Justice Department

GaetzGate


Cjones04032021

How did the Republican Party come to this? How did the party of Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Ike, and Reagan become the party that defends terrorists and pedophiles? OK. “Accused” pedophiles.

In 2017, the Republican Party made Roy Moore their nominee for Jeff Session’s vacated Alabama Senate seat after several allegations were made that he was into surfing food courts in malls to pick up teenage girls. Now, the party with a huge faction that believes Hillary Clinton was operating a child-sex trafficking ring in a Washington, D.C. pizza joint has to decide if it wants to defend Congressman Matt Gaetz from accusations of…wait for it…sex trafficking. Funny enough, Gaetz once floated the idea of himself running for that Alabama Senate seat…thinking his district bordering Alabama makes him eligible. To be fair, a lot of people do believe the Florida panhandle to be an extension of Alabama.

So, what exactly is sex trafficking? In this case, it’s when a minor is transported for the purpose of sex. Say you live in Florida, and you pay to fly a minor in from Arizona to shag, that’s sex trafficking. Remember, these are only accusations so far in regard to Matt Gaetz, who has been accused of traveling with a 17-year-old girl across state lines and then having sex with her.

The New York Times broke the news Gaetz has also been accused of being one of the dumbest most do-nothing useless members of Congress in decades. These accusations are accurate. Gaetz has a history of everything coming from his mouth being a shitshow. He’s also been accused of being a ridiculous human being.

Gaetz recently flew to Wyoming (no word on if he took any 17-year-olds on that trip) to campaign against fellow Republican Liz Cheney because she exercised her conscience and independence and voted to impeach Donald Trump. Now maybe Liz Cheney should fly to Gaetz’s district and campaign against him. The only downside to that is that she would have to physically be in Gaetz’s Florida panhandle district. We could call it “Floribama,” or “Alaflora,” or “Aladuh,” or “Floppitbappity.” I’ll work on it.

Last year in the early stages of the coronavirus pandemic, he mocked the seriousness of the health concern by wearing a gas mask on the floor of the House. Later that week, one of the first people to die from the virus in this nation was in Gaetz’s Florida panhandle congressional district. “Flababama!” No?

Gaetz is a Trump sycophant. He supported the pardon of Roger Stone. He claimed Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s act of tearing up Trump’s State of the Union speech in 2020 was illegal. He tried to decertify the election Trump lost, helped Trump claim it was stolen from him, and supported the insurrection. Later, he voted against a measure condemning the coup in Myanmar, probably because he’s a big fan of coups. He’s also a big fan of conspiracy theories and uses the term “deep state” a lot. For example: “The deep state has accused me of rawdogging teenagers!”

A political ally of Gaetz was indicted on charges related to sex trafficking and that’s where this current investigation comes from. Someone may have thrown Gaetz under the bus. And from reading about how much people really dislike Matt Gaetz, that’s probably true. Gaetz claims it’s part of an extortion plot and the entire thing is politically motivated because nobody likes him. That is true. Nobody likes him. Gaetz brags that he doesn’t have a lot of friends in Washington and is proud that most of his true friends are in the Florida panhandle. “Bamafamu?”

This investigation was started last year in the final months of the Trump occupation of our government. William Barr was the Attorney General, who has to approve and be briefed on all investigations on members of Congress. This is not an attack by liberals or Democrats.

Gaetz says he’s being blackmailed by David McGee, a former official of the Justice Department. Gaetz claims McGee is blackmailing his father for $25 million to make sex-trafficking allegations go away. The problem here is, McGee has not been a member of the Justice Department in over two decades AND (this part is important) the inquiry into the sex-trafficking charges was BEFORE there was any so-called extortion attempts. There’s also the problem of: how do you blackmail Matt Gaetz by threatening you’ll make people think worse of him?

Gaetz claims the FBI was so concerned with this extortion attempt, that they had his father wear a wire which is a process that probably doesn’t work when the wire-wearer’s idiot son goes to the media and says his father’s wearing a wire.

While Gaetz is defending himself from these charges of sex with a minor, keep in mind he’s been living with an un-adopted male immigrant named Nestor since Nestor was 12 years old. Gaetz has referred to Nestor as his son, his helper, and a “local student.” Is Florida the only place where an unmarried grown man can live with an un-adopted 12-year-old?

While Gaetz has denied having sex with a 17-year-old, at least not since he was 17 (he said this), he openly brags about dating younger women and freely admits he’s paid for their flights and hotels to be with him.

According to The Daily Beast, Republicans don’t like him and there’s an informal rule not to appear on TV with him at any time for any reason. Why is this? Because Republicans who know Gaetz expect an incoming scandal with the dude at any time.

Again, according to the Beast, more than a half-dozen lawmakers have spoken to reporters about “his love of alcohol and illegal drugs, as well as his proclivity for younger women.” The article states, “It’s well-known among Republican lawmakers that Gaetz was dating a college student—one over the age of consent—in 2018. She came to Washington as an intern.”

