Alabama

Alabama Resists


cjones12152017

The headline writers at The New York Post and The Daily News both went with front pages featuring Star Wars and telling Alabama Senatorial candidate and accused pedophile Roy Moore to “F off” on the horse he rode in on. I don’t think that’s very nice, because why take it out on the horse? Hasn’t that beast been through enough abuse? She’s already had to gallop with Moore’s ass on her, who doesn’t know how to ride, and been stuck with the name “Sassy.” Nobody wants to be a Sassy.

Before the state elections in Virginia last month, many people predicted the Republicans would win while others believed it was too close to call. We were surprised when the Democrats won by such huge margins. Alabama’s special election for the Senate seat vacated by Jeff Sessions also had people afraid to make predictions. The result isn’t as surprising as much as it’s a political earthquake.

Democrat Doug Jones beat Moore by less than two percentage points. While it may be discouraging that 48% of voters would rather vote for a pedophile than a Democrat, and nearly two percent more chose to write in a candidate, this is still Alabama.

It’s been pointed out that Jones did far better in Alabama than Hillary Clinton did in 2016. But, it’s not really amazing that a white Democrat, or any white guy, would do better in Alabama than Hillary Clinton. What is truly impressive is that Jones did better in Alabama than Barack Obama did in 2008 and 2012. Keep in mind, this was a special election where turnouts are usually lower. What is also surprising is that Moore, a guy who said we should do away with the 16th Amendment which ended slavery, received four percent of the black vote.

This is a state where Trump won by nearly 30%. In each election since 2016, the Republican results have been less than Trump’s from November 2016, but this is still Alabama. This is where Trump’s approval, though it’s been decreasing, is the highest in the nation.

Trump endorsed the pedophile. Trump made robocalls for the pedophile. Trump campaigned for the pedophile. Maybe voters weren’t rejecting Trump as much as they ignored him…but Trump failed to bring home a win. This is a defeat for Trump, though Republicans in the Senate should be breathing a sigh of relief despite losing a seat and their margin of majority thinning. They won’t be “saddled” by Roy Moore for the next three years.

Trump tweeted out a congratulatory message to Jones, which IS one tweet we can actually believe his lawyer wrote. There was punctuation. But, Trump is going to blame someone else. He blamed others when the GOP lost in Virginia. There’s talk of Trump firing his political director, Bill Stepien, despite that guy advising Trump not to endorse the pedophile. One probably doesn’t need a degree in political science to dish out that sort of advice. Even Ivanka, who’s not an intellectual heavyweight, told Daddy to stay away from Moore.

Perhaps the best advice for Trump is to stop listening to Steve Bannon. Bannon, a guy who has worked in Hollywood and Goldman Sachs, went to Alabama and told them not to let people from outside the state tell them who to vote for. Apparently, they took his advice. In multiple appearances in Alabama, Bannon criticized Mitt Romney and his sons for not serving in the military (ignoring that none of the Trumps have served), said Joe Scarborough, who went to the University of Alabama, wasn’t smart enough to go to Harvard, and even insulted Ivanka Trump.

Ivanka said there was a special place in Hell for people who abuse children. Bannon said the same about Republicans who wouldn’t support Moore. In Bannon’s world, establishment Republicans are more evil than pedophiles. That’s the type of guy you don’t want political advice from. Though, I’m sure Democrats hope Bannon keeps running candidates in GOP primaries. It’s working out for the Democrats.

If Democrats can win in Alabama, even against a horrible candidate, they can win in 2018 in places like Arizona. The problem for the GOP is they’re still “saddled” with a guy nobody wants to be seen in public with.

Doug Jones may not last longer than 2020, but Alabama still moved forward. It’s good for Alabama, for the nation, and for the members of my family who live there.

