Justice Department

Here Comes The Boom

Months before the 2020 presidential election, Donald Trump repeatedly barked about impending voter fraud and the possibility it would “steal” the election for Biden. What Donald Trump was doing was setting up a narrative so that when he lost, because he knew he was going to lose, he wouldn’t have to admit defeat and could blame non-existent voter fraud.

Donald Trump legitimately lost the 2020 election. There is no doubt to that and there is not one shred of evidence that even suggest Donald Trump won and had it stolen from him. Anyone still claiming Trump won is a liar, idiot, or just someone who wants to believe lies. And Donald Trump used the lie to attempt a coup and retain power. He was able to do this from the narrative he created before the election. He’s doing it again.

Trump is dropping hints about the FBI planting evidence during their warranted search of his home at his golf resort, Mar-a-Lago. But if they planted evidence, Donald Trump would already know it’s on the list because he has the list.

Donald Trump knows there’s something bad on the list he doesn’t want to be held accountable for. He doesn’t want his supporters to see it. But when they do see it, he will get to blame the FBI and claim it was planted. His lunatics will believe this. MAGAts are dumb enough to believe a president (sic) who didn’t win the popular vote the first time, ruined an economy, downplayed a virus that killed hundreds of thousands, spent four years barking hate while endorsing pedophiles, said good people marched with Nazis, saw unemployment reach above 13 percent, and never had an approval rating above 50 percent won reelection.

His lunatics don’t ask questions. They don’t ask why Donald Trump hasn’t released the list himself while they’re screaming for the FBI to be transparent. They don’t ask why there were still items to seize at Mar-a-Lago if Donald Trump was cooperating with the FBI. They don’t even ask why Donald Trump took classified documents to Mar-a-Lago. They don’t even ask why he took documents that didn’t belong to him.

And if it’s true Donald Trump took classified information that pertains to nuclear weapons, they won’t ask why he took that.

Even for Trump, doing something devious with nuclear information seems far-fatched. But before January, 2020, did we think it was outside the realm of possibility he would engineer a coup attempt and send a white nationaist mob to attack his own government?

We’re going to learn a lot more today at 3 p.m. That’s Trump’s deadline to appeal Merrick Garland’s petition to unseal the search warrant. Trump says he won’t block it but we’ve heard that before, like when he said he won’t plead the Fifth in a deposition, then pleads it over 400 times. He said he couldn’t wait to testify before Robert Mueller, then later blamed his lawyers for not letting him. He can come out later today and say he wanted to unseal it but his lawyers advised against it. Just wait. He’s good at setting shit up and he did that last night by saying he wanted the warrant to be released to the public. He doesn’t. I honestly can’t predict if he’ll block it today or not.

He can block it and blame his lawyers or let it be unsealed and say, “A-ha! There’s planted evidence! That Swedish-made penis enlarger is not my bag, baby.” We’ll have to wait and see.

Merrick Garland owned Trump yesterday. Garland is playing chess while Donald Trump is playing go fish.

Republicans are angry that the government seized government documents but not angry at the guy who stole them. Go fish.

Republicans have spent the week attacking the FBI demanding transparency. House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy told Garland to clear his calendar for upcoming hearings on this matter if the GOP takes the House this November. He also said for Garland to “save the documents” without detecting any irony in the statement. And then Merrick Garland announced yesterday that he was going to court to make the documents public. He’s doing exactly what Republicans have demanded…and they don’t like it.

It’s called “calling one’s bluff.” Garland is playing Texas hold ’em and the GOP is playing Hungry Hungry Hippo.

Donald Trump says he wants the court to unseal the warrant and the list of items seized. But he doesn’t have to wait for the court to do that because he can release it himself. Right now, I bet Trump is kinda wishing he and Mitch McConnell had let Merrick Garland have that Supreme Court seat.

Talk about coming back to bite you in the ass. Are you loving this as much as I am?

Music note: I listened to the Red Hot Chili Peppers again.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Mar-a-Lago Raided

The FBI has raided Mar-a-Lago. We learned this from Trump himself who made a very whiny post about it on his joke of a social media platform, Truth Social. He’s partly upset the FBI didn’t give him, a guy with a habit of flushing evidence, advance notice of their raid.

This is big news and it’s unprecedented for a president’s home to be raided by the FBI. But everything about Donald Trump’s presidency (sic) has been unprecedented. The crimes of this president (sic) are unprecedented.

Mar-a-Lago is a golf club and a resort. It’s also Donald Trump’s legal residence. He’s not a resident of New York City anymore. He lives in Palm Beach, Florida. But, he doesn’t spend a lot of time in Florida during the summer because it’s hot. Nobody wants to see a hot and sweaty Trump. It’s icky. He was actually at Trump Tower in the city when the raid occurred Monday morning.

Trump posted about the raid in order to get ahead of the story. Getting ahead of the story is a great way for Trump to play the victim. He said, they even “broke into” his safe. He said such an “assault” could only occur in a “third-world country” and it’s being inflicted by “radical left Democrats” who don’t want him to run for president in 2024. Dude, if the people who most don’t want you to run for president were behind the raid, it would have been Republicans.

This president (sic) who attempted a coup says this act resembles something done in a third-world country. Oh, really? He compared it to the Watergate break-in, though that was committed by Republican criminals without warrants.

The raid is being done because Donald Trump took at least 15 boxes of classified information with him from the White House to Mar-a-Lago. This also occurred on the same day Maggie Haberman of The New York Times posted photos of classified documents with Trump’s handwriting on them in toilets. Apparently, Trump was supposedly cooperating with the FBI but he was probably faking it. Hence the raid.

There’s a high bar for this sort of stuff. Former presidents don’t get raided by the FBI, even orange racist baby presidents (sic). In addition to having to convince a federal judge there was more than probable cause to grant a search warrant, the agents would need the Attorney General to sign off on it. The Attorney General has to sign off on warrants investigating members of Congress so you know Merrick Garland was the final signature on this. And President Biden most likely had no idea this was going to happen as they’d want him as far away from it as possible. He wouldn’t want to know beforehand either.

This isn’t “political persecution” as Donald Trump claims. I know there was enough evidence to conduct this raid if a federal magistrate judge and the Attorney General had to sign off on this. The ironic thing is that while he was president (sic), Donald Trump tried to get his Justice Department to go after his enemies and he fired members of the department who were investigating his goons. Trump’s rules are that using the Justice Department to go after his political enemies should be allowed, but it shouldn’t be done to him. Good news. It’s not.

