Taliban Trumps Trump


I told several people, copy editors, people who watch my videos, and the girlfriend, that I was taking today off. I’m way too far ahead with my cartoons. Visit my work on GoComics and you’ll see the cartons are at least seven days behind this website (but the comments there are great). But after telling Amanda, the girlfriend, that I had an idea I really wanted to draw, she told me that I had to do it or it’d bother me all day. I hadn’t even told her the idea yet. After it was roughed out and I showed it to her, the reaction was a gritted teeth grimace. That’s when I knew I had to finish it.

Ronald Reagan said the United States does not negotiate with terrorists. The truth is, yes we do. Reagan’s own administration made illegal deals with terrorists and their sponsors. His administration even provided arms to Iran which I’m sure were never used against Israel. Despite this, Republicans continue to worship at his altar and demand their candidates live up to Reagan’s ideals, or at least they used to.

Yesterday, Donald Trump tweeted that he was canceling planned peace talks at Camp David with the Taliban and the president of Afghanistan over a car bombing in Kabul that killed one American and 11 others. Trump was trying to give the impression he was standing tough and refusing to negotiate with terrorists who have refused to stop committing violence.

The truth is, the United States has been in a yearlong negotiation with the Taliban and was near an agreement that would see a beginning to U.S. troops being pulled out of Afghanistan, yet the terrorist organization has never promised to stop fighting during negotiations. Americans have been killed by the Taliban during these talks before the Kabul car bombing.

So, why the Trump cancelation? The truth is, the Taliban has been balking at how the deal would be finalized and announced. It didn’t seem that talks at Camp David were going to work out, so Trump was trying to get ahead. Also, it may not have played well hosting the Taliban on U.S. soil mere days before the anniversary of the September 11, 2001 attack by al Qaida. Remember, the Taliban was the government in charge that allowed al Qaida to operate on their soil and refused to give them up after their attack on the U.S.

Donald Trump, who loves photo ops that illustrate his supposed great negotiating skills would have been seen mugging for the camera with terrorists on 9/11.

Was it a negotiating strategy for Trump to cancel the talks and expose a secret through a tweet? Or, was it Trump being an idiot once again?

There does need to be a peace agreement with the Taliban. There is no need to accommodate them on U.S soil to do this. In fact, the Taliban wasn’t eager to come to the U.S. For some reason, they don’t trust Donald Trump.

Unfortunately, any deal made by Donald Trump will undoubtedly favor the Taliban.

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Putin Talking Points


Did you know the reason the Soviet Union invaded Afghanistan in 1979 was because of terrorism? Did you know the Soviet Union had the right to invade them? Did you know it led to the Soviet Union being called “Russia” today? Yeah, me neither.

First, a quick little history lesson.

Afghanistan was a puppet government of the Soviet Union. When an insurgency popped up, initially backed by Pakistan and Iran, the Soviet Union invaded to protect their puppet state. Their justification was the Brezhnev Doctrine, which was a policy they used to justify their “right” to intervene in the affairs of communist countries. This was a big deal during the Cold War and the Soviets had argued this policy when intervening in uprisings in Hungary and Czechoslovakia, retroactively. Russians are real big about revisionism, which we’ll get to in a minute.

Leonid Brezhnev was the head of the Soviet Union and he sent Soviet forces into his southern neighbor where they fought for ten years trying to protect communism. By the end of the war, the Soviets lost nearly 15,000 soldiers and their Afghan allies lost around 18,000. It’s estimated they had killed between 75,000 to 90,000 of the Mujahideen, the forces trying to restore Afghanistan back to an Islamist state.

Between 562,000 to two million civilians were killed with around three million wounded. There were about five million refugees and two million displaced.

The United States, along with the United Kingdom, Saudi Arabia, West Germany, Pakistan, and China, were aiding the Mujahideen (which included the likes of Osama bin Laden). Go rent Charlie Wilson’s War.

President Jimmy Carter’s administration opposed the Soviet invasion and even boycotted participating in the Moscow Olympics over it. President Ronald Reagan continued Carter’s policy of support against the Soviet Union. These were two presidents, Democratic and Republican who knew that the Russians were not our friend.

Earlier this week while engaging in an incoherent rant at a cabinet meeting, Donald Trump, the current president of the United States, said, “The reason Russia was in Afghanistan was because terrorists were going into Russia. They were right to be there. The problem is, it was a tough fight. And literally, they went bankrupt; they went into being called Russia again, as opposed to the Soviet Union. You know, a lot of these places you’re reading about now are no longer part of Russia because of Afghanistan.”

