Google

Tech Support For Dummies


cjones12192018

I’m not the most tech savvy person. I bought my first iPhone several months ago and I probably only understand about ten percent of what it can do. I check out the analytics and views of my website each day, and I try to understand it. I wanted to award myself a medal when I figured out how to make videos of creating the cartoons. I learned how to create my cartoons in Corel and forgot everything I knew about making them in Photoshop. But, I know more about how the internet and techy type stuff works than Congress.

Several months ago, Congress held hearings asking Facebook why it was minimizing exposure to conservative voices. What they didn’t understand is that Facebook has limited exposure to all media because they want you to pay to promote it. I know this because they message me every. single. day. about “boosting” my posts. In the past, a cartoon of mine would reach tens of thousands of people on my Facebook fan page. Now, on a good day, I might reach several hundred. Facebook wants me to pay for what I used to get for free.

Now, Republicans in Congress want to know why when you do a Google image search for “idiot,” a lot of results give you Donald Trump.

To explain it simply, that’s because there have been a lot of stories and websites that mention “idiot” and “Trump” in the same story. To explain it even more simply, it’s because Donald Trump is an idiot. If you Google it in reverse, searching for Donald Trump will show you pictures of an idiot.

The hearing was supposed to be about data collection and how Google uses it, but Congress didn’t ask many questions about that or the company’s problem with sexual harassment. Instead, Representatives like Steve King wanted to know why hateful information about him showed up on his seven-year-old granddaughter’s iPhone. Google CEO Sundar Pichai couldn’t answer his question because Google doesn’t make iPhones, but I can answer it. Mr. King, it’s because you’re a hateful, racist, piece-of-crap Nazi who goosesteps to the office every morning. How is that not going to end up on your granddaughter’s iPhone? Also, why in the hell does a seven-year-old have an iPhone anyway? Just in case that seven-year-old’s iPhone brings her to today’s blog; your grandpa is a Nazi.

Republican Lamar Smith said, “You have never sanctioned any employee for manipulating search results whatsoever. Is that the case?” That is the case because it’s impossible for a Google employee to manipulate search results as the process is too complex and requires too many steps. After having this explained to him, Smith said he didn’t believe it. Of course, these are the same people who don’t believe in Climate Change, and we all know that’s been explained to them time and time again. I have a hunch Mr. Smith is a big believer in chem trails.

Democrat Jerry Nadler asked about Russians exploiting Google during the 2016 election. That sounds like a good question and Pichai explained that Google had conducted a thorough investigation and found that in 2016, most Russian political ad spending came from two accounts which had spent a total of $4,700. This isn’t the place to look as the Russians spent over $100,000 on Facebook that reached 146 million Americans in addition to posting thousands of fake news items. Also, all those women in bikinis sending you friend requests aren’t real.

Republican Louie Gohmert proved he’s an idiot by asking why all the edits he makes to his Wikipedia page every night are removed by the next morning. Apparently, he’s unaware that you’re not supposed to edit your own Wiki page, but as an example, you can go to Louie Gohmert’s Wikipedia page and edit to your heart’s content, because you’re probably not Louie Gohmert. For example, did you know to “gohmert” is the act of sticking one’s face between Donald Trump’s butt cheeks? Information like that should be on his Wikipedia page. For example; man, Louie really gohmerted those orange butt cheeks.

Republican Ted Poe asked if Google can track his movements. That answer is yes, depending on what apps you’re using on your iPhone. Pichai explained this and said he didn’t know if Poe was being tracked. Poe got upset and said “It’s not a trick question. You make $100 million a year. You ought to be able to answer that question. I’m shocked you don’t know.” Well hand him your phone, and he can probably give you an answer that’ll make you less shocked. And again, Google does not make iPhones. I’m upset no ice cream company makes a chocolate, strawberry, chocolate instead of that Neapolitan crap, but I’m not about to blame Google for it. Nobody wants vanilla unless there’s apple pie. Ted Poe makes $174,000 a year, so he ought to know people can’t guess if he’s downloaded Angry Birds. Pichai should have asked him if he’s downloaded Grindr, because that’ll track you. Maybe that’ll show up on his Wikipedia page.