Donald Trump now joins Roger Stone and Rudy Giuliani, who were also raided by the FBI. Being a former president (sic) shouldn’t put anyone above the law.

Someone’s going to jail.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Mucked Up By Merrick

First, “Meadows and Scavino” sounds like one of those soft rock musical duos from the 70s that’d sing songs like “Precious and Few.”

It is a good thing that the Justice Department under Merrick Garland isn’t political as it was under William Barr. But It’s a bad thing the Justice Department under Merrick Garland isn’t enforcing the law and going after some criminals.

William Barr used the Justice Department to act as Trump’s legal services and go after his political enemies. He appointed John Durham as a Special Counsel to investigate investigations of Donald Trump. Since it’s now been proven to be total bullshit, there should be an investigation of that investigation. Talk about a waste of time and taxpayer money.

Merrick Garland promised he wouldn’t use the department to go after Trumpers politically, but it needs to go after Trumpers who broke the law.

Garland’s Justice Department previously indicted Trump goon Steve Bannon for Contempt of Congress for failing to comply with a subpoena from the January 6 Committee. On Friday, the DOJ indicted Trump goon Peter Navaro. Both of these goons were a huge part of the plan to steal the election from Joe Biden, who legitimately won it. They shouldn’t just be in jail for refusing to comply with a congressional subpoena. They should both go to prison for sedition.

On the same day that Peter Navaro was indicted, the DOJ announced that it would NOT indict former Trump chief-of-staff Mark Meadows and social media director Dan Scavino for refusing to comply with subpoenas from the January 6 Committee. DOJ did not give a reason as to why.

Bannon and Navaro refused to cooperate with the committee, both claiming executive privilege though Trump isn’t president anymore to grant executive privilege. Navaro wrote a book and went on talk shows and spilled the so-called privileged information he claimed he couldn’t give in testimony. He also claimed the January 6 Committee wasn’t legal.

Meadows and Scavino initially cooperated with the committee and negotiated over several months on executive privilege and testimony. Meadows also turned over thousands of text messages and communications he had with members of Congress and other White House advisers. But then they both refused to comply with subpoenas.

The January 6 Committee can’t arrest or charge anyone. The committee can’t send people to prison. It’s an investigation and what they find will be sent to the Department of Justice with recommendations over who to indict. From there, DOJ makes its own decisions. That’s what it did with the referral from the committee to charge Bannon, Navaro, Meadows, and Scavino with Contempt of Congress. DOJ charged two and let two off. They should have charged all four and let them have their days in court.

What’s horrifying about DOJ’s refusal to indict people refusing to comply with congressional subpoenas is that it gives other people arguments to ignore subpoenas, especially since DOJ didn’t explain why Meadows and Scavino should not be charged. Others who receive subpoenas may borrow Navaro’s argument that the committee isn’t legal. Even House Republicans have claimed the committee isn’t legal, and they’re in Congress.

Nobody gets to pick and choose what hearings are and aren’t legal. As politically motivated and illegitimate as the Benghazi Committee was, it was still legal. It was legal even though it was chaired by Trump butt boy Jim Jordan, who used the power of congressional subpoenas to call Hillary Clinton, Trump’s opponent, to testify for 11 hours. Instead of whining about it, calling the committee illegal, or claiming executive privilege, Clinton complied.

Everything about the January 6 Committee is legitimate and legal. It’s an investigation on an insurrection, a coup attempt. It’s the Republicans’ fault they didn’t take it seriously and blew their opportunity to their members on it. Instead of appointing serious people to the committee, Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy appointed Trump goons, several of whom are actually witnesses who helped spread the election lie and even aided to stop the certification of the winner of the 2020 election. Knowing that McCarthy’s picks were chosen to poison the committee, Speaker Nancy Pelosi rejected all of them and appointed two Republicans who actually want to investigate Trump’s treason.

Republicans will gloat and avoid testifying before this committee, but what happens if they regain Congress this fall and get to create their own investigative committees in 2023? What will they say if Democrats refuse to comply with subpoenas to their Hunter Biden’s Laptop Committee?

Republicans believe laws should apply to Democrats but not to them. Don’t take my word for it. Take the word of a Republican.

When asked to comment on the arrest of Peter Navarro last Friday, Republican congressman Louie Gohmert said, “It actually puts an exclamation point on the fact that we have a two-tiered justice system. If you’re a Republican, you can’t even lie to Congress or lie to an FBI agent or they’re coming after you. They’re gonna bury you. They’re gonna put you in the D.C. jail and terrorize and torture you and not live up to the Constitution there.”

He’s whining that Republicans can’t lie to Congress or the FBI. This also might be the only time Louie Gohmert has ever told the truth. Also, goons who tried to overturn an election shouldn’t be allowed to lecture on the Constitution.

During his court appearance last Friday, Peter Navarro said, “This is not America. I mean, I was a distinguished public servant for four years and nobody ever questioned my ethics. And they’re treating me in this fashion.”

Navarro told two lies in court. He was never a “distinguished” public servant and EVERYBODY questioned his ethics.

But why should Trumpers obey the law when Merrick Garland’s Justice Department says they don’t have to?

Music note: I listened to the Stone Temple Pilots’ album “Purple” while drawing this cartoon.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Bull By Barr

Cjones07052021

In The Big Lebowski, The Stranger played by Sam Elliott says to The Dude, “Sometimes you bite the bar…and sometimes the bar bites you.” In the Trump era…and the post-Trump era, sometimes the Barr gives you bullshit.

As Oliver Sykes said, “The only person to blame is the person making up the bullshit.” William Barr can’t blame Trump for his own bullshit.

On December, 20, William Barr, who was at that time still Trump’s Attorney General, issued a public statement saying, “to date, we have not seen fraud on a scale that could have effected a different outcome in the election.” He used, “To date,” as if some fraud might turn up. Two days later, he resigned.

Now, Barr believes all of Trump’s election fraud claims were “bullshit.” William Barr is absolutely correct. Donald Trump’s election fraud claims, and the Big Lie he won, or that he’ll be reinstated in August, are total and compete bullshit. What William Barr is leaving out during these attempts to rehabilitate his image, like Javanka, is that he was complicit. William Barr was the chief shoveler of Trump bullshit. And in the process, he shit out a lot of shit himself. Barr was a walking, OK, weebling, human fertilizer factory.