Hopefully, in the future Roy Moore will stay away from elections, the United States Senate, malls, children, and stay off horses. From the looks of it, horses don’t like him either.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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Creeper’s Endorsement


cjones12062017

Many Republicans couldn’t stand to see President Barack Obama in the White House and fly in Air Force One. It insulted their senses. I can relate somewhat because I am disgusted by Donald Trump occupying the Oval Office and using the first plane. The difference between my repulsion and theirs is that mine isn’t based on race. I don’t care that Trump is orange. The other difference is that it’s not just about his occupation. It’s what he’s doing and what he is.

If Donald Trump was not the President of the United States of America, he’d just be your run-of-the-mill disgusting billionaire. But, since he is president we have this disgusting human being who can reverse positive changes set by his predecessors. He can pardon criminals because it makes his racist base feel good. He can appoint judges to life-long positions who have never tried a case. He can remove protections from national parks because some rich bastards seek to destroy the land for coal.

What’s really disgusting is that what’s reprehensible about Trump was overlooked, ignored, or celebrated by the people who voted for him. Hillary Clinton got in trouble for calling his supporters deplorable. But, make no mistake about it. They’re deplorable and I won’t apologize for saying it.

This president, who has deflected and defended Nazis, has now officially endorsed an accused pedophile. It shouldn’t surprise anyone that Mr. Pussy Grabber, who claims they let you do whatever you want when you’re famous, who has boasted about barging into dressing rooms of teenage beauty pageants, and has his own accusers in the double digits would endorse an accused pedophile. But, it’s alarming that the Republican establishment has sacrificed anything that used to resemble principles to follow Trump’s lead. The Republican majority leader, who threatened to expel Moore if he won, and the Republican National Committee are now supporting the guy. So much for the party of family values. As it turns out, they were just pretending to care about that values stuff, kinda like how they really feel about deficits and government spending.

Apparently, if you’re a vote to give billionaires tax breaks then you’re allowed to grope little girls.

According to Roy Moore, the Republican candidate in Alabama for the United States Senate who is accused of stalking, dating, and sexually assaulting teenage girls, Trump called him on Monday and said, “go get em, Roy.” That’s not something I’d say to an accused pedophile.

Like Trump, Roy Moore was unqualified for office before the sexual accusations came out. He’s an idiot who doesn’t understand the issues and a religious zealot who was kicked off the state Supreme Court…TWICE.

People say this is the new normal. Others say this isn’t really us. I’m not sure about that anymore. Mitch McConnell is willing to let it become him. Orrin Hatch gladly accepted Trump’s endorsement yesterday, hours after Trump endorsed the pedophile. The ball is in Alabama’s court. Is this Alabama?

To Democrats, Independents, and anyone left in that state with a conscience, I’ll repeat Trump’s words. On election day, “go get ’em.”

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Stranger Danger


cjones11232017

The three largest newspapers in Alabama are pleading with the state’s voters not to send Roy Moore to the United States Senate. The Birmingham News, The Mobile Press-Register, and The Huntsville Times (all owned by Alabama Media Group) don’t want the voters to embarrass Alabama.

While we’re wondering how so many people can defend and choose a suspected pedophile over a man who has prosecuted members of the KKK for killing children, let me remind you that this is not new territory.

In 2016 our choices were the most qualified person to ever run for the office of President of the United States and a man who didn’t exhibit any qualifications, knowledge, or capability for the job, and only displayed childish, immature, stupid, racist, and narcissistic tendencies, while spreading conspiracy theories and lies. It not only amazed me that people could be undecided in the days leading up to the election, but on Election Day, many voters chose the stupid candidate and put him in the White House.

Voters polled before the election gave Trump higher marks in honesty than Clinton despite the fact checkers grading over 90 percent of Trump statements as lies. I underestimated the stupidity and pettiness of the American voter. I don’t think we should underestimate it in Alabama.

Roy Moore’s defenders believe there’s a conspiracy against him. They “know” The Washington Post paid women to accuse him of sexual transgressions, one committed against a 14-year-old. They think the Democrats and the Republican establishment are after him.

