Unhappy Endings


cjones03012019

Friday was a busy day for sex crimes.

A federal judge ruled that Labor Secretary Alexander Acosta and other federal prosecutors acted illegally in making a plea deal with accused child sexual abuser and billionaire Jeffrey Epstein before speaking with his victims.

Then-U.S. Attorney Acosta failed to charge Epstein under federal trafficking laws, which could have put Epstein away for life. Instead, he pleaded guilty to far lesser prostitution-related charges and served only 13 months in a private wing of a county jail but was able to leave 6 days a week for 12 hours at a time. Donald Trump responded, “That seems like a long time ago.”

In Chicago, where the police have been busy, singer R. Kelly turned himself in after being indicted on four sexual abuse charges, three of those involving minors.

In Florida, the owner of Super Bowl champions, the New England Patriots, Robert Kraft, was charged with solicitation of prostitution in Jupiter, Florida. His arrest was connected to an investigation of several massage parlors in Florida suspected of involvement in human trafficking. Insert your deflated balls jokes now.

A spokesman for Kraft said, “We categorically deny that Mr. Kraft engaged in any illegal activity,” despite police saying he was videotaped on two separate occasions engaging in a sex act with an employee at Orchids of Asia Day Spa in Jupiter. Trump said it was very sad but wanted to point out that Kraft has denied it.

Trump complains publicly when championship teams refuse to visit the White House and eat his hamberders, but he may encourage Kraft to stay home. Trump would rather be seen with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un than the owner of the NFL champions.

In a case where nobody was abusing women (except for the company who made the shoe), Nike’s stock dropped after one of their shoes exploded live on primetime television while being worn by Duke’s Zion Williamson, injuring his knee.

This is going to be a very bad weekend for anyone wearing Nikes with a Tom Brady jersey while singing “I believe I can fly.”

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9 comments

    1. I’ve been employed by newspapers before. Unfortunately, they’re not in the habit of hiring cartoonists anymore. You won’t ever have to miss my work, no matter where it’s published. This site isn’t ever going away, no matter if continue working for myself or join another news outlet.

      Liked by 3 people

  1. TRUE STORIES: When we drove south thru Florida exactly four years ago, I was amazed at all the ‘erotic’ this and that signs I saw on Highway 19 (along the Gulf Coast). Coming from Wisconsin, I couldn’t believe how many ‘gentlemen’s clubs’ and ‘massage parlors’ there were. In fact, when we passed a sign stating ‘EXOTIC CARS’, I read it as ‘EROTIC CARS’.

    We ate breakfast every day at a family restaurant (also on Highway 19), next door to a ‘massage parlor’. In my innocence, I mentioned to the waitress that I never saw anyone go in or out of the ‘massage parlor’ next door. I received a knowing look and a bit of laughter at my expense and she said, ‘The customers all use the door from the parking lot in the back.’ Ooooh, then I ‘got it’.

    We soon moved to the other side of Lake Tarpon, whose highway has NO ‘massage parlors’ or ‘vape shops’.

    The story about Mr. Kraft didn’t surprise me at all; in fact, what surprised me was that it is a story at all.

    Liked by 6 people

      1. What made me cringe was that on Saturday and Sunday mornings, the restaurant was so busy that there’d be people waiting outside – right in front of the “massage parlor”; I’m assuming the window glass was ‘soundproofed’ . . . little did these folks know what was, most likely, going on just inches away on the other side of the glass. Kinda made me laff . . .

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Aaaaaaaand in today’s (Sunday, 2/24) news . . . https://patch.com/florida/newportrichey/code-changes-aimed-cracking-down-illegal-massage-parlors

    (I guess the legality of ‘massage parlors’ is judged by how much $$ is offered for payoff, so to speak.)

    BTW, NPR is two townships north of me (other side of Tarpon Springs); when I was told the police were conducting an ‘undercover operation’ several years ago, I said, ‘Yeah, I’ll bet it’s UNDERCOVER, alright.’

    Frankly, I have no issue with prostitution as such, but there appears to be so much coercion (holding the girls captive by the owners, using underage girls, among other issues), that I wish it would just be legalized, controlled (health checks, for instance) and taxed & licensed. Law enforcement could be better used for other issues.

    Liked by 1 person

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