As Donald Trump spoke yesterday announcing a change in U.S. policy recognizing Jerusalem as the capital of Israel and that our embassy will move to that city, the world expressed outrage. Why would Trump enact a policy no president before him has been dumb enough to make? Why would he make a decision that every single world leader, other than the nitwit instigator leading Israel, knows is a horrible idea? Why would he remove us from the peace process? Why would he confirm Muslim belief that the United States favors Israel over the Palestinians? Why would he increase Muslim and Arab animosity toward America? Why enact a policy that will only initiate riots and kill people? Why….why…why….why is he slurring?
Seriously? What did we witness yesterday? Trump started the speech enunciating S’s and was able to say “the.” Near the end of his speech came the slurred “United Shtates.”
Did Mike Pence hit him with a blow dart shortly beforehand? That would explain why he stands behind Trump obediently like his dog with the satisfied expression of finally achieving a successful bowel movement. Maybe God’s divine plan for Mike Pence that required selling his soul to the Devil is finally going to play out.
Or, Trump is drunk. Trump swears he doesn’t drink and the only alcohol he’s ever consumed in his life is the wine he had with his “little cracker” the two times he’s been inside a church. I’d like to believe him. But, Trump has told us repeatedly he doesn’t drink. Trump has a pattern. Every time he repeats something again and again, it turns out to be the farthest thing from reality. You know, like nobody respects women more than he does, or he’s going to hire the best people, or he knows more than the generals.
The White House says he was suffering from dry mouth. The last time he was attacked with dry mouth he reached for a bottle of water that required using both of his tiny hands. He didn’t do that this time.
I’d like to believe he’s not drunk. However, he’s presidenting like he’s inside a liquor cabinet doing lines off the lower back of a Russian hooker. It would explain his racist rants and defense of Nazis like a drunk uncle. It makes the hypocrisy of attacking Al Franken while endorsing an Alabama pedophile understandable. It would explain why he can’t remember all the women who have accused him of sexual harassment. He is paranoid and believes Obama wiretapped Trump Tower. He would have to be drunker than Keith Richards to claim it’s not him on the Access Hollywood tape. He is “winning” like Charlie Sheen. You would have to be drunk to believe your 30-year-old son-in-law will negotiate Middle East peace.
If he’s not drunk then there are only two other explanations. The first is, he’s a billionaire with twelve dollar dentures.
The other explanation is, he’s an idiot. Yeah, he’s probably not drunk.
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