One defender compared his actions to Joseph being with Mary because Joseph is supposedly older according to their mythology. While arguing he never committed any of the acts he’s accused of, his supporters find ways to justify them. And, then there are those who believe the accusations and still support him.

For Alabama Republicans, being a Democrat and believing in the separation of church and state and the U.S. Constitution is a greater sin than pedophilia. The governor said she believes Moore’s accusers, but she plans to vote for him anyway.

Last week, White House goon Kellyanne Conway said, “there is no Senate seat worth more than a child.” Now, it seems she’s had a change of heart and there is one Senate seat worth more than a child.

The White House and Trump have been very cowardly regarding Moore. Trump was wrong once in his endorsement for Alabama’s Senate seat and he doesn’t want to be wrong again. He’s afraid of upsetting his base, and in Alabama, his polls are extremely high. His supporters might be stupid, but he doesn’t want to lose them.

The White House has been trotting out the argument that Alabama voters need to select their next Senator. They don’t want to explicitly endorse a pedophile, but they also don’t want to discourage people from sending him to Washington.

Yesterday, Conway made comments on Fox & Friends that left even those nitwits confused. They weren’t sure if they should jump on the Moore bandwagon or what. Their directives from the White House are normally much clearer, and they’re not good with subtle hints.

Conway was arguing against Doug Jones, the Democrat facing Moore for the Senate seat. Conway said, “and Doug Jones in Alabama? Folks, don’t be fooled. He’ll be a vote against tax cuts. He’s weak on crime, weak on borders. He’s strong on raising your taxes. He’s terrible for property owners. And Doug Jones is a doctrinaire liberal, which is why he’s not saying anything and why the media are trying to boost him.”

Co-host Brian Kilmeade asked, “so, vote Roy Moore?”

Conway initially seemed confused in how to reply before she responded, “I’m telling you that we want the votes in the Senate to get this tax bill through,” and then she remembered the art of deflection and turned it around on Al Franken with, “and if the media were really concerned about all these allegations and that’s what this was truly about … Al Franken would be on the ash heap of bygone, half-funny comedians. He wouldn’t be here on Capitol Hill.”

This is tribalism. They would rather get the worst of the worst and sacrifice their principles to pass their agenda. But, I could be wrong.

Maybe they’ve never had principles.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Partisan Outrage


cjones11202017

When Roy Moore, Alabama’s Republican nominee for the U.S. Senate, had a woman accuse him of trying to have sex with her when she was 14, she wasn’t alone. Three other accusers joined her. More accusers came out the next day, and the next, and the next. We’ve hit double digits. You can make a pun out of “Moore” accusers.

After Minnesota Senate Democrat Al Franken’s accuser came out, she was alone and nobody has joined her since. The comparison between Moore and Franken isn’t fair. One was trying to get his rocks off with teenage girls while the other was staging comedy bits. One set a pattern while the other did not. But, politics is not fair.

Donald Trump tweets out an attack on Al Franken while remaining silent on Roy Moore and being tone-deaf regarding over 20 of his own accusers. Trump has boasted, very proudly, about groping women and barging in on teenage girls while they’re naked in a dressing room. Sarah Huckabee Sanders said it’s different because Franken admitted wrongdoing while Trump has denied his ever happened, even though he’s on tape admitting it.

For Republicans, lying, deflecting, and calling your accusers liars is more honorable than being honest, apologizing, and calling for an ethics investigation on your own past behavior.

People talk a good game about bridging the partisan divide, but they crap all over themselves when the perfect opportunity confronts them. Alabama’s governor has stated she believes Roy’s accusers but, she’s gonna vote for him anyway. She would rather have a pedophile in the Senate than someone she disagrees with. How is that being a good Christian?

The accusations against Franken won’t be the last to hit Washington. Watch how Republicans respond. The same people critical of Franken and have yelled for him to resign will be silent when Republicans are hit. The hypocrisy won’t matter. It’ll be like it just doesn’t exist to them.

