North Korea

Dotard


cjones09252017

A lot of people were introduced to the Elton John song “Tiny Dancer” by the movie “Almost Famous.” For others, it was when they fell in love with it all over again. It’s the part of the film where a rock band is on their tour bus and everyone, including the band, roadies, groupies, and the underage Rolling Stone reporter all start singing along to the chorus. It probably would have ruined the song for me if the TV show “Friends” hadn’t already done that with the “hold me closer, Tony Danza” episode.

It’s hard to make the belligerents in a cartoon look more ridiculous than they actually are when the subjects are Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un. The only victim in this situation (so far) is Elton John.

I hate to say that Trump is out of his league in his war of childish insults with the leader of North Korea, as it may come off as defending Kim Jong Un (but it’s OK if Trump defends Russia from attacking the United States). But, it’s not a compliment to say one is better at being an immature and irrational human being. The reason Trump is out of his league is twofold.

First, despite Trump’s claim that he has “the best words,” Kim took him to school this week. In fact, Kim took a lot of people to school as the entire nation was looking up the definition of “dotard.” Kim has already brought more knowledge to Americans than Betsy DeVos, the Secretary of Education.

Several years ago when Clay Aiken was famous, I would have his name thrown at me every time I spoke at an elementary school. Calling me “Clay Aiken” was the type of thing that’s funny and creative to an eight-year-old. Occasionally an adult would use it and it would inform me immediately that I was dealing with a person whose growth was stunted. That’s what we’re dealing with in Donald Trump. Also, when someone comes up with a name and they stick with it, repeating it over and over, is a sign of a dumbass who probably watches a lot of professional wrestling.

Trump’s mind stopped developing around when he was eleven-years-old. For him, “loser,” “crooked,” and “lying” are big words and they’re extremely creative. Take “fake news” as an example. It doesn’t even work. If it’s fake then it’s not news. They say dogs can learn up to 200 words. Trump might know 97.

So, when you hear conservatives repeating words used by Donald Trump, you know who you’re dealing with. Last night, there was a rally in Alabama full of those people.

Kim is probably an intelligent person despite the insanity. But, when you’re raised in a culture that’s telling 25 million people you’re a god who can talk to dolphins, it’s probably going to go to your head. Even if he is smart, I’m sure he labored with input from others in writing his “personal” response to Trump.

In contrast, Donald Trump tweets at 3:00 AM, probably while sitting on the toilet, and he has delete, retweet, delete, retweet, before he finally lands on the correct spelling for “unprecedented.” We’re still trying to figure out “Covfefe.”

Kim has never responded personally. Usually, the statements are from the government, which represents all the people of the DPRK. I can assure you, Trump’s tweets do not speak for this nation. You’re not tying me to that shit.

Kim felt the need to respond personally after Trump spoke to the U.N. and threatened to destroy North Korea, while also calling him “Rocket Man.” And, this is the second point where Trump is out of his league.

Trump doesn’t know what he’s doing. In Kim’s response, he said that Trump is “mentally deranged.” The North Koreans are prone to hyperbole and insults, like threatening to destroy South Korea, the USA, and calling Obama a “monkey.” But, they’re not far off in calling Trump “mentally deranged.” Hey, even a broken clock is right twice a day. The other response from the DPRK is their foreign minister’s statement that they may explode a hydrogen bomb over the Pacific Ocean. This would be bad.

I hope Donald Trump understands the Pacific Ocean is that big body of water between the United States and Japan. It’s not Pacsun, the clothing store in malls. Maybe he can remember the Pacific Ocean by being reminded it’s where he lost that aircraft carrier.

Trump’s bullying and tough talk isn’t working out diplomatically. His threats only confirm to North Korea that they have to keep their nuclear weapons and continue to develop their missile system. At some point, something’s going to explode over a large population.

When people start dying, I don’t think anyone’s going to believe our toddler as an excuse for a president has the best words.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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Dear Leaders and Generals


cjones09052017

On Sunday, North Korea detonated its largest nuclear weapon to date, with an explosion five times greater than any of their previous tests. It’s no longer a question if the rogue regime has a weapon capable of destroying a large city, but if and when they can miniaturize one and place it inside a missile, and how far that missile can reach.

After North Korea seemed to back down from their threat of firing a missile toward Guam, Trump and his surrogates credited his “fire and fury” comments. Trump went on to say that maybe North Korea was “starting to respect us.” North Korea responded by firing a missile over Japan. Trump responded to that test by saying, “talking is not the answer.” And now, Kim Jong Un has detonated his largest weapon to date.

Trump’s response to this? Taking to Twitter, of course, and going after…our allies. Trump criticized South Korea’s approach to the North as “appeasement.” He is also threatening to end trade with any nation that deals with North Korea.

