Trump Transition

Nyet Nyet. Nyet?


cjones01132017

Several weeks ago I had an idea where Trump was asked about his connections to Russia and his response was “nyet.” It wasn’t a good idea and I knew other cartoonists would take similar shots with it. I’ve seen at least three “nyet” cartoons since then. After watching Rex Tillerson’s confirmation hearing it kinda came back to me and I decided to take the obvious idea and put a twist on it.

Rex Tillerson should not be Secretary of State. Marco Rubio has expressed dissatisfaction with the guy’s answers and he may vote against him if he can man up and defy Trump and his supporters. It might be the first good thing Rubio does as a United States senator.

Tillerson is a liar. He claimed he never lobbied against sanctions on Russia. He has. His company has. He’s made phone calls to senators and during his hearing he lied to their face that he had ever done so. He’s also claimed he and Trump haven’t even discussed Russia. If they didn’t talk about Russia then what did they talk about?  Whether they were boob men or butt men? When it comes to wheeling and dealing on a corporation’s behalf and making gobs of money no matter how unethically, Tillerson’s your man. When it comes to diplomacy for a government he’s as clueless as Doctor Dumbass Ben Carson.

Jeff Sessions is not clueless. He may not be a racist either, but he’s exhibited many times in the past that he doesn’t care about race relations, equal rights, or civil rights. He can’t be trusted to pursue the bad guys if the bad guys have oppressed blacks, gays, women, Muslims, Mexicans, basically anyone who is not white. I take it back. He’s racist. He’s also another liar taking credit for desegregation cases he didn’t have anything to do with. He’s also the first senator who supported Trump’s candidacy and that really makes the guy’s judgement and priorities questionable.

Ben Carson shouldn’t be confirmed just because he’s Ben Carson. His only accomplishment during the hearings in that he remained awake through them. He’s already admitted he shouldn’t be running a government agency. On Thursday he couldn’t guarantee Senator Elizabeth Warren that he wouldn’t use the department to put money in the Trump family’s pocket. Watching him in a verbal exchange with Warren was surreal. On one end you have a profound intellectual and on the other…well, Dr. Dumbass. We haven’t seen a disparity like that since the presidential debates.

What really gets me about these nominees is that so many are disagreeing with Trump. They say they consider Russia a threat and they did hack the election. They’re against the wall. They’re against a Muslim ban. They’re against torture. Serious question time: Why the hell do you want to work for Donald Trump?

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Shat In The Hat


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Before Theodor Seuss Geisel, AKA Dr. Seuss, ever wrote his first children’s book he drew political cartoons. He was pretty liberal also so maybe he’d appreciate my use of his iconic Cat In The Hat while also being horrified by a Donald Trump presidency.

Donald Trump Jr. and his brother Eric attempted to sell access to their father. There were packages with price tags of $500,000 and $1 million bucks to get near the president, tell him how awesome he is on inauguration day, and you could purchase a hunting trip to slaughter big game animals with the Trump boys (in case you need to overcompensate for something like the Trump men). There was also an auction to have coffee with their sister, Ivanka.

While the money was aimed at charity it was another charity that Donald Trump, the president-elect, criticized during the campaign for selling access to the Clintons. Of course the Trump family is no stranger to hypocrisy when it comes to charities or criticism. As Trump was lambasting the Clintons and their foundation and claiming it made them rich, he was using his own Foundation to purchase expensive souvenirs and portraits of himself. See? Overcompensating for something. Probably those small fingers. Those itty bitty teensy weensy most likely useless fingers.

I wanted to do a cartoon with a Christmas metaphor despite my hatred for them. I know several of my clients would appreciate it. I had an idea of the Trump sons drawn as elves selling access to sit on their father’s laps. Then a colleague of mine published a cartoon with that very same metaphor. He even had the boys drawn as elves. Now I’m glad I didn’t go with it.

I still had the desire to do something with Christmas as time is running out and I think my criticism of so many cartoonists using The Grinch (another Dr. Seuss creation) might have directed my brain to process using the Cat In The Hat…which doesn’t have anything to do with Christmas. My brain works in a very weird way. I do like the Thing One and Thing Two description for Eric and Jr. Bill Maher likes to refer to them as Uday and Qusay.

