United Airlines

A Forceful Re-accommodation


cjones04132017

Yeah I know. I did a cartoon last week on the obtuseness of Pepsi. But how often am I presented with the opportunity to bash two corporations at the same time for being total jerkwads? Weekly? Shut up.

As you probably know by now, unless you’re one of those people who has sworn off the media, internet and all technology (which means you’re not here so I’m going to stop talking to you), United Airlines bumped a passenger off one of their flights yesterday. It was a literal bump. He was literally dragged off the plane. United likes to refer to this as a “re-accommodation.”

Why do airlines bump passengers? Because they overbook. If you fly then you’re well aware of this. What the airline does is they sell more tickets to a flight than there are actual seats on that plane. Sounds kinda stupid, right? It would seem like a no-brainer that if you have, for example, 100 seats then you wouldn’t sell tickets for 120 seats. What do you do when 120 people show up? Well you kick 20 people off the plane.

First you ask for volunteers. But people are weird. It seems that if someone purchases something then they feel entitled to it. Crazy people. So the airlines starts giving out incentives, like vouchers, cash, cans of Pepsi. OK, I made up the Pepsi thing. But some people actually want to get where they’re going and they can’t be bought off. They’re like “screw you. I bought a ticket to Utah that leaves at 3:00 PM so I’m going to Utah at 3:00 PM.” People do not want to give up their seats. Even if they’re flying to Utah. Airlines don’t like that.

They dislike it so much that on Sunday they literally dragged a passenger off a flight from Chicago to Louisville. Three airline security people tackled the guy and bashed his face into the armrest, bloodied him up, and dragged him off. He still didn’t want to give up that seat and returned to the airplane running down the aisle. At least the airline had the courtesy to throw him off before the plane was in flight.

The airline claims they let a computer select who would be bumped. The passenger claims he’s a doctor and he needed to be in Louisville for his patients. He also says the airline was being racist and selected him because he’s Asian. I don’t believe that part and will defend United Airlines from the charge of racism. United treats all their passengers, customers, equally…which is horribly.

United CEO, Oscar Munoz, issued a statement that he doesn’t understand what happened. Mr. Munoz recently received an award for communicator of the year.

I’m really sorry that the CEO of a major international airline doesn’t understand what happened so let me explain it for him. You sold too many tickets you jackoff! Stop doing that and you’ll cease pissing people off.

Well, somewhat. We can still get upset for being banished for wearing leggings, charged for an extra bag, crappy leg room, the food, etc.

Oh yeah. Here’s the kicker: United needed more room on that airplane for some of their employees. Here’s another suggestion for Mr. Munoz: Make those dips sit on the wings.

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Hating On Leggings


cjones03302017

I’ve been led to believe that leggings are very comfortable. What are leggings? Women know but I’ll inform the guys. They’re spandex or spandex-like. They’re stretchy. It seems to me they’re a cross between sweat pants and tights. I suppose they’re more acceptable to wear out in public than pajama bottoms.

A big brouhaha erupted this week when United Airlines denied some girls from boarding a flight because they were wearing leggings. A lot of people got upset. Some said it was an attack on women. Others said it was an attack on common sense. Many celebrities got involved. Seth Rogen tweeted and that is one person I do not need a vision of wearing leggings.

United didn’t help their cause when they explained their policy with “we’re an airline and you’re not.” No, that was Donald Trump’s tactic regarding a question. United said “that the airline has “the right to refuse transport for passengers who are barefoot or not properly clothed.”

They later stated that the teens were “pass riders,” otherwise known as family or friends of an airline company employee who travel at a discounted rate, so they’re expected to follow the same dress codes as employees. Leggings are welcome if you’re a regular customer and nobody will get all snooty up in your business over it. How in the hell do you even notice if people are wearing leggings? They’re so common I think I would have missed it.

Delta Airlines, not shy for the opportunity to bash a rival, tweeted “Flying Delta means comfort. (That means you can wear your leggings.)” They even included a winking emoji.

Puma, a clothing company, is trying to get a “leg” up on the controversy and they’re offering 20% off on leggings to anyone with a past or present ticket from United Airlines.

A lot of people choose which airline they want and often times it’s over politics, policy, baggage fees, etc. I have never chosen an airline in my life. I’ve always let the market tell me who I’m flying with, or my past employers have chosen. I’ve always gone with whoever offered the lowest price at the moment. I assure you my former newspaper employer in Virginia did the same thing. Those fuckers put me in a Best Western when they flew me in on my job interview and on the flight back, I swear I was in a folding chair on top of the engine. And that was 1997 when newspapers had gobs of money.

And don’t get me started on those turbulence-magnet Buddy Holly killing planes.

Creative Notes: I decided to grab at this issue as it’s NOT on Donald Trump or even politics. I have clients who want me to throw these in every now and then. I don’t mind taking a break from politics too. The important thing to me is that I’m not going to stop covering the important issues the way I see best.

The flight attendant in this cartoon is inspired by Dave Grohl’s portrayal of one in the Foo Fighters’ Learn To Fly video.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.