Apparently, Trump has instructed his advisers to prepare to withdraw from a free-trade agreement we have with South Korea. His threat to end trade with nations that do business with North Korea would include China, Russia, and India, among others.

Meanwhile, his tweeting might be as nerve wracking internationally as Kim Jong Un’s nuclear hobby. David Straub, a former State Department official who dealt with both Koreas, said: “They (South Korea) think they’re dealing with an unreasonable partner and complaining about it isn’t going to help — in fact, it might make it worse.” Straub also said, “Opinion polls show South Koreans have one of the lowest rates of regard for Trump in the world, and they don’t consider him to be a reasonable person. In fact, they worry he’s kind of nuts, but they still want the alliance.”

South Korea isn’t alone in thinking Trump is nuts and unreasonable. Michael Hayden, a retired Air Force general and former head of the National Security Agency and the CIA said, “You gotta watch the tweets.” On CNN he said, “I think we had an unforced error over the weekend when we brought up the free trade agreement with our South Korea friends on whom we have to cooperate. . . . It’s wrong on the merits, and it’s certainly not integrated into a broader approach to northeast Asia.”

Adam Schiff, the top Democrat on the House Intelligence Committee said, “We need to be working hand in hand with South Korea, and with Japan. Why we would want to show divisions with South Korea makes no sense at all.”

Of course, none of it makes sense. In the past, Trump described Kim Jong Un as a “smart cookie,” and on the campaign trail, he said he’d be “honored” to meet with Kim and have a burger with him. Going after the South only encourages Kim to continue actions that will put further distance between us and our allies.

If Trump’s tweets and saber-rattling rhetoric has been a test to see if they’d intimidate North Korea, we can now consider those tests as failed.

Trump claimed he knew more than the generals, and he could handle basically every problem better than Obama. He’s proven the direct opposite, which isn’t a surprise. He needs to work with his generals and try to find real solutions. His tweeting isn’t just endangering his presidency, it’s endangering South Korea, Japan, and the United States.

When are we supposed to start all that winning we’ll eventually get tired of? If “talking is not the answer,” then the first to shut up should be Donald Trump.

Creative note: I reserve the right to break my cartooning rules. One of the more recent ones has been to refrain from using the Twitter logo. It’s been used to the point of overkill by my colleagues. It’s as bad as using the “MAGA” caps. They were fun at first, but not after two years of campaigning. It’s time to find new metaphors…and then maybe going back to them occasionally. For me, a great time is a Sunday night when  I can’t get all the cylinders in my brain working.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Emoji Mayhem


cjones08132017

Rex Tillerson should not be Secretary of State, but the man is an adult. A child doesn’t have angry eyebrows like that.

The man has negotiated million and billion dollar deals with dictators as the head of Exxon. He’s bought houses. He went to college. He probably knows how to drive a car. Being that he’s a Trump guy, MAYBE he pays taxes. He’s a father of four so at some point he probably changed a crappy diaper once. Then, those kids get older and you don’t have to change shitty diapers anymore and you even do the happy dance when they graduate to pull-ups. I did.

Then you find yourself at 65 years of age cleaning up shit after a shitty orange baby shits all over the place. He has to ask himself, how did he get back here? Like Danny Glover, he probably thinks he’s too old for this shit. But here he is changing diapers. It’s the same deal for H.R. McMaster, John Kelly, and James Mattis. Those are the only adults in the Trump administration. The rest are children running with scissors.

After Donald Trump had the mouth runs as a response to North Korea threatening the United States, Rex found himself trying to clean it up. Even Mr. Clean doesn’t want anything to do with this mess. That bald cartoon fucker has left town.

Trump said, “North Korea best not make any more threats to the United States. They will be met with fire and fury like the world has never seen.” In response to this dire and scary warning that seems inspired by a direct-to-DVD Steven Seagal movie, North Korea promptly threatened us again, and with greater detail. They’re threatening to bomb Guam. That really has to suck for Guam, because as a U.S. territory they can’t vote for president, so Trump isn’t even their fault. They’re probably reading the news and thinking “aw fuck sticks.”

Tillerson attempted to calm everyone down by bullshitting, er…I mean, assuring us that, “Americans should sleep well at night.” The man is literally trying to tuck us in. Never mind that orange stupid twister outside. I’m sure it’ll miss this trailer park. Sweet dreams. We might as well all eat cake, pizza, and ice cream right before bed tonight. It’s not gonna make a difference tomorrow (for some of you that means “bourbon and cigarettes”).

Tillerson also said, “I think what the President was doing was sending a strong message to North Korea in language that Kim Jong Un would understand, because he doesn’t seem to understand diplomatic language.” The man is trying to explain away the rant of an immature baby while admitting the president’s “language” was not diplomatic. Hey, we haven’t tried imbecilic nonsense with North Korea, so lets’ see if that works.