Republicans will take a cue from Trump and Roy Moore. They’ll lie, deflect, and attack the accusers. Being honest is for Democrats.

Creative notes: I completed this cartoon early last night but I held it for today. I sent it to my clients and one of them has already scooped me and published it on their site.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Bama Jewy Robo Call


cjones11172017

When you’re on the right side of an issue, you don’t have to make shit up. That totally explains why Roy Moore, his wife, their racist lawyers, Breitbart, Alabama Republicans, and all the hideous goons on social media are making shit up.

I’m glad I’m not a conservative cartoonist, but if I was then I like to think I wouldn’t act like a hideous ogre and follow talking points designed to defend a pedophile. Today, I’ve already seen four political cartoons using the sexcapades of Bill Clinton as a deflection for Roy Moore’s pedophilia. In addition to those four cartoons, there was a propaganda piece masquerading as a political cartoon by that Branco guy (look him up) following the same talking point. I can’t wait to see what Ben Garrison does on it (whatever it is, it’ll include about 38 labels). But then again, these are the same people who defended Nazis recently.

Just when I thought to deflect for a pedophile was rotten enough, news came out yesterday that some right-wing troglodytes are robocalling voters in Alabama to increase support for Moore. Every campaign conducts robocalls for their candidate, but in this case, the calls are pretending to be something they’re not.

The person on this call is posing as a Washington Post reporter offering money to anyone who claims they were sexually assaulted by Roy Moore.

The caller, going by the name the very Jewish-sounding name “Bernie Bernstein,” says, “I’m a reporter for The Washington Post calling to find out if anyone at this address is a female between the ages of 54 to 57 years old, willing to make damaging remarks about candidate Roy Moore for a reward of between $5,000 and $7,000.” The caller also states they will not be “fully investigating” the claims and could be contacted at albernstein@washingtonpost.com. The email is phony and will bounce back if you use it. They don’t really want a reply. They’re just trying to piss people off.

The first clue it’s a fake call is that the name doesn’t match the email address. The second clue is that the email doesn’t work. Another big one is the fact The Washington Post does NOT pay for stories or to sources. They’re not the National Enquirer.

Moore’s supporters have already spread stories that were quickly debunked, that the Post paid the women accusing Roy Moore of sexual misconduct. If you’re wrong, you make shit up. You make a divisive situation more divisive. You also hire a racist lawyer to defend your lying candidate.

If you think my cartoon is stereotyping, wait until you hear about this.

Yesterday, an attorney for Moore went on MSNBC and told host Ali Velshi that his “background” would help him understand Moore’s “process.” 

Co-host Stephanie Ruhle asked the attorney, Trenton Garmon, why  Moore “would need permission from any of these girls’ mothers if they weren’t underage.” Garmon replied, “Culturally speaking, obviously there’s differences, (I) looked up Ali’s background there, and wow, that’s awesome that you have got such a diverse background, it’s really cool to read through that. But point is this, each culture has…” Then Ruhle interrupted him and asked, “What does Ali’s background have to do with dating a 14-year-old?”

Garmon said, “Sure — in other countries, there is arrangement through parents for what we would refer to as consensual marriage… “ Ruhle interrupted to inform the racist attorney that Velshi is from Canada. The attorney continued to drown from there…which is what everyone is doing who are defending Roy Moore.

As for me, I know how to swim. I suggest conservatives who are defending Moore take a few lessons.

Creative notes: So yesterday, my research entailed asking a friend, who is Jewish, if the term is “Jewy” or “Jewwy?” I’m fortunate she’s a really cool person and knows what I’m up to when I ask what seems like an absurd, and anti-Semitic question. I didn’t ask her because she’s Jewish. I worked with her at my last newspaper job, and I still ask her to proof text and the phrases for a lot of my cartoons. So, she gets a lot of crazy questions from me. I usually don’t tell her what I’m working on just so it’ll get her curiosity up.

