New and Improved Taliban

The Taliban is trying to reassure the world they won’t suppress and subjugate women like they did the last time they ruled Afghanistan.

A Taliban spokesman said, “If the international community is worried about these issues, we will tell them there will be nothing against women in our ruling.” He then added, “Our women are Muslims, they accept Islamic rules. If they continue to live according to Sharia, we will be happy, they will be happy.”

Ya’ see, that’s the problem. If you accept your suppression, you’ll be happy. Another spokesman said, “”We are guaranteeing all their rights within the limits of Islam.” Yes, Afghan women’s rights will be guaranteed within the way the Taliban views Islam. They even admit their rights will be “limited.” Oops. This is like the Republican Party defining the scope of reproductive rights.

Not only is there concern over how the Taliban defines Islam, but how they define education. They’re promising girls can go to school this time, but to be taught what? Can they learn math, science, civics, and language, or will it all be religious studies and home economics? Will there be classes on how to cook for your man and pick Taliban fleas out of his beard to make him happy?

The Taliban is trying to tell us they’re not the old Taliban that beat women for not wearing burqas and for not being accompanied by a male while outside their home. They’re telling us they’re not the same old Taliban that wouldn’t allow girls to attend a school or be employed. But just as recently as July 12 of this year, Taliban fighters beat a mother of four to death for not cooking for 15 of their fighters. When her children protested, they threw a grenade at them. I’ve wanted kids in the neighborhood to shut up before, but it never occurred to me to throw a grenade at them. OK, it did, but I still didn’t do it. I didn’t have a grenade.

The Taliban swept across the nation so fast, that many women didn’t have time to purchase a burqa in order to obey Taliban rules. As crazy as it seems, a lot of people don’t just have burqas lying around in case the Taliban seizes their government. Idiots. For many of these women, the burqa represents a sudden loss of their rights. Shortly after the Taliban took Kabul, a women’s beauty parlor removed large photos of women off their outside walls. And since every woman in the nation now has to wear a burqa, the prices of these unwanted but mandatory items increased tenfold. Some households don’t have enough burqas so the women have to share them. There are community burqas.

Now, the Taliban is promising to form an “Afghan inclusive Islamic government,” but nobody knows if that will include women or even a parliament. There are even women in today’s, or yesterday’s, parliament…but that parliament probably doesn’t exist anymore.

The Taliban has controlled parts of Afghanistan over the past two decades. During that time, religious scholars, government officials, journalists, human rights defenders, and women had become victims of targeted killings. The old Taliban would even beat men for not having beards.

The Taliban is trying to assure the women in their nation and the world they have changed, but I don’t believe them.

Side note: This cartoon has already got me banned on Facebook for three days. Yes, the appeal is in.

Update: The appeal failed. Funny thing though, several cartoonists did this idea after me and none of them were removed from Facebook. I’m special.

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