First Class Pandas

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion Newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday

Did you know that a panda’s diet is 99 percent bamboo shoots while the other one percent is human babies? This is why you should never have a panda as a pet. Also, kung fu. Pandas are experts at kung fu and if not given enough bamboo shoots… or babies, they will kung fu your ass into the next Chinese new year.

I once saw a documentary where a panda was such a master at kung fu, that he killed a snow leopard. And no ordinary run-of-the-mill snow leopard either, but one with a very charming British accent that had just beaten up a shit ton of rhinoceroceseseses. The panda also led a kung fu gang consisting of a tiger, a praying mantis, a snake, a bird, and a monkey. That’s just a lot of bad kung-fu news right there.

Personally, I’m glad China is taking back all their pandas before they escaped from our zoos and went on a kung fu baby-eating rampage.

Thank you, China. Thank you.

By the way, when is Donald Trump going to claim if he was still president (sic), China wouldn’t be taking away our pandas?

Creative notes: I love drawing pandas because it looks like a cartoonist created them. Also, my editor at CNN Opinion came up with the concept of pandas flying first class. I think maybe after four years of editing my work, he’s finally becoming a little weird.

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