while pardoning Rod Blagojevich. Trump said, “That was a tremendously powerful, ridiculous sentence in my opinion and in the opinion of many others.” If you have to lie to justify your actions, then you probably did the wrong thing. Blago didn’t just attempt to sell a Senate seat. He was also convicted of a shakedown attempt involving a racetrack and for withholding taxpayer money from a children’s hospital until its CEO donated to his political campaign. Hmmm…who else is all about withholding taxpayer money for his own benefit and would steal from a children’s charity?

Trump didn’t just stop with Blago. He went on a pardon spree. His pardons are focusing on the types of crimes, lying, and corruption his associates have been convicted of in the Russia investigation.

Trump used his presidential pardoning powers on convicted junk bond king Michael Milken and former New York police commissioner Bernard Kerik who was convicted of tax fraud. He pardoned Edward DeBartolo Jr., the billionaire former owner of the San Francisco 49ers who was convicted in an extortion case involving the former governor of Louisiana, Edwin Edwards. He pardoned David Safavian, a senior official in the George W. Bush administration who was convicted of obstructing a federal investigation as part of the scandal surrounding lobbyist Jack Abramoff.

There are over 13,000 people currently waiting for a response to their clemency requests, but white-collar white guys who are friends of Trump get to cut to the head of the line. Blago, for example, was on Trump’s fake reality TV show (which probably made federal prison seem like less of a fall from grace after putting yourself into a situation to be judged and graded by Donald Trump). So far, Trump has only granted clemency to one African-American (no, not O.J.), the late boxer Jack Johnson (which was lobbied for by Kim Kardashian). Then, Trump used that pardon in a campaign commercial during the Super Bowl. I guess pardoning a dead black guy is OK because he can’t move into any Republican neighborhoods.

Trump also didn’t go through the normal protocol of reviewing cases suggested by the Justice Department. Instead, he relied on what his friends were saying. Milken’s pardon was recommended by a friend who threw Trump a $10 million fundraiser at Mar-a-Lago Saturday night (by the way. A lot of that $10 million raised for Trump’s campaign will go to Trump. What? You think he’s loaning out Mar-a-Lago for free? Drain the swamp, indeed). Some of these pardons were recommended by Geraldo Rivera, Andrew Napolitano, Maria Bartiromo, Chris Christie, Newsmax Media’s Christopher Ruddy, and Rudy Guiliani, who’ll probably also lobby for his own pardon very soon. Even the Navy SEAL, Eddie Gallagher, who Trump granted clemency to recently argued for Kerik’s pardon, who was a Gallagher defender on Fox News/Trump TV.

The head of the pardon office in the Department of Justice during the first two years of the Trump administration told The Washington Post that he quit last year because the White House had sidelined his office in favor of taking its cues from celebrities, political allies, and Fox News.

There’s a lot of talk in the press about Trump issuing pardons for Roger Manafort, Michael Flynn, and Roger Stone. But I think those will wait until after the election, which will now be supported by fundraisers held by the beneficiaries of these corrupt billionaire pardons.

Donald Trump is not draining the swamp. He’s the swamp’s Santa Claus. And it’s not so much that Trump is pardoning, and talked of pardoning, so many criminals connected to him, but that the president is connected to so many criminals.

So, how will Trump cultists, fucknuts, assorted shitweasels, and MAGAts overcome this pardoning of corrupt Democrat Rob Blagojevich? First, they’ll stop talking about it. And since most of them are former Never Trumpers, by tomorrow afternoon, they’ll be defending it.

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Popeyes Pardon

cjones09062019

Donald Trump denies he offered pardons to aides who break the law in rushing to have his stupid racist vanity project in the form of a border wall built before the election. There are two signs that he did offer pardons to aides who break the law: The first is the report that he wants it painted black so it’s too hot to touch and for there to be spikes on top (the only thing missing is a moat stocked with sharks with frickin’ laser beams on their heads), which is a stupid and cruel idea which means Trump said it. The other sign that’s it’s true is, Trump denied he offered pardons to aides who break the law.

Donald Trump is desperate and in panic mode which explains why a lot of his dumb comments are dumber than usual. He’s afraid the economy will go south before the election. He inherited the longest economic expansion in the history of the United States from President Barack Obama. All Trump had to do is sit there, take credit for it, pretend it didn’t start until he was elected, and try not to muck it up. After tariffs, a trade war, and unpaid-for tax cuts for the yacht and trust-fund-baby crowd, he’s mucking it up. Fortunately for Trump, he has a stupid and racist base that can be easily distracted by something like a completed border wall which hopefully, they won’t find out until after the election that they can’t eat. So far, he’s been successful in convincing his racist stupid base that construction on the wall has already started. In case you’re a Republican, it hasn’t.

