A Forceful Re-accommodation

Yeah I know. I did a cartoon last week on the obtuseness of Pepsi. But how often am I presented with the opportunity to bash two corporations at the same time for being total jerkwads? Weekly? Shut up.

As you probably know by now, unless you’re one of those people who has sworn off the media, internet and all technology (which means you’re not here so I’m going to stop talking to you), United Airlines bumped a passenger off one of their flights yesterday. It was a literal bump. He was literally dragged off the plane. United likes to refer to this as a “re-accommodation.”

Why do airlines bump passengers? Because they overbook. If you fly then you’re well aware of this. What the airline does is they sell more tickets to a flight than there are actual seats on that plane. Sounds kinda stupid, right? It would seem like a no-brainer that if you have, for example, 100 seats then you wouldn’t sell tickets for 120 seats. What do you do when 120 people show up? Well you kick 20 people off the plane.

First you ask for volunteers. But people are weird. It seems that if someone purchases something then they feel entitled to it. Crazy people. So the airlines starts giving out incentives, like vouchers, cash, cans of Pepsi. OK, I made up the Pepsi thing. But some people actually want to get where they’re going and they can’t be bought off. They’re like “screw you. I bought a ticket to Utah that leaves at 3:00 PM so I’m going to Utah at 3:00 PM.” People do not want to give up their seats. Even if they’re flying to Utah. Airlines don’t like that.

They dislike it so much that on Sunday they literally dragged a passenger off a flight from Chicago to Louisville. Three airline security people tackled the guy and bashed his face into the armrest, bloodied him up, and dragged him off. He still didn’t want to give up that seat and returned to the airplane running down the aisle. At least the airline had the courtesy to throw him off before the plane was in flight.

The airline claims they let a computer select who would be bumped. The passenger claims he’s a doctor and he needed to be in Louisville for his patients. He also says the airline was being racist and selected him because he’s Asian. I don’t believe that part and will defend United Airlines from the charge of racism. United treats all their passengers, customers, equally…which is horribly.

United CEO, Oscar Munoz, issued a statement that he doesn’t understand what happened. Mr. Munoz recently received an award for communicator of the year.

I’m really sorry that the CEO of a major international airline doesn’t understand what happened so let me explain it for him. You sold too many tickets you jackoff! Stop doing that and you’ll cease pissing people off.

Well, somewhat. We can still get upset for being banished for wearing leggings, charged for an extra bag, crappy leg room, the food, etc.

Oh yeah. Here’s the kicker: United needed more room on that airplane for some of their employees. Here’s another suggestion for Mr. Munoz: Make those dips sit on the wings.

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