Who can take elections? (Who can take elections?) Wrap it all in doubt (Wrap it all in doubt) Eliminate ballot boxes, throw black voters’ ballots out
The Trumpy Man (the Trumpy Man) The Trumpy Man can (the Trumpy Man can) The Trumpy Man can cause He mixes it with hate His country clubs going broke But he’ll never be woke
The Trumpy Man makes everything he bakes Satisfying and vicious For all the white supremacists You can even eat the dishes
Who can retweet Nazis? (Who can retweet Nazis?) Tell you it’s fake news (Tell you it’s fake news) Sucking up to Putin and sending out his goons
The Trumpy Man (the Trumpy Man) The Trumpy Man can (the Trumpy Man can) The Trumpy Man can cause He mixes it with hate And makes the world taste like KFC Quarter Pounders, he’s not obese
Who can give shout-outs to Proud Boys? (Who can give shout-outs to Proud Boys?) Tell them to stand back and stand by? (Tell them to stand back and stand by?) Poo and coups in the Capitol make the burning in the eyes
The Trumpy Man (the Trumpy Man) The Trumpy Man can (the Trumpy Man can) The Trumpy Man can cause He mixes it with lies And makes the world taste like fascist pies Can stare at an eclipse with his bare eyes
Who can steal classified documents? (Who can steal classified documents?) Declassify with his mind? (Declassify with his mind?) Declassify with ease ’cause he can person, woman, man, camera, and TV
The Trumpy Man (the Trumpy Man) The Trumpy Man can (the Trumpy Man can) The Trumpy Man can cause He told 30,000 lies And it never makes sense Ya know they tried to hang Mike Pence
Who can grab them by the pussy? (Who can grab them by the pussy?) With a Tic-Tac or two (With a Tic-Tac or two?) Never by the anus but they let you do it when you’re famous
The Trumpy Man (the Trumpy Man) The Trumpy Man can (the Trumpy Man can) The Trumpy Man can cause He has the biggest rallies Never had an erection but he had an insurrection
The Trumpy Man (the Trumpy Man) The Trump Man can (the Trumpy Man can)
Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.
Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.
Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.
If you were playing a drinking game during day 4 of the Trump Trial in the United States Senate where you took a drink each time the word “fight” came from the Trump defense team, you’re dead.
Trump’s lawyers attempted to confuse the jury of senators, and the rest of the nation, that the trial isn’t about inciting a terrorist attack, but one of free speech. They complained that all the video evidence the House Impeachment managers presented was manipulated and edited…and then proceeded to show video evidence that was manipulated and edited.
The lawyers Trump hired to replace the lawyers who replaced the lawyers who didn’t want to present a defense of conspiracy theories showed video after video of Democrats saying the word “fight.” See? There’s proof that when Trump said “fight,” no harm was intended. We’re not prosecuting Democrats for saying “fight,” right?
Except…name one time that there was an attack on the U.S. Capitol building directly after a Democrat said the word “fight.” Or maybe you can find an example of Democrats calling their supporters to a city, pointing to a specific location, and then telling their crowd to “march” to it.
If you want to talk about someone using the word “fight,” Trump used it 20 times in his insurrection speech. He used “patriotically” and “peacefully” just once each.
Trump’s lawyers had 16 hours to present their defense, but who can say “fight” for 16 hours other than Donald Trump? They wrapped it up with four. But still, four hours of bullshit and debunked conspiracy theories was very hard to take.
No matter what these lawyers present, there’s no way of getting around the fact that the MAGA mob wouldn’t have been in Washington, D.C. if Donald Trump hadn’t called them to be there. They wouldn’t have gone to the Capitol if Donald Trump hadn’t told them to go. They went there to overturn an election. And, they went there based on a lie that the election was stolen.
But Donald Trump’s lawyers pushed that lie too. During their presentation, Trump’s lawyers pushed their client’s lies about voter fraud. Trump’s first team of lawyers resigned because they refused to base their defense on debunked conspiracy theories.
Trump’s lawyers made a stupid defense. But then again, they are Trump lawyers. You can “fight.” But Donald Trump wasn’t talking about fighting for civil rights. He wasn’t talking about fighting for the right to vote. He wasn’t talking about fighting for freedom of speech. Donald Trump was talking about fighting to overturn an election. Donald Trump was talking about fighting to install him as a dictator. Donald Trump told his supporters to “fight” to stop Congress from doing a procedure mandated by the United States Constitution.
