North Korea

A Summit For Mutts


cjones03022019

There are two certainties of the second summit with North Korea. Kim Jong Un will win the Dinner For Schmucks contest and Donald Trump will not bring up human rights abuses to the dictator.

North Korea’s dictator solidifies his power internationally by developing nuclear weapons, and internally by mass purges and executions. A study by a Seoul-based North Korean Strategy Center, led by a North Korean defector, says the communist regime has purged 421 people since Kim Jong Un came to power in 2011. They collected accounts by 14 North Korean elite group defectors, six North Korean officials in China, and five other defectors who witnessed executions. These accounts are just from people who have escaped North Korea, so the number of killed is surely higher than 421.

Kim had his brother murdered by poison in a Malaysian airport. One defecting witness says Kim executed eleven musicians with anti-aircraft guns in front of a crowd of 10,000 people in a stadium (this is why Nickelback never does North Korea stadium tours). He has killed senior officers in his own government, military and the ruling Korean Worker’s Party. He killed one for having a “bad attitude” and another for slouching in a meeting.

Former presidents condemned Kim’s brutal behavior. Our current president says he and Kim see “eye to eye.”

Like Kim, Trump doesn’t like anyone, not just challenging his authority, but challenging him in any manner whatsoever. After Director of National Intelligence Dan Coats said it’s unlikely that North Korea will give up its nuclear weapons, Trump had a hissy fit, and office pools were created on how much longer Coats will last in the administration.

Why wouldn’t Trump want to copy the way Kim deals with his critics, rivals and, perceived threats? He already copies his style of propaganda. Trump lies about the weather. His natural orangeness comes from good genes. He’s 6 foot three. The White House manipulates his photos so his waist is slimmer and his hands are larger. He’s even speculated on the presidency being a lifetime job.

Trump has warned there could be violence if he’s impeached (which is telling his supporters to start something if he’s impeached). He wants news outlets regulated so they don’t report his lies. He wondered aloud why there isn’t retribution for the way he’s treated by Alec Baldwin’s impersonation on Saturday Night Live. He’s floated innuendoes about how his former attorney/fixer Michael Cohen’s family might be punished if he testifies before Congress. What’s his attitude going to be like when he comes back from a love summit with Kim Jong Un?

Trump doesn’t like dogs, probably because dogs don’t like assholes and phonies (dogs are smarter and have better senses than his sycophants). But after hearing that Kim Jong Un has conducted executions by having dogs rip the victims apart, Trump might reconsider.

Most people would rather hang out with dogs than the likes of Donald Trump. Donald Trump would rather hang out with a dictator.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
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Trump Punk’d


cjones07062018

If I was a sycophant and worshiped a leader, then at the very least that leader should possess a mind like a steel trap, and he wouldn’t be anyone’s fool. But then again, I’m not a sycophant because sycophants follow people like Donald Trump who can be bamboozled by a prank phone call perpetuated by a guy named Stuttering John.

Stuttering John is John Melendez, a comedian with a podcast. Last week, he prank-called the White House during his show. The White House is a very busy and important place receiving thousands of calls a day. Naturally, there is a system in place so the crazies never reach the president. Right? Wrong. It’s kinda hard to screen the crazies when there’s a crazy answering the phone.

Melendez posed as an assistant to New Jersey Democratic Senator Bob Menendez. Stuttering John ultimately received a call back from Donald Trump from Air Force One. They had a four-minute conversation over immigration reform, the Supreme Court vacancy, and the president congratulated, who he thought was Senator Menendez, on beating an ethics lawsuit. He probably wanted to know how he did it.

Somehow, the comedian’s initial call reached Trump’s son-in-law and wife of favorite offspring Ivanka, who then got Trump to call him back. Melendez told TMZ that if he could fool Jared Trump, then so could the Russians. He also said it was “unbelievable” how easy it was to deceive Donald Trump. “If this stuttering idiot can get through to Donald Trump that quickly, then who else could?”