A GOP staffer from Capitol Hill said, “I don’t think you’ll find a lot of people who are desperate to keep him involved in Republican politics.” One of those Republicans sent The Daily Beast a photo of a trash bin outside Gaetz’s office as lawmakers cleared out their offices at the end of a recent session. At the top of the heap was an empty “Costco-size” box of “Bareskin” Trojan condoms, extra small. Whoever gets that office after Gaetz may want to decontaminate it with a flamethrower. As Star-Lord in “Guardians of the Galaxy” would say, “If I had a black light, this place would look like a Jackson Pollock painting.”

In fact, only two Republican members of the House have publicly defended Gaetz so far. They are Jim Jordan, who’s another Trump sycophant and has been accused of being aware of sexual abuse among coaches and wrestlers when he was a coach at Ohio State University, and Marjorie Taylor Greene, the Qanon fucknut who is currently barred from any committee assignments. That’s not good company. Gaetz, like Jordan, Greene, and Lauren Boebert, don’t do any actual work as United States Representatives and only use their offices for higher profiles.

Even Tucker Carlson tried to distance himself from Matt Gaetz after giving him a platform to explain himself.

Matt Gaetz appeared on “Tucker Carlson Tonight” with a hair style that now has yard gnomes searching for a new look. Tucker’s show is one his own lawyers successfully argued in court can’t be believed by anyone “reasonable.” But still, more credible than Newsmax, where it’s been reported Gaetz has a job waiting if he chooses to leave Congress. That would be awesome for all of us because nobody watches Newsmax.

During the interview, Gaetz claimed innocence and said Tucker could appreciate his situation saying he was “not the only person on screen right now who’s been falsely accused of a terrible sex act.” Thanks to Matt Gaetz, Tucker had to go back over two decades to explain something he’s spent two decades trying to make fade away from everyone’s memories. Thanks a lot, buddy. Why didn’t Matt just claim all those extra-small “Bareskin” Trojans belonged to Tucker?

Then, Gaetz attempted to not just rope Tucker into his shit, but to make make him a witness. He said a female friend of his was threatened by the FBI and told “she could face trouble” if she didn’t confess to authorities that Gaetz was involved in a “pay-for-play scheme,” and that Tucker had met her. Gaetz said, “You and I went to dinner about two years ago. Your wife was there, and I brought a friend of mine, you’ll remember her.”

This is why you don’t go to dinner with Matt Gaetz. Or, at least one more reason.

Tucker quickly said that not only does he not remember this woman, but he doesn’t even remember the dinner. Thanks to Matt, Tucker’s next guests may be the FBI with subpoenas. After the interview, Tucker said, “That was one of the weirdest interviews I’ve ever conducted” and that it “didn’t clarify much.” Next time, interview a yard gnome. They don’t implicate you in sex-trafficking scandals.

According to some people at Fox News, Tucker was “pissed.”

Matt Gaetz has not been charged and is innocent until proven guilty. But Gaetz’s allegations of extortion could be true while the accusations of sex trafficking could also be true. One does not cancel out the other. Matt Gaetz, being a Republican and a Trump supporter, is probably not aware of that. This is a guy who believes if he screams “deep state” enough, it’ll make all the accusations disappear.

There are so many questions here. How bad are you when other Republicans don’t want anything to do with you? How horrible are you that even Tucker wants distance? How bad are you if your only true support is Donald Trump and Marjorie Taylor Greene? Is he guilty? Was there extortion? What does Nestor think of this? How small were those condoms? Where does one purchase a black light?

Also, in case you’ve never seen one, do NOT Google Jackson Pollock paintings.

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Buy-Bye, Billy


cjones12162020

Donald Trump is going to spend the time he has left in his presidency (sic), which is less than 40 days, seeking revenge. Donald Trump will burn the world to right any perceived wrongs against himself.

Donald Trump claims he made it safe to say, “Merry Christmas” again, which of course is a lie, but the joke here is that he doesn’t actually celebrate Christmas. Donald Trump celebrates Festivus, that Costanza holiday that brings misery to all who observe it. And though this is the season, Donald Trump airs his grievances year-round.

And Donald Trump has a lot of grievances. He may hold the record for personal feuds. He’s tweeted insults and attacks to the most powerful leaders, like President Barack Obama, to movie stars, like Kristen Stewart. According to Trump, the media is against him and so is Hollywood, Washington, ratings, facts, polls, the Post Office, Amazon, Europe, Canadian cheese, and even Republicans who aren’t adequately sycophantic.

During the 2016 presidential campaign, Hillary Clinton warned us that Donald Trump would use the Justice Department to go after his enemies. He doesn’t hide things very well as he admitted right after that, if he ran it, she would “be in jail.” And he has used the department, not just to go after his enemies, but as his personal defense attorney.

His first attorney general, Jeff Sessions, was a sycophant. And although he was giddy and gleeful over separating families and throwing babies in jail, even he knew he had to recuse himself concerning an investigation into Trump and Russia. Sessions was the first senator to endorse Trump. He was on the campaign. He carried his bags. He wore a MAGA hat. So, recusing himself only seemed like the right thing to do. When his assistant appointed Robert Mueller to investigate Trump, Donald was livid. How dare Jeff Sessions recuse himself. He made it clear it was Sessions’ job to protect and defend him. Shortly after, Sessions was fired on grounds of not protecting Donald Trump.

