Alec Baldwin

Nukes And Baldwins


cjones03062018

Donald Trump had a horrible week. Pundits are calling it the week of chaos.

Hope Hicks resigned as White House Communications Director (Trump’s fourth) after testifying before Congress when she said that she’s told “white lies” for Trump in the past. I’m not sure how the White House can replace someone with the judgement to date a married Corey Lewandowski and wife-beating Rob Porter, and to work for Donald Trump. Over 50 people have left jobs in Trump’s White House.

White House Adviser and Trump son-in-law, Jared Kushner lost his security clearance. As it’s been pointed out, the White House calligrapher has a higher security clearance than Jared. To make matters worse, it was revealed this week that Jared accepted over $500 million in loans from corporations he had meetings within the White House. In addition to that shit storm, it came to light that the nation of Qatar and U.S. ally rejected giving Jared a loan, shortly before the United States accused them of supporting terrorism and initiated a blockade of that country, where over 10,000 U.S. troops are stationed.

Jared has been trying to get someone to bail out his purchase of a building on 5th Avenue with the address 666.  Who knew that other than the Trump White House, there’s a second Trump circle of Hell?

To make matters worse for Jared, Robert Mueller is looking into his financial fuckery. I’m not sure if Jared is familiar with Mueller, but someone should tell him that he’s serious. Mueller is also inquiring as to if Trump knew about the Russian hacks into the Democrats email before the knowledge became public.

Mueller is also looking into a shady business deal of Ivanka’s. The Trump crime family may occupy an entire wing of a federal prison if this keeps up.

According to sources, Trump is trying to pressure Jared and Ivanka to quit. Trump is probably that source. Unfortunately for Trump, no one in this White House reads the Times or the Post, so they probably won’t get that hint. But, National Security Adviser H.R. McMaster, one of the few adults in the White House, is apparently ready to bail and Gary Cohn, Trump’s Economic Adviser who almost quit during Nazi week may be ready to go with him.

Trump said he’d raise the age to purchase an AR-15 and that he’d like to seize weapons from some people and worry about due process later. I just love that the president who is actually stating he wants to grab guns is the one Republican idiots voted for.

Trump will probably backtrack on both of those statements, but he did say he’s not afraid of the NRA. He said that between lunch with the NRA and dinner with the NRA.

Trump also promised to raise tariffs on steel and aluminum which is great for U.S. steel companies, but bad for companies that purchase steel. It’s also bad if you’re a beer drinker. He’s taking your guns, and he’s jacking the price on beer. Good job, Republicans.

Trump’s goal with a trade war, which he says is a good thing, is to hit China. Who he’s actually hitting is Canada, and they’ve vowing to hit back. Nobody was expecting this trade war, including Cohn who has voiced what a terrible idea it is.

Because they can’t stop leaking, other White House sources, or the same ones as before, who knows, said Trump started the trade war because he’s in a bad mood. Is he going to bomb Jamaica if he gets a hemorrhoid?

He attacked his Attorney General, Jeff Sessions. Again. He has privately referred to Sessions as Mr. Magoo.

Chief of Staff John Kelly made jokes at a Homeland Security function that God was punishing him by making him take the White House job. He’s punishing all of us, John. Kelly also defended his handling of wife-beating Rob Porter, saying he thought the abuse was just emotional, not physical. John Kelly lies a lot.

Ben Carson, who has less business being the HUD Secretary than Jared and Ivanka have in the White House, spent over $31,000 of taxpayer money on a dining room set for his office. Even the quiet ones in this administration are corrupt.

Realizing that things were getting heavy, Trump told a joke to lighten the mood. He said that he would have run into the school in Parkland, even if he didn’t have a weapon. We all needed the laugh…what? He was serious?

To top it all off, Vladimir Putin claimed he has a new “invincible” missile. He showed off a computer graphic of it striking Florida, near the location of Mar-a-Lago. To be honest, if it wasn’t a nuclear missile and just your average everyday bunker-busting missile, we’d probably be OK with it.

With all these serious issues occurring, Trump had to lash out, and he did….at Alec Baldwin. Seriously.

Trump may not be afraid of the NRA, but he’s afraid of Putin. Maybe the NRA should find a pee tape of him.