His rambling kinda reminded me of my college history professor, who was also insane. He once went on a rant about how great Montreal was until draft dodging American hippies went up there and pooped on the sidewalks. The subject we were on was not Vietnam or Canadian history. Fortunately, it wasn’t on the test.

I don’t know if my college professor was accurate at any part of his rant, or if he was off his meds like our president, but everything Donald Trump said was bullshit.

The war was not about terrorism, they did not have the right to be there, and Afghanistan is just one of many factors leading to the collapse of the Soviet Union. But where did Donald Trump get this idea about the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan? I was a kid and I remember all of this, so surely an old orange racist fart like Donald Trump would remember it. Right? Since there has never been any sort of revisionist campaign in this nation about the Soviet’s invasion, how could Trump come up with such a cockamamie description? Putin.

Russian President Vladimir Putin, who has much control over Trump, has initiated a propaganda campaign describing the war exactly as Donald Trump did. So, did Trump get this description from his master? Probably, but when? Did Putin feed it into his head during their private off-the-record chat in Helsinki? Probably.

Once again, Trump is doing Putin’s bidding. He’s advocating for Russian propaganda and even that nation’s pride. He’s arguing they had the right to invade their neighbor, undermining American policy and patriotism of Presidents Carter and Reagan.

The Wall Street Journal’s editorial page, a friend to Trump’s policies and owned by Rupert Murdoch, called Trump’s history lesson “reprehensible.”

They wrote, “We cannot recall a more absurd misstatement of history by an American President.”

I can’t recall a more absurd human to occupy the office of the American presidency. I also can’t recall one more stupid, racist, traitorous, despicable, stupid, sexists, and appeasing to Russia.

Did I mention “stupid” more than once? I’m fine with that.

Trump is Putin’s puppet, and he appeases him again and again. He’s defended Russia’s attack on our democracy and now he’s advocating for Putin’s propaganda. I think Trump’s comments is further justification for his impeachment. I hope Mueller is taking notes.

Trump and Putin are trying to rewrite history. I assure you, history won’t be kind to them. Instead of rewriting history, I’d rather see Trump become history.

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What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
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Trump Sees A Bomb


What a lot of people find funny depends on their confirmation bias. I often hear conservatives say Stephen Colbert, Samantha Bee, Jon Stewart, or Seth Myers aren’t funny at all. That’s because those comedians rarely ever say anything conservatives want to hear as there’s often truth in comedy. It must suck to be a Republican because they don’t have a sense of humor thus, there aren’t really any funny conservatives. Greg Gutfeld is a conservative who believes he is humorous and has billed himself in the past as a conservative Jon Stewart. You’ll never hear a liberal comedian say they’re the left-wing Dennis Miller or Greg Gutfeld.

So, conservatives were outraged by the performance of comedian Michelle Wolf at last weekend’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner, which Donald Trump skipped again. They were very upset at her jokes about Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who was in attendance. How dare Wolf attack a woman’s looks, even though Wolf really didn’t do that. Most conservatives misheard one joke and believe she said “fat” when in actuality, she said “fact.” The truth hurts their faux outrage.

These same conservatives have never expressed outrage about Trump’s insults on a woman’s appearance, which he has made before he was president and after he was elected. Sanders herself has defended Trump’s attacks on women by describing him as a counter-puncher.

I’m in the middle about Wolf’s performance. I don’t believe she did anything wrong. She’s a comedian. If the WHCD Association who booked her is upset, which they said they are, it’s their fault. Perhaps they should have vetted her better than Trump vetted Ronny Jackson (hey, maybe I should emcee next year).

But, I didn’t find Wolf funny at all. When I say she wasn’t funny, I don’t mean she offended me. I just didn’t laugh at any of it while not being bothered by at all. I agreed with her opinions. Her voice did annoy me on a Gilbert Gottfried level, and CNN kept replaying a part of her bit over and over and over, etc.

Here’s the thing, conservatives; Lighten up, stop being snowflakes or go find a safe space. Also, prioritize. Early Monday, a bomb which ISIS has taken credit for, killed 31 people, including ten journalists. Our president issued two tweets with the word “bomb,” but neither was about this terrorist attack. They were on Michelle Wolf. But then again, Trump has called journalists the “enemy of the American people,” so why would he have any concern or sympathy for those killed while trying to report information?

The president called the White House Correspondents’ Dinner a disaster. The biggest disaster is the Trump presidency. It’s also a pretty good joke.

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Plan For Afghanistan


I do not want little Barron Trump to have to fight in Afghanistan after he grows up. Fortunately, concern for his well-being will not be keeping me awake at night (if I slept at night…or ever) as he will not be fighting in Afghanistan. Not because that war will be over before he grows up, but because his last name is Trump.

