Trumping Nixon

These are the last days of the Trump era, unless you’re a Qanon cultist, then you think it’s the beginning of the second Trump administration and we’re all going to be surprised on December 8th, then December 14th, then January 6th, and now on January 20th. You’ll see. That final ace up Trump’s sleeve hasn’t been used yet. He is a stable genius, don’t you know?

Back in reality, these are the last days of the Trump administration and according to White House sources, Donald is grouchy. It’s like a baby that’s really tired but is fighting falling asleep, so it works to make everyone in its atmosphere just as miserable as it is? That’s something else Donald Trump has in common with babies. They’re terrorists and they will destroy you. Fortunately, babies usually grow out of it. Trump on the other hand…not so much.

But, whatever you do, don’t say Donald Trump has anything in common with Richard Nixon. Those comparisons are unfair in that Nixon wasn’t an idiot and his administration has a strong list of accomplishments, which should also remind Republicans who argue and lie about all the great things Trump has done, so let’s not punish him. It doesn’t matter if a president has done great things when you judge him for breaking the law.

One comparison that keeps coming up is the suggestion that Donald resign and hand the reins over to Vice-President (sic) Mike Pence for the last few days. Reportedly, Trump doesn’t believe Pence will do for him what Gerald Ford did for Nixon. In case you’re a Republican, Ford was Nixon’s vice-president and after Nixon resigned, Ford pardoned Nixon.

And why wouldn’t Mike Pence pardon Donald Trump after Trump sent an angry mob chanting “Hang Mike Pence” to the capitol building where Pence was at the time. Pence is a Christian-type dude. He can forgive and forget, right? He can forget that Trump told the mob to be unhappy with him. He can forget that Trump tweeted bad things about him, further riling up the mob. He can forget that the mob looking to hang him also brought a noose. He can forget that during the riot, instead of calling to check on him, Trump called conspiratorial senators to further discuss how to steal the election. He can forget that instead of checking on him, Trump made a video telling the terrorists that they’re “patriots” and he “loved them.” For the past four years, Pence has been giving all his Mikey love to Trump and now, Trump has used Pence for all he could get out of him and forgotten his name as if he was a Moscow hooker.

Also, if Trump resigns it’ll fuck up all the ’46’ merchandise people have bought from the Joe Biden-Kamala Harris website.

Now, instead of presidenting, Trump is wallowing in self pity, dreading the future without presidential helicopters, pageantry, and with loan sharks banging on his doors at Mar-a-Lago where the address is 1100 S Ocean Blvd, Palm Beach, FL 33480.

But Trump is a busy guy in his last few days and he doesn’t need the distraction of being compared to Richard Nixon who was not impeached even once, less enough twice and who had won both of his elections, winning the popular vote each time. Donald is busy not paying Rudy Giuliani’s legal fees, thinking about which goons to pardon, including himself, and stealing everything he can out of the White House. What? The Resolute Desk? I brought that with me.

Biden’s going to walk into the White House and the only thing left will be Hillary Clinton’s portrait.

Donald also is hankering to have a large crowd at either his send-off from Washington or at Mar-a-Lago to greet him. It’ll be his last presidential flight and, you’re gonna love this, he had to get permission to use it from Joe Biden. That couldn’t have helped his mood any. And seeing all the Biden/Harris signs outside the White House window for Wednesday’s inauguration probably hasn’t put a pep in his step either.

And, since he won’t be at the inauguration, there will be two nuclear footballs on Wednesday. The device to enter the codes weighs over 40 pounds and is carted everywhere the president goes. One will fly with Trump to Florida. The president keeps a card with the code on him at all times. Trump’s code won’t work after noon this Wednesday, but it will still be covered in McDonald’s secret sauce. Let’s hope he doesn’t try it to see if it still works. Actually, I hope his code has always been a ruse throughout his four years.

Now, Trump gets to spend his remaining days like Nixon. Living on a beach, planning a presidential library nobody will want to go to, lying about his legacy, and trying to figure out just what is in that McDonald’s secret sauce. But the comparisons aren’t really fair.

Sure, both guys were racist. Sure, both guys were corrupt. But Nixon never sent angry mobs of white nationalists wearing “Camp Auschwitz” T-shirts to Capitol Hill with pipe bombs, zip ties, Molotov cocktails to kill his vice-president and the Speaker of the House while waving Confederate flags and pooping in the hallways. Also, Nixon never openly talked about banging his daughter.

That’s why Nixon’s in Heaven in this cartoon. Yeah, I know I’m going to hear a lot about that. But I figure I’ll end the comparisons there between Richard Nixon and Donald Trump, because Donald Trump is not going to Heaven.

And hopefully, his remaining days here on Earth will be a living Hell.

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