Shortly after the election Trump lost, Barr authorized the Justice Department to open election fraud investigations, even though the election hadn’t been certified yet. And before the election, he helped Trump build doubt and suspicion that the election would be full of fraud.

The reason Donald Trump wanted everyone to have doubts on the election was because he expected to lose. He even refused to say if he’d cooperate with a peaceful transfer of power if he lost. He expected to lose in 2016 and cast doubts before that election as well.

The weeks before the 2020 election, Trump conducted a Twitter blitz of bullshit. He tweeted, “Tremendous potential for voter fraud,” “RIPE for FRAUD”, and, “Shouldn’t be allowed,” “Mail in ballots substantially increases the risk of crime and VOTER FRAUD!,” and. “No mail ballots, they cheat.” At a press conference, he said, “People cheat. Mail ballots are a very dangerous thing for this country because they are cheaters.” Are the voters cheaters or are the ballots the ones cheating?

You can’t trust those mail ballots. They vape, will impregnate your daughter, feed your cat the cheap dry food, clog your toilet, etc.

Barr, being more of Trump’s hatchet goon than the Attorney General, picked up on Trump’s bullshit. He warned mail-in ballots present “so many occasions for fraud there that cannot be policed. I think it would be very bad.” He also raised the “possibility of counterfeiting.” When asked if he had proof of this, he said, “No, but it’s obvious.”

Well, if it’s obvious, you should have some proof. Right?

Will Smith said in “iRobot,” “Sorry, I’m allergic to bullshit.” William Barr is not allergic to bullshit.

During a House hearing, he warned that foreign nations, except for Russia, could possibly tamper with mail-in ballots and produce counterfeit ballots. Democratic representative Mary Gay Scanlon of Pennsylvania said to Barr, “But, in fact, you have no evidence that foreign countries can successfully sway our elections with counterfeit ballots, do you?” Barr replied, “I do not, but I have common sense.” Do you, Willy? Do you have common sense? How about any sense?

In 2019, which would have included any voter fraud committed during the 2018 midterms, Barr’s Justice Department charged more than 69,000 federal criminal cases against over 87,000 total defendants. None of those cases involved fraud relating to mail-in ballots. Not one.

But, while talking to Wolf Blitzer on CNN, Barr claimed, “We indicted someone in Texas, 1,700 ballots collected from people who could vote, he made them out and voted for the person he wanted to.”

Wolf asked Barr, “”During your tenure as attorney general of the United States, how many indictments have you brought against people committing voter fraud?” Barr replied, “I couldn’t tell you off the top of my head, but several I know of.” So, how can Barr know of several but can’t tell you off the top of his head? Usually, when you know something, you know it. It’s not like Led Zeppelin songs. Nobody can name a Led Zeppein song except…..shit.

But as it turns out, his claims of 1,700 ballots being corrupted, and his department charging someone, was bullshit. His department didn’t charge anyone. The state of Texas did. And those 1,700 turned out to be only one. Barr is full of bullshit. As Sarah Marshall said in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” “Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.”

Later, The Department of Justice under Barr screamed about nine missing ballots in Pennsylvania that were all marked for Trump. First, if they were messed with, who they were marked for is less important than the fact they were tampered with. Second, if they’re missing, how do you know they were marked for Trump? Normally, the Justice Department doesn’t comment on ongoing cases, but this one seemed to favor the Trump narrative, so they commented. Then, those nine ballots for the orange shitweasel turned into seven. And then, we learned those ballots weren’t discarded…but placed in the wrong envelopes…which canceled them out per election laws. They were placed in ballot application envelopes by stupid voters. Maybe they were all Trump voters. But, nine votes wouldn’t overturn the Pennsylvania presidential election for Donald Trump. President Joe Biden won that state by more than 80,000 votes. In case you’re a Republican, 80,000 is more than seven. It’s even more than nine.

Then, Barr’s Justice Department announced that a postal carrier in New Jersey did a Newman and stashed 99 ballots in a locker someplace instead of delivering them. Where were they supposed to be delivered? To election officials after being cast? No. They were blank ballots on their way to voters. But, Barr gave Trump a narrative of election fraud in New Jersey that favored Biden…like Trump ever had a chance of winning New Jersey. Fuhgeddaboudit.

Barr didn’t just carry Trump’s water and act as his Roy Cohn (another corrupt lawyer) or his Rudy Giuliani (corrupt, drippy, farty lawyer). He blasted Trump bullshit to get the job heading DOJ, then continued after.

Barr went on TV and talked about how the Mueller Investigation was illegal, which got him the DOJ job. After Mueller finished his investigation, Barr sat on Mueller’s summary and issued his own…which was total bullshit saying Trump had been exonerated. Bullshit!

Barr also minimized and tried to drop cases against fellow Trump goons Roger Stone and Michael Flynn. It was weird he was getting personally involved in cases with Trump goons. Several prosecutors quit DOJ after that bullshit. As Elizabeth Taylor said, “I don’t have a short temper, I just have a quick reaction to bullshit.”

Barr sat before Congress and echoed Trump’s lie that the FBI “spied” on him.

Barr claimed Black Lives Matter was full of “Bolsheviks” and had the tactics of “fascists.”

And who can forget the teargassing of protesters at Lafayette Square so Donald Trump could do his photo-op in front of St. John’s Church with an upside-down borrowed Bible.

Now, William Barr is trying to cultivate his image. Was that his plan all along, to carry Trump bullshit until it was over? What was his agenda?

It’s too late Willy. We’re not buying your bullshit. Go sit in the corner with Javanka and sulk. You did everything in your power to serve a cult of stupid racist personality and to destroy this nation. You enabled a national security risk. Now, you want a medal for saying it was all “bullshit?”

I call bullshit on your bullshit. As Stephen King once said, “Money talks, bullshit walks.”

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Trump Tower Of Spies

Cjones06162021

Remember when Donald Trump claimed President Obama spied on and had wiretapped Trump Tower, though he never did? Of course we knew then that Donald Trump projects. Whatever Donald Trump accuses someone of, it’s something where he’s actually guilty.

Donald Trump complained about Hillary Clinton’s emails, and yet, his own White House (including his daughter) used personal emails and deleted records. They especially hid evidence of Trump asking other world leaders to dig up dirt on his opponents.

When Donald Trump was accusing then candidate Joe Biden of engaging in corruption in Ukraine with his son Hunter, Trump was literally engaging in corruption in Ukaine. He withheld military aid from Ukraine in exchange for them to make up some shit about the Bidens. Rudy was oozing all over it.

