Devin Nunes Cow

Moo Trouble For Devin


cjones12062019

Congressman and ranking member of the Intelligence Committee Devin Nunes is suing CNN. If you’re on Devin’s side, you should hope this lawsuit goes better than his cow lawsuit.

Devin Nunes sued a cow. Actually, he sued a fictional cow over a satirical Twitter account named “Devin Nunes’ Cow.” He’s also sued Twitter over an account titled “Devin Nunes’ Mom.” In a filing, one defendant’s attorney wrote, “No reasonable person would believe that Devin Nunes’ cow actually has a Twitter account, or that the hyperbole, satire and cow-related jokes it posts are serious facts. It is self-evident that cows are domesticated livestock animals and do not have the intelligence, language, or opposable digits needed to operate a Twitter account. Defendant ‘Devin Nunes’ Mom’ likewise posts satirical patronizing, nagging, mothering comments which ostensibly treat Mr. Nunes as a misbehaving child.” Nunes believes the “defamation” brought by the cow is worth $250 million. He’s upset the accounts have accused him of being friends with Russians and racists. Well, he is a Republican.

Nunes likes to sue.

Last April, Nunes sued the Fresno Bee and its parent company, McClatchy, for $150 million over a 2018 story that reported he was an investor in a winery being sued for civil rights violations. The Bee reported on a charity auction conducted aboard a yacht owned by the winery and that featured cocaine and prostitutes. Now that’s a party. Nunes wasn’t at the event but believes reporting the fact he’s an investor implies he’s involved with cocaine and underage prostitutes.

If I defend Nunes by arguing he only associates with prostitutes who are of age, will Republicans be able to tell it’s satire?

In another lawsuit filed by someone you would believe has to be on crack, he filed a $9.9 million suit against Fusion GPS, who commissioned the infamous “Steele dossier,” and a liberal watchdog group, Campaign for Accountability, accusing them of racketeering and attempting to interfere with the Trump-Russia investigation. I’m not sure why he’s the aggrieved party here. But seriously, can the guy be impartial as ranking member of a committee investigating Trump if he’s filing lawsuits on his behalf?

Also in September, Nunes sued a journalist and Esquire for S$77.5 million for a story alleging that Nunes’ parents had quietly moved their farm from California to Iowa and were employing undocumented immigrants.

In a lawsuit he’s since dropped, he went after four of his constituents for accusing him of being a fake farmer. Maybe, CNN can sue him for accusing them of being “fake news.”

Yes, that description is in his filing against CNN. Nunes says CNN aired a “demonstrably false hit piece” when it reported that Nunes traveled to Vienna and met with Ukrainian former prosecutor-general Victor Shokin to discuss digging up dirt on Joe Biden, which is an accusation made by Lev Parnas, a now-indicted business associate of Rudy Giuliani. In the suit, the complaint says, “CNN is the mother of fake news.” Again, can Nunes be a bipartisan juror on a case involving Trump if he’s co-opting his terms, such as “fake news?”

Nunes’ complaint calls Parnas an “indicted criminal” and says it’s “obvious to everyone, including disgraceful CNN, that Parnas was a fraudster and a hustler.”

Parnas is an indicted criminal and a hustler which probably explains why Nunes has had at least FOUR different conversations with the guy. What?

Yesterday, the House Intelligence Committee released call logs that revealed Nunes had multiple conversations with Parnas and Giuliani. Nunes could have explained the calls to Giuliani as butt dials but tried to sell the idea the calls to Parnas never really happened. He told Sean Hannity, “Why would CNN rely on somebody like this? I will go back and check my records, but it seems very unlikely I will be taking calls from random people.”

Except, they are on the record. They’re not relying on Parnas. They’re relying on the call log which shows Nunes spoke to Parnas, or at least to his phone for nearly nine minutes. Why would you talk to someone for nine minutes that’s unreliable?

Maybe he thought he was dialing a cow…except cows don’t have opposable digits needed to operate a phone.