Barron won’t even have to pretend he has bone spurs to avoid going to that war. He’ll go to the Wharton business school, graduate, and go shoot giraffes with his creepy dumb-ass older brothers.

During the 2012 presidential campaign, Mitt Romney was on stage with all five of his sons at a campaign event when he asked everyone in the room who had served in either Iraq or Afghanistan to raise their hands. Of course, none of the five Romney clones raised their hands. That’s because the Trump and Romney families of America don’t sacrifice for war. They inherit, acquire, and become educated in the way of becoming misers. The people who create and prolong wars rarely ever sacrifice for them.

Next year will be the first year that people who lived their entire lives with America at war in Afghanistan will be eligible to fight in Afghanistan. This war has gone on too long and Donald Trump has just promised to prolong it.

Donald Trump campaigned on ending the war in Afghanistan. He also talked about not letting our enemies know what we’re doing and keeping them confused. Last night, Trump gave a very confusing speech that reversed his position on Afghanistan and has confused every American. Nobody, including Donald Trump, has much of any idea what the hell Donald Trump is doing.

What’s the new plan? Are we sending 4,000 more troops to add to the 8,000 presently there? Is corruption going to end with the Afghanistan government? How will Pakistan increase their aid after Trump insulted them and talked about giving their rival and historic enemy, India a larger role in Afghanistan? Is our mission now dependent on America profiting off Afghanistan’s mineral wealth, which is mostly in Taliban-held areas? Will we be asking these same questions during the next presidential administration, which may begin any moment now?

Trump said he was going against his instincts with this policy, which sounds really good at first. Trump’s Twitter account is evidence of his first instincts. After ignoring his first instinct on “pulling out” regarding Don Jr. and Eric, I’m worried this one will fare about as well as those two fubars.

But, is prolonging a 16-year war a great idea? Can’t we just call Tom Selleck and get one of those reverse mortgages on Afghanistan and let it be Magnum P.I.’s problem? Trump spent several years criticizing Obama’s strategy on Afghanistan, and now he’s continuing the same policy, but with even more confusion.

After a war becomes a quagmire, most people you talk to will say they were always against it. Most people are lying. It’s hard to find anyone who claims they supported the Iraq war, despite every poll in 2003 giving it extremely high approval ratings. Back then, nearly everyone supported the war and had an American flag sticker on their car. Nationalism was all the rage. Donald Trump claims he opposed the Iraq war despite his being on record in favor of it. That was recorded on the Howard Stern show where he was in favor of invading Iraq and dressing rooms of teenage beauty pageant contestants.

I was in favor of our going to Afghanistan back in 2001 to take out al Qaida. We were just attacked and that’s where they attacked us from (and one of the many reasons I had against invading Iraq). It made sense to me to wipe out Osama bin Laden’s terror network. Now it just seems we have replaced al Qaida and bought a violent piece of real estate that consumes American lives. I’m not sure what our policy should be going forward, but I’m in favor of having one that is coherent and at least sounds reasonable. I’m not in favor of wagering American lives on Donald Trump gibberish.

Trump says we’re not “nation-building.” That is obvious as he’s gone about setting this one back a few decades. While running for president, Trump claimed he knew more than the generals. I think he knows less than Colonel Sanders. At least that guy had a secret recipe.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

A Real Mother


I am not cool with Donald Trump dropping bombs. I wouldn’t trust the guy with a cigarette lighter. Many people are partisan about this while others are not.

A Washington Post-ABC News poll conducted in 2013 found that only 37% of Democrats would support President Barack Obama bombing Syria. A new Post-ABC poll conducted this week found that 38% supported Trump’s missile strike on Syria. That’s not partisan at all. Democrats haven’t been in favor of bombing Syria now or then, no matter who is the president.

The same poll asked Republicans and guess what it found. It found those shit weasels are as partisan as New England Patriots fans. In 2013 only 22% of Republicans would have supported Obama bombing Syria. In 2017, 86% of shit weasels love that Trump bombed Syria.

That’s par for the course for Republicans. It’s OK if a Republican does it. Obama can’t play golf but Trump can. Obama can’t take a vacation but Trump can. Obama’s wife can’t display her arms but Trump’s wife can do a nude-lesbian-photo spread. Obama can’t serve chocolate cake to the president of China but Trump can. Republicans would be OK if Trump went all Bill Cosby (Dad is great. He served us chocolate cake) and served chocolate cake for breakfast. Though if you’re being served chocolate cake by Cosby and you have a nice rack, or have done a nude-lesbian-photo spread, you may not wanna eat that cake. And knowing Trump, since he said it was the “most beautiful piece of cake” ever, it probably wasn’t even cake. It was probably one of those apple pies from McDonald’s or a chocolate fudge pop-tart. That would be like taking a big gulp of Pepsi when you were expecting Coke and then your entire day is ruined.