It scares me that Congress asks questions about internet stuff because that means they might start writing more laws on it. What’s scary about that is they don’t understand it.

The members of Congress expose themselves as being totally ignorant when they hold these hearings. It’s like when Donald Trump talks about anything. They’re demonstrating how dumb they are. But, I bet they each know how to find online porn.

Conservatives used this hearing to play victim like they do with everything. It’s like conservative, straight, white, Christian, middle-aged men can’t catch a break, or endorse a Nazi without being criticized for it. Sheesh.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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Google Gestapo


cjones09022018

Yesterday, an editor of a newspaper that will never run my work wrote to ask why do all my cartoons bash “our” president. He said he wanted more conservative and Trump-friendly cartoons to “match his readership.” Obviously, his newspaper isn’t showing up in the top search results when Trump Googles himself.

The people who call liberals “snowflakes” are whining again. Donald Trump’s newest distraction designed to divide not based in reality is that now algorithms are biased against him.

Trump tweeted early Tuesday that the “fake news media” make up 96% of the news displayed in Google’s search for “Trump news.” He accused Google of not including Republican, conservative, and “fair media” in search results which he said is rigged illegally against him.

In a couple of tweets, Trump ranted, “Google search results for ‘Trump News’ shows only the viewing/reporting of Fake News Media. In other words, they have it RIGGED, for me & others, so that almost all stories & news is BAD. Fake CNN is prominent. Republican/Conservative & Fair Media is shut out. Illegal? 96% of results on ‘Trump News’ are from National Left-Wing Media, very dangerous. Google & others are suppressing voices of Conservatives and hiding information and news that is good. They are controlling what we can & cannot see. This is a very serious situation-will be addressed!”

Google responded with, “When users type queries into the Google Search bar, our goal is to make sure they receive the most relevant answers in a matter of seconds.” That’s exactly what Trump doesn’t want, the “most relevant.”

Donald Trump would rather the first results be information he finds favorable to him, like conspiracy theories, Obama wiretapped Trump Tower, that Trump has ended the North Korean nuclear threat, he has the biggest crowds, the Access Hollywood tape is a fake, illegal voters kept him from winning the popular vote, and his tiny fingers are of a normal size for a grown man.

Trump’s biggest issue with search results being relevant isn’t that they’re liberal, but they’re actually relevant. The most relevant are legitimate news organizations that use journalistic ethics and guidelines. The first ones to pop up are CNN, NBC, The New York Times, The Washington Post, and even Fox News. In addition to Fox, Trump wants to see Breitbart, The Daily Caller, the Washington Examiner, and probably even The Daily Stormer. Conservatives’ answer to biased media is more biased media.

Trump and conservatives believe everything from the free press to Google to Facebook is biased against them. Trump claims it’s very dangerous. He’s threatening to do something about it which makes him the dangerous one. His top economic adviser, Larry Kudlow, said the White House is “taking a look” at whether, and how, Google should be regulated by the government, which they would think is a horrible idea if it was proposed by a Democratic president.

Donald Trump is not a fan of free speech or democratic institutions, thus he’s not a fan of America. Regulating free speech so it only pleases one person will be just the beginning of creating an authoritarian regime. The next thing to go will be free elections. If you believe that’s preposterous, just think back to two years ago when the idea of a president proposing regulating speech was preposterous.

Later on Tuesday, Trump said, “Google and Twitter and Facebook, they’re really treading on very, very troubled territory. And they have to be careful. It’s not fair to large portions of the population.” For Trump and Republicans, it’s not fair they have to be subjected to facts.

The facts are Trump is a horrible, dangerous person and a very bad president. If he has it his way, it’ll be illegal for anyone to report it.

Your support in the form of donations is appreciated. I am fully independent as I’m not employed by a newspaper or with a major syndicate (leaving one to be independent). It does take a lot of work to provide you with cartoons, columns, and videos almost every day (more than any other political cartoonist), and I don’t charge my clients much at all. If you can, please consider making a financial contribution to keep the fun flowing, or purchase a signed print for $40. Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!!

