Pardon me while I pat myself on the back here but this is the difference between me and right-wing MAGAt fucknut editorial cartoonists. In fact, it’s not just me but also the difference between many liberal cartoonists and the MAGAts. Liberal cartoonists research. MAGAts use the most simplistic talking point that’s handed to them. They don’t even come up with it themselves. Yes, dear readers. I’m about to bash my conservative Trump cult colleague again. Make a pot of coffee.

I’m not really that smart but at least I know it. I once booked a flight out of Dulles International Airport and tried to catch it out of Washington Reagan. When Silicon Savings Bank collapsed, I didn’t know why. That meant I had to read up on it, research, Google, and other shit like that. A few years ago I was in a debate with one of my troglodyte colleagues when he accused me of knowing something only because I looked it up. He had me there.

When it comes to history, politics, government, and useless rock-n-roll trivia (for ten points, who did “Going Down to Liverpool” before the Bangles? No cheating), I’m pretty solid but I still research if it’s something that will be included in my work. When it comes to finances, the economy, the stock market, or banking, I get confused easily. I really have to put the work into it. For a lot of cartoonists, they can take something complicated and just draw a car with a label, like “SVB,” and have it going over a cliff. It’s easier than trying to understand the situation. Not understanding the subject they’re covering is very common among shitweasel cartoonists. A great example is putting a label on a cloud of smoke without any specifics at all. The labeled smoke cloud trope is really popular with MAGA cartoonists. Really popular. Did I say it was popular?

What’s easier than understanding the issue is drawing an ATM with “woke” on it. Or, you can draw banks as a cat in a tree being rescued by the “feds,” ignoring that no taxpayer money is being used in the bailout. If you’re really lazy, just draw a cracked piggy bank. You can blame “woke” again instead of actually understanding the issue or blame “woke again when you don’t understand the issue. Or again if you’re a real dum-dum, claim the government is using taxpayer money to bail out a “woke” bank when it’s not true. Perhaps you can draw something on it that gives the impression your head is entirely up your ass. Sometimes, you don’t even have to try to understand the issue and just make a simplistic tired joke…or make another bank-robber joke. You can blame President Biden without telling us how it’s his fault. Or, you can be a total liar and ignore the fact that Trump and Republicans gutted Dodd/Frank and still blame Dodd/Frank.

Editorial cartoonists do simplify issues for readers. You don’t wanna go word heavy every day like I did here. There’s nothing wrong with simplifying the issue and breaking it down…but the cartoonist should try to understand what he’s talking about and maybe not lie about it. It’s what I tried to do a couple weeks ago (and while I was traveling). It has to be extremely easy to be a conservative cartoonist and not have the burden of using facts in your coverage.

But the conservative cartoonists who don’t know what they’re talking about have to get their talking points from somewhere, which brings us to the Republican Party. They don’t understand the issue either and they’re the ones who helped make SVB’s collapse possible. Screaming “woke” isn’t just easier than understanding the issue, but helps deflect blame. As a bonus, you get to go after your favorite boogeyman.

Silicon Valley Bank is an easy target as it’s in liberal California and it was popular with tech companies (which Republicans believe discriminate against them) and start-ups. Screaming “woke” gives the impression that all the tellers were drag queens and they only accepted currency with Harriet Tubman on it. But this is still a bank that supported and lobbied Republicans to deregulate Dodd/Frank in 2018. Facts are fun.

Donald Trump Jr tweeted that the bank’s collapse is “what happens when you push a leftist/woke ideology.” Do you think Cocaine Bear understands the logistics of the issue?

Senator Josh “Flash” Hawley tweeted, “So these SVB guys spend all their time funding woke garbage (‘climate change solutions’) rather than actual banking and now want a handout from taxpayers to save them.” This guy is the government so he should know that the government isn’t paying for the bailout. He’s either too stupid for his job or lying. I accept that both can be true.

House Oversight and Accountability Chairman James Comer (who wants to investigate the Manhattan DA and Hunter Biden but believes it’ll be “politically unstainable” to investigate Jared Kushner) that SVB was “one of the most woke banks in their quest for ESG-type policy,” which is environmental stuff.

The California bank had been “so concerned with DEI and politics” said Ron DeSantis, the governor of Florida on one of his many daily appearances on Fox News.

Stephen “Baby Goebbels” Miller, one of the architects of the build-the-wall scam tweeted the question: “how many hours & dollars were spent on equity/DEI/ESG/climate scams?”

In arguing that “woke” killed the bank, Republicans are saying corporations should get rid of diversity requirements and just hire white people. Wall Street Journal columnist Andy Kessler highlighted that the bank’s board was 45 percent women and also had one Black member, one “LGBTQ+” member, and two veterans. He wrote, “I’m not saying 12 white men would have avoided this mess, but the company may have been distracted by diversity demands.” One could also say that since the majority of the board was made up of white guys, then it was white guys who killed the bank. Kessler is literally blaming the minority.

The finance industry is not “woke” as 64 percent of executives in the financial services industry remain white men.

The thing about dum-dums dumbing down the reasons why SVB collapsed to other dum-dums is that it works. Now, MAGA morons will believe that any diversity is bad and if the system isn’t all white, drag queens will be teaching black history that’ll turn your kids gay while stealing your hard-earned white people money. The only solution to all this is to vote for Donald Trump, but if his being in prison bothers you, then vote for Ron DeSantis. Either way, we’re fucked.

Question: Does writing a lot of words in a cartoon make me woke?

Music note: I listened to Weezer and the new Pinocchio soundtrack. Really.

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