Donald Trump gave Ted Cruz the nickname “Lyin’ Ted” (which was pretty accurate) and called Hillary Clinton “Crooked Hillary.” Donald Trump told over 20,000 lies as president and he was the most corrupt person EVER to hold that office. The man tried to put an international summit at one of his failing golf resorts. He attempted to force world leaders to pay him to attend. I can go over the long record of Trump’s corruption, but I don’t want to be here all day.

Trump called Clinton a “bigot.” Yeah, let that one soak in. When Clinton said Trump was “Putin’s puppet,” his witty retort was, “You’re the puppet,” and after he won the election, he stood next to Putin and said he trusted him more than U.S. intelligence agencies. Also, back to that corruption thing, Trump tried to bribe Putin (as a candidate) with a Moscow penthouse in a proposed Trump Tower. By the way, that’s illegal.

Which brings us to all the times when Donald Trump has accused others of breaking laws. Donald Trump should be in prison.

During the Russia investigation, he claimed all the collusion was between Hillary Clinton and the Russians. Yet, his dumbass son (the eldest) invited Russians into his campaign HQ (Trump Towers which was NOT being bugged) to provide dirt on Hillary Clinton.

Donald Trump was real quick to pile on whenever a Democrat, like Al Franken, was embroiled in a sex scandal. Yeah, Mr. Grab-Them-By-The-Pussy was all over it.

The Washington Post’s Philip Bump found that Trump’s top five insults were “fake,” “failed,” “dishonest,” “weak,” and “liar. That probably also means Trump doesn’t really believe he’s a “stable genius.”

Now we have learned that corrupt and lying Donald Trump, who claimed he was spied on and it was bigger than Watergate, was spying on his enemies.

Donald Trump publicly called for the Justice Department to spy on his enemies…and William Barr, the attorney General, obliged. Remember when then-Senator Kamala Harris asked then-Attorney General William Barr if anyone at the White House had ever asked or encouraged him to spy on anyone? Do you remember him playing stupid and dumb with his answer? He’s not stupid or dumb and he needs to testify before Congress again. Maybe before Adam Schiff’s committee.

We learned Trump’s DOJ spied on at least five reporters from outlets he despised. And, the reporters are just now learning this. Three reporters for The Washington Post, who were covering the Russia investigation, had their phone records seized. Other reporters from Political, Buzzfeed, and The New York Times had their emails collected and surveilled by Trump’s DOJ. On top of all this, Trump’s DOJ obtained CNN Pentagon reporter Barbara Starr’s Pentagon extension, her home and cell numbers, the CNN Pentagon booth phone number, and her work and personal email accounts. And, she just found this out last week.

We also learned the Justice Department spied on Democratic Congressmen and harsh Trump critics, Eric Swalwell and Adam Schiff (who Trump liked to call “Shifty Schiff.” Just how “shifty” is Trump?). Hell, the Justice Department even subpoenaed Twitter to find out the identity of the parody account pretending to be Trump supporter Devin Nunes’ cow.

The Trump administration argued to judges to acquire these warrants, that they were looking for leakers. Do you remember the great big brouhaha over FISA warrants? Devin Nunes does but he didn’t have a problem with there being a warrant for his cow.

We never did get to see the evidence candidate Trump claimed he had proving President Obama wasn’t born in the United States, but since he does project…I think Donald Trump was born in Kenya.

I want to see a lot of these people go to prison.

Creative note: This is the very first cartoon I’ve drawn in Procreate on an iPad. Bear with me while I get used to it. For the time being with blogging, creating videos, and all my other stuff, I’m going to keep using my Surface Pro. But the actual cartoons will be created on the iPad…unless I give up before I can return the damn thing. I’m very frustrated at this moment but the watercolor alone is amazing.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have two copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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GaetzGate

Cjones04032021

How did the Republican Party come to this? How did the party of Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Ike, and Reagan become the party that defends terrorists and pedophiles? OK. “Accused” pedophiles.

In 2017, the Republican Party made Roy Moore their nominee for Jeff Session’s vacated Alabama Senate seat after several allegations were made that he was into surfing food courts in malls to pick up teenage girls. Now, the party with a huge faction that believes Hillary Clinton was operating a child-sex trafficking ring in a Washington, D.C. pizza joint has to decide if it wants to defend Congressman Matt Gaetz from accusations of…wait for it…sex trafficking. Funny enough, Gaetz once floated the idea of himself running for that Alabama Senate seat…thinking his district bordering Alabama makes him eligible. To be fair, a lot of people do believe the Florida panhandle to be an extension of Alabama.

So, what exactly is sex trafficking? In this case, it’s when a minor is transported for the purpose of sex. Say you live in Florida, and you pay to fly a minor in from Arizona to shag, that’s sex trafficking. Remember, these are only accusations so far in regard to Matt Gaetz, who has been accused of traveling with a 17-year-old girl across state lines and then having sex with her.

The New York Times broke the news Gaetz has also been accused of being one of the dumbest most do-nothing useless members of Congress in decades. These accusations are accurate. Gaetz has a history of everything coming from his mouth being a shitshow. He’s also been accused of being a ridiculous human being.

Gaetz recently flew to Wyoming (no word on if he took any 17-year-olds on that trip) to campaign against fellow Republican Liz Cheney because she exercised her conscience and independence and voted to impeach Donald Trump. Now maybe Liz Cheney should fly to Gaetz’s district and campaign against him. The only downside to that is that she would have to physically be in Gaetz’s Florida panhandle district. We could call it “Floribama,” or “Alaflora,” or “Aladuh,” or “Floppitbappity.” I’ll work on it.

Last year in the early stages of the coronavirus pandemic, he mocked the seriousness of the health concern by wearing a gas mask on the floor of the House. Later that week, one of the first people to die from the virus in this nation was in Gaetz’s Florida panhandle congressional district. “Flababama!” No?

Gaetz is a Trump sycophant. He supported the pardon of Roger Stone. He claimed Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s act of tearing up Trump’s State of the Union speech in 2020 was illegal. He tried to decertify the election Trump lost, helped Trump claim it was stolen from him, and supported the insurrection. Later, he voted against a measure condemning the coup in Myanmar, probably because he’s a big fan of coups. He’s also a big fan of conspiracy theories and uses the term “deep state” a lot. For example: “The deep state has accused me of rawdogging teenagers!”