That’s a very good question. How many people have randomly dialed the White House switchboard to get Trump on the phone to spill national security secrets? No wonder his lawyers don’t want him to talk to Robert Mueller.

Now, Stuttering John has to deal with the Secret Service, and he’s hired Stormy Daniels’ attorney Michael Avenatti to represent him. Basically, Stuttering John is in trouble because the president is a moron.

While the ease of fooling Trump may come as a surprise to the comedian, it’s already a well-known fact used diplomatically by Vladimir Putin, Xi Jinping, and Kim Jong Un.

Kim Jong Un used Trump’s stupidity to get a summit, appear on the same stage as an American president, and gain legitimacy. He also got Trump to end joint military exercises with South Korea and to consider withdrawing American Troops from the Korean peninsula in exchange for a piece of paper that states North Korea promises to think about making promises.

The document Kim signed with Trump states his nation will work toward the denuclearization of the Korean peninsula. That would be like the wording on your car loan stating you intend to make payments.

Trump has declared that North Korea is no longer a nuclear threat while intelligence agencies report they’ve actually been expanding their weapons program. This can’t be true because that would mean Trump got played, and he’s not really smarter than everyone else or a great deal maker. What else would there be to believe in?

I used to think it was a shame the children of today can’t enjoy the silliness of prank phone calls, what with technology like caller ID. It never did occur to me to call the White House and ask Donald Trump if I can talk to I.P Freely.

Watch me draw.

Thank you for your support. Reader contributions really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and the First Amendment, and independent journalism while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

Fun With Dictators


cjones06182018

Come to Sandals on the beautiful coastline of North Korea. There’s no Wi-Fi. You will be closely monitored and tailed by government officials at all times. You will not be allowed to leave the resort or talk to the locals. If you touch anything, you may be relocated permanently to a different kind of resort. You may return home in a coma. Bring the kids!

Donald Trump’s main takeaway from seeing images of North Korea are the real estate opportunities. Just imagine all the golf resorts on those pristine beaches. Maybe we can set up Carnival cruises. Trump said, “They have great beaches. You see that whenever they’re exploding their cannons into the ocean. I said, ‘Boy, look at that view. Wouldn’t that make a great condo?’ You could have the best hotels in the world right there. Think of it from a real-estate perspective.” Trump needs to start thinking from a presidential perspective.

Trump really liked the North Korean dictator. He liked Kimmy so much, that he canceled military exercises with South Korea, without telling South Korea or even the Pentagon. He didn’t even give Kim Jong Un his patented grip-and-pull-I-have-a-bigger-button handshake.

While Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is “weak,” and “dishonest,” Kim Jong Un is a “funny guy.” He loves his people, and they love him back with “great fervor.” He’s a very “talented guy” with a “great personality” and a “great negotiator.” What about all the people Kim has thrown into gulags? Trump isn’t too worried about them as he says they’re the “great winners” of the summit. The word “great” was tossed around a lot.

Maybe Kim is a funny guy. He often tells this joke: Knock knock. Who’s there? Just kidding. They’re not going to knock when they come to throw you into a gulag.

Trump tweeted about the advice President Obama gave him on North Korea being our biggest problem. Trump says “no more” and “sleep well tonight.”

Trump even made a propaganda video for North Korea. Seriously. It was so good; reporters thought it was made by North Korea. After asking a question during the summit, Trump’s 2020 campaign manager advocated for CNN’s Jim Acosta’s press credentials to be revoked, which is something they’d do in North Korea…and with a firing squad.

Trump showed Kim the propaganda video on an iPad, which made North Koreans ask, “what’s an iPad?”

Kim Jong Un is about as talented and funny as Trump is a deal maker. Kim has no interest in building golf resorts. He’s not interested in improving the lives of his people. He’s a dictator. His main priority is clinging to power through appeasing his military, killing off anyone who is a threat, and manipulating the citizens of his nation. This is a man who had his own brother and uncle killed. Some people have been sentenced to death by being ripped apart by dogs, which means the dogs are eating better than the citizens of North Korea.