“Hey, North Korea. I’m rubber, you’re glue. dot. dot. dot. dot. Fire and fury. dot. dot. dot. I’m great. Did you see my win in Michigan? dot. dot. dot. Fire and fury.”

Damn, I miss George Bush.

Trump tweeted, “there will never be a time that we are not the most powerful nation in the world!”. The man is literally talking like Kim Jong Un. I’m surprised it wasn’t delivered in Korean. Sebastian Gorka, a very angry Trump adviser running with scissors, went on Fox News and said, “we were a superpower, we are now a hyperpower.” Mmmmmkay. Isn’t it bad enough we have Trump making dumb statements? He doesn’t need any help.

That was almost as stupid as Stephen Miller’s statement, that Trump is the “most gifted politician of our time, and he’s the best orator to hold that office in generations.” Hide the scissors from that guy. On second thought, let him run.

On that note, Trump also tweeted, “my first order as President was to renovate and modernize our nuclear arsenal. It is now far stronger and more powerful than ever before….” Uh, I’m sure this is some stupid bullshit his sycophants will believe, but anyone with half a brain knows Donald Trump has not done shit to change our nuclear arsenal in the past six months. Not for better, not for worse, no change at all. It’s just a stupid, imbecilic, idiotic comment from the president of the United States. The man has taken credit for the economy, job rate, stock market, and the decrease in border crossings, all leftover from Obama’s watch. So, he probably read a brief, or had it read to him on how many nuclear weapons we have, and believes we acquired it last January.

It’s no wonder seven out of ten Americans can’t believe anything that comes from the president or the White House. Kim Jong Un doesn’t believe him either, which is why he crossed Trump’s red line and issued, not just another threat, a greater threat. A very specific threat.

I’ll be sleeping under my bed.

Creative notes: Much like the Angry Birds movie, I will not be seeing The Emoji Movie. Has Hollywood totally run out of ideas? But, I do hope this idea hasn’t already been used by another cartoonists.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Fire And Fury


cjones08112017

Today sucked. The Washington Post reported that North Korea can now miniaturize a nuclear warhead, our worst people are on the case, and drawing a fallout shelter stuck a tune from the rock band Fallout Boy in my head. This day was truly terrible.

After the report was published about the DPRK and their nukes, we waited for the president to respond. It’s time to be presidential. He tweeted. He attacked “fake polls” and the “Amazon” Washington Post. Honestly, I think we’re all a little surprised his first response to the North Korea problem wasn’t weighing in on the Chris Pratt/Anna Faris divorce.

Finally, he commented on the North Korea situation and…now we all need bomb shelters. As one of those cartoon gangsters once told Bugs Bunny, “shut up shutting up.” Donald Trump needs to shut up.

We are not to trade rhetorical and bombastic statements with North Korea. There’s no telling what sort of crazy fucker you’re dealing with who issues statements about “fire and fury like the world has never seen,” and that was just from our leader. The North Koreans issued something about us being “wolves trying to strangle them”, which doesn’t even work.

Donald Trump is the last person on the planet who should get into a dick measuring contest. If you challenge North Korea with that sort of threat, there’s a good chance they’re gonna whip it out and you’re gonna see that dick. Nobody wants to see either of these two men’s dicks.

North Korea responded by pointing their dick at Guam. It doesn’t help matters that Trump can’t find Guam on a map.

It was all amusing, fun, and games with Trump content to ruining our health care, education, civil rights, environment, and becoming an international embarrassment. But, now his fuckery is putting lives in danger. Citizens from at least four nations are threatened between two man-babies with nuclear weapons. From the sound of it, both want to see a mushroom cloud in the very near future.

Now is the time when Republicans need to stand up and oppose Donald Trump. We can’t afford to wait for his support to wane from his idiotic base. Why should lives be threatened because stupid people worship a cult of personality? We need leadership now.

A new poll shows seven out of ten people don’t believe anything that’s coming out of the White House. Trump said those are fake polls, but seven out of ten people didn’t buy that. Another poll says a majority of Americans don’t believe Trump can handle North Korea. That’s because he can’t handle North Korea.

We can’t afford another three and a half years of Trump because we can’t afford “fire and fury.”

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

North Korea Missile


cjones08012017

Donald Trump ran for president promising he was going to rebuild our military, as though it is falling apart and in ruins. If you want our military to be the best, which means you want the best people. You don’t ban people from serving because they make you uncomfortable.

You’re also not going to bolster our military if you view it as something to be used to throw red meat to shore up support from your base of haters. I would hope the Commander in Chief would have more respect for our armed forces than to use them as political props. I also expect those who say they support our troops, to support all of our troops.