William Barr, who was AG during the first Bush’s term (hey, he’s worked the same job for two one-termers), auditioned for the job on Trump TV (Fox News) saying Mueller shouldn’t have been appointed. After being hired, he told friends he was going to Washington to “save the Justice Department.” He failed. Oh, sweet Jesus, he failed.

He didn’t just fail. He failed in a big way. If he was jumping off a diving board, he would have hit the water with a huge belly flop that would have drained the pool.

When Robert Mueller was finished with his report, William Barr (who was his boss), sat on it for two weeks and gave a misleading summary of it to the public. Barr gave the impression it cleared Donald Trump and there was no obstruction of justice. The Mueller Report actually said there probably was and didn’t clear Trump at all. A federal judge said Barr “couldn’t be trusted” to describe the report and he lacked credibility.

If William Barr ever had credibility, he lost it the day he took the job working for Donald Trump.

Barr’s Justice Department later tried to shield Trump goons, Roger Stone and Michael Flynn. He ordered the clearing of Lafayette Square outside the White House, which was done with teargas, so Trump could conduct a photo-op with a Bible outside St. John’s Church. Barr actually had the Justice Department defend Donald Trump in court when he was sued by E. Jean Carroll for defamation after she publicly accused him of rape.

Where Barr fell out of favor was for contradicting Trump’s claims that the presidential race had been stolen through widespread fraud. Hey, if lickspittle Barr can’t even find enough to lie about it for Trump, there is no mass voter fraud. But perhaps what really pissed Donald Trump off is that William Barr didn’t announce an investigation into Hunter Biden, the president-elect’s son, before the election.

When Donald Trump fired James Comey as head of the FBI, his initial excuse was because Comey announced an investigation into Hillary Clinton before the 2016 election. The Justice Department is NOT supposed to play politics or get involved in elections. Trump has tweeted that Barr should have publicized the investigation into Hunter in order to help his and fellow Republicans’ campaigns.

Trump tweeted, “Why didn’t Bill Barr reveal the truth to the public, before the Election, about Hunter Biden. Big disadvantage for Republicans at the polls!” And even then, Bill Barr did get involved with the election (just as several other cabinet members and White House employees did) by warning that electing Joe Biden would bring socialism.

Bill Barr is a toad. But apparently, not toadie enough. But apparently obtuse to his legacy, Barr wrote a resignation lettered that slobbered all over Trump’s ass.

Barr wrote to Trump, “Your record is all the more historic because you accomplished it in the face of relentless, implacable resistance.” Jesus, that’s the kind of shit you say when you want the job, not after you’ve been fired. He also wrote, “ou have restored American military strength. By brokering historic peace deals in the Mideast you have achieved what most thought impossible.” That wasn’t even his department. Hey, save some ass-kissing for Secretary of State, Mike Pompeo.

Barr took kissing Donald Trump’s ass to new heights. On CNN, he claimed China and Iran were greater threats meddling in our upcoming election than Russia. He ridiculously stated that pandemic restrictions were “the greatest intrusion on civil liberties” since slavery. Having to wear a facemask, eating outside a restaurant, or standing six feet from someone is worse than slavery? I’m sure that’s a popular view on Parler, but from the attorney general of the United States?

Barr leaving with less than 40 days left only means that Trump wants to demolish as much as possible before he’s gone. Barr is not leaving to “spend more time with his family during the holidays.”

I have high hopes that Joe Biden will not use the Justice Department to go after his enemies. But I do have high hopes Biden’s Justice Department pursues justice.

I hope the Justice Department investigates Barr’s involvement and legality in defending Donald Trump and violating the Hatch Act in campaigning for him. I hope the Justice Department pursues other Hatch Act violations, like White House employees and cabinet members campaigning for Trump and holding the Republican National Convention with giant MAGA signs on the White House lawn. I want investigations into Trump issuing pardons during the convention for political props. Future administrations need to be told that shit won’t fly.

Five seconds after Joe Biden completes his oath of office on January 20, 2021, I want to hear an announcement from the Southern District of New York and the New York state attorney that they are charging Donald Trump and his corrupt kids on a multitude of charges…that is, if they haven’t been pardoned by Trump (which won’t affect New York).

Donald Trump was America’s most corrupt president. William Barr was more than happy to assist and cover up that corruption. William Barr will go down as the worst attorney general in our history. And seeing how Donald Trump didn’t return Barr’s loyalty, he may also go down as the dumbest.

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Back To Normal


cjones05132020

In 2009, President Barack Obama expressed his opinion about an arrest in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Republicans howled that the President of the United States shouldn’t stick his nose into situations like this and should just let the legal system play it out. How dare he.

What happened in Cambridge was the arrest of a college professor trying to get into a house. It was his house. He also happens to be black.

Back when an American president spoke honestly and with clarity, President Obama said, “I don’t know, not having been there and not seeing all the facts, what role race played in that. But I think it’s fair to say, number one, any of us would be pretty angry; number two, that the Cambridge police acted stupidly in arresting somebody when there was already proof that they were in their own home, and, number three, what I think we know separate and apart from this incident is that there’s a long history in this country of African Americans and Latinos being stopped by law enforcement disproportionately.”