Also, yeah I stereotyped the South with this cartoon…but I can do that. I’m from the South. But, in all honesty, the people in this cartoon are everywhere. Alabama just has a lot more of them. The people I have worked with in the South are some of the most creative people I’ve ever worked with, and they educated me on this business. And like Jews tell the best Jewish jokes, nobody laughs harder at Southerners than Southerners.

I have covered local issues before on people keeping chickens inside their homes, but most of that was when I was working in Honolulu. In fact, that city had to pass a law limiting how many chickens people can keep in their apartments. Seriously.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Pervy Politics


cjones11152017

I’m old enough to remember when Republicans wrote bathroom laws to protect our children from sexual predators.

Now, the same people who go into full-blown snowflake meltdown when there’s not a Christmas design on their Starbucks coffee cup are perfectly fine with sticking a pedophile in the Senate. It’s OK because he’s accepted Jesus. There is still some coffee outrage over this Roy Moore scandal. Keurig stopped advertising on Sean Hannity’s fake news show because he kinda endorsed Republican pedophilia. Republicans have responded by destroying their Keurig coffee machine.

People are destroying coffee machines that cost anywhere from $100 to $300. Why don’t you just protest by mailing an envelope full of cash to Keurig? That makes about as much sense. By the way, did you know the coffee pods those machines use are not biodegradable and environmentalists hate them? Yeah, you conservatives can’t win for nothing. Being stupid hurts.

A fifth woman revealed yesterday that Alabama Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore sexually assaulted her. The mainstream Republican Party and even Ted Cruz are now all calling for Moore to drop out of the race. Alabama Republicans, on the other hand, are standing by their man.

Republican logic has been all over the place with this issue.

Evangelicals have spent the past four decades calling themselves the “moral majority,” yet, over 80% of them voted for the orange pussy grabber for president. Republicans impeached Bill Clinton over consensual sex and had to go through three Speakers of the House to do it, as the first two of those turds had sex scandals. And, we found out years later the third one was a pedophile.

Part of the GOP defense of Moore is to talk about other sex scandals, from Clinton to Harvey Weinstein, to Louis C.K. Hell, some are even griping about Joe Biden’s shoulder massages.

Five women have accused Moore of dating teenage girls and of sexual assault. The accusers are backed up by over 30 sources. Others have come out to say it was well-known at the time that Mr. Moore dated teenage girls while he was in his early thirties. The guy would hang out at the mall and high school football games. Eventually, he got banned from the mall for being a Creepy McCreeperson and a stranger danger. Moore has defended himself with the lame excuses that he didn’t “generally” date teenage girls, and that he never dated one without their mother’s permission. He says he doesn’t remember the new accuser or the restaurant where he attacked her, yet she provided her high school yearbook he signed where he also included the name of the restaurant. But, Moore’s supporters don’t believe any of that.

What they do believe, without any evidence, is that The Washington Post paid these women to come forward and it’s all financed by Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. They wonder why these women, who are being publicly shamed by Breitbart and in their communities, being chased into hiding, and who Moore is threatening to sue, didn’t make their revelations sooner.

For what it’s worth, adults don’t sign high school yearbooks unless they’re teachers. I know I haven’t signed one since I left high school. Hell, I didn’t sign that many when I was in school. I wasn’t really popular.

During the recent campaign for Virginia’s governor, the Republican candidate Ed Gillespie ran a lot of race-baiting commercials. Along with those, he ran one accusing Democrat Ralph Northam of being in favor of restoring rights to pedophiles. One person was busted for child pornography right after his rights were restored, and Gillespie’s campaign used that to paint Northam, a pediatrician, as a friend to pedophiles as if he was driving the van with free candy. Voters saw through the lie and made Northam our next governor.

Meanwhile, in Alabama, Republicans are telling people to vote for the pedophile. And, there’s a chance the pedophile might win.

I’m really glad I live in Virginia and not Alabama.