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Troll


cjones08132018

Conservatives and other assorted nutzoids were up to their tinfoil hats in anger this week as Facebook, YouTube, Google and Spotify banned the InfoWars conspiracy freak, Alex Jones from their platforms.

Alex was banned for all sorts of violations, which included posting “fake news” and just being an all-around troll (every conspiracy in this cartoon was created by Alex except two. I created those and I’ll let you try to figure out which two).

Twitter issued a statement in the form of a tweet, from their CEO Jack Dorsey explaining why they are letting Alex Jones stick around. In one of Dorsey’s tweets, he wrote, “Accounts like Jones’ can often sensationalize issues and spread unsubstantiated rumors, so it’s critical journalists document, validate, and refute such information directly so people can form their own opinions. This is what serves the public conversation best..”

Sensationalize issues? Unsubstantiated rumors? Was it sensationalizing to say that Sandy Hook was a hoax and nobody was actually murdered? Is it merely an unsubstantiated rumor that the FBI plotted the Boston Marathon bombing?

What the New York Daily News puts on their front pages is sensationalizing. When CNN reports that anonymous White House sources are saying the president is afraid his son is in legal trouble for lying and engaging in a conspiracy with a foreign power, that’s a rumor with some substantiation. What Alex Jones does is neither. The professional term in the journalism industry for what Alex Jones does is “bullshit.”

Dorsey wants critical journalists to “document, validate, and refute such information directly so people can form their own opinions.” But what those people usually do is scream “fake news” when a conspiracy is debunked, and cling to whatever makes them feel squishy inside about their confirmation bias. Just mention the word “Snopes” to a conservative and watch them lose their minds.

With that said, for the most part, Alex Jones has all the freedom in this nation to spout horse crap (with assorted lawsuits here and there). At the same time, Facebook, YouTube, Google, and Spotify have the freedom to kick him to the curb. They are not government platforms. They are businesses.

Conservatives need to get their outrages in proper working order. You can’t be screaming about a business not allowing Alex Jones to post his “opinions” (opinions should be based on facts, but we’ll argue that another day), but demand that the NFL force all their athletes to stand for an anthem. You can’t demand that social media platforms give equal service to conspiracy nuts while also arguing that a baker has the right to refuse to make a gay wedding cake. But, I bet if the customer wanted a green tinfoil-wearing troll on that cake, you’d demand the baker to make it.

For people who like to call liberals “snowflakes,” conservatives sure are a bunch of snowflakes.

Alex Jones has made a lot of money on bullshit. He’s rich. He’s not going to let this assault on his ability to profit off crapola go without a conspiracy. He’s blaming the ban on “deep state actors.”

I keep waiting for conservatives to boycott Facebook like they always promise. But they don’t. If they did, they’d be sure to post on Facebook how they’re boycotting Facebook. You’d think they’d be content with 4Chan, 8Chan, InfoWars, Breitbart, the Daily Stormer, and all the other assorted hate sites. I found out just yesterday they’re all over Instagram because they let me know they didn’t like my Trump Hollywood Star cartoon one bit.

But, they need to post where liberals, moderates, and other rational types will see them. It’s like that old saying; If a tree falls in the woods and there’s no one around to hear a conservative call it a “libtard,” is that conservative still an unimaginative troll with an IQ lower than his sister’s shoe size? Probably.

Creative note, sorta: It is very unlikely that I’m related to Alex Jones. My dad’s story on who his father was constantly changed, so there’s a good chance I shouldn’t even be a Jones. Leave it to Alex Jones to destroy all the cool points I got from Indiana Jones.

Your support in the form of donations is appreciated. I am fully independent as I’m not employed by a newspaper or with a major syndicate (leaving one to be independent). It does take a lot of work to provide you with cartoons, columns, and videos almost every day (more than any other political cartoonist), and I don’t charge my clients much at all. If you can, please consider making a financial contribution to keep the fun flowing, or purchase a signed print for $40. Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!!

Watch me draw.