Trump’s signature issue is the border wall. He’s been harping on it since he came down that pee-colored escalator to announce his candidacy. The other key detail of his stupid racist border wall is that Mexico will pay for it since all the Mexicans they’re sending us are “rapists and murderers.” The MAGA crowd screams and howls that Democratic voters, millennials, and socialists are demanding “free stuff” while Donald Trump is literally offering them a free 2,000-mile border wall. Satire is getting harder and harder.

In case you’re a Republican, Mexico is not paying for the wall. If the wall happens, the person paying for it is you. Also, you can’t make Mexico pay for it with tariffs. Again, the person who pays for those is you. This is the worst shell game ever. Even you dumbasses shouldn’t be falling for this shit.

Trump is hoping that if there’s a great big racist wall on the border with spikes on top, that racist voters will feel squishy enough not to notice they’re eating their made-in-China MAGA hats because of the Trump recession. In order to do this, Trump has ordered his aides to do anything to make it happen, and if they break the law doing it, he’ll give them pardons.

According to The Washington Post and later confirmed by The New York Times and CNN, Trump told his aides to get the job done by “any means necessary, including seizing land on the Mexican frontier.” A source told the press, “The President (sic) has repeatedly suggested during meetings on immigration policy that aides ‘take the land’ and ‘get it done.'” Trump called it “fake news,” so if you don’t want to believe the Post, Times, or CNN, then take it from his own White House. Two White House officials didn’t deny Trump said it and confirmed it by saying he was joking (it’s real hard to say, “He didn’t say and when he said it he was joking.”).  One said, “he winks when he does it.” Are they sure it was a wink and not a splash of covfefe in his eye?

This isn’t the first time Trump has dangled pardons. There are examples in the Mueller Report of it. The president can issue pardons as he pleases. He can even use them politically and in stupid manners, like pardoning a racist sheriff before his trial begins, or a Republican political aide who leaked the identity of a CIA agent, or a conspiracy theorist who made illegal campaign contributions to Republicans. But offering pardons while directing people to break the law is breaking the law. It is an impeachable offense, or at least it used to be back when Republicans were supposedly “law and order” Americans.

Trump tweeted, “Another totally Fake story in the Amazon Washington Post (lobbyist) which states that if my Aides broke the law to build the Wall (which is going up rapidly), I would give them a Pardon. This was made up by the Washington Post in order to demean and disparage – FAKE NEWS!” So basically, he denies the story while lying that the wall is going up. Here’s a helpful tip for lying: Keep it down to one lie per denial. Don’t throw in other lies. I’m surprised he didn’t combine it with his “I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to Puerto Rico” tweet.

Trump’s lies are about as believable as Popeyes Chicken running out of chicken. How does a chicken place run out of chicken? Oh, they still have chicken, just not the chicken needed for their new chicken sandwich. I smell a rat which I’m not accusing Popeyes of putting into their chicken.

Despite being from the south (mostly), I don’t like collard greens, chitlins, grits, or biscuits and gravy. Biscuits and gravy just seem like wet bread to me. Ew. But I do like my fried chicken and I think Popeyes is the best franchise chicken place (though their red beans and rice and anytime they have jambalaya, étouffée, or gumbo is total crap). Yes, even better than Chick-fil-A. You gotta put the Louisiana hot sauce on it. So, I really wanna try this new sandwich that nobody can get their hands on.

And I’ll tell you this; if I see Donald Trump with one of these sandwiches before Popeyes is able to bring them back to the general public, or at least before I get one, I’m going to demand another special counsel investigation.

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As I noted in a previous cartoon, these are perilous times for political cartoonists. But you can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print).I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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Cheaters Gonna Cheat

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As you read about Paul Manafort’s plea deal being rescinded by Special Counsel Robert Mueller, keep in mind what landed him in jail before his convictions. Manafort was out on bail which he violated by obstructing justice and tampering with witnesses.

Mueller’s office says Manafort violated his plea agreement by repeatedly lying. You wonder why did he do that? Is he being manipulative? Is there further information he’s afraid will get him in deeper trouble? Is he still protecting Trump and why? Or, can he just not help lying because he’s always been a liar? The answer is probably a combination of each of those questions.

Manafort and Donald Trump are con men. Even though they deal in millions and billions instead of mere thousands, don’t give them another classification. They are lying con men and grifters. They are skeezy, sleazy, backstabbing, cheaters who will sell you, the nation, and their own family out for a couple of bucks.

