Syphilis Don

There’s always been speculation about Donald Trump’s health because Donald Trump lies about his health.

The late Doctor Harold Borstein told us during the 2016 presidential campaign that Trump would be “the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency (sic).” Dr. Bornstein was hoping to be named White House physician after Trump was elected (sic), but he was expelled from Trump World after being his personal physician for nearly 40 years because he told The New York Times that Trump was taking medication to make his hair grow. To be fair, that’s a violation of his patient’s privacy and a credible doctor would never reveal intimate and personal details about a patient, even on something we can all see, like the dead bleached shitweasel Trump uses as a toupee. But the White House didn’t need him anyway because it had a lunatic doctor in waiting.

Doctor Ronny Jackson was the White House physician and after his first time examining Trump, he claimed Trump was  6 foot, 3 inches, 239 pounds, and had “incredible genes.” Dr. Ronny, an actual doctor who went to doctor school and was employed by the government to be the president’s doctor, also claimed that Trump, if he had a better diet, could live to be 200 years old. Today, Dr. Ronny is an actual congressman and a member of the sycophantic fascist goon caucus. Dr. Ronny has also been accused of being an alcoholic pussy grabber. Dr. Ronny is probably the only Trump ass-kisser who’s literally been inside Donald Trump’s ass. I hope he wore gloves. No I don’t.

Then there’s Trump’s own claims about his health, how he aces cognitive tests with “person, woman, man, camera, TV,” and listing his weight at 215 pounds during his Fulton County arrest. Let’s not forget Captain Combover’s bone spurs or that he needs to use a golf cart at summits while other world leaders are walking. then there’s the baby-steps incident.

And now there’s rampant speculation that Trump has syphilis.

While leaving Trump Tower on Wednesday to head to court for one of his many many many many many trials, this one for being a rapist, Trump waved and inadvertently displayed red sores on his right hand and fingers. There are at least three of them.

I’m not a doctor and I have zero experience with syphilis or any other STDs, thank god, so I can’t say for certain that Trump acquired syphilis at some point over the years, never got it treated, and now the spots are on his tiny hands because he touches his tiny dick way too much. If this is true, it would be another reason Melania sleeps in an entirely separate room from him. Quite frankly, if I was her, I would sleep in another state.

While it’s great fun to mock Trump over this, and Jimmy Kimmel and Seth Meyers certainly have, he probably doesn’t actually have syphilis. According to the doctors interviewed by Newsweek, the sores are not consistent with syphilis. And even if a doctor is an expert on syphilis, he couldn’t diagnose Trump from a photo just like motherfuckers can’t claim President Biden suffers from dementia because they saw him stutter on TV.

But it would make sense that Trump, who is a sex offender, boasted about sexually assaulting women, talks about dating his daughter, has boogied with Jeffrey Epstein, and been seen on tape oggling a child and stating he’d be dating her in ten years, and once stated that avoiding STDs was his Vietnam, would have an STD. In fact, it wouldn’t make sense that he doesn’t.

But if Donald Trump is going to lie about Nikki Haley and the New Hampshire primary, then we can at least speculate that he has syphilis. Trump has claimed that Nikki Haley isn’t eligible for the presidency despite that she was born in the United States of America. This is the same racist birtherism he used against President Obama, whom he also called by his full name, Barack Hussein Obama, as he’s doing now against Haley, except he’s muffing that one, calling her “Nimbra.” Her full name is Nimarata Nikki Randhawa. And no, I can’t find that she started using “Nikki” years later to hide her Indian nationality as some liberals like to claim. Her parents gave her “Nikki” as her middle name upon birth. No, I’m not a Nikki Haley fan.

Trump has also lied that Nikki Haley is having Democrats vote for her in this Tuesday’s New Hampshire primary. They don’t work that way. In New Hampshire, you can’t vote in a Republican primary if you’re registered as a Democrat. Donald Trump keeps repeating the lie even though the facts have been repeatedly pointed out.

I don’t know for sure if Trump smells, so it’s speculation that’s supported by people who’ve been close to him and say he stinks. There’s speculation this funk comes from him wearing adult diapers because he can’t control his bowels and shits his pants on a regular basis. Now we have speculation that Stinky has an STD. But we don’t have to speculate that Donald Trump is a vile racist sexist liar.

But just to be safe, if you encounter Trump on the campaign trail…DO NOT SHAKE HIS HAND!!!

Creative note: I had to draw Trump’s hands larger than usual for this cartoon so readers could see the red spots. I put the red spots on his hands in yesterday’s cartoon but nobody noticed.

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