Moo Trouble For Devin


Congressman and ranking member of the Intelligence Committee Devin Nunes is suing CNN. If you’re on Devin’s side, you should hope this lawsuit goes better than his cow lawsuit.

Devin Nunes sued a cow. Actually, he sued a fictional cow over a satirical Twitter account named “Devin Nunes’ Cow.” He’s also sued Twitter over an account titled “Devin Nunes’ Mom.” In a filing, one defendant’s attorney wrote, “No reasonable person would believe that Devin Nunes’ cow actually has a Twitter account, or that the hyperbole, satire and cow-related jokes it posts are serious facts. It is self-evident that cows are domesticated livestock animals and do not have the intelligence, language, or opposable digits needed to operate a Twitter account. Defendant ‘Devin Nunes’ Mom’ likewise posts satirical patronizing, nagging, mothering comments which ostensibly treat Mr. Nunes as a misbehaving child.” Nunes believes the “defamation” brought by the cow is worth $250 million. He’s upset the accounts have accused him of being friends with Russians and racists. Well, he is a Republican.

Nunes likes to sue.

Last April, Nunes sued the Fresno Bee and its parent company, McClatchy, for $150 million over a 2018 story that reported he was an investor in a winery being sued for civil rights violations. The Bee reported on a charity auction conducted aboard a yacht owned by the winery and that featured cocaine and prostitutes. Now that’s a party. Nunes wasn’t at the event but believes reporting the fact he’s an investor implies he’s involved with cocaine and underage prostitutes.

If I defend Nunes by arguing he only associates with prostitutes who are of age, will Republicans be able to tell it’s satire?

In another lawsuit filed by someone you would believe has to be on crack, he filed a $9.9 million suit against Fusion GPS, who commissioned the infamous “Steele dossier,” and a liberal watchdog group, Campaign for Accountability, accusing them of racketeering and attempting to interfere with the Trump-Russia investigation. I’m not sure why he’s the aggrieved party here. But seriously, can the guy be impartial as ranking member of a committee investigating Trump if he’s filing lawsuits on his behalf?

Also in September, Nunes sued a journalist and Esquire for S$77.5 million for a story alleging that Nunes’ parents had quietly moved their farm from California to Iowa and were employing undocumented immigrants.

In a lawsuit he’s since dropped, he went after four of his constituents for accusing him of being a fake farmer. Maybe, CNN can sue him for accusing them of being “fake news.”

Yes, that description is in his filing against CNN. Nunes says CNN aired a “demonstrably false hit piece” when it reported that Nunes traveled to Vienna and met with Ukrainian former prosecutor-general Victor Shokin to discuss digging up dirt on Joe Biden, which is an accusation made by Lev Parnas, a now-indicted business associate of Rudy Giuliani. In the suit, the complaint says, “CNN is the mother of fake news.” Again, can Nunes be a bipartisan juror on a case involving Trump if he’s co-opting his terms, such as “fake news?”

Nunes’ complaint calls Parnas an “indicted criminal” and says it’s “obvious to everyone, including disgraceful CNN, that Parnas was a fraudster and a hustler.”

Parnas is an indicted criminal and a hustler which probably explains why Nunes has had at least FOUR different conversations with the guy. What?

Yesterday, the House Intelligence Committee released call logs that revealed Nunes had multiple conversations with Parnas and Giuliani. Nunes could have explained the calls to Giuliani as butt dials but tried to sell the idea the calls to Parnas never really happened. He told Sean Hannity, “Why would CNN rely on somebody like this? I will go back and check my records, but it seems very unlikely I will be taking calls from random people.”

Except, they are on the record. They’re not relying on Parnas. They’re relying on the call log which shows Nunes spoke to Parnas, or at least to his phone for nearly nine minutes. Why would you talk to someone for nine minutes that’s unreliable?

Maybe he thought he was dialing a cow…except cows don’t have opposable digits needed to operate a phone.

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  1. Listening to today’s Impeachment Hearing, and thinking back to the previous ones, then in light of the Republican Speeches and Visual Aids, I have come up with a Modest Proposal:

    Going forward, in ALL Future Public Hearings, in addition to all Witnesses Swearing an Oath to “Tell The Truth, The Whole Truth, And Nothing But The Truth”, EVERY Committee Member MUST ALSO Swear the same Oath, Under Penalty Of Perjury.

    This will not “Infringe on their Right of Free Speech”, they will merely need to be careful to preface their LIES with the phrase: ”In My (Humble) Opinion”. (The “Humble” is optional.)

    If Articles Of Impeachment are submitted to the Senate, the Oath should be Sworn by ALL Senators and the CJOTSCOTUS, every day, for the duration of the Impeachment Trial.


    1. Oh hell, on second thought, I think that the Oath should be administered to EVERY Senator and Representative (including the VPOTUS in the Senate) EVERY DAY before ANY Senate or House business is conducted.


      1. Ya know what?

        Wouldn’t it be great if The Oath was administered, every day, to every “Public Figure” who speaks and/or writes on TV, Cable, Radio, Print Media, Internet, etc.

        We can’t force people to Swear The Oath, but anyone who declines should make the following statement before, after, and several times during each production:
        “I have declined to Swear The Oath. Please remember that as you process my words.”

        Liked by 1 person

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