A political ally of Gaetz was indicted on charges related to sex trafficking and that’s where this current investigation comes from. Someone may have thrown Gaetz under the bus. And from reading about how much people really dislike Matt Gaetz, that’s probably true. Gaetz claims it’s part of an extortion plot and the entire thing is politically motivated because nobody likes him. That is true. Nobody likes him. Gaetz brags that he doesn’t have a lot of friends in Washington and is proud that most of his true friends are in the Florida panhandle. “Bamafamu?”

This investigation was started last year in the final months of the Trump occupation of our government. William Barr was the Attorney General, who has to approve and be briefed on all investigations on members of Congress. This is not an attack by liberals or Democrats.

Gaetz says he’s being blackmailed by David McGee, a former official of the Justice Department. Gaetz claims McGee is blackmailing his father for $25 million to make sex-trafficking allegations go away. The problem here is, McGee has not been a member of the Justice Department in over two decades AND (this part is important) the inquiry into the sex-trafficking charges was BEFORE there was any so-called extortion attempts. There’s also the problem of: how do you blackmail Matt Gaetz by threatening you’ll make people think worse of him?

Gaetz claims the FBI was so concerned with this extortion attempt, that they had his father wear a wire which is a process that probably doesn’t work when the wire-wearer’s idiot son goes to the media and says his father’s wearing a wire.

While Gaetz is defending himself from these charges of sex with a minor, keep in mind he’s been living with an un-adopted male immigrant named Nestor since Nestor was 12 years old. Gaetz has referred to Nestor as his son, his helper, and a “local student.” Is Florida the only place where an unmarried grown man can live with an un-adopted 12-year-old?

While Gaetz has denied having sex with a 17-year-old, at least not since he was 17 (he said this), he openly brags about dating younger women and freely admits he’s paid for their flights and hotels to be with him.

According to The Daily Beast, Republicans don’t like him and there’s an informal rule not to appear on TV with him at any time for any reason. Why is this? Because Republicans who know Gaetz expect an incoming scandal with the dude at any time.

Again, according to the Beast, more than a half-dozen lawmakers have spoken to reporters about “his love of alcohol and illegal drugs, as well as his proclivity for younger women.” The article states, “It’s well-known among Republican lawmakers that Gaetz was dating a college student—one over the age of consent—in 2018. She came to Washington as an intern.”

A GOP staffer from Capitol Hill said, “I don’t think you’ll find a lot of people who are desperate to keep him involved in Republican politics.” One of those Republicans sent The Daily Beast a photo of a trash bin outside Gaetz’s office as lawmakers cleared out their offices at the end of a recent session. At the top of the heap was an empty “Costco-size” box of “Bareskin” Trojan condoms, extra small. Whoever gets that office after Gaetz may want to decontaminate it with a flamethrower. As Star-Lord in “Guardians of the Galaxy” would say, “If I had a black light, this place would look like a Jackson Pollock painting.”

In fact, only two Republican members of the House have publicly defended Gaetz so far. They are Jim Jordan, who’s another Trump sycophant and has been accused of being aware of sexual abuse among coaches and wrestlers when he was a coach at Ohio State University, and Marjorie Taylor Greene, the Qanon fucknut who is currently barred from any committee assignments. That’s not good company. Gaetz, like Jordan, Greene, and Lauren Boebert, don’t do any actual work as United States Representatives and only use their offices for higher profiles.

Even Tucker Carlson tried to distance himself from Matt Gaetz after giving him a platform to explain himself.

Matt Gaetz appeared on “Tucker Carlson Tonight” with a hair style that now has yard gnomes searching for a new look. Tucker’s show is one his own lawyers successfully argued in court can’t be believed by anyone “reasonable.” But still, more credible than Newsmax, where it’s been reported Gaetz has a job waiting if he chooses to leave Congress. That would be awesome for all of us because nobody watches Newsmax.

During the interview, Gaetz claimed innocence and said Tucker could appreciate his situation saying he was “not the only person on screen right now who’s been falsely accused of a terrible sex act.” Thanks to Matt Gaetz, Tucker had to go back over two decades to explain something he’s spent two decades trying to make fade away from everyone’s memories. Thanks a lot, buddy. Why didn’t Matt just claim all those extra-small “Bareskin” Trojans belonged to Tucker?

Then, Gaetz attempted to not just rope Tucker into his shit, but to make make him a witness. He said a female friend of his was threatened by the FBI and told “she could face trouble” if she didn’t confess to authorities that Gaetz was involved in a “pay-for-play scheme,” and that Tucker had met her. Gaetz said, “You and I went to dinner about two years ago. Your wife was there, and I brought a friend of mine, you’ll remember her.”

This is why you don’t go to dinner with Matt Gaetz. Or, at least one more reason.

Tucker quickly said that not only does he not remember this woman, but he doesn’t even remember the dinner. Thanks to Matt, Tucker’s next guests may be the FBI with subpoenas. After the interview, Tucker said, “That was one of the weirdest interviews I’ve ever conducted” and that it “didn’t clarify much.” Next time, interview a yard gnome. They don’t implicate you in sex-trafficking scandals.

According to some people at Fox News, Tucker was “pissed.”

Matt Gaetz has not been charged and is innocent until proven guilty. But Gaetz’s allegations of extortion could be true while the accusations of sex trafficking could also be true. One does not cancel out the other. Matt Gaetz, being a Republican and a Trump supporter, is probably not aware of that. This is a guy who believes if he screams “deep state” enough, it’ll make all the accusations disappear.

There are so many questions here. How bad are you when other Republicans don’t want anything to do with you? How horrible are you that even Tucker wants distance? How bad are you if your only true support is Donald Trump and Marjorie Taylor Greene? Is he guilty? Was there extortion? What does Nestor think of this? How small were those condoms? Where does one purchase a black light?

Also, in case you’ve never seen one, do NOT Google Jackson Pollock paintings.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have FIVE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Buy-Bye, Billy

cjones12162020

Donald Trump is going to spend the time he has left in his presidency (sic), which is less than 40 days, seeking revenge. Donald Trump will burn the world to right any perceived wrongs against himself.

Donald Trump claims he made it safe to say, “Merry Christmas” again, which of course is a lie, but the joke here is that he doesn’t actually celebrate Christmas. Donald Trump celebrates Festivus, that Costanza holiday that brings misery to all who observe it. And though this is the season, Donald Trump airs his grievances year-round.

