North Korea

Best Marshmallow Ever


cjones04182017

Did you know that North Korea has an official Twitter account in English? It’s really difficult to understand. It’s like following Donald Trump’s Twitter.

North Korea celebrated the birth of its founding ruler yesterday, or today. I’m not sure anymore since they changed their time zone from what is internationally recognized. Insanity isn’t just setting your country years behind the rest of the world, it’s setting your clocks back thirty minutes. And you thought Daylight Savings Time was annoying.

Not only is North Korea behind South Korea by thirty minutes, their “Juche” calendar doesn’t recognize time before 1912, the year of the birth of Kim II-sung, the founding leader. So 2017 in North Korea is year Juche 106. Now you know more about North Korea than our president.

While you’re thinking that they’re really nuts with their Dear Leader, crazy times, silly years, massive parades with missiles overcompensating, and you DO NOT want to try the Koryo burger, but keep in mind that’s exactly the type of parade our Duh Leader wanted on inauguration day.

During our election campaign right wing wackos were spreading fear of war between the U.S. and Russia if Hillary Clinton was elected. Those fears were brought up again after Trump launched missiles into Syria. I’ve also seen articles recently about a possible war with China. I’m not worried about either of those hypothetical situations.

North Korea is scary. They’ve been scary for years. What amazes me is that our president scares me more. Trump is launching missiles, dropping huge bombs on caves, and sending what he called an “armada” of ships to the Korean peninsula while tweeting that the DPRK is “looking for trouble.”

This is kinda like high school when the two toughest kids wanted to fight. But in this case it’s the two dumbest kids. Trump seems to enjoy dropping bombs and they sure seem to distract us from his connections with Russia. His son, Junior, likes it too as the spoiled trust fund baby who never enlisted was cheering Daddy Duhbucks on from Twitter.

North Korea believes any strike against them will be meant to topple their government. How does America go to war with North Korea without starting a war? It’s complicated.

What inspired this cartoon wasn’t just stupid Republicans praising Trump for his war mongering, but also many in the media and the left. MSNBC’s Brian Williams described the missiles flying toward Syria as beautiful. Nice job on joining the complicit, Brian.

As President Tiny Penis leads us to Armageddon, I think about everyone who voted for him.

Thanks a lot, fuckers.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

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Bang Bang Babies


cjones04122017

Several world leaders have already had the displeasure of meeting with Donald Trump. I feel especially bad for China’s president, Xi Jinping, as that poor bastard has to meet with Trump and Kim Jong Un of North Korea.

For years the world has been afraid of an ill-tempered, irrational, immature tyrant with ridiculous hair who has nuclear weapons. Now there are two of them.

While conservatives, liberals, and member of the press alike are waving their pom-poms cheering Trump’s missile strike against Syria, it should truly scare the living hell out of all of us.

Trump chooses to be motivated by pictures of dead babies, and emotionless toward others. If he can be moved to enact the U.S. military by pictures on CNN (or in his case, Fox News), my god, what will he do if something bad gets exposed in North Korea? If Kim attacks a Kentucky Fried Chicken we’re going to war.

Creating a few potholes in a runway in Syria will only move Assad to kill more of his own people. He won’t attack the United States. Kim Jong Un kills his own people just because it’s Tuesday. The North Koreans have cultivated an environment where families turn on each other for survival. Kim will not kill his own people to send us a message as we already got that message. He’s usually content with exploding nukes in his own nation and shooting missiles into the Sea of Japan. If Trump bombs one of his runways then Kim will want to make a bolder statement.

We don’t understand Kim Jong Un. We don’t understand Donald Trump. That’s because we’re not three-years-old. Are they teething or need to poop? Who knows why they’re cranky.

The only way to get to North Korea is through China, literally and figuratively. We need diplomacy to make that journey. Unfortunately our diplomatic measures are led by Donald Trump.

That’s truly worth crying about.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Hangin’ With The Fam


cjones02192017

Today’s blog will be kinda short.

Hey, I found an issue that’s not on Donald Trump. Try not to go through withdrawal.

Kim Jong Nam was the older half-brother of the tyrant, Kim Jong Un, current leader of North Korea. A few days ago Kim Jong Nam died in a Malaysian airport.

Nam was passed over for the tyrant job and it was given to his younger brother. Nam has spoken out many times against his brother and has been living in China, Macau, and Singapore. It’s believed China was protecting him while he lived the life of a playboy of sorts. North Korea has wanted to kill him for years. There are always moments when you want to kill your siblings, and they you, but you don’t actually do it. You wear the same pair of socks for a week and then you hide them in your little brother’s pillow case. Ask my little brother.

North Korea claims they didn’t have anything to do with his death. It’s believed he had poison sprayed into his face. The Malaysian authorities haven’t publicly released the results of the autopsy but North Korea said they’ll reject whatever those findings are. That’s like only being told that someone died and you reply “well I didn’t shoot him.” I’m pretty sure the results of the autopsy will confirm he’s dead.

One thing to take out of this: Stay the heck out of Malaysian airports.

Notes: I have to be vague but I got some crazy stuff happening right now. Not good stuff. Clay had to call the police type of stuff.

I needed to get out of my home for a bit to post this blog, send the cartoon to clients, and do some other work. Internet and people at home are having issues and I’m at Sheetz where the free Wi-Fi is really slow, especially if you’re uploading files. I do expect things to get normal again very soon and to eliminate the stress that’s been in my life over the past few days. The cartoons will keep coming.