In 2012, after 17-year-old Trayvon Martin was killed by a wannabe Rambo for walking outside at night while being black and wearing a hoodie, President Obama said, “If I had a son, he would look like Trayvon.” Guess who got upset over that comment? White Republicans.

But you know what Obama never did? He never called the arresting officers or prosecutors “scum.”

Donald Trump, who unfortunately is the President (sic) of the United States, called the FBI officers involved in the Michael Flynn case, “human scum.” He also accused them of treason for pressing charges against a guy who was violating the Logan Act and attempted to thwart American foreign policy with a hostile nation that had just attacked our election. Michael Flynn was secretly talking to the Russian ambassador during the transition period between presidents. He was manipulating U.S. foreign policy. Then, he lied about it.

Are conservatives screaming for Trump to stay out of the case? Are they upset he called law enforcement “human scum?” These questions are rhetorical.

Michael Flynn is guilty. Like I wrote before, don’t take my word that he’s guilty. Take his. He pleaded guilty twice.

Two white men can kill a black man in Georgia, and not be charged until a video of the incident goes viral. The current president (sic) doesn’t have any comment on that but he has plenty to about the injustice being leveled at one of his treasonous goons. He said so much that his other goon, the Attorney General, drops all charges against the first goon who, let me remind you again, pleaded guilty twice.

With this pandemic, everyone wants the nation to get back to normal. For the two different justice systems we have in this nation, one for whites and one for blacks…it’s already there. In fact, it never changed.

Yesterday, Donald Trump called someone to crow about the Justice Department dropping charges against Flynn. He told the person on the other end of the phone call, “I wouldn’t be surprised if you see a lot of things happen over the next number of weeks.”

Who was Donald Trump talking to? Vladimir Putin.

Welcome to the new normal.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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In Like Flynn


cjones05122020

The Trump administration is all about bad examples, corruption, and hypocrisy (we’ll ignore the racism and stupidity for now).

According to inside sources, Donald Trump got “lava level mad” over his exposure to the coronavirus as one of his Naval valets has tested positive for the coronavirus.

The valet performs chores that bring him close to the president (sic), such as shining his shoes, laying out his clothes, and bringing him diet Cokes and hamberders. Donald Trump said he had not been around this particular individual a lot but that doesn’t matter if he’s handling and eating what the valet has touched and breathed on. That’s kinda like thinking you can’t catch it from someone if you don’t know them that well, which was Trump’s argument after a person in a photo with him tested positive shortly after the photo was taken.

Someone is not paying a lot of attention to the briefings from the task force he nearly disbanded.

A person close to the White House told NBC News Trump “became ‘lava level mad’ at his staff and said he doesn’t feel they are doing all they can to protect him from the virus.”

Donald Trump has yet to be seen in a mask. For nearly 40 days straight, he conducted daily briefings in close proximity with other human beings while they all shared a mic. He has even visited a mask factory this week without wearing a mask. He’s said wearing a make is something he “doesn’t see for himself” as it would be undignified while hosting dictators in the Oval Office. Donald Trump is afraid that being seen in a mask will hurt his efforts to reopen the nation, confuse the ignorant Trump cultists he’s encouraged to “liberate” blue states, make him look weak, and be used against him in negative campaign ads. This from a guy whose face is already a negative.

Because of Trump’s attitude toward wearing a mask, nobody around him wears a mask. When Mike Pence visited the Mayo Clinic, he refused to wear a mask.

Trump has presented a very loud message that masks and social distancing are not necessary around him because he’s a tough guy. So, hardly anyone in the White House wears masks or social distances. And now, he’s “lava level mad” that he’s been exposed to the coronavirus?

Boris Johnson, Prince Charles, Prince Albert of Monaco, the Prime Minister of Russia, the wives of Canada and Spain’s leaders, a high number of leadership officials throughout the world, and Senator Rand Paul have all tested positive for the coronavirus. Several people who have been close to Trump at Mar-a-Lago and the White House have tested positive or been close to others who have. It’s kinda amazing Donald Trump hasn’t caught it and that the White House isn’t a petri dish full of the virus.

Now (get ready for more hypocrisy), while the administration argues it’s not necessary to test every American and it’s not even important to ramp up testing to reopen the nation, Donald Trump and Mike Pence will be tested for the virus daily. In case you’re a Republican, daily means every day.

Since Trump does need a new valet and they’re usually military personnel, why doesn’t he give former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn the job?

Donald Trump is not good at taking advice, from Dr. Anthony Fauci suggesting we all wear masks and practice social distancing to President Obama advising him not to hire Putin poodle Michael Flynn.

Flynn, who was just not exonerated by William Barr’s corruption, is someone Donald Trump said could possibly return to the White House after pleading guilty TWICE for lying to the FBI about his conversations with Russians during the transition period.

It’s a crime to lie to the FBI and that’s what Michael Flynn did. He was close to the president, working in the White House, and lying about contacts with Russia, a nation hostile to the United States and from which Flynn had taken payment (and also lied about) in the recent past. Flynn is guilty. Don’t take my word for it. Take Michael Flynn’s word for it. He pleaded guilty twice.