And Donald Trump has a lot of grievances. He may hold the record for personal feuds. He’s tweeted insults and attacks to the most powerful leaders, like President Barack Obama, to movie stars, like Kristen Stewart. According to Trump, the media is against him and so is Hollywood, Washington, ratings, facts, polls, the Post Office, Amazon, Europe, Canadian cheese, and even Republicans who aren’t adequately sycophantic.

During the 2016 presidential campaign, Hillary Clinton warned us that Donald Trump would use the Justice Department to go after his enemies. He doesn’t hide things very well as he admitted right after that, if he ran it, she would “be in jail.” And he has used the department, not just to go after his enemies, but as his personal defense attorney.

His first attorney general, Jeff Sessions, was a sycophant. And although he was giddy and gleeful over separating families and throwing babies in jail, even he knew he had to recuse himself concerning an investigation into Trump and Russia. Sessions was the first senator to endorse Trump. He was on the campaign. He carried his bags. He wore a MAGA hat. So, recusing himself only seemed like the right thing to do. When his assistant appointed Robert Mueller to investigate Trump, Donald was livid. How dare Jeff Sessions recuse himself. He made it clear it was Sessions’ job to protect and defend him. Shortly after, Sessions was fired on grounds of not protecting Donald Trump.

William Barr, who was AG during the first Bush’s term (hey, he’s worked the same job for two one-termers), auditioned for the job on Trump TV (Fox News) saying Mueller shouldn’t have been appointed. After being hired, he told friends he was going to Washington to “save the Justice Department.” He failed. Oh, sweet Jesus, he failed.

He didn’t just fail. He failed in a big way. If he was jumping off a diving board, he would have hit the water with a huge belly flop that would have drained the pool.

When Robert Mueller was finished with his report, William Barr (who was his boss), sat on it for two weeks and gave a misleading summary of it to the public. Barr gave the impression it cleared Donald Trump and there was no obstruction of justice. The Mueller Report actually said there probably was and didn’t clear Trump at all. A federal judge said Barr “couldn’t be trusted” to describe the report and he lacked credibility.

If William Barr ever had credibility, he lost it the day he took the job working for Donald Trump.

Barr’s Justice Department later tried to shield Trump goons, Roger Stone and Michael Flynn. He ordered the clearing of Lafayette Square outside the White House, which was done with teargas, so Trump could conduct a photo-op with a Bible outside St. John’s Church. Barr actually had the Justice Department defend Donald Trump in court when he was sued by E. Jean Carroll for defamation after she publicly accused him of rape.

Where Barr fell out of favor was for contradicting Trump’s claims that the presidential race had been stolen through widespread fraud. Hey, if lickspittle Barr can’t even find enough to lie about it for Trump, there is no mass voter fraud. But perhaps what really pissed Donald Trump off is that William Barr didn’t announce an investigation into Hunter Biden, the president-elect’s son, before the election.

When Donald Trump fired James Comey as head of the FBI, his initial excuse was because Comey announced an investigation into Hillary Clinton before the 2016 election. The Justice Department is NOT supposed to play politics or get involved in elections. Trump has tweeted that Barr should have publicized the investigation into Hunter in order to help his and fellow Republicans’ campaigns.

Trump tweeted, “Why didn’t Bill Barr reveal the truth to the public, before the Election, about Hunter Biden. Big disadvantage for Republicans at the polls!” And even then, Bill Barr did get involved with the election (just as several other cabinet members and White House employees did) by warning that electing Joe Biden would bring socialism.

Bill Barr is a toad. But apparently, not toadie enough. But apparently obtuse to his legacy, Barr wrote a resignation lettered that slobbered all over Trump’s ass.

Barr wrote to Trump, “Your record is all the more historic because you accomplished it in the face of relentless, implacable resistance.” Jesus, that’s the kind of shit you say when you want the job, not after you’ve been fired. He also wrote, “ou have restored American military strength. By brokering historic peace deals in the Mideast you have achieved what most thought impossible.” That wasn’t even his department. Hey, save some ass-kissing for Secretary of State, Mike Pompeo.

Barr took kissing Donald Trump’s ass to new heights. On CNN, he claimed China and Iran were greater threats meddling in our upcoming election than Russia. He ridiculously stated that pandemic restrictions were “the greatest intrusion on civil liberties” since slavery. Having to wear a facemask, eating outside a restaurant, or standing six feet from someone is worse than slavery? I’m sure that’s a popular view on Parler, but from the attorney general of the United States?

Barr leaving with less than 40 days left only means that Trump wants to demolish as much as possible before he’s gone. Barr is not leaving to “spend more time with his family during the holidays.”

I have high hopes that Joe Biden will not use the Justice Department to go after his enemies. But I do have high hopes Biden’s Justice Department pursues justice.

I hope the Justice Department investigates Barr’s involvement and legality in defending Donald Trump and violating the Hatch Act in campaigning for him. I hope the Justice Department pursues other Hatch Act violations, like White House employees and cabinet members campaigning for Trump and holding the Republican National Convention with giant MAGA signs on the White House lawn. I want investigations into Trump issuing pardons during the convention for political props. Future administrations need to be told that shit won’t fly.

Five seconds after Joe Biden completes his oath of office on January 20, 2021, I want to hear an announcement from the Southern District of New York and the New York state attorney that they are charging Donald Trump and his corrupt kids on a multitude of charges…that is, if they haven’t been pardoned by Trump (which won’t affect New York).

Donald Trump was America’s most corrupt president. William Barr was more than happy to assist and cover up that corruption. William Barr will go down as the worst attorney general in our history. And seeing how Donald Trump didn’t return Barr’s loyalty, he may also go down as the dumbest.

Notes on signed prints: Order now if you want to send a print of one my cartoons, signed by me, to a loved one…or even better yet, to a conservative family member who you probably don’t love anymore. They’ll never forget it. The signed prints are just $40.00 each. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal and want to snail mail it, email me (clayjonz@gmail.com) so we can make sure your print gets to its recipient in time. I can mail the prints directly to you or to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (18 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’ll be selling for $45.00 each, signed. Unfortunately, they’re not going to arrive until AFTER Christmas. Don’t yell at me. But you can purchase now, give later, and blame the cartoonist. Tell them I had covid. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi.

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Back To Normal

cjones05132020

In 2009, President Barack Obama expressed his opinion about an arrest in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Republicans howled that the President of the United States shouldn’t stick his nose into situations like this and should just let the legal system play it out. How dare he.