Kim Jong Un is paranoid. He was afraid leaving his country for the summit would invite a coup. He even traveled with his own toilet so nobody unauthorized would handle his poo, despite the fact, his people have been brainwashed to believe he doesn’t poo (so who’s going to look for his poo if he doesn’t poo?). Right now, there’s an official poo handler in North Korea wishing to be ripped apart by dogs.

Trump said if he’s wrong about Kim Jong Un and North Korea and it doesn’t work out, he won’t admit he’s wrong, but he’ll find an excuse to lie about it. Maybe, say the summit never happened, or that Obama made him go, or blame Canada. His sycophants will buy any of those reasons because they are more gaslighted than Kim’s supporters. But, in defense of North Koreans, they don’t have access to information.

Otto Warmbier was a student at the University of Virginia. He went to North Korea, was abducted, and Kim sent him back to us in a coma shortly before he died. Trump said Warmbier did not die in vain.

If you doubt that, then you must have missed the part about beach resorts.

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Thank you for your support. Reader contributions really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and the First Amendment, and independent journalism while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

Commemorative Chicken


cjones05282018

Apparently, Donald Trump woke up Tuesday morning to the same realization the rest of us wake with every day. That he could be an international embarrassment, become a laughingstock, and bring great shame and humiliation upon us. That, or he had a really bad bowel movement.

After initial excitement over the summit with North Korea’s Kim Jong Un, Trump is showing signs that he is having second thoughts. I’m as shocked as you are. Trump has thoughts?

This is exactly what happens when you engage in bar talk. What’s bar talk? It’s when you commit yourself to something that you regret the next day. Say you talk to a casual acquaintance in a bar and you say you’ll drive them to the airport. The next morning you wake up and think, “what have I done? I hope he knows it was just bar talk.” A lot of people have come to expect that anything they hear in a bar is B.S.

A few years ago, I invited a sketchy person to a friend’s house for Thanksgiving. The next day I told him not to worry about it because she probably knew it was just bar talk. Unfortunately, she didn’t. In fact, she’s still at his house. Seriously.

Anyway, Trump engaged in bar talk without being in a bar. South Korea diplomats told Trump that Kim wanted to meet and Trump accepted without researching, consulting experts, or setting conditions. Trump was excited and started talking about being awarded a Nobel Peace Prize for making a date. They’re so excited they’ve issued a commemorative coin for the summit.

The White House Communications Agency issued a coin to celebrate the occasion, which may not happen. There’s also criticism and mockery of the coin beyond it being premature. It refers to Kim as “Supreme Leader,” a title the U.S. doesn’t usually use for the dictator. It also has both men in a sort of romantic face-to-face pose, like they should get a room. It’s also similar to the poster for that movie where John Travolta and Nicolas Cage trade faces. Others have pointed out that the depiction of Kim has given him multiple chins while giving Trump a rigid jawline, which he hasn’t had since never.

Since they went ahead and made a commemorative coin for something that may not happen, the White House should go ahead and make a coin commemorating Trump’s impeachment. You know. Just in case.

According to White House leakers, Trump is not prepared for the summit. The big test is coming up and Trump hasn’t studied. The briefing material has words and stuff. It’s hard. Trump will insist on North Korea giving up its nuclear program, but all he knows about nuclear is that it’s uranium. Thanks to National Security Adviser and mustache aficionado John Bolton, North Korea is now blustering.

Bolton said the Trump administration will seek a nuclear agreement similar to the one Libya agreed to, which eventually left Muammar Gaddafi dead. For reasons unknown, Kim Jong Un isn’t fond of that idea. There are also rumors that Kim is concerned there will be a coup while he’s in Singapore hobnobbing with Trump.

