Tony Bennett

OK, so I’m not the best with memorial tribute obituary cartoons. Sue me.

I don’t plan to write a long blog for you on this because I’ve already covered the Aldean business, and CNN kept me working until 12:30 A.M. this morning, so I’m tired.

I’ve never been a Tony Bennett fan or a hater, but I’ve always respected his voice and generosity. This man was anti-racist and supported the right causes before any of that was cool. He was on the correct side of history when it could have hurt him professionally. He didn’t pander to an audience.

Jason Aldean is a panderer. Tony Bennett crooned, “I left my heart in San Francisco.” Jason Aldean twangs, “Try that in a small town.”

There is a statue of Tony Bennett in front of the Fairmont Hotel in San Francisco, where he first performed his signature song. San Francisco is a big city conservatives hate. San Francisco is a sanctuary city. It contains the Tenderloin district. It’s the home of Diane Feinstein and Nancy Pelosi. It’s given us great bands like Jefferson Airplane, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Primus, Big Brother and the Holding Company, Metallica, the Grateful Dead, Journey, Huey Lewis and the News, Moby Grape, Santana, Sly and the Family Stone, the Steve Miller Band, Third Eye Blind, Sheila E, the Counting Crows, Green Day, and the Doobie Brothers.

Jason Aldean will probably get a statue in Hooterville.

But here’s the thing, kids. I’m not trying to bash small towns. I have lived in small towns like Americus and Ellaville, Georgia, and Enis, Pope, and Batesville, Mississippi. There was a time in my life when driving 20 miles to eat at Taco Bell was a special day. I have a healthy respect for small towns and the people who live in them, and I’m not the one making a claim that they’re racist. Jason Aldean is telling us small towns are racist.

Jason Aldean is sending out dog whistles about his ideal small town while also saying it won’t allow free speech because his song claims you can’t “stomp” or “burn” a flag in a small town, and “desecrating” a flag is constitutionally protected speech. Look it up. Jason Aldean is singing that there’s no tolerance in his small town, although he’s actually from Macon, Georgia. I can see how “Try That in a Medium-Size City” wouldn’t have the right twang to it.

Tony Bennett didn’t write his signature song and Jason Aldean doesn’t write his big hits either. He didn’t write that song about big green tractors and it took four people, of which he was none, to write the hate song about small towns.

Since Jason Aldean hates big cities so much despite living in Nashville, I challenge him to conduct his next tour entirely in small towns. You know, avoid the larger money-making venues in cities. I’m sure he doesn’t want to be a hypocrite and claim he doesn’t need cities while making all his money in cities where people do things like protests against racism and cops murdering unarmed black people.

Rest in peace, Tony Bennett, and thank you for making this world a better place. Thank you for giving us great music. Jason Aldean is still here and I’m sure for years to come he’ll continue to shit out garbage he calls music.

By the way, if I ever did leave my heart in a city, it’s Honolulu.

Music note: I did NOT listen to Tony Bennett and I definitely DID NOT listen to Jason Aldean. I listened to Lit.

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