What happened in Cambridge was the arrest of a college professor trying to get into a house. It was his house. He also happens to be black.

Back when an American president spoke honestly and with clarity, President Obama said, “I don’t know, not having been there and not seeing all the facts, what role race played in that. But I think it’s fair to say, number one, any of us would be pretty angry; number two, that the Cambridge police acted stupidly in arresting somebody when there was already proof that they were in their own home, and, number three, what I think we know separate and apart from this incident is that there’s a long history in this country of African Americans and Latinos being stopped by law enforcement disproportionately.”

In 2012, after 17-year-old Trayvon Martin was killed by a wannabe Rambo for walking outside at night while being black and wearing a hoodie, President Obama said, “If I had a son, he would look like Trayvon.” Guess who got upset over that comment? White Republicans.

But you know what Obama never did? He never called the arresting officers or prosecutors “scum.”

Donald Trump, who unfortunately is the President (sic) of the United States, called the FBI officers involved in the Michael Flynn case, “human scum.” He also accused them of treason for pressing charges against a guy who was violating the Logan Act and attempted to thwart American foreign policy with a hostile nation that had just attacked our election. Michael Flynn was secretly talking to the Russian ambassador during the transition period between presidents. He was manipulating U.S. foreign policy. Then, he lied about it.

Are conservatives screaming for Trump to stay out of the case? Are they upset he called law enforcement “human scum?” These questions are rhetorical.

Michael Flynn is guilty. Like I wrote before, don’t take my word that he’s guilty. Take his. He pleaded guilty twice.

Two white men can kill a black man in Georgia, and not be charged until a video of the incident goes viral. The current president (sic) doesn’t have any comment on that but he has plenty to about the injustice being leveled at one of his treasonous goons. He said so much that his other goon, the Attorney General, drops all charges against the first goon who, let me remind you again, pleaded guilty twice.

With this pandemic, everyone wants the nation to get back to normal. For the two different justice systems we have in this nation, one for whites and one for blacks…it’s already there. In fact, it never changed.

Yesterday, Donald Trump called someone to crow about the Justice Department dropping charges against Flynn. He told the person on the other end of the phone call, “I wouldn’t be surprised if you see a lot of things happen over the next number of weeks.”

Who was Donald Trump talking to? Vladimir Putin.

Welcome to the new normal.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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In Like Flynn

cjones05122020

The Trump administration is all about bad examples, corruption, and hypocrisy (we’ll ignore the racism and stupidity for now).

According to inside sources, Donald Trump got “lava level mad” over his exposure to the coronavirus as one of his Naval valets has tested positive for the coronavirus.

The valet performs chores that bring him close to the president (sic), such as shining his shoes, laying out his clothes, and bringing him diet Cokes and hamberders. Donald Trump said he had not been around this particular individual a lot but that doesn’t matter if he’s handling and eating what the valet has touched and breathed on. That’s kinda like thinking you can’t catch it from someone if you don’t know them that well, which was Trump’s argument after a person in a photo with him tested positive shortly after the photo was taken.

Someone is not paying a lot of attention to the briefings from the task force he nearly disbanded.

A person close to the White House told NBC News Trump “became ‘lava level mad’ at his staff and said he doesn’t feel they are doing all they can to protect him from the virus.”

Donald Trump has yet to be seen in a mask. For nearly 40 days straight, he conducted daily briefings in close proximity with other human beings while they all shared a mic. He has even visited a mask factory this week without wearing a mask. He’s said wearing a make is something he “doesn’t see for himself” as it would be undignified while hosting dictators in the Oval Office. Donald Trump is afraid that being seen in a mask will hurt his efforts to reopen the nation, confuse the ignorant Trump cultists he’s encouraged to “liberate” blue states, make him look weak, and be used against him in negative campaign ads. This from a guy whose face is already a negative.

Because of Trump’s attitude toward wearing a mask, nobody around him wears a mask. When Mike Pence visited the Mayo Clinic, he refused to wear a mask.

Trump has presented a very loud message that masks and social distancing are not necessary around him because he’s a tough guy. So, hardly anyone in the White House wears masks or social distances. And now, he’s “lava level mad” that he’s been exposed to the coronavirus?

Boris Johnson, Prince Charles, Prince Albert of Monaco, the Prime Minister of Russia, the wives of Canada and Spain’s leaders, a high number of leadership officials throughout the world, and Senator Rand Paul have all tested positive for the coronavirus. Several people who have been close to Trump at Mar-a-Lago and the White House have tested positive or been close to others who have. It’s kinda amazing Donald Trump hasn’t caught it and that the White House isn’t a petri dish full of the virus.

Now (get ready for more hypocrisy), while the administration argues it’s not necessary to test every American and it’s not even important to ramp up testing to reopen the nation, Donald Trump and Mike Pence will be tested for the virus daily. In case you’re a Republican, daily means every day.

Since Trump does need a new valet and they’re usually military personnel, why doesn’t he give former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn the job?

Donald Trump is not good at taking advice, from Dr. Anthony Fauci suggesting we all wear masks and practice social distancing to President Obama advising him not to hire Putin poodle Michael Flynn.

Flynn, who was just not exonerated by William Barr’s corruption, is someone Donald Trump said could possibly return to the White House after pleading guilty TWICE for lying to the FBI about his conversations with Russians during the transition period.

It’s a crime to lie to the FBI and that’s what Michael Flynn did. He was close to the president, working in the White House, and lying about contacts with Russia, a nation hostile to the United States and from which Flynn had taken payment (and also lied about) in the recent past. Flynn is guilty. Don’t take my word for it. Take Michael Flynn’s word for it. He pleaded guilty twice.

And why was he being investigated? Because he was undermining our nation’s national security policy. President Obama slapped heavy sanctions on Russia after their interference in the election. Flynn contacted them to tell them not to worry about it and to hold off on reprisals with their own sanctions. Help in the form of a corrupt Trump presidency was coming.

Attorney General William Barr intervened in the Roger Stone case by lowering the prison sentence recommendation for that particular Trump goon. All four Justice Department prosecutors in the Stone case resigned and over 2,000 former Justice Department officials signed a letter calling for Barr’s resignation.

Now, the Justice Department is dropping all charges against Flynn after years of Donald Trump tweeting about the “horrible treatment” the former three-star general has received. Donald Trump likes to stick up for traitors, probably because he’s one himself.