Trump finds the acting skills of a Baldwin more menacing to the United States than Putin’s threat of a new cold war. I could maybe understand if he was attacking Daniel Baldwin, the Eric Trump of Baldwins. Go rent Sharks in Venice. But, no. He was attacking the talented one.

He couldn’t even do that right. He tweeted his attack on “Alex” Baldwin, whose career was “dieing” before he started impersonating Trump.

All things considered, I don’t think this week was anymore chaotic than a typical Trump week. Sure, it was bad, but I think it’d have to get a lot worse to beat defending Nazis and endorsing pedophiles, or that first week when Trump became President.

I’m still having nightmares about that one.

Here’s the video.

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Not His Favorite Baldwin


cjones10202016

I think it’s safe to say that Alec Baldwin is not Trump’s favorite Baldwin brother. It’s probably Stephen who’s a right-wing evangelical and a conservative nut job. Was that redundant? He’s also the star of the much-acclaimed film Sharks In Venice. How he didn’t snag an Oscar for that performance is a true injustice of the movie award voting system. It was probably rigged.

If you had not seen Alex Baldwin’s portrayal of Trump on SNL but read Trump’s tweet saying “it stinks” then you’d get the impression that Baldwin is killing it. He is.

Today president Obama told Donald Trump to stop whining. Trump has gone beyond whining and into insanity over the past few days.

He’s complained that the election is going to be rigged. It’ll be rigged by bankers, “global business elite,” The media, and Saturday Night Live. He’s also accused Carlos Slim, a Mexican billionaire, of guiding The New York Times coverage of his sexual assaults.  Never mind the fact that voter fraud doesn’t really exist. Let me write that again. It doesn’t exist.

When Trump loses this election he is going to lose it fair and square. The only disadvantage he has is that he’s an idiot. He’s surrounded himself with idiots. A lot of people say they don’t want to besmirch Trump supporters, but I will. His supporters and entire base is composed of idiots. Did you hear me? You’re all idiots. Move along now.

Trump supporters (idiots) are towing the “rigged” election line despite lack of any evidence. Even Mike Pence (another idiot) was complaining about the unfair media coverage and how it’s so negative of Trump. I’m sorry, Governor Pence, but when your running mate only says negative things and the press reports it, it’s not their fault the coverage is negative. It’s like the media is biased against Trump for reporting what he actually says. Hours, and often times minutes, his supporters (again, in case you forgot, idiots) are on the air explaining what he really meant.

He has also called for drug tests before the next debate. Seriously. I mentioned this in my last blog and mentioned how bizarre it is that Snorty McSnorterson is the one who wants drug tests. I didn’t believe Trump has a cocaine habit. I thought it was irresponsible for Howard Dean to accuse him of it but now…looking at his history of projecting…yeah he might be dancing with a white rabbit. If the man’s erratic behavior is any indication he’s probably responsible for three fourths of Bolivia’s economy.

Trump also said he walked past Clinton at the debate and he “wasn’t impressed.” Yes it’s a very important quality in a female presidential candidate that she serves fries with that shake. Trump’s comment backs up both of my earlier theories. He’s projecting and he’s totally riding a white horse to the next debate.

In regards to Alec Baldwin, the talented Baldwin (not that idiot shark-movie-making Baldwin), Trump is not amused. He tweeted that SNL isn’t funny anymore while also voicing his displeasure with Baldwin’s orange impression (For the record, Kate McKinnon is also nailing it with her impression of Hillary Clinton). Dude, people have been saying SNL isn’t funny anymore since 1980. Trump didn’t mind SNL’s brand of comedy when he hosted the show last year. He even tweeted how much he thinks of the show. It’s kinda like his hate for the media while loving the fact they’ve given him billions in free campaign coverage.

Hillary Clinton is going to win this election, fairly, and with a huge electoral landslide. Despite that she will not have a mandate because the person she’s going to defeat is a lying, narcissistic, racist, xenophobic, insane bully. And Trump will still be here after the election. He’ll be whining about the media, accusing the election of being rigged, try to start an armed insurgency (as long as he and his children aren’t fighting), all while trying to start his brand new TV network.

The crazy Trump train will keep chugging after November. Toot! Toot!

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