There’s a big difference between saying “fight for your right to party” and “fight to overturn an election.”
And while Itchy and Scratchy’s theme said, “fight, fight, fight…bite, bite, bite,” Trump’s lawyers “lie, lie, lie…lie, lie, lie…”
Note: I did it again. I made a post on social media saying the lawyers should blame Itchy and Scratchy instead of Trump, and then I liked it too much. So it became a cartoon. Oh well.
Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.
Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.
Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.
There’s a lesson to be learned here, kids. Don’t get your lawyers out of vending machines. Also, don’t get them out of Cracker Jack or cereal boxes. Watching Trump’s lawyers in action yesterday, you would think that’s where he got them. But still, out of a Cracker Jack box is still better than out of Trump University.
Donald Trump raised millions for his legal defense. No, he never planned to pay for these lawyers out of his own pocket. During the Mueller investigation, campaign funds paid for his and his trust-fund baby goony kids’ lawyers. Everybody else Trump dragged through the corruption quagmire had to pay for their own lawyers. But if you donated to Trump’s legal defense fund, do you feel you got your moneys worth yesterday? HAHA. Who are we kidding? Those lawyers aren’t going to be paid. Like Rudy, they can charge by the farts and they still won’t get paid.
In fact, lawyers dropped out of the Trump legal defense team over squabbles about getting paid. I didn’t go to college for seven years but I’m educated enough to know that Donald Trump is going to stiff his next lawyer…then his next, then his next, etc. Even the Trump lawyers who defended him in his case against Stormy Daniels got a harder stiffing than she did.
And maybe the lawyers who are defending Trump during his impeachment trial shouldn’t get paid. None of the lawyers from Trump’s first impeachment returned for part two of the Trump leagl shit show. So apparently, Donald Trump went down to a courthouse and found one of those lawyers in a bad suit with ketchup stains bothering people in the lobby, asking, “Do you need a lawyer?” Maybe Trump thought it’d be fine because it worked for Dan Aykroyd in “Dr. Detroit.” And from looking at Bruce Castor’s suit, that’s where he found him…or he was trying to impress the new boss by wearing something from the Trump suit line. Seriously, Trumpers. If you’re not being measured for your suit, you’re going to look like shit. Stop buying off the rack at Walmart. I know this and I’m a T-Shirt and hoodie guy.
But Bruce Castor, in his oversized suit that probably belonged to his father, started his argument praising the impeachment managers, the prosecutors. He admitted that he and his partner, David Schoen, had to change their strategy because the prosecutor’s opening presentation was so good.
The prosecution started by showing a 13-minute video of Trump sending his MAGA mob to the Capitol to stage an insurrection. And the worst thing is, they knew it was coming. This morning, Trump’s legal team objected to the video because it’s detrimental to their case. OK, I got that from the Jim Carrey movie, “Liar Liar,” but that was basically their argument.
Lead House impeachment manager Representative Jamie Raskin argued there is no “January exception.” Raskin pointed out, correctly, “Conduct that would be a high crime or misdemeanor throughout a president’s first few years in office, you can suddenly do in your last few weeks in office without facing any constitutional accountability at all” if Trump’s case is dismissed.
“It’s an invitation to the president to take his best shot at anything he may want to do on his way out the door—including using violent means to lock that door.”
Seriously, it’s just fucking stupid to argue what’s illegal in December is legal in January.
A mob of Donald Trump supporters attacked the U.S. Capitol. Without a doubt, and everyone can agree on this, Donald Trump sent the mob to the Capitol. That mob was not spontaneous. That mob didn’t organize itself. That mob was directed by Donald Trump. He told them to be there on January 6 and that it would be “wild.” Now, Republicans have two arguments.
Argument one: You can’t convict Trump or even hold this trial because it’s unconstitutional. Even Republican lawyers laugh at that one.
Argument two: Donald Trump is not responsible for the violence and insurrection of the MAGA mob despite being the one who sent them and told them they have to “fight or they wouldn’t have a country” because the election was being stolen from them.
If I send a mob to your house and I tell them to just scream on your front yard peacefully, but they bust in and finger-bang your butt, are you gonna get mad at me? Are you going to blame me? Are you going to send me a bill for one of those inflatable donuts? I didn’t do it. I only got them worked up and pointed them in the direction of your butt…I mean house.