Drawing Thing One, Thing Two, the hat, and the fish, wasn’t too difficult. The most complicated part of this was trying to letter with Dr. Seuss’s font. THAT…was a pain in the butt.

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Hillary’s Pom-Poms


cjones12162016

As we get closer and closer to the day that Donald Trump becomes the actual president of the United States and we wake up and discover it’s not just a horrible, truly terrifying, blood-curdling nightmare That even the most hateful and evil demons from Hell wouldn’t inflict upon humanity, some people are realizing that maybe we should stop this. They’re looking toward the people who actually elect the president. They’re looking to the electors.

Even a few electors are expressing concern and want to be briefed by the CIA to find out just how bad this Russia stuff is. Did we just have a coup and mistake it for rampant stupidity on our parts?

The Trump transition has been a bigger disaster than the Republican convention. He has spent the entire time since the election proving he’s unqualified and totally uninterested in the details of the job. We have a president-elect who is such a narcissist that he doesn’t believe anyone can educate him or tell him something he doesn’t know. He’s rejecting what our nation’s intelligence tells him and instead is relying on InfoWars talking points to counter their message, as if our security is a game.

He’s appointing people to his cabinet and inner circle who aren’t qualified or are Vladimir-approved. He’s allowing his business interest to supersede his duties as president. He’s setting himself up to be blackmailed by third-world nations such as Turkey. Does Trump want a new hotel in Istanbul to be built bad enough that he’ll extradite a man to be executed by President Erdogan, a notable fascist whose sources of information are also as reliable as Breitbart? The rest of us might be stuck eating borscht for the rest of our lives, but Trump will have a sweet tower in downtown Istanbul.

So we look to the last line of defense to save our nation. Partisan Republicans. Republican electors hold the key to deny Trump the presidency. But how do you convince a bunch of Republicans not to vote for the man who won the electoral college? You don’t. You convince Democrats to give up on the pipe dream of electing Hillary and have them work with just enough Republicans willing to defect to elect a different Republican  to the presidency.

Will that sound tempting to enough Republicans to sway them not to cast their vote for Trump? Maybe. But who will be that candidate? The Democrats have gotta let them decide and just prepare for the bad taste of a Republican they’re not going to like, but will not plunge the nation into World War III over a tweet, or because he missed an intelligence briefing for another pep rally, or he had to hang out with Kanye.

Maybe you can convince them to go for the best option which would be John Kasich (who’s already said “leave me out of this”). Hell, Democrats could live with Mitt Romney at this point. He’s got a lot of poop on his nose right now but that should wash off. They’d even go for Mike Pence, as terrible and utterly terrifying as that sounds. Hell, they’d even go for Ted Cruz….no they wouldn’t. I’ve gone too far.

What’s possible is that the electors don’t elect a president. They vote between three candidates and none acquire the necessary 270 voters. Then it’d go to the House of Representatives which is run by very rational and reasonable Republicans. Crap. But it’s still possible enough Republicans there can bond with House Democrats to send that third option to the White House. If the Democrats gave them Scott Walker they’d probably bite.

Is this scenario actually possible? Yes. The electors are human beings. Even the Republicans. They have to have a soul in there somewhere. They are capable of realizing what a planet-destroying asteroid of a disaster Trump is…maybe. It’s also possible you can find at least 36 Republican electors who are more patriotic than partisan. Maybe. Can you get all of the Democratic electors to go along with this? No, but maybe enough. Personally, I would eat a live rattlesnake to prevent Trump from becoming president. I would spend the rest of the year with the only song in my head being that hippopotamus tune from that Christmas commercial. I would spend an entire weekend listening to Nickelback on a loop. I would sit through a Tyler Perry marathon. I will watch Two Broke Girls.

Is this going to happen? No. On December 19 the electors will vote making Donald Trump the actual freaking president of the United States of America and light the fuse that will ultimately obliterate our nation.

There is one thing to keep in mind and that is nothing has gone as expected during this entire election process.

