Roger Ailes Sugar Butt


Oh my stars! A tawdry political cartoon right before my Jesus-loving eyes! Here come the night sweats! Cover the children’s eyes or they’ll never be right again!  Cancel my subscription! Fire the scalawag who produced such a horrid abomination! 

Feel free to cut and paste the above paragraph and send it to any of my clients who actually run this cartoon. It’ll save you some work. I wanted to use a different term that included the word “sugar,” but it will be hard enough for my editors to convince themselves to run this.

I took a little creative license with this as I doubt many people who frequent strip clubs would read a newspaper during their visit. I’m assuming. I wouldn’t know from experience. I’m a good boy. Every time I ever visited New Orleans I stood outside the clubs and prayed for all those inside.

So Roger Ailes it out at Fox News after 20 years of changing, innovating, and ruining cable news. It’s his fault we have all these news talk shows.

It is true that he changed the business that CNN started. His network also became the ratings leader after 9/11 and hasn’t dropped it since. He didn’t move cable news into a direction of improving coverage. CNN and NBC (shared with MSNBC) actually puts more focus into coverage. CNN has 33 international bureaus, NBC has 11, and Fox News…..four. They have less interest in gathering news than they have on spinning it.

Ailes started up Fox News for Rupert Murdoch’s News Corporation with the slogan “Fair And Balanced.” That was their wink wink nudge nudge to “we’re going to say stuff conservatives want to hear.” From a political scorecard judged by PunditFact in 2014 of statements they chose to study (which means it’s not covering every little thing said on the networks), CNN is at 22% with statements that aren’t true. NBC/MSNBC is at 45%, which is “Wow! That’s a heavy dose of BS!”. Fox News, the “Fair And Balanced” network, comes in at 58%.

It’s also hard to say you’re “fair and balanced” with a straight face when your CEO, this being Roger Ailes, was a Republican strategist, who kept advising Republicans, and even had Fox News donate money to Republicans. When they were selling the Iraq War to Americans during the buildup, Roger Ailes was in the White House telling George W. Bush and Dick Cheney how they should spin it together. That’s not news. That’s activism.

Fox News released their pundit Gretchen Carlson who then sued Ailes for sexual harassment. Fox News said the accusations were lies, thus increasing their falsehoods from 58% to a healthy 98% (I made that number up). Then a bunch of other women (I’m assuming they’re women) made the same claim.

Then there are reports that Fox News biggest name also made a claim that Ailes had sexually harassed the star. Seriously, I just don’t buy that Bill O’Reilly is that attractive, but whatever turns Roger on….no wait. It was Fox News’ second biggest name, Chris Wallace. Again, I’m lying. It was Bret Baier. I’m blaming it on the clothes he chose to wore so it’s not Roger’s fault. I’ll stop. It was Megyn Kelly. Greta Van Susteren said “what’s sexual harassment?”.

Fox News was doing an internal probe (get your minds out of the gutter, you bunch of Beavises) but after Kelly’s confession that probably sealed Ailes’ fate. Megyn’s a star and one of the Fox News pundits/anchors who actually gets respect from the rest of the media. Plus, you’d rather have her around the office than Roger Ailes, especially on sleeveless-shirt Fridays at the NYC Fox News HQ.

I think Fox News could have prevented this entire thing if they had just put as much focus into Ailes as they did North Carolina bathrooms.


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