For an hour, Trump’s lawyer Castor rambled such a weak defense that even Republican senators reacted to with, “Oh dear God.”
It was terrible. According to sources deep inside Mar-a-Lago (worst porn title EVER), Trump was furious with one person saying, “On a scale of one to 10, with 10 being the angriest, Mr. Trump was an eight.” And anytime Trump’s anger reaches higher on the scale than he can count, it’s bad.
Fortunately for these horrible lawyers, the fix is in. Rigged election? How about a rigged jury? Unfortunately for the jury, it’s harder for them to say they were swayed by a defense that argues the other side presented a better case.
Donald Trump is guilty. The death count from the mob he sent to the United States Capitol to overturn an election and install himself as a dictator now stands at seven. There were multiple injuries. One Capitol Police officer lost three fingers. Another is expected to lose an eye. And let’s not forget Capitol Police Officer Brian Sicknick who the MAGA mob murdered. And Republicans want to let Trump off the hook before the trial even begins?
If a president can send terrorists to attack the United States Capitol, tweet encouragement to the mob during the act where people are murdered, and not be punished for it, then what is an impeachable offense? Even good lawyers wouldn’t be able to make an argument that Trump is innocent and shouldn’t be convicted and barred from ever occupying the Oval Office ever again.
Brian Sicknick gave his life protecting the men who are going to let his murderer go.
Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.
Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.
Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.
I had a reader tweet a message at me yesterday asking when I published a cartoon featuring Donald Trump and Peanuts’ Lucy Van Pelt. I had to dig it up and I discovered it was in March 2018. This morning, I thought today might be a good time to bring Lucy back.
In early 2018, Donald Trump was having trouble finding lawyers to represent him in the Mueller investigation. You knew it was bad when he was tweeting how the best lawyers in the nation were climbing over each other to represent him like he was an ambulance with a broken siren. The truth was, they kept dropping like flies. I’m sorry I can’t find a better metaphor. “Faster than credible lawyers dumping Donald Trump” is a metaphor.
During the Mueller investigation, his lead counsel resigned, he hired a husband and wife duo who were screaming fucknut legal heads at Fox News only for them to resign later. The attorneys he did have sent drunkenly-composed emails to reporters, mailed hush agreements from Trump’s address, tweeted guilt from Trump’s Twitter account, and loudly discussed strategy in one of the busiest and most popular restaurants among journalists in Washington. Keep in mind, this is the same guy who kept Michael Cohen on retainer. Donald Trump picks lawyers like he picks doctors.
Donald Trump set a lot of records as president (sic) with one of them being the rejections from law firms. According to reports, at least six law firms rejected working for Donald Trump in 2018. One legal expert said, “It is difficult for one to maintain one’s appearance of being an ethical lawyer while trying to represent Donald Trump.”
Even O.J. got top-notch legal help but then again, O.J. probably paid his lawyers.
Inside sources say Donald Trump doesn’t want to pay Rudy Giuliani his legal fees for spreading the big stolen election lie. Did he pay Sidney Powell? And look at the quality of legal services he received from that dynamic-farting duo. They lost over 60 cases in court. You would think they would have won at least one of them by accident. But even Lionel Hutz didn’t spread conspiracy theories about the deceased Hugo Chavez stealing the election from Trump with socialist voting machines. Jackie Chiles would take on Cosmo Kramer as a client before he’d take Donald Trump. Saul Goodman never had hair dye dripping down his face during a press conference. Even Barry Zuckerhorn didn’t fart during legislative hearings.
The Senate trial over Donald Trump’s impeachment for inciting a terrorist attack against the U.S. Capitol begins next week, and yesterday he lost five lawyers. One person familiar with what’s going on in Trump Legal Land told The New York Times they’re all splitting because Donald Trump is insisting they argue he won the election and it was stolen from him, thus justifying death to Congress and his own vice president.
The same person also says Trump told the lawyers the case is “simple” and he could argue it himself and save the money on lawyers. As a political cartoonist, all I have to say about that prospect is, “PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE IF THERE IS A GOD YOU’LL MAKE IT HAPPEN PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK PLEASE!!!!!”
I would really like to see that.