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Secretary Oops


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During the 2012 Republican presidential primary Rick Perry stated during a debate that as president he’d get rid of the Department of Commerce, the Department of Education, and the Department of….he couldn’t remember the name and finished his statement with a great big “oops.” I don’t think his campaign lasted another week.

The department name that he wanted to eliminate yet couldn’t remember is the Department of Energy. So quite naturally at this pace of Trump’s Transition Rick Perry will probably be appointed to the cabinet as Secretary of Energy.

Why not, right? We have a Secretary of Labor who hates labor unions and the minimum wage (not against raising it. Against it entirely), a Secretary of Education who has fought to kill public education, a Secretary of Treasury who’s a Goldman Sachs guy, Ben Carson who says he isn’t qualified to head a department will now be heading a department, A Nazi as Trump’s chief strategist, and a fake news lover as the National Security Adviser. Let’s not forget Trump’s pick to lead the State Department is BFFs with Vladimir Putin.

So why not nominate a Republican Texan to lead Energy who can’t remember the name of the department, wants to eliminate the department, and who, by the way, has a financial interest in the Dakota Pipeline. Next he’ll appoint David Duke to lead a study on cultural diversity.

The current secretary is Ernest Moniz who is a nuclear physicist. Obama gives us a nuclear physicist and Trump gives us a contestant from Dancing With The Stars.

Interesting factoid for you: Cabinet members are rarely rejected by the Senate. In the entire history of the United States only nine have been rejected with over 500 confirmed. The last time a nominee was rejected was 1989 and he was John Tower who was nominated by George H. W. Bush to head the Department of Defense. At that time the Senate was controlled by Democrats. The last time the Senate rejected a nominee made by a president of their own party was in 1843 and it wasn’t the Democrats or Republicans. It was the Whigs and they rejected six nominees to John Tyler’s cabinet. Six! They really wanted to stick it to their own president.

Speaking of Whigs, I believe 2017 will be a great time for the controlling party to once again stick it to their own president.

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Dancing For Putin


cjones12142016

On the same day Donald Trump tells America that Russia did not hack into the DNC and corrupt our election he goes and nominates an FOP for Secretary of State. FOP? Friend of Putin.

Before the election Trump asked Russia to hack into the Hillary campaign. Then some entity hacks into the Clinton campaign and gives all the juicy tidbits to Wikileaks. Now he finds it unbelievable that Russia would do such a thing.

Trump won’t take his security briefings because he’s “like a smart person,” but he knows more than the CIA. The president-elect and his supporters won’t believe 17 U.S. intelligence agencies when they say Russia meddled in our election but they’ll believe Muslims in New Jersey celebrated 9/11, Clinton has Alzheimer’s, the Pope endorsed Trump, Clinton had an FBI agent murdered, or that she ran a child-sex ring in a Washington pizza joint. They demand proof with an accusation unless it’s some hogwash they want to believe.

Trump’s Secretary of State nominee is Rex Tillerson, who comes from the private sector. In fact, the only company he’s ever worked for in his entire life is Exxon. So why not put a guy in charge of the State department without any government experience to compliment the president who also doesn’t have any government experience?

Tillerson received the Order Of Friendship award by Putin. He’s known the guy for over 20 years. Trump has also made a dinner companion of Putin’s as his National Security Adviser, Michael Flynn.

Putin wants a pro-Russia administration in the White House. His hope is to end sanctions placed by the U.S. on Russia, which also kept Exxon from doing a lot of business in that nation. He wasn’t going to get any relief from a Clinton presidency. Putin knows it’s easier to manipulate stupid people.

Russia has been meddling in Europe for a while now. They’re now targeting Angela Merkel of Germany, who might be the last obstacle standing in Putin’s way in the West.

He has other obstacles in the United States in the form of the United States Senate. Several Republicans are expressing concern over Tillerson, so it’s not just Democrats unhappy with this nomination. Senators Marco Rubio, Lindsey Graham, and the heaviest hitter on foreign policy in the Senate, John McCain, all have questions they want answered.