And why was he being investigated? Because he was undermining our nation’s national security policy. President Obama slapped heavy sanctions on Russia after their interference in the election. Flynn contacted them to tell them not to worry about it and to hold off on reprisals with their own sanctions. Help in the form of a corrupt Trump presidency was coming.

Attorney General William Barr intervened in the Roger Stone case by lowering the prison sentence recommendation for that particular Trump goon. All four Justice Department prosecutors in the Stone case resigned and over 2,000 former Justice Department officials signed a letter calling for Barr’s resignation.

Now, the Justice Department is dropping all charges against Flynn after years of Donald Trump tweeting about the “horrible treatment” the former three-star general has received. Donald Trump likes to stick up for traitors, probably because he’s one himself.

Barr brought in outside investigators whose sole mission was to find fault with the FBI’s investigation. Now, in regards to Michael Flynn pleading guilty twice, Barr said, “people sometimes plead to things that turn out not to be crimes.” The Attorney General doesn’t know it’s a crime to lie to the FBI? And why is the Attorney General talking like he’s Michael Flynn’s defense lawyer?

The message here is: Trump goons don’t have to worry about the rule of law. While career professionals from the Justice Department will go after their lawbreaking, the top goon of the department will attempt to save the bad guys. All the convicted goons will receive pardons after November anyway, whether Trump wins or not. These are corrupt people, from Trump to Barr to Flynn to Manafort to Stone to Giuliani to the coffee boy.

When Donald Trump issues directives, William Barr follows them, from lying about the Mueller Report while concealing it, defending Roger Stone, to dropping charges against Flynn. It’s not the valet who should be social distancing from Donald Trump, it’s the Attorney General.

But, it is hard to social distance when you’re crawling up someone’s ass.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Smackdown For MAGAts


cjones02242020

Spoiler alert: Professional wrestling is fake. Another spoiler alert: So is Donald Trump and his entire administration.

When I was a kid, my friends and I actually had debates over whether professional wrestling was real. Even if you were on the side of it being real, you still knew it was fake. Today, it seems professional wrestling fans are totally in on it, but they still enjoy the “sport. OK, like NASCAR, it’s not a sport, so it totally makes sense that Donald Trump made an appearance at one of their events yesterday.

But Trump fans are less sophisticated than wrestling fans. They don’t know Donald Trump is fake. They think the guy is an actual billionaire. They think he’s donating his entire presidential salary without getting anything in return (Psst, emoluments, fuckers). They think he’s a great negotiator. They think he’s smart. They think he knows stuff. They don’t think he’s an idiot, or a racist, or a sexist, or a narcissistic shitstain in our nation’s history. Most of all, they actually believe Donald Trump cares and can relate to them.

A few months ago, my ex-girlfriend asked me if I knew wrestling was big right now. I did not know that but it totally makes sense. I mean, if Donald Trump can fool enough people to steal a presidential election, then there’s gotta be a lot of people watching wrestling.

And it’s appropriate to compare Donald Trump to wrestling because he has a relationship with wrestling, which was probably more real to him than his reality show. Donald Trump worked a program with the World Wrestling Entertainment company. It was a program where two billionaires, Trump and the owner of the company, Vincent McMahon, battled each other at Wrestlemania (the Super Bowl of wrestling) vicariously through wrestlers. The loser got his head shaved. No, it doesn’t make sense to me either. Of course, Donald Trump didn’t actually wrestle but he did jump on McMahon at one point to throw some fake punches. At the end of the show, he got to shave McMahon’s head and then…a bald wrestler gave Donald Trump what is called a “stunner.” I could watch that video clip all day.

Trump’s wrestling connection goes further. Reportedly, McMahon or the WWE (not sure which) paid Trump $4 million for his Wrestlemania gig. But, they didn’t “pay” him. They donated the money to the Trump Foundation. You know, that organization the state of New York recently shut down because of Trump’s corruption with it? But, with Trump taking the money as a donation to his charity, that means he didn’t have to pay taxes on it. Later, Trump used money from that charity to buy portraits of himself and sports memorabilia, pay off legal fees for his shitty bedbug-ridden gold resorts, and make political bribes to one of the lawyers who eventually defended his impeachment before the United States Senate. He also used the charity to make donations to veteran groups in coordination with presidential campaign events, which is illegal. Man, I could making this shit up, but I’m not.

After Donald Trump was elected (fake) to the presidency, he made Linda McMahon, Vince’s wife and CEO of the rasslin’ company, the head of the Small Business Administration. On April 12, 2019, she stepped down. On the 15th of April (in case you’re a Republican, that’s three days later), she was appointed as Chairman of America First Action, a pro-Trump Super PAC, where she plans to raise and spend $300 million in battleground states to reelect Trump. If there’s a reason not to watch wrestling, it’s that right there. Linda herself is a former Republican candidate for the U.S. Senate. Thankfully, she lost.