I guess there are even a few Republican lawyers who can’t sell the lie Trump won the election. He did lose over 60 cases with that argument. Or, maybe the lawyers just don’t want to lie. I said it repeatedly throughout the Trump presidency (sic): You can not defend Donald Trump without lying. It’s impossible. You don’t need a law degree. You need a degree in bullshit.
Donald Trump is guilty. He incited a riot. He spent nearly $3 million putting that attack together. He told his supporters to march on the Capitol and stage a coup attempt. He told them to overturn an election, disenfranchise millions of voters, and install him as an illegitimate president. He told his followers to make him a fascist dictator. His crowd attacked the Capitol looking to hang Mike Pence and kidnap Nancy Pelosi. Five people died, including a Capitol Police officer. Donald Trump is guilty. He shouldn’t just be convicted in the Senate and barred from future political office. Donald Trump should be in prison.
Do you know who says Donald Trump told the terrorists to attack the Capitol? The terrorists. That’s their defense.
Fortunately for Donald Trump, his jury has Republicans on it. Like Trump, Republicans are corrupt. For Trump, they are so sycophantic, they’ll vote not to convict him for an act where he tried to have them killed. Seriously.
Donald Trump probably doesn’t even need a lawyer because he already has a tainted jury. But let me offer one piece of advice in case she does take him as a client: Lucy, get that nickel in advance.
Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.
Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.
Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.
If you want an idea of how nutzoid Trump election-stealing lawyer Sidney Powell is, take this in: Tucker Carlson can’t support her arguments…and Tucker has had shows about UFOs.
Tucker Carlson wants to believe in Sidney Powell. He said that he’s “always respected her work” and he’s holding out hope that she’ll provide evidence that thousands of votes were moved from Trump to Biden, which didn’t happen. Tucker is still stupid enough to hold out hope that election fraud occurred.
Do you understand that? Trump supporters are HOPING that our election was rigged and democracy failed. Do you know why? Because it’ll justify their stealing of an election. But right now, they don’t have any evidence or anything that supports their argument that Donald Trump won the election. Do you know why? Because Donald Trump did NOT win the election. Donald Trump lost and Joe Biden will be sworn in as president on January 20, 2021.
Sidney Powell is a Qanon-supporting nut. She has retweeted their theories on multiple occasions. She’s been a guest on Qanon’s YouTube show. Yes, they have a YouTube show. She’s Michael Flynn’s lawyer and now she’s arguing Donald Trump’s case that he won the election despite the fact he didn’t.
Sidney, along with Rudy Giuliani, suck. If they’re your legal team, you’re in trouble. I mean, you might as well invite Republican state legislatures to the White House and beg them to defy their constituents, break the law, invalidate votes, and just give you their state’s electors. Actually, Donald Trump did that yesterday.
Meanwhile, Powell and Giuliani are running around saying the election was stolen, Trump “won in a landslide,” And that it was manipulated by George Soros, the Clinton Foundation, and the deceased Hugo Chavez. At least Sidney’s hair dye isn’t running down her face.
Sidney Powell says she didn’t provide evidence to Tucker because he was rude. How about to the rest of us, Sidney? Their defenders are saying Trump’s legal team is holding their evidence for court…but they’re not using it in court. In fact, they keep having their cases thrown out of courts.
And while Trump’s legal team is arguing at press conferences outside dildo stores that massive voter fraud stole the election, when they’re in court, they’re saying there wasn’t any voter fraud.
So, if you don’t believe me that there was not any massive voter fraud, then take it from Trump’s stupid legal team. They’re telling you one thing and they’re telling judges something else. The judges aren’t buying it, but if you’re a Trump supporter, it’s a good thing for Trump that you’re stupid enough to buy it.
Trump’s legal team’s argument is even losing Fox News, who desperately wants to believe them. I guess this means during the Joe Biden era, Sidney Powell won’t have her own show on Fox. There’s always that Qanon YouTube channel…or Trump TV.
It’s hard for Donald Trump to hire capable lawyers because good lawyers don’t want to argue conspiracy theories in court. Crazy lawyers will though. And Donald Trump has cornered the market on crazy and hiring lunatics…even if the lunatics at Fox are losing hope.
Wanna know what’s even crazier than Sidney Powell saying Trump won in a landslide and blaming Hugo Chavez? 70% of Republicans believe her.
Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.
Donald Trump is going through lawyers faster than Spinal Tap goes through drummers. And just like Spinal Tap, Trump’s cases involving collusion with Russia, obstruction of justice, and paying porn stars and Playboy centerfolds to keep quiet are self-destructing.
