Tech Support For Dummies


I’m not the most tech savvy person. I bought my first iPhone several months ago and I probably only understand about ten percent of what it can do. I check out the analytics and views of my website each day, and I try to understand it. I wanted to award myself a medal when I figured out how to make videos of creating the cartoons. I learned how to create my cartoons in Corel and forgot everything I knew about making them in Photoshop. But, I know more about how the internet and techy type stuff works than Congress.

Several months ago, Congress held hearings asking Facebook why it was minimizing exposure to conservative voices. What they didn’t understand is that Facebook has limited exposure to all media because they want you to pay to promote it. I know this because they message me every. single. day. about “boosting” my posts. In the past, a cartoon of mine would reach tens of thousands of people on my Facebook fan page. Now, on a good day, I might reach several hundred. Facebook wants me to pay for what I used to get for free.

Now, Republicans in Congress want to know why when you do a Google image search for “idiot,” a lot of results give you Donald Trump.

To explain it simply, that’s because there have been a lot of stories and websites that mention “idiot” and “Trump” in the same story. To explain it even more simply, it’s because Donald Trump is an idiot. If you Google it in reverse, searching for Donald Trump will show you pictures of an idiot.

The hearing was supposed to be about data collection and how Google uses it, but Congress didn’t ask many questions about that or the company’s problem with sexual harassment. Instead, Representatives like Steve King wanted to know why hateful information about him showed up on his seven-year-old granddaughter’s iPhone. Google CEO Sundar Pichai couldn’t answer his question because Google doesn’t make iPhones, but I can answer it. Mr. King, it’s because you’re a hateful, racist, piece-of-crap Nazi who goosesteps to the office every morning. How is that not going to end up on your granddaughter’s iPhone? Also, why in the hell does a seven-year-old have an iPhone anyway? Just in case that seven-year-old’s iPhone brings her to today’s blog; your grandpa is a Nazi.

Republican Lamar Smith said, “You have never sanctioned any employee for manipulating search results whatsoever. Is that the case?” That is the case because it’s impossible for a Google employee to manipulate search results as the process is too complex and requires too many steps. After having this explained to him, Smith said he didn’t believe it. Of course, these are the same people who don’t believe in Climate Change, and we all know that’s been explained to them time and time again. I have a hunch Mr. Smith is a big believer in chem trails.

Democrat Jerry Nadler asked about Russians exploiting Google during the 2016 election. That sounds like a good question and Pichai explained that Google had conducted a thorough investigation and found that in 2016, most Russian political ad spending came from two accounts which had spent a total of $4,700. This isn’t the place to look as the Russians spent over $100,000 on Facebook that reached 146 million Americans in addition to posting thousands of fake news items. Also, all those women in bikinis sending you friend requests aren’t real.

Republican Louie Gohmert proved he’s an idiot by asking why all the edits he makes to his Wikipedia page every night are removed by the next morning. Apparently, he’s unaware that you’re not supposed to edit your own Wiki page, but as an example, you can go to Louie Gohmert’s Wikipedia page and edit to your heart’s content, because you’re probably not Louie Gohmert. For example, did you know to “gohmert” is the act of sticking one’s face between Donald Trump’s butt cheeks? Information like that should be on his Wikipedia page. For example; man, Louie really gohmerted those orange butt cheeks.

Republican Ted Poe asked if Google can track his movements. That answer is yes, depending on what apps you’re using on your iPhone. Pichai explained this and said he didn’t know if Poe was being tracked. Poe got upset and said “It’s not a trick question. You make $100 million a year. You ought to be able to answer that question. I’m shocked you don’t know.” Well hand him your phone, and he can probably give you an answer that’ll make you less shocked. And again, Google does not make iPhones. I’m upset no ice cream company makes a chocolate, strawberry, chocolate instead of that Neapolitan crap, but I’m not about to blame Google for it. Nobody wants vanilla unless there’s apple pie. Ted Poe makes $174,000 a year, so he ought to know people can’t guess if he’s downloaded Angry Birds. Pichai should have asked him if he’s downloaded Grindr, because that’ll track you. Maybe that’ll show up on his Wikipedia page.

It scares me that Congress asks questions about internet stuff because that means they might start writing more laws on it. What’s scary about that is they don’t understand it.

The members of Congress expose themselves as being totally ignorant when they hold these hearings. It’s like when Donald Trump talks about anything. They’re demonstrating how dumb they are. But, I bet they each know how to find online porn.

Conservatives used this hearing to play victim like they do with everything. It’s like conservative, straight, white, Christian, middle-aged men can’t catch a break, or endorse a Nazi without being criticized for it. Sheesh.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

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  1. Thank you for ‘covering’ this; it seemed to have been ignored due to other concerns (House Speaker Pelosi & Senate Minority Leader Schumer vs Donny [hey, if he can call them by their first names, they should be doing the same to him!], et al). And you made it very understandable . . . especially the fear that these know/no-nothings will try to legislate what they know nothing about (as they like to do with reproductive issues).

    Liked by 2 people

  2. “Nobody wants vanilla unless there’s apple pie.” Exactly!
    I hate vanilla ice cream all by itself. People I live with buy it and I won’t touch it. But they wolf it down like it’s the best thing. I gross out.
    I buy it AND an apple pie and everyone wants to scarf on my apple pie w/vanilla ice cream. dumbshits. I always buy them together.


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