Electric Boats and MAGA Sharks

Where do I even begin with this?

Donald Trump held a little rally in Las Vegas and told the audience a story about a conversation he had with a boat builder in South Carolina. Trump often likes to relay conversations he’s had only in his head, and in his tellings, the fictional person he’s talking to always calls him sir.

So he’s talking to a boat guy who proceeds to tell him the horribleness of electric boats and how the big bad government is forcing him to build them. Trump claims this guy claimed he was being asked to make only electric boats but that such boats were too heavy to float, had to be slowly driven out to sea which took hours, and then had so little charge left that you could only be out for 10 minutes. According to this story, you’d have better luck sailing on an electric stove.

The first part is an obvious lie. Who buys boats that don’t float? The U.S. Navy has electric boats and according to eyewitnesses, they don’t sink from the weight of their batteries.

Then Trump said in his fictional conversation with himself, “So I said, ‘Let me ask you a question, Nobody ever asks this question,’ and it must because of MIT, my relationship to MIT. Very smart.”

Trump has a relative who taught at MIT. I have a niece who went to Mississippi State University and got a degree to become a vet, but that doesn’t make me qualified to be a horse doctor. Anyway…

Trump continued his fake story, “I say, ‘What would happen if the boat sank from its weight and you’re in the boat, and you have this tremendously powerful battery, and the battery’s now underwater, and there’s a shark that’s approximately 10 yards over there?’. Keep in mind that Trump told this story in Nevada where death from shark attacks is extremely rare for some reason.

Stormy Daniels said that her encounter with Trump and his tiny orange mushroom coincided with Shark Week. The TV in the hotel room (also in Las Vegas) was on the Discovery Channel which Trump saw either before or after he told Stormy how much she reminded him of his daughter. Trump told her how much he hated sharks and wished they would all die. There have been more Trump attacks in Nevada than Shark attacks. True.

So Trump asked the boat fucker, “Do I get electrocuted if the boat is sinking, water goes over the battery, the boat is sinking?” Or… “Do I stay on top of the boat and get electrocuted, or do I jump over by the shark and not get electrocuted?” Trump claims he’s a great athlete so I’m sure he could just outswim that shark.

Trump said the boat maker said he didn’t know the answer to that which means Trump talked to the most ignorant boat manufacturer ever. In reality, the guy could have said, “Sir, that is the dumbest question I’ve ever been asked, and I live in a state controlled by Republicans. Nikki Haley was my governor and my two senators are Tim Scott and Lindsey Graham, but that’s still the most idiotic and moronic question I’ve ever been asked.”

The answer to Trump’s question, does he stay on the boat and risk electrocution or jump in the water and take his chances with the shark, is…Stay on the boat.

The risk of electrocution on a sinking boat is low. Boat manufacturers know water and electricity don’t mix well and keep this in mind when building boats, except for the guy in South Carolina. The battery packs on boats are very watertight. People knew way before Donald Trump told them that water and electricity don’t mix. To his credit, Donald Trump is the first to inform us of invisible airplanes, raking forests, that Puerto Rico is an island and a part of the United States, and Revolutionary War airports.

Also, when an electric shock hits the water, like a bolt of lightning, the shock is only on the surface for a very short time in a very limited range. And when the battery dies, the power source for the electricity dies too. Can you imagine how many car batteries have been dumped in the ocean?

Here’s another detail: If Donald Trump is on an electric boat surrounded by sharks, and it’s sinking, he doesn’t have to make a choice between electrocution and the sharks. He’s gonna end up in the water anyway. He could always use that gun he has in Florida despite it being against the law for a felon to own a gun.

For Trump’s sake, let’s hope sharks don’t like to eat diapers.

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