It makes sense that Linda McMahon would chair a Trump Super PAC since she’s already headed one unethical enterprise. She was CEO of WWE and no, it’s not unethical because it’s a fake sport. It’s unethical in that their “wrestlers” are not employees. They’re contractors so the company doesn’t have to pay Social Security, Medicare, unemployment insurance, or provide insurance. After one wrestler with a history of multiple concussions murdered his wife and child before committing suicide, a government survey found that 40% of “wrestlers” were found to be drug users, mostly steroids. WWE has fought states from regulating it as a sport and it has a long legacy of ignoring concussions, like the kind that makes a guy go batshit crazy and murder his wife and child before committing suicide. Donald Trump recently said head injuries to military members weren’t a concern. The mortality rate for wrestlers is 6.4 times higher than it is for men in the general population and higher than other “sports.” The number of wrestlers to die before the age of 65 is insane. Men should not be dying from heart attacks in their 30s. Seriously, Google this shit.

So, when Attorney General William Barr publicly scolds Donald Trump for tweeting on cases before DOJ and making his job “impossible,” don’t believe it. He coordinated his criticism with the White House before he delivered it. Barr has done nothing except use the Justice Department to defense Donald Trump, protect his corrupt friends, and go after his political enemies. After calling back U.S. Attorney’s sentence recommendation for Roger Stone, then saying he wants to review the entire case, over 1,100 former Justice Department employees have called on Barr to resign.

Barr should resign though it wouldn’t do any good. Trump would just replace him with another phony. At some point, maybe they will start wearing masks like those little Mexican wrestlers.

There is no Santa Claus, no Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny isn’t real, wrestling is staged, and Donald Trump is a fake president. It’s time you grew up and realized that.

Creative notes: I worked on this one in my head for two days. Even at a party last night, I kept going back to the text and restructuring it in my head. When I finally drew it, I didn’t use anything I had planned out (except for the stuff in the blog). The blog took a lot of research.

When I bounced this off my two proofreaders, I asked if they were familiar with the “smell what’s cookin'” line. Laura said she didn’t and had to look it up which probably replaced some less important knowledge in her brain, like algebra. She was also unfamiliar with a “purple nurple” which I hope is not an actual wrestling maneuver.

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You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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Ass Man


cjones02212020

When William Barr says he’s not making decisions based upon Donald Trump’s tweets, don’t believe him. I don’t have faith in Trump’s personal defender disguised as our nation’s Attorney General because his own people don’t have faith in him. They know he’s kissing that ass.

Four U.S. Attorneys resigned from the Roger Stone case after the Justice Department overruled their sentencing recommendation. This is something that’s never done. So when Barr says he wasn’t influenced by Trump’s tweets, don’t believe him. His people don’t.

Barr is trying to save face after he’s had his face burrowed in Trump’s orange ass. He’s acted publicly time and time again as Trump’s Roy Cohn. Right now, Barr is only trying to stem the bleeding in his department. He has a department, courts, and an entire justice system that does not have faith in him.

When William Barr says he hasn’t been kissing that ass, don’t believe his ass-kissing lips.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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Shut The Tat’s Trap


cjones02192020

Roger Stone is the kind of guy, that when he watches Die Hard, he roots for Hans Gruber. This man is a villain who rejoices at being a villain. To him, it’s an art. For the love of God, he has a Richard Nixon tattoo on his back. And you thought a MAGA hat was a people repellant. As if just being Roger Stone wasn’t repellant enough.

Stone worked on the Nixon campaign and is considered by many to be a “dirty trickster.” He’s a liar who promotes conspiracy theories and other assorted bullshit. So naturally, he was all in on the Trump campaign. In fact, he was a lobbyist for Trump’s failed casino and encouraged him to run for president back in 1998. During the 2016 campaign, he engaged in conspiracy theories and according to two of his associates, was in communication with Julian Assange with whom he coordinated a smear campaign against Hillary Clinton.

Last year, the Mueller investigation (you remember that investigation. The one where Republicans say didn’t find anything?) charged Stone with witness tampering, obstructing an official proceeding, and five counts of making false statements. A court found him guilty on all seven charges. Not just one or even a few of them but every single charge Mueller presented. This week, prosecutors recommended Stone serve nine years in a federal penitentiary. Guess who flipped out crying that Stone was being mistreated.

Donald Trump went on a Twitter rampage about the mistreatment Stone received. He said the investigation never should have happened. It was illegal and a witch hunt. Keep in mind, Roger Stone was found guilty on all seven counts.

The president (sic) of the United States is defending a known liar and a conman. He’s defending a sexist who was banned from CNN after calling one of their contributors an “entitled diva bitch” and said he imagined her “killing herself.” The president (sic) of the United States is defending a racist who called another CNN contributor a “stupid negro” and a “fat negro.” This is a guy who sought to hire members of the far-right, neo-fascist, Nazi-loving Proud Boys as his personal security at a Republican conference. After his arraignment, Proud Boys stood on the steps of the courthouse screaming that Stone is innocent. The president (sic) of the United States is defending a guy who threatened a witness’ dog. At this point, I’m feeling bad for Nixon that he’s associated with this guy.

Roger Stone is one of Trump’s goons. He’s a henchman. If he wasn’t headed to federal prison right now, he’d probably be in Ukraine with Rudy Giuliani creating more conspiracy theories.

But, mere hours after Trump’s free-Roger tweetstorm, where he called it a “miscarriage of justice,” a senior Justice Department official said the department would recommend a lighter sentence. What? Go light on Roger because of Trump’s Twitter tirade?