 

Diverse Viewpoints


cjones08182017

Last week, an engineer at Google circulated an internal memo suggesting that biological factors were part of the cause for the gender gap in the tech industry and that the company should stop alienating conservatives. It landed about as well as that Jerry Maguire memo suggesting the sports agency should practice ethics. Just like Jerry, the sexist Google dude was Googling for a new job.

A lot of conservatives rushed to defend the guy and bash Google for firing him. That’s what horrible people do. They defend other horrible people. They accuse Google of not tolerating diverse opinions. This isn’t an argument over whether ketchup should be squirted on hot dogs or not (though those savages should hit the streets too). A company that’s known for innovation and building toward the future doesn’t want to discourage future talent from coming on board because they may be perceived as sexist. And trust me on this: You want to hire women. Every woman I have ever met is smarter than I am….except for women who voted for Donald Trump.

Believing woman are biologically inferior to work for a software company is a view that only those living in caves should possess. What if the guy circulated a memo stating that some races were biologically inferior? At the very least, you don’t want to keep a guy around who’s stupid enough to publish that memo.

Many conservatives are also defending the Nazis who are suddenly finding themselves unemployed after pictures of them marching at the Charlottesville hatefest were published. One guy was actually fired from a hot dog place. Nobody wants a Nazi handling their wiener. Just like the Google dude whined that he really wasn’t sexist, some Nazis swore they weren’t really Nazis. They just really hate blacks, Jews, gays, liberals, and they enjoy driving out of state to goosestep in khakis while holding a Tiki torch.

Nobody wants to be associated with Nazis. The Tiki torch company issued a statement distancing themselves from Nazis. I expect companies that produce polo shirts and khakis to come out next. They issued stronger condemnations of Nazis than the president.

Horrible people continued to defend horrible people and cried about diversity in the workplace. Well, I’m sure those conservatives wouldn’t mind having a conversation at the water cooler with a Nazi. It’s done daily in the White House. But, most normal people don’t want to hang around Nazis.

You don’t have to go so far with the right-wing crap to be a Nazi for me not to want to hang around with you. If your first statement, comment, post on social media about Charlottesville was mentioning Obama, Antifa, liberals, or any other cover to protect your Nazi pals, I don’t want to associate with you. Basically, you suck at life and you’re an asshole.

You’re probably the type of asshole to scream about diversity in the workplace when Nazis and sexists are fired but want Colin Kaepernick banned from the NFL because he refuses to stand for the National Anthem.

Kaepernick is a good football player who can’t find a job in the NFL because of his stance against standing during a song. His refusal to conform to nationalism has rubbed many the wrong way and cowardly team owners are afraid of a negative backlash if they sign him. Beating up a woman will get you suspended for six games, but silently protesting police brutality against black Americans will not be tolerated. How dare he have a social conscience.

In case you haven’t noticed, what happened in Charlottesville displayed a lot of reasons not to stand for the National Anthem. If you have a problem with people who don’t want to conform to your nationalism, then I suggest that you sit down and shut the hell up.

Personal note about yesterday’s cartoon: I didn’t write a blog for yesterday’s cartoon because I didn’t want to distract from it. I wanted that cartoon to speak for itself, and all by itself.

I had a couple of other ideas yesterday but I wasn’t in love with them. Shortly after midnight on Monday morning that idea hit me, which is how all ideas hit me. It’s like someone shows up and I’m seeing who they are. At first, I didn’t realize I wanted to draw it until the full image came into my head. It started with the bumper sticker, which I thought was just OK. Then, the scene kinda zoomed out in my head and I was like “oooh. I gotta draw that.”

I thought it might be one of those with the potential to receive the most hits to the website, most shares, likes, comments…but it didn’t work out that way. I’m not complaining. It just goes to show that I can’t predict how well my cartoons will be received.

But, a lot of individuals really appreciated the cartoon. On top of the shares, likes, comments, clicks on the site, there were a few donations. So whether you donated $1.00 or more, thank you so much for helping me continue to do this. I’ll be sending out a couple more prints this week. If you have not received an email from me yet, you will. I loves ya’.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.