Update: I’m fine. My problem is literally behind bars for an undetermined amount of time. Starting Monday my cartoons will be delivered from an all new undisclosed location. Sorry if I worried anyone or made you gleeful.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, etc.. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

North Korean Barbecue


cjones09132016

I needed to take a break from drawing cartoons about Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and campaign 2016. A few of my clients will appreciate the break also. I’m going to attempt to make it two cartoons in a row as long as something incredibly stupid doesn’t happen on the campaign trail tomorrow.

The danger of Iran having nuclear weapons is they might be evil enough to use them. With North Korea it’s that they might be crazy enough. It would really suck to watch capitols obliterated because of a Seth Rogen movie. Those things have hurt enough people already.

The richter scale measurement from their fifth nuclear test shows their weapons are becoming more powerful. The biggest concern is their developing the technology to make their nukes small enough to put in missiles, even those fired from submarines.

While North Korea has over 800 ships in their navy they’re so limited that it’s virtually impossible for a ship on one coast to visit their other coast. But can they fire a nuclear missile that can reach Seoul, Tokyo, Honolulu, or even Seattle?

The U.S. and South Korea are ready to deploy an advanced anti-missile system in the South to counter the North’s missile threat. China and Russia both oppose this but screw those guys.

It might be time to look at options other than sanctions and flying U.S. B-1 bombers near the DPRK’s border. The United States removed their nuclear weapons from South Korea in 1991 after signing an agreement with the North to remove all nukes from the peninsula. Some in the South want them to return which is probably a better idea than the one Trump has, which is for South Korea and Japan to have their own.

The world doesn’t need another crazy dictator with access to nukes anymore than we need another Seth Rogen movie.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Praise Of Despots


cjones12202015

Donald Trump has the insecurities of a teenage girl whose daddy won’t give her attention. Russian president Vladimir Putin is aware of this and played on Trump’s ego.

Do you know the qualification of a good person in Trump’s mind? If that person says something nice about Trump. Yeah, he’s a murderer, invades nations, suppresses the press, but he’s a “real leader”.

Putin stated Trump is “bright and talented.” Trump ate that up. When it was brought to his attention that the man dishing out the compliments was a tyrant, Trump stated he was a real leader unlike Obama. A former KGB figure is a better leader than a champion of freedom and inclusion in Trump’s mind.

Putin is clever. He knew exactly who to play on to insert himself into the American election. The GOP’s top candidate ate it up and thinks it’s a good thing. By the way, David Duke has nice things to say about Trump also. Go eat that up.

Republicans, this is your front runner. What is wrong with a party where the majority of its members support Trump, racism, bigotry and xenophobia. Basically, support stupidity. Of course this is the same party where 30% were recently polled in favor of bombing Agrabah. Agrabah is the fictional nation in the Disney film Aladdin. Hey, it sounds Arabic so we should bomb it just in case…even if it doesn’t exist. What would have been funnier would have been if they didn’t do the poll, and had asked Trump if he would bomb Agrabah.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

North Korea’s New Time Zone


cjones08102015

You may have missed this story. North Korea has created it’s own time zone. This puts North Korea 30 minutes behind South Korea and Japan, thus adding to the centuries it’s behind the rest of the world. A lot of people consider this the North’s snub to Japan, who did brutalize Korea during it’s imperial run throughout Asia.

Korea’s time zone was set by Japan in 1910 when it colonized Korea. South Korea actually went back to this time zone between 1954 to 1961, then changed back because it worked better financially to have the same time zone as Japan. There is still some efforts to return South Korea to the former time zone.

North Korea doesn’t just have it’s own time zone. They have their own calendar. Instead of counting from the birth of Christ, they count from the birth of founding leader, Kim Il Sung. Kim was born in 1912 — known in North Korea as Juche 1, making this year Juche 104.

With this cartoon idea I needed 12 ideas. I had 12 but I thought I’d fish from a few friends to see if they had any suggestions. I sent out a text and a few made submissions and they all deserve shout outs as I have used a few of their submissions in here. The shout out will be the only compensation they’ll receive.

My friends who put their stamp in this cartoon is Chris Fink (we used to be in a band together) Gordon Johnson (the only guy in North America not on Twitter or Facebook and probably the most politically-knowledgeable person I know), Kenny Ellis (my ex wife’s husband and the only one with a Rodman suggestion), Bobby Hebert (we worked together at The Free Lance-Star and he’s a humor writer of sorts who I knew would take a crack at this), and Eric Hennessey (very creative guy, world traveler, Republican atheists and one of my best friends). I asked a few other people but they didn’t come through. I’ll probably get texts with excellent ideas from them tomorrow.

I didn’t troll my cartoon pals for ideas. I’m not that stupid.

And the “eat dog” part is my idea. It’s not a stereotype or insult toward Asians. It’s a they’re-starving-in-North Korea insult.

If you have any suggestions, leave a comment.

Creepy Elf On A Shelf


cjones12252014

I have only drawn two cartoons this holiday season with any reference to Christmas. I have NOT drawn anyone sitting on Santa’s lap. Avoiding cliches is kind of a promise I make to myself.

I do plan to watch The Interview later tonight. After all this brouhaha I have to see it.