Creative Notes: I took longer than I wanted to with this cartoon. I started around 3:00 AM. I didn’t like the lettering so I redid it. Then I didn’t like the elephants, so I drew them over. Then, I still didn’t like the lettering so I did that again. And then, I realized I still hated the elephants, so I drew them again. And then, I hated some of the colors, so I redid that…and then, the sun came out and eventually 10:00 AM rolled around.

I make it sound like I have high standards but it’s probably more like an obsessive-compulsive disorder…and a lot of coffee.

Speaking of coffee, there’s a Keurig in my house and I had never tried it. All the talk yesterday got my curiosity up, so housemate’s girlfriend showed me how to use it. It was delicious. I didn’t try one as a lame way of sticking it to conservatives. I really wanted to try one. By the way, did you know that Keurig is the most hated thing in Washington state? I think it has to do with being environmental and snooty about their coffee, and not because the people of Washington love pedophiles.

A note about signed prints: I’m going to run this note for a week or so. Several people have sent me $40 over the past few months without requesting a print. Please, when you make a payment/contribution, tell me which print you want. I’ve written each of those people but some haven’t replied. If I owe you a print then please tell me so. I’m not trying to stiff you people. Thanks!

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Some Alabama Strange


cjones09282017

The day before the runoff vote in the Alabama Republican primary for the U.S. Senate, Vice-President Mike Pence was campaigning for Luther Strange. Pence said, “I stand for Luther.” Being that Pence refuses to be alone in a room with a woman who is not his wife, I cracked on social media that Pence would never say, “I stand for Strange.” Get it? Strange, as in getting some strange? At least two people understood it on Facebook. Never mind.

The GOP establishment wanted them some strange, and some strange is what they got. Now, the only thing standing between a gun-totin’, religious zealot, right-wing fanatic from becoming a United States Senator is his Democratic opponent. Unfortunately for liberals, a Democrat winning a statewide race in Alabama has about as much of a chance as a Democrat winning a statewide race in Alabama. It’s not happening. I dare Alabama to prove me wrong.

Roy Moore is the anti-establishment Republican. Did I mention he’s a zealot? If, and when he’s elected, he will be the most radical and scary senator in the Senate. Yes, I’m aware Ted Cruz is still a senator. He’s that freaking bad. Every senator, even the Republicans, can’t stand Ted Cruz. Yet, this guy makes Ted Cruz look like Fozzie Bear.

Roy Moore was the Chief Justice on the Alabama Supreme Court. He decided that he needed to erect a display of the Ten Commandments in the court. He refused to take them down after a court order told him to remove it. He got kicked off the court. So, since Supreme Court justices in Alabama are elected, he ran for the office again…and won. And, got kicked off again. The second time he was booted from office was because he directed probate judges to continue to enforce the state’s ban on same-sex marriage after the U.S. Supreme Court struck down that ban.

Roy Moore hates gays so much that he once issued an opinion that the state should punish homosexual behavior. He also opined that a parent’s sexual orientation (in this circumstance, homosexuality) should be a factor in refusing custody. He hates gays so much, I expect him to be busted in a men’s room stall in Dupont Circle.

Moore believes in the supremacy of God’s law over man’s. When he was a circuit court judge, he would open sessions with a prayer beseeching Divine Guidance for jurors in their deliberations. In at least one instance, Moore asked a clergyman to lead the court’s jury pool in prayer. Hey, guess how you can get out of jury duty in Alabama.

In case you’re still thinking, “gee…that still doesn’t sound too bad.” Well then, hold my coffee. Did I mention that Dudley-Do-Fuck is a birther, and he still believes Obama was not born in the United States? He also believes that a Muslim should not be allowed to serve in the United States Congress, taking issue with Minnesota representative Keith Ellison. He claims Sharia Law is being implemented in Illinois (Yankee state). He has suggested the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks happened because America has turned away from God. On top of all that, he’s spoken to white-supremacists groups, where I’m sure some of the attendees were “very fine people.”