Manafort made his deal with Mueller, so he would only get a few years in prison, instead of dying there, as he’s 69-years-old. Last August, he was convicted on five counts of tax fraud, one count of failing to disclose his foreign bank accounts, and two counts of bank fraud (and this was with a judge hostile to the Special Counsel). Facing an additional trial in Washington and charges of conspiracy to defraud the United States, money laundering, failing to register as a foreign lobbyist, making false statements to investigators, and witness tampering, Manafort struck a deal and pleaded guilty to witness tampering and defrauding the United States. He also surrendered $22 million in cash and property, which means this Special Counsel investigation has actually made the country money.

He was probably thinking that even with a reduced sentence, no prison time is better than any, Manafort started cheating. He was lying and withholding information from the Special Counsel and even leaking details of the investigation to Donald Trump’s lawyers. Not only does Trump have an inside man at the head of the Justice Department, he had a rat in the investigation.

Trump has stated that he feels bad for Manafort, and he probably wouldn’t be in so much legal trouble if he had never worked for his campaign. Basically, Trump, the rule-of-law president, feels bad that Manafort’s lawbreaking was exposed. Now, he’s publicly dangling a pardon in front of Manafort telling The New York Post, “why would I take it off the table?”

Trump is obstructing justice and engaging in witness tampering. While a president does have the power to pardon anyone he wants, he doesn’t have the right to bribe, which is what a pardon in this case is. He’s publicly telling Manafort that it’s on the table.

Trump and Manafort’s lawyers are probably in trouble too for obstruction of justice, and this includes Rudy Giuliani.

Trump has refused to sit down with the Special Counsel and instead, answered written questions. According to reports, two of his answers are that Roger Stone did not tell him about WikiLeaks, nor was he told about the 2016 Trump Tower meeting between his son, campaign officials and a Russian lawyer promising dirt on Hillary Clinton. Who wants to bet that Mueller already knows the answers to these questions? Who wants to place a higher wager on Trump telling the truth?

Like Manafort, Donald Trump can’t tell the truth under any circumstance. He believes he lives by a higher standard than everyone else and can’t be punished for anything he says or does. Hopefully, very soon, he’ll learn that lying to the Special Counsel isn’t the same as lying to the press or in a tweet.

Trump answered Mueller’s questions with help from his lawyers, who are the same lawyers Manafort was leaking information to. Is there any possibility the answers weren’t coordinated with what Manafort was telling Mueller?

Hopefully for all the shitweasels like Trump Jr, Roger Stone, Jerome Corsi, Julian Assange, Manafort, Giuliani, and the 45th president of the United States, orange will be the new orange.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

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Ingrate Gobbler

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The Idiot-in-Chief couldn’t stop tweeting dumb shit this weekend. What else is new, right? He attacked Arizona Republican Senator Jeff Flake, and tweeted, “was caught (purposely) on “mike” saying bad things about your favorite President.” My first thought was, what did Flake say about Teddy Roosevelt? By the way, Mr. Cheeto…it’s “mic,” not “mike,” unless you named the microphone “Michael.”

Trump also tweeted his outrage that a player for the Oakland Raiders stood for the Mexican national anthem, but took a knee during our anthem, before the Raiders/Patriots game in Mexico City. First, why would Marshawn Lynch, the player Trump referenced, be upset with Mexico? Second, for a guy boycotting the NFL Trump is watching a lot of NFL.

Then, Trump went after Lavar Ball. Ball is the father of one of the UCLA students arrested for shoplifting in China, and whose release Trump has taken credit for. Before the students thanked Trump, he demanded they thank him. A couple days later, Lavar Ball questioned Trump’s involvement in their release. Trump had another public meltdown.

Ball is very similar to Trump. They’re both narcissistic self-promoters. They also make very stupid statements that have no basis in reality. Ball once said that during his prime, he could have beaten Michael Jordan one-on-one. I am fully confident, however, that Ball can still beat Trump in a game of one-on-one.

The real kicker here is that Trump said that maybe he shouldn’t have gotten the kids’ release until his next trip to China. That is just a rotten and selfish thing to say.

Trump is too thin-skinned for the job he holds. This is further proof Congress needs to take the nuclear button away from him.

Creative notes: This is a short blog and a quick cartoon today. I really liked this idea and I kicked it out pretty quick. I still plan to keep my usual late-night cartooning routine tonight. Drawing two today will allow me to take next Saturday off, maybe. I didn’t get one last weekend but I still ate ice cream.

Also, Frank could probably use a day off from proofing.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.