Trump also blamed China for Kim’s changing stance, without explaining how it was their fault other than saying Kim became weirder after visiting China for the second time. While North Korea is willing to end their nuclear testing, because they’ve destroyed all the places they can test, they’re not willing to give up their capability. Trump can thank Bolton for making Kim skittish. He can thank himself for pulling out of the Iran deal which tells North Korea and the rest of the world that Donald Trump doesn’t honor agreements.

Trump has every reason to be afraid of being embarrassed. It may be more than coming home without an agreement. What if Kim calls him a dotard to his face in front of the press? As we saw from his debate with Hillary Clinton, Trump isn’t quick on his feet, especially after being insulted. Will he respond to Kim with, “you’re the dotard. You’re the dotard?”

What happens if Kim doesn’t show up? It’s bad enough being stood up on a date after driving across town. But Trump is traveling halfway around the world and could be left standing in the rain with wilted flowers in his hands.

Trump wanted this meeting more than Kim and unfortunately, North Korea and the world knows. Now he’s trying to find a way to worm out, and he’s probably hoping Kim cancels first or gives him a great, or even a slightly decent reason to cancel.

It will be interesting to see how the sycophants defend Trump if he chickens out. These people used to say even talking to Iran was giving them legitimacy. Now, they say Trump deserves awards for meeting Kim, which is even more premature than the stupid double-chin coin.

Trump is used to receiving red carpets, sword dances, and French hugs when he meets with foreign leaders. He doesn’t know how Kim will treat him. Trump is unprepared, scared, and stupid.

Kim already has the upper hand, and we’ve all seen Trump’s.

Watch me draw.

Thank you for yoru support. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and the First Amendment, and independent journalism while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

Tips For Trump


cjones05162018

With the latest revelation that Trump flunky/lawyer/fixer Michael Cohen was engaging in pay for play for access to the president, comes two very important questions; Did the president know about this scheme (which is a question that keeps reoccurring over these scandals)? Did the president get any of this money?

Donald Trump is notorious for being angry when he believes people are making money off his name. He complained about fired-FBI Director James Comey making money off his book. So, how does Trump feel about Cohen accepting around $4 million from an American firm linked to a Russian oligarch (Columbus Nova), AT&T, Novartis, and Korean Aerospace Industries?

Each company issued statements that they paid Cohen for expert advice in areas where he is not an expert. Now, if they issued statements they hired him to silence porn stars, that would be believable. What’s not believable is that he was hired for advice in real estate, health care, mega business mergers, or accounting standards, which were the various the reasons the companies initially gave for paying Cohen butt-loads of money.

The money was paid to Essential Consultants, the same shell company Cohen set up in Delaware that paid $130,000 to Stormy Daniels and $1.6 million to silence a Playboy bunny who was knocked up by, supposedly, a different Republican. Funny thing about the Playmate payment; the fake name on that payment, David Dennison, was the same as the one to Stormy. So, the abortion payment was actually for Trump or Cohen is too stupid and lazy to come up with additional bogus names. How about Grabby McGrabalot, Orangy McOrangeman, Shaka ShitForBrains, Lester Molester, Chester Cheeto, or Petey McPerjurer?

The corporations later issued further statements that they hired Cohen to help them understand the president, or even connect them with him. Really? You need to understand the president? Cheeseburgers and sword dances. There you go. That’ll be $400,000, please.

Is any of this illegal? You bet Trump’s chunky orange ass it’s illegal. Michael Cohen is not a registered lobbyist. This fixer needs a fixer.

What we need to watch is how Trump reacts to this. If he expresses anger about Cohen collecting money, then Trump is probably entirely ignorant over the pay-for-play scheme (which he campaigned against) or, he totally forgot about it. If Trump defends Cohen, calls it a lie or “fake news,” or blows it off, he’s guilty. Don’t forget, Trump is a guy who charges the Secret Service rental fees on golf carts when they protect him at one of his stupid courses.