Typically, rich billionaires don’t have a problem finding lawyers from the top white-shoe law firms in the country. Our entire legal system is designed to favor rich assholes. Even the awkward situation of being guilty doesn’t deter lawyers from representing rich people. If O.J. could hire the best legal minds in the business, you’d think a white billionaire president of the United States could find competent counsel, instead of his current collection of caveman lawyers.
From lawyers who send drunkenly-composed emails to reporters, to one who mails hush agreements from Trump’s address, to tweeting guilt from the president’s Twitter account, to counsel loudly discussing strategy in one of the busiest and most popular restaurants among journalists in Washington, Trump’s legal team has consisted of incompetent morons.
Trump tweeted Sunday, “Many lawyers and top law firms want to represent me in the Russia case…don’t believe the Fake News narrative that it is hard to find a lawyer who wants to take this on. Fame & fortune will NEVER be turned down by a lawyer, though some are conflicted. Problem is that a new lawyer or law firm will take months to get up to speed (if for no other reason than they can bill more), which is unfair to our great country – and I am very happy with my existing team. Besides, there was NO COLLUSION with Russia, except by Crooked Hillary and the Dems!”
As usual, everything Trump tweets is a lie. Remember when he claimed he was happy with Rex Tillerson, H.R. McMaster, and John Dowd and it was “fake news” reporting that they would be leaving soon?
Last week, Dowd, Trump’s lead attorney for his defense in the Russia case, resigned. He hired attorneys Joe diGenova and his wife Victoria Toensing, because he liked the way diGenova presented himself on TV arguing for conspiracy theories, but the duo had to resign because they already represent a client in the Russia case. With conflict of interest being the factor, why did these lawyers even talk to Trump? Did they just look it up yesterday morning? Did Lionel Hutz explain it to them?
It’s been reported that six law firms have rejected Trump. As one legal expert said, “It is difficult for one to maintain one’s appearance of being an ethical lawyer while trying to represent Donald Trump.”
So why is it difficult to represent Donald Trump? For starters, he’s guilty, but that shouldn’t be too much of a deterrent. Some lawyers pride themselves on representing clients while arguing that everyone deserves and has the right to legal representation. However, it’s really difficult to represent a guilty client when the guilty client won’t shut up.
Over the weekend, Trump was boasting at Mar-a-Lago that Stormy Daniels owes him $20 million for violating their hush agreement, which Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen claims Trump isn’t a part of because he never slept with Stormy Daniels. Guilty client, check. Mouthy client, check. Stupid client, check, check, check.
Trump also has a history of not paying his lawyers. He’s been sued by lawyers for payment who represented him in cases where he didn’t pay labor contractors.
Trump also refuses to listen to his lawyers. A client who is impulsive, has an itchy Twitter finger, won’t listen or heed advice, and undercuts legal strategy makes the job more trouble than it’s worth and can hurt future business for a lawyer. Lawyers drop clients who won’t listen to them, which Dowd did last week.
Finally, being associated with Trump puts you in legal trouble. Trump’s lawyers need lawyers when they work for Trump. It’s so bad, he’s not just having a problem finding competent legal help, he can’t find qualified people for staff positions in the West Wing and his cabinet is full of morons. He’ll probably fire another cabinet member this week who isn’t named Devos or Carson.
Trump is down to one full-time lawyer, Jay Sekulow, famous for being a religious commentator, working on his Russia case. Sekulow is presently negotiating Trump testifying before the Special Counsel where everyone expects he will commit perjury.
Trump said “fame and fortune” will come to those who defend him. But do you want to be famous for representing a giant orange shit weasel who took you down with him?
Creative notes: This is the second cartoon in a row with a reference to Peanuts. If the comic timing works in this cartoon, it’s because my first teacher in that area was Charles Schulz.
Here’s the video.
Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button. Thank you!
He’s being investigated by Robert Mueller, a former head of the FBI and a man who investigated and prosecuted major financial fraud, terrorism and public corruption cases, as well as narcotics conspiracies and international money launderers. He oversaw prosecutions of Manuel Noriega, the Lockerbie bombing case, and the Gambino crime family boss John Gotti. He’s also a Marine veteran who was wounded in Vietnam. Robert Mueller is not playing around.