North Korea tested another missile last week and experts are in agreement that they’re getting closer to acquiring the capability of not just hitting targets in Asia, but also Hawaii, Alaska, and the continental United States. We probably need to focus on how to prevent that from happening instead of wasting time on problems that don’t actually exist. North Korea launching a nuclear-capable intercontinental ballistic missile is the kind of stuff that should keep Trump up at night, not transgenders in our military.

You would think there’s a better way to handle the issue of North Korea’s nuclear and missile program other than tweeting at China. Of course, we’re talking about a man who doesn’t understand the nuclear triad.

Trump needs to focus on real problems. He needs to give our military and those who serve more respect than something he can use to distract us from his personal problems. Donald Trump will never truly respect the military, not just because he didn’t serve, but because he’s not intelligent enough.

The world doesn’t need the threat of an insane madman propped up by a cult of personality who has nuclear weapons at his disposal. It doesn’t need Kim Jong Un either.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Twitter Diplomacy


cjones07072017

I don’t have faith that a man who can’t handle insults by a television morning show host, can handle an international crisis that threatens the life of millions of people. I can’t see a man who dishes out childish, petty immature insults, being diplomatic with a tyrant who is leading a rogue state. A man who retweets violent GIFS off Reddit isn’t one to educate the world on peace.

China and Russia got together and said the United States can do its part in decreasing the hostile atmosphere on the Korean peninsula by ending its war games with South Korea. With that statement, they’re comparing our nation’s behavior with that of the DPRK. That would be an outlandish comparison if our leader wasn’t also a crazy-haired juvenile narcissist screaming about fake news and conducting public temper tantrums over stuff that doesn’t exist.

On Monday, a day before our Independence Day, North Korea launched another missile. Experts on such military stuff say this was an ICBM and that the rogue state may have reached the ability to strike as far as Alaska. No one outside that secretive state knows when they’ll acquire the capability to arm a missile like this with a nuclear weapon. Trump handled the situation with a tweet.

He tweeted out, “North Korea has just launched another missile. Does this guy have anything better to do with his life? Hard to believe that South Korea and Japan will put up with this much longer. Perhaps China will put a heavy move on North Korea and end this nonsense once and for all!

I’m sure that exclamation point will show Kim Jong Un that Trump is serious. Publicly pondering why Kim doesn’t have anything better to do is childish. Kim doesn’t have talk show host to battle with or hold reelection fundraisers six months after entering office. I don’t think Kim plays golf or waste hours a day gauging his press coverage on television (maybe if Fox And Friends would say something nice about him).

Trump also questions why South Korea and Japan puts up with the threat of North Korea. He should remember that the president of China told him it’s not as easy of a situation as he thought it was as a candidate. Urging our allies in Asia to develop and arm themselves with their own nukes isn’t a responsible or safe solution.

Trump has criticized the way former U.S. presidents have dealt with North Korea, but sitting around tweeting and playing golf while hoping China takes care of it will be doing less than nothing to solve the crisis.

Trump claims he has the best words, and from those words he chooses to describe what North Korea does as “bad.” He’s also considering doing “pretty severe things.” The man has everything except a thesaurus. In the film “Kingpin,” Woody Harrelson is asked what the Bible says about “not forgiving people.” He answers “it’s against it.” Like Woody in that movie, Trump needs to study the problems he’s supposed to understand and that he claims he’s the only one who can fix.

Trump’s ambassador to the U.N., Nikki Haley (who has no previous experience in foreign policy), read a statement about North Korea that sounded like it was coming from a middle school student who had just learned about North Korea by writing a C- report on the nation. She also tweeted out that thanks to North Korea she had to spend her Fourth in meetings.

There’s another quote from Kingpin that comes to mind. It’s, “everybody run! There’s a shit cloud coming!”

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $50 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Health Care Detained


cjones06222017

I know. This cartoon is pretty harsh. While I don’t believe Republicans really want to hurt Americans, I do believe the majority of them put their special interests above the health of our citizens. They don’t want us to see what’s going on behind their curtain.

It’s terrible that Otto Warmbier was detained for 17 months by North Korea for swiping a propaganda poster he wanted to keep as a souvenir. It’s a tragedy that the Kim regime returned him in a coma, which he died from on Monday. The mystery is: what did the Kim regime do to Warmbier that put him into a coma?

My point here is that Republicans in Washington need to express a bit more concern than Kim Jong Un does for the health of Americans. They can start by crafting their health care plan in open and not in secret away from the American public, their Democratic opponents, and even the majority of their own party.

I’m for open government, here and in North Korea. I’m also for punishing those who seek to hurt Americans, intentionally or not.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

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