Trump is cheap. He is cheap in other ways too. He is so cheap and petty, he complained on Twitter about how the Obama administration failed to secure the release of the three detainees held by North Korea. The thing is, two of those detainees weren’t arrested and detained until AFTER Trump became president. I understand Trump likes to take credit for Obama’s accomplishments, but now he’s being blamed for not doing Trump’s job? How come Obama hasn’t built the wall yet? Why did Obama let those Russians into Trump Tower? How come Obama failed to silence Stormy?

How cheap do you have to be to use these three Americans, held hostage by the most ruthless regime on the planet, for a cheap political payoff with your rabid base of sycophants?

Trump met the hostages when they landed at Andrews Air Force Base at 2:30 AM Thursday morning. He talked about the ratings. He praised Kim Jong Un and said the treatment of the prisoners he captured was “excellent” and how nice of him to let them go. Really? Excellent? Nice?

Kim Jong Un captures Americans for leverage. He is not to be thanked for releasing them. Remember Otto Warmbier? The University of Virginia student he released who was in a coma and died shortly after arriving back in the U.S.? That wasn’t excellent or nice.

And by the way, eleven Americans were released by North Korea during Obama’s presidency. Maybe Trump can convince Kim to capture and release nine more, so he can top Obama’s accomplishment. Or, he can totally erase Obama’s legacy and send the Americans back.

Considering how cheap and petty Trump is, I’m surprised he didn’t meet the detainees at the bottom of the stairs with a tip jar. Trump wants a tip? I got one for him.

Resign.

Shout out. Yesterday was Frank’s birthday. Frank hates having his birthday celebrated, so be sure to leave a comment wishing him a happy birthday and a whole lot more. Frank volunteers to find my typos and make suggestions. If I don’t take a day off, Frank doesn’t take a day off. If I post two blogs a day, Frank corrects two a day. Frank is extremely reliable, proficient, and generous. He also sends me movie recommendations and really bad jokes. He also really hates when I use the word “really.” I appreciate Frank and you should too. The fact he even wants to donate his time on my stuff makes me feel that maybe there’s something significant to what I’m doing. Thanks, Frank and happy birthday. You really, really, really are something special.

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Rogue Nation


cjones05132018

In breaking the treaty preventing Iran from acquiring a nuclear weapon, Donald Trump said he’s a man who keeps his promises, thus making the United States a nation that does not.

Except, Donald Trump is not a man who keeps his promises. Ask his first wife, or his second, or his third. I’d tell you to ask his idiot sycophants who were promised Mexico would pay for the wall, except they’re idiots.

We know the government of Iran is made of religious zealots who lie. That was a factor the six nations who are a part of this deal accounted for when it was made. As we now negotiate a treaty to end North Korea’s nuclear program, they will keep in mind that Donald Trump lies.

Pulling us out of the deal will reinstate sanctions on Iran and inflict them upon those who do business with that nation. Iran and the other members of the deal, Russia, China, and our allies England, France, and Germany, plan to abide by it despite our absence. This may force us to place sanctions on our allies. Other nations will now make it a part of their foreign policy not to trust the United States, all because Donald Trump wants to erase Obama’s legacy.

The deal is not perfect. It doesn’t prevent Iran from exporting terror, disable their missile program, or stop them from jailing dissidents. But it prevents them from acquiring a nuclear weapon. Our intelligence and even the Israeli intelligence say Iran has not violated the agreement. But now, the United States is in violation of it.

This deal also affects the moderates in Iran. Much like our rabid Republicans who attacked Obama for this deal, the zealots in Iran are now pointing at Trump’s actions as proof that the U.S. is a hostile nation that can’t be trusted, and that they should stop trusting their more moderate leaders.

Trump cited the fact that Iran often chants “death to America” as a reason to pull out of the deal. Has the “dotard” heard what North Korea chants?

