Cracker Justice


I miss the days of yonder when we had a Justice Department that would actually pursue justice, and not act like the legal team for cops who shoot black people and white people who have pretend grievances.

After George W. Bush was reelected in 2004, many Republicans believed that would be the last election they could win without support from minorities. In order to win in the future, they would have to expand their base beyond angry white people. Donald Trump came along and proved everyone, including myself, wrong. You can win a national election without much support from minorities, as long as you can get a select group of Castro-hating Cubans in Miami to vote for you, and you make the rest of your campaign really, really, really, really, racist. We’re talking about white nationalist xenophobic shit. You want to appeal to the angry dumb white people who can’t spell “xenophobic.”

And now it’s paying off. The Trump administration is preparing to redirect resources of the Justice Department’s civil rights division toward investigating and suing universities over affirmative action admissions policies deemed to discriminate against white applicants, according to a document obtained by The New York Times.

The announcement suggests that the project will be run out of the division’s front office, where the Trump administration’s political appointees (hacks) work, rather than its Educational Opportunities Section, which is run by career civil servants (rational people who know stuff) and normally handles work involving schools and universities.

Trump ran a campaign on building walls, keeping out brown people, screaming at judges of Mexican-descent, spying on mosques, calling Mexicans “rapists” and “murderers,” and occasionally, encouraging his supporters to beat up black people at his rallies. They had such a good time that today, they’re still doing it. They’re still holding hate rallies even though the next election isn’t for another three years. It’s a real hootenanny (that’s white slang for “fun”).

Despite controlling every important institution in America, economic, political, social, entertainment, etc, a lot of white people feel they’re discriminated against. Thankfully for them, since they do control every system in this nation, they can do something about it. For instance, they put a Southern racist from Alabama in charge of the Justice Department.

Normally, for white people and conservative media to sell this idea that they’re disenfranchised, they have to make shit up. Reagan had to tell the fictional story of the black welfare queen in Chicago. Breitbart will tell you immigrants in this nation illegally, who can’t speak English are voting and receiving food stamps. Trump tells you three million “illegals” voted. Fox News gives the impression that Black Lives Matter is not an organization wishing police would treat black people the same way they treat white people, but a terrorist organization plotting to kill Whitey. Obamaphones are free phones given to black people, even though the program that provides phone service to low-income Americans has existed for decades before the Obama presidency. But, conservatives are good at making shit up.

For example, Trump tells his base he’s going to build a wall on our border with Mexico and Mexico will pay for it. In reality, Trump tells the Mexican president that it’s not an important issue, but he needs the lie to persist to satisfy his base of stupid people. And, they are stupid. Despite Trump being exposed as a liar they still attended his rally in West Virginia to scream about Hillary Clinton and “fake news.”

Trump also knows his new legal immigration policy that will give preference to rich, white immigrants who speak English, will never be enacted. He just needed to get the most racist member of his administration to pitch the policy to the media. If he was actually serious about this policy becoming law he would have had someone present it who did not look like a cross-burning Voldemort.

A lot of white people believe that “cracker” is a racial slur. It’s not, and there aren’t really any good racial slurs aimed at white people. Racism is a social institution that white people have run in this nation. White people were the oppressors, not the oppressed. We discriminated. We enslaved. White people did the lynching. Seriously.

A 2015 report by the Equal Justice Initiative says there were 3,959 African-Americans lynched in a dozen Southern states between 1877 and 1950. So, shut up, white people. We kinda lost any right to be offended by a slur aimed at our race. Seriously, if someone called me a “honky” in an argument, I’d probably laugh so hard that I’d forget what we were arguing about.

According to, I’m 99% white. That’s really white. That gives me the clearance to tell my people we did a lot of bad shit. I also believe more white people should be honest about the history of race in this nation, and where it stands today. Hopefully, I’m one of them. I’m also cursed in that I’m a liberal, and we don’t make shit up. We kinda have to use facts and knowledge. Yeah, it sucks. They can scream about welfare queens, Acorn, and illegal voters and I have to actually read stuff.

I’ve been accused of having “white-liberal guilt.” It’s a fair accusation because I am guilty of being the beneficiary of white privilege my entire life. It hasn’t made me rich, but it’s also prevented me from being beaten up by 17 cops for having an expired inspection sticker. So yeah, I’m guilty.

Now, I may have lost the privilege of eating at Cracker Barrel. Oops.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.



  1. Clever. And some valid points. However, being born with a certain amount of pigment in your skin cells does not make you guilty of anything. We live our lives as they are handed to us, making decisions as we go the best we can. I refuse to apologize for something that is out of my control, and I resent those who try to make me feel guilty about my life.



    1. Like qmiller, I don’t feel especially guilty about things I didn’t do, but you ought to acknowledge that certain doors were open for you that are closed or pretty well jammed for other people with darker skin. That a resume or job application made out by “Jane” is going to get more and better offers than an identical one made out by “Daneesha.” (This has been proven more than once.) I’m not sure what I can do about that, except try to treat everyone equally, but it is something to be aware of.


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