Trump says he wasn’t involved but that he could have made the Justice Department go lighter (that alone tells you this guy will never willfully give up his power). But that’s a lie as he was involved. His tweets and public comments are him getting involved. The department says they made this call before the tweetstorm, but they’re not very good at lying. Just because you do something a lot, doesn’t always mean you’re good at it.

Later yesterday afternoon, all four of the Assistant US Attorneys who were prosecuting the case withdrew from the case, with one of them leaving the Justice Department altogether. Can’t blame the guy as you can see where the department is going, what with Attorney General William Barr publicly acknowledging that he would work with Giuliani in his Ukraine conspiracy theories. Why work for the Justice Department when the AG is just another Trump goon? This morning, Trump congratulated Barr for intervening.

This is the kind of stuff people should care about. Even Republicans should care about this. This is corruption. It’s the very definition of corruption. And along with my predictions that after/if he’s reelected, that Trump will pull all U.S. troops out of the Korean peninsula, pull the U.S. out of NATO, and host Vladimir Putin in the White House, he’ll also pardon Roger Stone and Paul Manafort. Actually, those pardons will come after the election, whether he wins or not.

The judge of this case has final say on the sentencing. Let’s hope she ignores Trump and the Justice Department and gives Stone what he deserves.

Roger Stone is a dirty trickster, liar, conman, evil, and corrupt. Donald Trump is defending the guy because he is too.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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Butt Dial Rudy


cjones10282019

Where hasn’t Rudy Giuliani stuck his ass since Donald Trump became president?

While Republicans are complaining that diplomats are “unelected,” unelected Rudy Giuliani is engaging in shadow diplomacy in Ukraine and other nations while also working on his personal business deals. Is he working for the State Department or as Trump’s personal attorney? It’s confusing because he’s tried to have it both ways. He says he has attorney-client privilege because he’s Trump’s personal lawyer, but if he’s working for the Justice Department, then he doesn’t have that privilege.

It was reported Friday night that Giuliani butt-dialed an NBC News reporter on October 16 and his ass left a voicemail. What did Rudy’s ass have to say? A lot of it was incomprehensible, much like any Rudy interview, but what was made out is Rudy discussing the kingdom of Bahrain and needing a “few hundred thousand” dollars. The weird thing is…OK, weirder, is that it’s not the first time Rudy has butt-dialed a reporter. If Donald Trump was smart, and he’s not, he’d find a better lawyer or at least one who can operate a smartphone.

Trump’s other buttpoodle, William Barr, has dragged his ass all over the Justice Department like a dog on the carpet. It was revealed Friday that the Justice Department’s investigation into the Justice Department over the Russia investigation is now a criminal probe. Barr is seeking to send people to jail for the crime of investigating Russian collusion into the 2016 presidential election.

Barr, Trump, and Republicans claim the department “spied” on the Trump campaign. They’ve been chasing a conspiracy theory that it was Ukraine, not Russia, who meddled in the election, and not in favor of Trump but of Hillary Clinton. They believe the Democratic National Committee’s server is in Ukraine. These theories have been debunked. What did happen is that Russia meddled in the election, in favor of Trump, and while neither Obama or the Justice Department spied on the Trump campaign, Russia at least attempted to. Funny how these “patriots” are all riled up about conspiracy theories and hoaxes but haven’t expressed any outrage over foreign nations attacking our country. Now, Russia and other nations hostile to us have clearance to continue attacking our nation knowing Trump’s administration will ignore them and punish those in law enforcement who try to protect our nation.

Sure, internal reviews, from police departments to the Justice Department, should always be conducted. But if we’re more concerned about punishing the people investigating foreign spies than the actual spies, something is messed up. Donald Trump, William Barr, and the entire Republican Party are punishing the FBI while protecting Russian spies. That’s a bunch of butt.

Donald Trump, with buttpoodle William Barr, has totally politicized the Justice Department. It’s not seeking justice. It’s seeking retribution for the crimes of investigating Donald Trump…or anything close to him. This is an authoritarian act.

After Trump is removed from office, we need to remove every official he’s appointed, including judges. Every appointment was made possible by Russia and Vladimir Putin and if we don’t remove them, then Putin’s ass will be staining our nation for decades to come.

Trump, Barr, and Rudy should all land in prison. Let’s just hope Rudy doesn’t butt-dial anyone with his one phone call. Hopefully, when all this is said and done, we’ll never hear from any of their asses ever again.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Four Pigs And An Escalator


cjones07142019

As federal prosecutors in New York were bringing new charges against billionaire financier Jeffrey Epstein, liberals were pointing out his connections to Donald Trump, excluding those with former president Bill Clinton. Conservatives were doing the same thing, except pointing out Epstein’s connections to Clinton and not those with Trump. The thing is, this is not a partisan issue. It’s an issue of rich men protecting other rich men.

One of the fine ladies who proofreads my cartoons told me, “It’s about being above the law and hurting the weak with impunity. If you’re rich enough, the laws don’t apply.” What happens to women, and in this case, underage girls doesn’t take precedence when the accused is a billionaire in the Men’s Club.