The only three nations cheering Trump’s stupid decision are Israel, Saudi Arabia, and the United Arab Emirates. These nations have long wished for regime change in Iran, but they don’t want to do it themselves. They would love to see the United States take military action against Iran, which would be a bigger mess and quagmire than Iraq. For Saudi Arabia and the UAE, a war would raise oil prices which would greatly benefit them.

Trump doesn’t care about the best interest of the United States either. He pulled us out of the Paris Climate Accord and the Trans-Pacific Partnership. He’s moving our Israeli embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem. None of these moves make the U.S. stronger but it’s red meat for his base of stupid people.

If Trump had negotiated this same exact deal with Iran his sycophants and Republicans would be trying to nominate him for a Nobel Prize. Why? Because it prevents Iran from getting nukes. Right now, the sycophants forging applications to nominate him for the prize based only on his agreement to meet with Kim Jong Un.

Now, the United States is the rogue nation. Why? Because our president is a stupid and petty little man. Iran and North Korea are dangers to the world, and so is Donald Trump.

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Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

Nobel Nonsense


cjones05062018

In 2009, the Nobel Committee awarded their prize to Barack Obama. It was thought that it was a preemptive award encouraging him to scale down America’s militaristic foreign policy. In reality, it was given to him because he wasn’t George W. Bush, a man who started a war on false pretenses. It makes me wonder what sort of grand prize will be given to the Democrat who follows Trump?

Republicans and other sycophants are clamoring for Donald Trump to receive the Nobel Peace Prize because North Korea wants to chat. It sounds crazy, right? Should a man who threatens nuclear war, wants to dismantle a treaty that ended Iran’s nuclear program, and has praised Nazis be awarded a peace prize? If you look at past recipients, crazy isn’t new to the Nobel Committee.

Aung San Suu Kyi won the award in 1991 and today she denies the genocide taking place in Myanmar which has led to an exodus of over 400,000 Rohingya Muslims. Her defense is basically, there are good and bad people on both sides. Crap, that sounds familiar.

Cordell Hull won the Nobel AFTER he led a revolt of Southern Democrats opposed to allowing Jewish refugees asylum in the United States. It was because of his pressure that Franklin Delano Roosevelt wouldn’t let them off their boat and shipped them back into the waiting arms of Hitler’s holocaust.

Did you know they gave a Nobel in medicine to the asshole who invented the frontal lobotomy? Did you know that Mahatma Gandhi does NOT have a Nobel?

Sometimes the people who give awards forget what the award is supposed to be for. A couple weeks ago, the Pulitzer Prize for Editorial Cartooning went to two guys, neither of whom are editorial cartoonists and one of them doesn’t even draw. Go figure. But I’m not bitter.

Last week at a rally in Michigan (Michael the Black Man was there in his usual spot behind Trump’s podium), the crowd chanted “Nobel, Nobel, Nobel.” These are the same jerks upset that we signed a treaty with Iran ending their nuclear program, that to this day Iran has not violated, and they no longer have a nuclear program. Trump wants to end this. But, these people love the idea of giving Trump a prize in peace because Kim Jong Un wants to chit-chat.

Remember how Obama and John Kerry were derided for the deal with Iran? They said we can’t trust Iran. But, for some reason, we can trust North Korea who has broken many promises and treaties in the past. Hell, Trump called Kim “honorable” last week. This is a man who had his uncle shot and his brother murdered on foreign soil. He’ll probably end up sharing the Nobel with Trump.

Let that sink in. Sharing a Nobel with Kim Jong Un. Is it really a grand achievement to share an award with a man who starves his nation, threatens war on a daily basis, sends dissenters to gulags, and murders his family? That’d be like sharing it with a wannabe fascist who uses his Justice Department to prosecute his enemies and wants to destroy the free press.

If they want to give Trump a Nobel, they better hurry while there’s still space on his wall for false achievements. He’s claimed credit for Obama’s economy, so maybe he can claim Obama’s Nobel.

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Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!