Barr brought in outside investigators whose sole mission was to find fault with the FBI’s investigation. Now, in regards to Michael Flynn pleading guilty twice, Barr said, “people sometimes plead to things that turn out not to be crimes.” The Attorney General doesn’t know it’s a crime to lie to the FBI? And why is the Attorney General talking like he’s Michael Flynn’s defense lawyer?

The message here is: Trump goons don’t have to worry about the rule of law. While career professionals from the Justice Department will go after their lawbreaking, the top goon of the department will attempt to save the bad guys. All the convicted goons will receive pardons after November anyway, whether Trump wins or not. These are corrupt people, from Trump to Barr to Flynn to Manafort to Stone to Giuliani to the coffee boy.

When Donald Trump issues directives, William Barr follows them, from lying about the Mueller Report while concealing it, defending Roger Stone, to dropping charges against Flynn. It’s not the valet who should be social distancing from Donald Trump, it’s the Attorney General.

But, it is hard to social distance when you’re crawling up someone’s ass.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Smackdown For MAGAts

cjones02242020

Spoiler alert: Professional wrestling is fake. Another spoiler alert: So is Donald Trump and his entire administration.

When I was a kid, my friends and I actually had debates over whether professional wrestling was real. Even if you were on the side of it being real, you still knew it was fake. Today, it seems professional wrestling fans are totally in on it, but they still enjoy the “sport. OK, like NASCAR, it’s not a sport, so it totally makes sense that Donald Trump made an appearance at one of their events yesterday.

But Trump fans are less sophisticated than wrestling fans. They don’t know Donald Trump is fake. They think the guy is an actual billionaire. They think he’s donating his entire presidential salary without getting anything in return (Psst, emoluments, fuckers). They think he’s a great negotiator. They think he’s smart. They think he knows stuff. They don’t think he’s an idiot, or a racist, or a sexist, or a narcissistic shitstain in our nation’s history. Most of all, they actually believe Donald Trump cares and can relate to them.

A few months ago, my ex-girlfriend asked me if I knew wrestling was big right now. I did not know that but it totally makes sense. I mean, if Donald Trump can fool enough people to steal a presidential election, then there’s gotta be a lot of people watching wrestling.

And it’s appropriate to compare Donald Trump to wrestling because he has a relationship with wrestling, which was probably more real to him than his reality show. Donald Trump worked a program with the World Wrestling Entertainment company. It was a program where two billionaires, Trump and the owner of the company, Vincent McMahon, battled each other at Wrestlemania (the Super Bowl of wrestling) vicariously through wrestlers. The loser got his head shaved. No, it doesn’t make sense to me either. Of course, Donald Trump didn’t actually wrestle but he did jump on McMahon at one point to throw some fake punches. At the end of the show, he got to shave McMahon’s head and then…a bald wrestler gave Donald Trump what is called a “stunner.” I could watch that video clip all day.

Trump’s wrestling connection goes further. Reportedly, McMahon or the WWE (not sure which) paid Trump $4 million for his Wrestlemania gig. But, they didn’t “pay” him. They donated the money to the Trump Foundation. You know, that organization the state of New York recently shut down because of Trump’s corruption with it? But, with Trump taking the money as a donation to his charity, that means he didn’t have to pay taxes on it. Later, Trump used money from that charity to buy portraits of himself and sports memorabilia, pay off legal fees for his shitty bedbug-ridden gold resorts, and make political bribes to one of the lawyers who eventually defended his impeachment before the United States Senate. He also used the charity to make donations to veteran groups in coordination with presidential campaign events, which is illegal. Man, I could making this shit up, but I’m not.

After Donald Trump was elected (fake) to the presidency, he made Linda McMahon, Vince’s wife and CEO of the rasslin’ company, the head of the Small Business Administration. On April 12, 2019, she stepped down. On the 15th of April (in case you’re a Republican, that’s three days later), she was appointed as Chairman of America First Action, a pro-Trump Super PAC, where she plans to raise and spend $300 million in battleground states to reelect Trump. If there’s a reason not to watch wrestling, it’s that right there. Linda herself is a former Republican candidate for the U.S. Senate. Thankfully, she lost.

It makes sense that Linda McMahon would chair a Trump Super PAC since she’s already headed one unethical enterprise. She was CEO of WWE and no, it’s not unethical because it’s a fake sport. It’s unethical in that their “wrestlers” are not employees. They’re contractors so the company doesn’t have to pay Social Security, Medicare, unemployment insurance, or provide insurance. After one wrestler with a history of multiple concussions murdered his wife and child before committing suicide, a government survey found that 40% of “wrestlers” were found to be drug users, mostly steroids. WWE has fought states from regulating it as a sport and it has a long legacy of ignoring concussions, like the kind that makes a guy go batshit crazy and murder his wife and child before committing suicide. Donald Trump recently said head injuries to military members weren’t a concern. The mortality rate for wrestlers is 6.4 times higher than it is for men in the general population and higher than other “sports.” The number of wrestlers to die before the age of 65 is insane. Men should not be dying from heart attacks in their 30s. Seriously, Google this shit.

So, when Attorney General William Barr publicly scolds Donald Trump for tweeting on cases before DOJ and making his job “impossible,” don’t believe it. He coordinated his criticism with the White House before he delivered it. Barr has done nothing except use the Justice Department to defense Donald Trump, protect his corrupt friends, and go after his political enemies. After calling back U.S. Attorney’s sentence recommendation for Roger Stone, then saying he wants to review the entire case, over 1,100 former Justice Department employees have called on Barr to resign.

Barr should resign though it wouldn’t do any good. Trump would just replace him with another phony. At some point, maybe they will start wearing masks like those little Mexican wrestlers.

There is no Santa Claus, no Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny isn’t real, wrestling is staged, and Donald Trump is a fake president. It’s time you grew up and realized that.

Creative notes: I worked on this one in my head for two days. Even at a party last night, I kept going back to the text and restructuring it in my head. When I finally drew it, I didn’t use anything I had planned out (except for the stuff in the blog). The blog took a lot of research.

When I bounced this off my two proofreaders, I asked if they were familiar with the “smell what’s cookin'” line. Laura said she didn’t and had to look it up which probably replaced some less important knowledge in her brain, like algebra. She was also unfamiliar with a “purple nurple” which I hope is not an actual wrestling maneuver.

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New Book: Tales From 

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