Mueller has put together a team of the nation’s top lawyers, most of whom are former prosecutors, or still prosecutors on loan from their district offices. These lawyers went after Enron, corrupt union officials and government employees, white-collar criminals, gangsters, terrorists, spies, and money launderers. One of these lawyers was on the Watergate team.
Donald Trump’s defense against this legal dream team are lawyers willing to work for Donald Trump. Trump has a history of not paying his lawyers. He’s a client who doesn’t take his lawyers’ advice and shut up about the investigation. He won’t stop tweeting about the investigation. He’s a man who doesn’t just have a history of lying in public and to the press, he’s been caught lying in court and in depositions. Donald Trump’s word is less credible than that of a porn star.
Donald Trump publicly asked Russia to help him win the election. His son invited Russians inside Trump Tower while Trump was in the tower. Trump fired FBI Director James Comey, and then told the Russians and Lester Holt he fired him to end the investigation. Trump’s public stupidity created the Special Counsel.
Trump tweeted that he fired Michael Flynn for lying to the vice president and the FBI. This tweet implicates that Trump knew Flynn was under investigation by the FBI when he asked James Comey to take it easy on him. That’s obstruction of justice. One of Trump’s personal lawyers, John Dowd, claims he wrote the tweet, which would clear the president. The problem is, nobody believes that. Another problem is the stupidity of sending the tweet. Dowd is representing Trump in the Russia case.
Another one of his personal attorneys is Jay Sekulow who went on Fox News and claimed Trump was not under investigation while also saying Trump was under investigation. He also claimed everything said between Trump and Comey was attorney/client privilege, though Comey is not Trump’s attorney. Isn’t that sort of stuff on the bar exam?
Don McGahn is White House Counsel, and he’s been described as the “worst White House Counsel ever.” He pressured James Comey, before he was fired, to publicly exonerate Trump. He made a failed pitch for Attorney General Jeff Sessions not to recuse himself. He attempted to legally defend the Nunes Memo in the court of public opinion. Maybe worst of all, he oversaw the Rob Porter scandal, where normally the White House Counsel would have nixed hiring a wife beater.
Then there’s Michael Cohen, the lawyer representing Trump in the Stormy Daniels case. Cohen claims he paid off Daniels with his own money and without Trump’s knowledge. He claims the payment isn’t an illegal campaign contribution and it’s not linked to Trump in any way, though all his communication during the payment was with a Trump Organization email address. I’m shocked he hasn’t used the company’s fax machine to send Robert Mueller copies of his butt.
The only competent lawyer on Trump’s team is Ty Cobb, and Trump is about to fire him. Trump and the White House claim they’re not about to fire Cobb, but Trump tweeted ten days ago that he wasn’t going to add any more lawyers to his team. Yesterday, he added another lawyer to his team.
Trump has hired attorney Joseph diGenova, a man who has gone on Fox News and said, “There was a brazen plot to illegally exonerate Hillary Clinton and, if she didn’t win the election, to then frame Donald Trump with a falsely created crime. It wasn’t the Russians who corrupted the presidential election; it was the American officials at the Department of Justice and the FBI.” He capped off his statements with, “I would consider this the largest law enforcement scandal in history for this reason.”
Trump, who spent years claiming Obama was born in Kenya, loves a good conspiracy theory. He also loves to hire people from TV. The fourth-highest ranking member of the State Department came directly from Fox & Friends (I shit you not). And, diGenova fits the bill, as he’s a conspiracy theorist who goes on TV.
During the presidential campaign, diGenova claimed the FBI would charge Hillary Clinton, and she’d be unqualified to run for president. He also hawked conspiracy theories on Benghazi.
Trump attempted to hire a legal heavyweight in Theodore Olson, a former solicitor general. Proof of Olson being a smart and capable lawyer is the fact that when offered a job representing Donald Trump, he said nope, nope, nope, nope, no, hell no, forget about it, and no thank you. Early in the investigation, lawyers all over D.C. were talking about turning down Trump.
Trump is in serious trouble and I haven’t decided if his undoing will be his mouth or his penis. But, though I’m not a lawyer, I do have some great legal advice for Trump.
Just keep tweeting and talking. Tweet, talk, tweet, talk, talk, tweet, and everything will work out fine. OK, that’s great advice that will help out the nation. Trump, not so much. But, it will be good for America.
Here’s the video.
Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button. Thank you!
claytoonz 