Rexit

Donald Trump is famous for firing people. He created a reality show centered around firing people, and before “no collusion,” his most famous catch phrase was “you’re fired.”

Reality shows are not actual reality. Donald Trump brags about not being afraid of the National Rifle Association, but the truth is he’s a “sniveling coward,” which is what the sniveling Ted Cruz called him during the primaries. Trump made sure James Comey was on the opposite side of the country when he fired him. He informed Chris Christie through a phone call he was being kicked off the transition team. On Tuesday, Donald Trump fired his Secretary of State through Twitter.

Rex Tillerson, Trump’s latest dumpee, does not have a Twitter account. He’s not much for communicating, rarely talked to the press, and limited the department’s press conferences. An aide had to print out Trump’s tweet to give it to Tillerson. That makes sense because you want to see it in print before you make any global-altering decisions, like accepting a meeting with Kim Jong Un over word-of-mouth that he’s going to stop making nukes. Another aide was fired after disputing the White House’s terms of Tillerson’s firing.

Tillerson was on his way back from Africa, which he had to visit to repair relations after Trump’s “shithole nations” comment. They fired Tillerson after he was done cleaning up a pile of shit Trump created.

I’m actually surprised they didn’t use the Milton firing procedure. That’s where you just stop paying a guy and hope he gets the hint and eventually stops coming to work. Moving his desk to the storage room and taking his favorite stapler will also encourage him to leave, or burn the building down. You take your chances.

We expected Tillerson to leave soon after he was hired. But, you don’t have to be a fan of Tillerson to be concerned with the way he was axed. Leave it to Andy Borowitz to sum up the truth in satire. His headline reads, “Nation marvels at Trump’s ability to turn ExxonMobil executive into sympathetic figure.”

I was never enthused by Trump’s choice of Tillerson to be the nation’s number one diplomat. The first reason to be concerned is that he’s willing to work for Donald Trump. That’s got sketchy written all over it.

Tillerson had zero governmental experience and had never worked with foreign policy except on business matters. He’s really good at negotiating billion-dollar deals with dictators that strip resources from a nation’s citizens while destroying their environment. Another concern was that Putin liked him. Putin liked him so much he gave him a medal.

It was reported last week that Putin informed Trump through a back channel that he wouldn’t approve of the appointment of Mitt Romney to State. People have asked, “why would the Trump team need a back channel to Russia if they’re going to lead the government, which has a channel to Russia?” That’s why. So Trump can receive Putin’s orders without our intelligence network being all nosy about it. Thankfully, we still have a Republican Party who will fight to protect Russian spies from our law enforcement.

Tillerson had a difficult time working for Trump. Tillerson disagreed with Trump’s desire to nix the Iran deal. Tillerson is right. Try making a treaty with North Korea after breaking your word to Iran. It’s bad enough every word out of Trump’s mouth is a lie, but breaking official treaties on your nation’s behalf tells everyone you can’t be trusted. Also, can you fire a treaty over the phone?

Tillerson also called Trump a “fucking moron.” Now, we all call Trump a fucking moron, but we don’t work for Trump. Tillerson never denied making the insult and instead explained that he didn’t want to engage in Washington games. Try that excuse with your boss after he hears you called him a moron and see if you keep your job.

Or worse yet, tell your boss you support defending our allies from Russian nerve gas attacks. Oh, wait. Your boss probably isn’t a treasonous Russia troll deep in debt to Russian mobsters and selling out his nation for his own self-serving interests. I’ll work on my analogies.

Trump says he’s just now creating a cabinet of truly loyal sycophants, and they will all express his thinking, beliefs, and agenda for our nation. See? And you thought it couldn’t get any worse after the first year. You need to stop being so cynical.

Trump is appointing CIA Director Mike Pompeo to replace Tillerson. Pompeo is a hardliner who hates the Iran deal and has talked openly of assassinating Kim Jong Un. The person who will replace Pompeo at the CIA is Gina Haspel, who will be the first female to lead that department after being the first woman to run a torture program. I don’t know if that’s true. She may not be the first woman who has run a torture program. Maybe just the first woman to run a torture program and then destroy evidence of its work. Anyway, yay breaking that glass ceiling.

If you didn’t like Tillerson running the State Department, that’s totally understandable. I didn’t either. But, he was doing better at his job than Ben Carson or Betsy DeVos, and they’re still around. But then again, they haven’t criticized Russia. Ben has been asleep since his confirmation and Betsy can’t find it on a map.

We can expect foreign policy adviser H.R. McMaster to leave soon. Secretary of Defense James Mattis may leave soon, as Tiller was described as a speed bump between him and Trump, although Tillerson moves a bit slower and is less communicative than an actual speed bump. At any rate, I don’t expect a decrease of revolving door cartoons from my colleagues.

Trump has a turnover rate of 43%, which is much higher than Bush or Obama’s in the same time span of their presidencies. I’d ask Secretary of Education, Betsy Devos to add it up, but she thinks her 60 minutes interview was the longest four hours of her life.

I have a better idea. Let’s just fire Trump.

Here’s the video.

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