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Devin Has A Cow Over Corruption


cjones11282019

Devin Nunes, the top-ranking Republican on the Intelligence Committee (which held impeachment hearings over the past two weeks), says reports he met with a former Ukrainian prosecutor a criminal campaign against him by a “totally corrupt” news media.

Nunes was chairman of the Intelligence Committee during the first two years of the Trump administration where he did all he could to stifle and obstruct the committee’s investigation into Russian meddling. During the present impeachment inquiry, he’s used his time to argue that all Trump wanted to do by withholding money from Ukraine was to get to the bottom of Joe Biden’s corruption. But I’m starting to think a guy who believes reporting the news is corrupt probably isn’t a guy qualified to decide who is and isn’t corrupt.

Lev Parnas, who was recently indicted and worked on the Ukraine pressure campaign with Rudy Giuliani, said through his lawyer that he learned of a meeting in Vienna (in case you’re a Republican, that’s in Austria…NOT Australia) in 2018 between Nunes and Viktor Shokin, the former Ukrainian prosecutor general who has emerged as a key figure in Republican attacks on Mr. Biden and his son Hunter Biden. Parnas says he learned of the meeting from Shokin.

Shokin was a corrupt prosecutor and he claims (falsely) that he was fired because he was investigating a company where Joe Biden’s son was a director, and has participated in Giuliani’s public smear campaign against former U.S. ambassador to Ukraine, Marie Yovanovitch. Trump, Giuliani, and other Republicans have attempted to make the corrupt prosecutor the victim in the story. Keep in mind, these are the same people defending Russian spies who attacked America.

Parnas also claims he met with one of Nunes’ aides at Trump’s Washington Hotel, which is not the best hotel in Washington but the favorite location to engage in shady dealings with goons and henchmen.

The best answer Nunes could give when asked if it was true was, “Everybody’s going to know all the facts, but I think you can understand, I can’t compete by trying to debate this out with the public media when 90 percent of the media are totally corrupt.” He’s promising to sue CNN and The Daily Beast for reporting Parnas’ claim. If Devin’s cow claims he was too hard on her udders and the press reported it, even then, he wouldn’t have a lawsuit.

In case you’re a Republican, let me point out the irony in this situation if it’s all true: Donald Trump has been accused of asking a foreign nation to help his re-election campaign. He’s been accused of using extortion to gain that help. Devin is on the committee investigating it after he’s asked foreigners to help with Donald Trump’s re-election campaign.

The problem in Washington is the swamp. We’re asking corrupt people to investigate other corrupt people. Naturally, the corrupt people believe the other corrupt people are innocent.

If this is true, it’s not surprising. During the 2018 midterm campaign, Devin was secretly recorded telling supporters the GOP needed to preserve their majority because they were the only ones who could protect Trump (knowing he’s corrupt). While he was chairman of the committee, he rushed information to the White House (they already had) that the committee was investigating, which was basically giving them a heads up. He recused himself from the Russia investigation after being accused of leaking material to the media and the White House. He pushed out the memo condemning the FBI (without specifying any laws broken) for conducting surveillance on suspected spies. He’s been a champion of debunked conspiracy theories clearing Russia of meddling and helping Trump.

Really? Devin Nunes did something corrupt? Shocking.

At this time, Nunes needs to remove himself from the committee. If this is true, he failed to report his actions. If this is true, he’s just as guilty as Trump. Being that he served on the 2016 Trump campaign, he shouldn’t be on the committee in the first place.

Nunes’ constituents and all Americans would be better served if his congressional seat and spot on the Intelligence Committee were occupied by Devin’s cow.

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You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From The Trumpster Fire

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Devin Has A Cow


cjones03242019

In 1983, Hustler Magazine published a parody mimicking a Campari advertising campaign that conducted interviews with celebrities about “their first time,” a double-entendre about their first time drinking the alcohol. In the parody, the subject was the famous televangelist Jerry Falwell who misunderstood the “first-time” question and said his first time was with his mother in an outhouse. At the bottom of the ad was fine print which said, “ad parody—not to be taken seriously,” which was for readers who took Hustler seriously. Jerry Falwell took it seriously.

