Is the Trump administration deliberately trying to troll us? It would seem if they want to exert their heavy hand over federal departments and ban actual words, then they wouldn’t settle on seven, thus forcing us to draw parallels with the late, great George Carlin’s most famous bit about seven words you can’t say on television.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention were given a list of seven words and terms that are now forbidden to be included in official documents being prepared for next year’s budget. Those words are “‘vulnerable,” “entitlement,” “diversity,” “transgender,” “fetus,” “evidence-based,” and “science-based.” Couldn’t they have found an eighth term, like “orange douchebag?” But I bet nobody in the administration wants to hear or say that word, at least not until their inevitable firing, which will no longer be referred to as “shit-canned.”
In some cases, the agency was given replacement terms. Instead of “science-based” or “evidence-based,” one suggested phrase is, “CDC bases its recommendations on science in consideration of community standards and wishes.” Great. So now we’re replacing science and facts with wishes and what people want to hear.
Is this why they never use the word “zombie” in The Walking Dead?” In the first season, the survivors make their way to the CDC in Atlanta to learn we’re all screwed to high tits and that everyone comes back from the dead and Rick’s wife Lori has been screwing Shane. Not once does anyone say “zombie,” or even “who is that baby’s daddy?” Maybe the word was banned because an official saying “oh shit. Look at all them flesh-eating zombies” would start a national panic. I’m sorry, but if I’m sleeping underground in a sewer avoiding cannibalistic walking corpses, no memorandum from the idiots in the Trump administration will prevent me from saying “zombie,” or from wondering why Daryl, who is the coolest and most badass dude on the show, still hasn’t gotten laid after seven seasons. Heaven forbid someone would say “that’s a mighty diverse group of zombies making me feel very vulnerable right now. Daryl should kill them since he’s not busy having sex with anyone.”
This banning words and phrases crap isn’t a new thing for this ridiculous administration. They’ve made it difficult to address such issues as sexual orientation, gender identity, and abortion rights in the departments of Health and Human Services, Justice, Education, and Housing and Urban Development.
Last March, HHS dropped questions about sexual orientation and gender identity in two surveys of elderly people. I guess that’s OK because being gay and transgender didn’t become a thing until millennials showed up.
HHS has also removed information about LGBT Americans from its website. They’ve also removed information that outlined federal services that are available for LGBT people, including how to adopt and receive help if they are victims of sex trafficking. This is why anytime you get an automated voice giving options on the phone, press zero instead of wasting 17 minutes listening to the choices. Yours isn’t gonna be included anyway.
If they’re banning words at the CDC then how many other departments are also receiving lists of words and phrases they can’t say? Will the Army start referring to guns as “boom sticks?” Will the National Park Service start referring to wildlife protected areas as “detriments to paved enhancements?” The Justice Department will probably start referring to FBI agents investigating the Trump campaign as “witch hunters.”
The director for the CDC is telling us there are no banned words, despite there being banned words and others in the agency verifying they have received a list and attended a meeting on this subject.
Other officials are saying it’s not an “outright” ban, but more of a technique to secure approval of their 2019 budget from a hysterical, conspiracy-driven, science and fact-challenged Republican Congress with the comprehensive skills of a gopher on acid. If you listen to any of those bozos on the news or follow their Twitter feeds, you can see how words like “fetus,” “diversity,” “transgender,” “fact,” and “science” can freak them out and drive them into a hillbilly hootenanny.
But some in the scientific community say that forbidding certain words could change the direction of policies. Dr. Sandro Galea of Boston University’s School of Public Health said “if you are saying you cannot use words like ‘transgender’ and ‘diversity,’ it’s a clear statement that you cannot pay attention to these issues.”
He has a point. Do you remember the Republican congressman who heads the science committee who brought a snowball to the floor of the House to prove Climate Change is a myth?
If the zombie apocalypse does hit, I’m not letting any of these Republican idiots into my sewer.
Creative note: I’m sure some other cartoonists will use the same theme I’m using today, but screw it. In case you’re not aware or you have forgotten, here’s where you can find Carlin’s seven dirty words.
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