Barbie World

Today’s cartoon is a bit of a sequel to a cartoon I drew four days ago that was about Jason Aldean’s racist song that Republicans are outraged there’s outrage about. And in today’s cartoon, we focus on Republicans accusing Barbie World of being a part of Woke World, which has triggered their Faux Outrage World.

Have you noticed that every time something is accused of racism, Republicans never say, “Ya’ know, that is racist.” No, they always defend the racism. They even accuse people like me (and probably you since you’re here) of labeling everything racist that we disagree with. But we don’t do that. What we call racist are fucking racists. And trust me on this, just because Republicans can’t hear or choose to ignore dog whistles doesn’t change the fact that Jason Aldean’s song is fucking racist.

And what’s wrong with the Barbie movie? I don’t know other than all the pink which will start to hurt my eyes at some point. I mean, when I see that much pink, I prepare to develop a cavity. But Republicans are upset over it for some weird stuff, and they’re being really weird about it.

Ben Shapiro, famous for being a ridiculous right-wing goon, tweeted in defense of Jason Aldean’s racist song, “Good for Jason Aldean not backing down on this idiotic non-troversy. Never apologize for your perspective based on the bad-faith trollery of the Twitterverse.” “If you think these lyrics are racist, you are a racist,” said the guy who believes George Floyd died from a drug overdose and not from a cop kneeling on his neck for nine minutes and 23 seconds. And, since this is Ben Shapiro, being called a racist by him may be an attempted compliment.

But, after vigorously defending Jason Aldean’s racism, Ben Shapiro went on a tirade over the Barbie movie. In fact, he got so work up, that he made a 43-minute video where he claims he “destroyed” the movie…that made $337 million over the weekend. I wish Ben Shapiro would destroy me.

What Ben did destroy was a bunch of Barbie dolls, which he on fire and was reminiscent of the time Kid Rock destroyed several bottles of Bud Light by shooting them with an assault rifle. Real mean don’t wear pink or support empowered females. Real men shoot beer bottles and burn children’s dolls.

For the Daily Beast, Erin Gloria Ryan wrote that she “saw a film that showcased how little girls imagine a world where they can be anything through play—until they get older and the patriarchal system into which they were born does its damndest to sever them from those possibilities by ridiculing and diminishing girlhood.” She didn’t see what Ben Shapiro saw from his viewing of the movie.

Shapiro was upset about there being a black female president in Barbie World while he’s still trying to recover from the black male one we had in the real word. He’s upset there’s an all-female Supreme Court in Barbie World and that there wasn’t a bunch of old Republican men available to steal those seats from Democrats. Why is there no Mitch McConnell in Barbie World Ben thinks all the Kens in the movie are gay and would all hit on G.I. Joe if they had the chance Ken is Barbie’s boyfriend and not just her gay friend to go shopping with and to help her accessorize, right.? Ben’s also upset over Dr. Barbie who’s played by a trans person. And because Barbie is, and always has been, pro-female, he takes that as being anti-male. And, Shapiro, who’s a little inadvertently anti-male himself, spends half the running time of the Barbie movie to bitch about the Barbie movie. He complained that the movie used the word “patriarchy” ten times, forcing him to look up the word “patriarchy.”

Who I feel bad for are Ben’s two daughters because Barbie teaches little girls that they can grow up and be whatever and whoever they want to be. Ben Shapiro’s daughters have a daddy who tells them they can’t.

But Ben’s not the only manly-man full of testicular vigor upset. Barbie is apparently playing at the Cancun Paragon because Ted Cruz obviously saw it and now thinks the movie is Chinese propaganda saying it’s “trying to kiss up to the Chinese communist party.” Ted knows about kissing up because his lips have been firmly attached to the ass of the guy who accused his father of murder and called his wife ugly for years. Funny enough, Ted also has two daughters, both of whom he’s included in his own anti-Hillary Clinton propaganda. He got really upset when that was called out.

Ted thinks the Barbie is pro-China because there’s a map with China in the movie along with some dashes and somehow this means it’s pro-China or something. OK, he found hidden Chinese propaganda in Barbie but he can’t hear the dog whistles in the Jason Aldean song.

Matt Gaetz’s wife said the movie had “disappointingly low T for Ken,” which is ironic because the girls Matt usually sex traffics are still playing with Barbies. Mrs. Gaetz better get used to low T.

Fox News thingling Laura Ingraham, who was obviously riffing instead of reading from a prepared script, said of the movie, “They don’t want real men. I mean, they want pajama boys who sit around waiting for the government to send them a check, you know, as they get ready for their, you know, Pilates class in their, you know, leggings and wait for their next, you know, Door Dash order to come in. I mean, they don’t — real men are a threat to them.”

Crap. Door Dash makes me less of a real man? What about if I only use Uber Eats? And what’s wrong with pajamas, Pilates, and leggings? Laura thinks real men seig heil.

Raymond Arroyo, the Fox News contributor Laura was howling with, said, “Well, and this is insidious because feminists are taking over a doll they never really liked in the first place and using it as a Trojan horse to teach girls, ‘Daddy is really a dummy or a domineering idiot.'” Well, maybe just your little girls.

Ya’ know, I’m starting to think the real reason Barbie is doing so well in the theaters is because Republicans are lining up to see it so they’ll know what they can be outraged about. Fortunately, they don’t have a lot of theaters in those little small towns Jason Aldean sings about but is too good to live in.

The anti-cancel culture fuckers, spent the past week telling us not to cancel Jason Aldean while trying to cancel Barbie.

Creative note: Copying and pasting logos has become very popular lately among my colleagues for some reason (and not just Bob Gorrell anymore), but I assure you, the Barbie logo in this cartoon was DRAWN. It’s not a copy-and-past hack job and it wasn’t traced. It was drawn, and I left out the “R” in the first version which was a real PITA. I don’t BobGorrell or EdHall this shit.

Music note: I listened to Third Eye Blind.

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