Just in case there were some voters in Alabama not finding him scary enough, he brought a revolver on stage with him at his Monday night rally and waved it around. If Luther Strange was smart, he would have brought a bigger gun on stage and had mocked Moore’s tiny pistol. But, these are Republicans. They’re not smart.

Republicans were so scared of Moore, that Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, who can’t do anything right lately, had his super PAC raise millions of dollars for Strange. He even got Donald Trump to campaign for Strange, even though Moore is just the kind of fuck nuts that should appeal to Trump. Obviously, he appealed to Trump’s voters in Alabama where Cheeto Potentate still has ridiculously high approval ratings.

Strange had serious baggage. He was the Attorney General for Alabama, and he was supposed to be investigating the governor who was doing all sorts of illegal shenanigans to cover up the fact he was boinking a staffer who was not his wife (I still have nightmares over those sexual tape recordings. Old, crotchety, craggly-ass Alabama Republicans are not sexy). The governor took care of that investigation by appointing Strange to the Senate after Jeff Sessions was confirmed as the Trump’s Attorney General (though he was eventually tossed out of office).

Trump didn’t have much enthusiasm with his endorsement. At a rally last Friday in Huntsville, Trump spent most of the time talking about himself (shocking), and the NFL anthem protesters. While Strange was standing on the same stage, Trump stated, “I’ll be honest, I might have made a mistake.” He even expressed concern with how the media would play it for him if Strange lost.

Moore held rallies with Sarah Palin, the Duck Dynasty weirdos, and Trump’s former chief strategist, Steve Bannon. Bannon suggested to Fox News that Trump was duped into supporting Strange. Thanks for admitting what we already know, that Trump is a sucker. We’ve seen his retweets.

At Moore’s rally on Monday, Bannon argued for the anti-establishment platform. He said, “Mitch McConnell and this permanent political class is the most corrupt and incompetent group of individuals in this country. They think you’re a pack of morons. They think you’re nothing but rubes.” Well, yeah. They’re kinda counting on it, but so is Bannon. This guy and a bunch of Russians helped convince 62 million rubes to vote for Trump.

These guys do not like Mitch McConnell. Moore attacked the Majority Leader at the same rally and said in the past that he’ll vote against McConnell remaining Majority Leader. I predict some awkward moments after Moore arrives in Washington.

For Republicans, Moore’s victory is bad news. They were looking forward to spending all their money on defeating Democrats in 2018 and increasing their Senate majority. But now, Moore’s victory will give other anti-establishment troglodytes inspiration to run against GOP incumbents, which will make Republicans spend their money before they even face the Democrats. Senators Jeff Flake of Arizona, Dean Heller of Nevada, and Roger Wicker of Mississippi may have trouble in their primaries. Senator Bob Corker of Tennessee announced yesterday that he’s had enough. He’s not having fun with Trump as the leader of his party, plus he may have been in a huge, nasty primary fight with a Tea-Party knuckle dragger.

For a Republican Senate that doesn’t know how to legislate and has no accomplishments since Trump took office, Roy Moore promises to make things go from shitty to super shitty. As for Trump, he won’t admit he supported the wrong guy. He’ll probably blame McConnell and perhaps forget he ever endorsed Luther Strange. Kinda like how he forgot he ran a birther campaign for five years. Trump has already deleted his tweets that were supporting Strange. Fortunately, Mr. Moore can refresh his memory that they’re both conspiracy nut jobs.

One last note; Please don’t inform Roy Moore that carrying a firearm is illegal in the District. Of course, if he’s arrested for packing, he’ll just claim carrying a gun is God’s law.

Creative note: I got this idea, and then I got another I liked better for a minute. It involved Moore holding two tablets with his ten commandments. So, I wrote all ten of the commandments, and halfway through I decided the idea was just meh. But, because I have OCD I had to finish writing all the commandments. I couldn’t leave it uncompleted.

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