Falwell sued the owner of Hustler, Larry Flynt. Falwell won in a U.S. district court in Virginia, and then he won an appeal by Flynt. On the claim of intentional infliction of emotional distress, the jury ruled in favor of Falwell and awarded him $150,000 in damages. Flynt didn’t take it lying down and took it all the way to the Supreme Court where he won a unanimous decision by all eight judges (there was a vacancy at the time), even the freaky conservative ones like William Rehnquist and Antonin Scalia.

They ruled that the First and Fourteenth Amendments to the Constitution prohibit public figures from recovering damages from emotional distress caused by a caricature, parody, or satire. Larry Flynt, a porn publisher, spent millions protecting our freedom of speech. Every editorial cartoonist in this nation owes Flynt a big thank you, which I gave in person several years ago.

So, if Flynt can get away with saying Jerry Falwell had drunken outhouse sex with his mom then a parody Twitter account can impersonate Congressman Devin Nunes’ mom and his cow. Right? Yes, they can, but Nunes doesn’t think so and has filed a $250 million lawsuit against Twitter, his fake mom, and the imaginary cow. Seriously.

Maybe Nunes believes he has a case if the cow’s followers believe it’s an actual tweeting cow. Only if they’re Republicans. Does the cow need a disclaimer that it’s not actual Devin Nunes’ cow?

Nunes, like Donald Trump, has very thin skin. These guys who consider themselves “Constitutionalists” want to destroy First Amendment protections. Trump wants the FCC to regulate humor so it’s not one-sided and Nunes wants laws preventing people from making fun of him. Trump and Nunes are also arguing that social media platforms, like Twitter and Facebook are restricting conservatives’ accounts on their platforms. They’re really worried it’ll hamper Russian trolls in 2020.

To argue about these platforms that don’t allow diversity of viewpoints, he went on Fox News and talked to Sean Hannity. Seriously.

The person you need to help sell that saying untrue stuff should be illegal is…Sean Hannity? Seriously?

In the lawsuit, Nunes argues that being called a “presidential fluffer” and “swamp rat” (seriously) interfere with his important investigation of “corruption by the Clinton campaign and alleged Russian involvement in the 2016 Presidential Election.” He also argues that people on Twitter making fun of him were trying to influence the outcome of the 2018 Congressional election. Seriously.

I’m going to make a public statement now and I want to be clear. The cartoon above was drawn with malice with the intention of defaming and injuring Devin Nunes’ name and reputation. I would say “good name,” but Nunes doesn’t have one…like his face. I really want Nunes to feel bad about this.

Here’s the thing, Devin (may I call you “Devin” or do you prefer “Mr. Fluffer?”)…I’m not afraid of Donald Trump. I’m not afraid of his supporters. After three years of them threatening and trying to intimidate me on SOCIAL MEDIA LIKE TWITTER, I’m still not afraid of them. Granted, none of them has started a cow Twitter account against me, but if they had, I think I could handle it. My point is if I’m not afraid of the president of the United States, who has hired fixers in the past to bully people and has the largest bully pulpit in the world in which to bully, then I’m not ever going to be afraid of a whiny, little, thin-skinned, presidential fluffer, treasonous pissant like you or any lawyers stupid enough to help you sue without understanding how the First Amendment works.

I don’t know your mom, and I’m sure she’s a nice person, but she should be more ashamed of you than of the account parodying her. And if you did actually own a cow, it would have jumped a fence by now to avoid being associated with you. The only cow dumb enough to be seen with you in public is orange with a bad combover.

Save yourself the trouble of suing me, Congressman and I’ll just go ahead and write you a check for a pair of big boy pants. Try not to shit in them next time someone calls you “fluffer.”

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What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
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