Back to the subject: Republicans are totally partisan about who drops bombs and eats chocolate cake. I was never in favor of Obama bombing Syria, but I would be a hell of a lot more comfortable with him or Hillary Clinton bombing bad guys than I am with Trump doing it. I’m not being partisan with that. Let me explain.

It’s not about Democratic over Republican or liberal versus conservative. It’s a preference for educated people over dumbasses. Obama and Clinton read. They are informed. Trump on the other hand doesn’t read his daily briefings. The guy doesn’t read at all. He seems to believe politics and history started when he took the oath of office. He just now found out that healthcare is complicated and that the situation in Korea is trickier than he thought (which he probably discovered while eating chocolate cake with Xi Jinping). Korea has been a complicated mess since before Japan relinquished the peninsula after World War II. Trump discovered this after ten minutes of talking to President Xi. I would really prefer someone to be much more informed and up to speed on information like that before he becomes president. We are talking about a man who believes his son-in-law can solve the Middle East crisis (Psst. Mr. President. It’s complicated).

While talking to the press Trump seemed confused about whether or not he authorized the Mother Of All Bombs the military dropped on Afghanistan on Thursday. This is a 23,000 lb. bomb that has existed since 2003 and George W. Bush and Obama both refused to use. I believe Trump told his military to use whatever they felt was necessary and then found out about the drop on Fox News and then he gave himself a medal. I’m sure Bush and Obama were well informed on the bomb and Trump didn’t know it existed until it went boom boom.

Another reason I don’t want Trump dropping bombs: I’m not sure he knows who he’s bombing. Sure everyone gets a name wrong or mangles a statement. George W. Bush once said “they never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” Bush wasn’t actually thinking about destroying our country. He didn’t think at all. Destroying our country wasn’t ever his intention. It was a bonus of the Bush/Cheney administration.

Obama once said he had visited 57 states. I don’t believe that Obama actually thought there are 57 states. I also don’t believe The Beatles thought there were eight days in a week.

During an interview this week on Fox Business, while talking about chocolate cake, Trump described the 59 missiles headed toward Iraq. The interviewer replied “headed to Syria?” Trump looked back at her like he was surprised and repeated “Syria.” I don’t think Trump misspoke. It was like when you were in school and you didn’t study but you did open the book and you blurt out an answer and you’re surprised you were correct. Trump remembered more details about that damn cake than he about the mission he just ordered. I hope the generals ask multiple times which country Trump is wanting to bomb the next time he orders a strike.

I also don’t want anyone using bombs as a distraction from being under an FBI investigation for treason. Are these bombings going to be a weekly thing now? I really hope Trump doesn’t find out Canada gave us Nickelback or that North Koreans are whacking off to pictures of Melania. I’m just kidding. Trump probably loves Nickelback.

Again, I do not want Trump in charge of missiles, bombs, guns, our military, lighter fluid, plastic forks, pointy sticks, nothing. I don’t think it’s safe to let the guy play with Legos as he might swallow one. Just no.

I don’t think it’s a hyperbole to be worried that we’re not going to get through the Trump administration without using a nuclear weapon. There will not be enough chocolate cake to get me through that.

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Obama’s Afghanistan


On Thursday Obama officially gave up ending the war in Afghanistan. It was something he vowed to do before he was elected. This has to be a huge disappointment for the president.

Despite killing Osama bin Laden and other terrorists, mostly through the controversial drone program, most people (not just Republicans) give the president low marks in foreign policy. I think the president realized people are going to remember Iraq and Afghanistan more than his other foreign policy endeavors.

The bad part is Iraq and Afghanistan were inherited from the previous administration. Hopefully it won’t be leftover again after the next. I also hope the candidates vying for the job will start talking about Afghanistan.

I know it’s a bold prediction drawing the future administration here. But I believe that if Malia becomes president she’ll have the same color drapes in the Oval Office as her father.

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Ben Wambo Carson


Ben Carson says he wouldn’t have cooperated with a shooter and would have attacked him instead. That’s some very tough talk for someone who’s not in a violent situation. Maybe he plays too many video games.

When you say something like that you’re insulting the victims. Why didn’t you do something? Why didn’t you man up? I’m better than you.

Carson also says the shooter can only shoot one at a time. I think that’s a statement even gun lovers will back away from. Wambo, the shooter wasn’t using a sling shot.

Ben Carson is a surgeon. He has read books. I think he may be the smartest dumb person in existence.

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