Epstein chummed around for decades with celebrities, such as Britain’s Prince Andrew and Bill Cosby, which doesn’t help his case. For decades, his penchant for young women was well known in his social circle. Bill Clinton, whom you may have heard has had his own sordid past with women, was a friend of Epstein’s. Clinton claims he never knew of Epstein’s behavior and only flew on his private jet four times. Flight records show that the number is actually over two dozen times.

His connections to Trump are less clear, but they were friends. One of Epstein’s accusers said in court documents that she was recruited to give Epstein massages while she was working at Mar-a-Lago, Donald Trump’s private golf resort in Florida. Epstein has been photographed with Trump at the resort. The resort is really popular with Chinese spies and pedophiles.

In 2002, Trump told New York Magazine that Epstein was a “terrific guy” whom he had known for 15 years. He said, “He’s a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side.”

Now, Trump says they were never friends despite calling him “terrific,” “fun to be around,” and a guy he’s known for 15 years. Trump also knew him well enough to know he likes beautiful women as much as he does and that many of them are on the “younger side.” That younger side is where the problems come in.

Epstein is a registered sex offender thanks to a plea deal he struck in Florida, but it’s that plea deal which is his other connection to Donald Trump.

Trump’s Labor Secretary Alexander Acosta was the lead federal prosecutor against Epstein. Thanks to meticulous reporting by The Miami Herald (because journalism is more important today than ever), we now know that Acosta was personally involved in striking a deal that saved Epstein from a trial and federal charges where he could have faced life in prison. Instead, Acosta gave him a deal where Epstein served 13 months in county jail instead of prison, and he was allowed to be picked up six days a week by his personal driver and go to work for up to 12 hours a day. Basically, for 13 months, he was forced to spend the night in jail, but not to actually have to live there.

Hundreds of underage girls were brought to Epstein by his recruiters in his sex ring to give what they were told were massages. Prosecutors did not inform the victims of the plea deal until after a judge approved it, even though federal law requires victims to be informed of major developments involving their complaints. Maybe Acosta didn’t believe a plea deal was a major development.

Last year, the Herald uncovered that Acosta was meeting personally with one of Epstein’s lawyers, who was also a former colleague of Acosta’s. You would think there would be a recusal there because of a conflict of interest.

According to a thank-you note from one of Epstein’s lawyers to Acosta, they were assured by Acosta that none of the identified individuals, potential witnesses, or potential civil claimants would be contacted over the deal. Acosta’s office also agreed to help shield the deal from public scrutiny. The lead prosecutor wrote to Epstein’s lawyers at the time, “I can file the charge in district court in Miami which will hopefully cut the press coverage significantly. Do you want to check that out?”

Do you want to check that out? They were seeking approval from the pedophile’s lawyer on how to file the charges. Now, that lead prosecutor is the nation’s Labor Secretary. This morning, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and the Senates Minority Leader Chuck Schumer called for Acosta to either step down or be removed.

Donald Trump isn’t just friends with pedophiles, sex offenders, and your run-of-the-mill slimy bastards. He’s friends with people who help those slimy bastards cover their slime, which is good for Trump because he’s a degenerate himself. This is a man who’s talked about dating his daughter, has bragged about grabbing women “by the pussy,” has boasted about barging into teenage girls’ dressing rooms, and has been caught coming down an escalator commenting on a child, “I’m going to be dating her in ten years.”

Now, federal prosecutors in New York are charging Epstein for sex trafficking of minors. Hopefully, the same office will be able to go after Trump someday and they will have many options of charges because the only difference between Trump and Epstein is that Epstein got caught.

Trump found it amusing that Epstein likes them on the “younger side,” because that’s how he likes them too.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

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More Butt For Barr


cjones05282019

Once again, Donald Trump is politicizing the Justice Department, just like he promised he would as a candidate.

Trump has given Attorney General William Barr sweeping authority to declassify information related to the Russian investigation. This move frightens the intelligence community. It endangers sources, methods, and threatens to manipulate the intelligence that’s been gathered for political means.

You may have hopes that William Barr will push this new authority to the side, wanting to respect the intelligence community and not use his position to play politics for Trump, but according to Trump, Barr asked for this authority.

Trump has Barr investigating the Russia investigation. They and other Republicans are upset that the Justice Department pursued leads on people who were in contact with the Russian government and being useful idiots for the Kremlin. These people were in the Trump campaign. Trump has called the investigation treason. According to Trump, it’s unpatriotic to go after our nation’s enemies when they’re in close contact with Trump.

Trump has constantly attacked the FBI and intelligence community since coming into office and has not been subtle in calling for the Justice Department to go after his political enemies. In the future, we’re going to need an investigation into the investigation into the investigation.

Usually, the Attorney General would prepare a report on a matter and ask senior leaders at the NSA, CIA, the Office of the Director of National Intelligence, and other agencies to declassify specific documents without harming the intelligence-gathering process. In this instance, he can do whatever he wants with the information without concern for who or what it hurts. He was given this authority by a man who gave Russians classified information in the Oval Office, obtained through an ally.

Trump is showing his ass. Currently, he’s in Japan showing our allies there his ass. These kind of moves, violating and abusing his power as president, are just a few of the many reasons his ass needs to be removed from the presidency.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch Me Draw.