Former CIA director Michael Morell said Russia attempting to sway our election is the political equivalent of 9/11. Alabama coach Nick Saban once said the same thing when his team lost to the University of Louisiana at Monroe, but I don’t think Mr. Morell is making a hyperbole out of the situation. This is actually dangerous for our nation.

When the electors meet next week to cast their vote for the next president of the United States of America they need to keep in mind that Donald Trump may be the worst disaster to ever strike our nation.

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R2-DD


cjones12132016

Andrew Puzder, Donald Trump’s pick to head the Labor Department really hates workers and he wants to replace them with machines. He thinks machines will be great because they’re always friendly, they don’t demand overtime, raises or any pay at all. They don’t need health insurance. Best of all they don’t file discrimination or sexual harassment suits.

My question to Puzder is: What sort of freak wants to sexually harass a robot?

While hating workers Puzder loves to combine sex with terrible hamburgers. Have you seen the commercials for Carl’s Jr., the company Puzder heads? They’re all a bunch of big boobs with big burgers. It’s like a greasy Go Daddy commercial.

Puzder has said “I like beautiful women eating burgers in bikinis.” The man does have talent. Do you realize how hard it is to get a burger in a bikini? Puzder says it’s “very American.”

Puzder the Putz is a very logical choice for Trump. Trump objectifies women too. He objectifies them so much that when he’s not sexually assaulting them he’s barging into dressing rooms for teenage models at his beauty pageants.

I’m not looking forward to the day when robots take my food order. I believe when that happens people will stop eating fast food. It’ll be really creepy. I don’t care how cool Star Wars made it look. Robots don’t have taste buds.

In “Attack Of The Clones” Obi Wan Kenobi visits his friend Dex at a greasy diner. The waitress is a robot who serves Obi Wan Jamba Juice, whatever the hell that is, while he talks to Dex, a short order cook with four arms.

It’s going to be hard enough competing in the job market against aliens from outer space with multiple arms that we don’t need droids added to the market.

How many cartoons could I draw in a day if I had four arms and the attention span to keep up with it? How many vaginas could Trump grab in a day if he had four arms? There’d be quadruple the accusations.

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The Right Stuff


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John Glenn was the right stuff. All those people on the right side of this cartoon, eh not so much.

American hero John Glenn died Thursday at the age of 95.  Glenn captivated the nation as the first American to orbit the planet. He helped put the nation ahead of the Soviet Union in the space race and brought national pride to his nation. The man was a true patriot which is something more than what kind of hat you wear.

Glenn was celebrated and appreciated for his achievement. He was welcomed to the White House, spoke before both houses of Congress, and given a ticker-tape parade down Broadway, which is something only championship football teams receive anymore. His and his colleagues story was later immortalized in the film “The Right Stuff.”

Glenn was later elected and served 24 years in the United States Senate representing his home state of Ohio. He ran for president in 1984 but for some reason the Democratic party thought Walter Monday was a better choice to face an incumbent president Reagan.

Glenn was willing to sacrifice his life for his nation by orbiting the planet in what was basically a sardine can. By comparison our new president-elect says he sacrificed by getting laid a lot and by doing such good business. His ego orbits the planet.

I ran out of room in this cartoon for all the questionable people Donald Trump is packing into his administration.

We have his campaign manager Kellyanne Conway who brags how Trump can kill an American company at the stock market with just one tweet. Ben Dr. Sleepy McStabby Carson says he’s not qualified to run a government agency so Trump puts him in charge of HUD. We have a director of the EPA who hates the environment, a head of Education who hates education, and a Labor chief who sells sex with hamburgers and wants to replace American workers with robots. Wrestling magnate Linda McMahon will head the Small Business Administration which may not be as ridiculous as it looks on paper, but it’s another reward to a billionaire who pumped money into the Trump campaign along with his fake charity where the proceeds purchase trinkets for Trump. Trumps National Security Adviser hates Muslims and loves fake news. We can’t forget about the Nazi who will be Trump’s chief strategist.

Our nation could use a little more class and integrity that John Glenn brought. That was the “Right Stuff.” What we have today, and for the next four years, it’s just really nasty stuff.

I don’t want any of it.

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