North Korea

Emoji Mayhem


cjones08132017

Rex Tillerson should not be Secretary of State, but the man is an adult. A child doesn’t have angry eyebrows like that.

The man has negotiated million and billion dollar deals with dictators as the head of Exxon. He’s bought houses. He went to college. He probably knows how to drive a car. Being that he’s a Trump guy, MAYBE he pays taxes. He’s a father of four so at some point he probably changed a crappy diaper once. Then, those kids get older and you don’t have to change shitty diapers anymore and you even do the happy dance when they graduate to pull-ups. I did.

Then you find yourself at 65 years of age cleaning up shit after a shitty orange baby shits all over the place. He has to ask himself, how did he get back here? Like Danny Glover, he probably thinks he’s too old for this shit. But here he is changing diapers. It’s the same deal for H.R. McMaster, John Kelly, and James Mattis. Those are the only adults in the Trump administration. The rest are children running with scissors.

After Donald Trump had the mouth runs as a response to North Korea threatening the United States, Rex found himself trying to clean it up. Even Mr. Clean doesn’t want anything to do with this mess. That bald cartoon fucker has left town.

Trump said, “North Korea best not make any more threats to the United States. They will be met with fire and fury like the world has never seen.” In response to this dire and scary warning that seems inspired by a direct-to-DVD Steven Seagal movie, North Korea promptly threatened us again, and with greater detail. They’re threatening to bomb Guam. That really has to suck for Guam, because as a U.S. territory they can’t vote for president, so Trump isn’t even their fault. They’re probably reading the news and thinking “aw fuck sticks.”

Tillerson attempted to calm everyone down by bullshitting, er…I mean, assuring us that, “Americans should sleep well at night.” The man is literally trying to tuck us in. Never mind that orange stupid twister outside. I’m sure it’ll miss this trailer park. Sweet dreams. We might as well all eat cake, pizza, and ice cream right before bed tonight. It’s not gonna make a difference tomorrow (for some of you that means “bourbon and cigarettes”).

Tillerson also said, “I think what the President was doing was sending a strong message to North Korea in language that Kim Jong Un would understand, because he doesn’t seem to understand diplomatic language.” The man is trying to explain away the rant of an immature baby while admitting the president’s “language” was not diplomatic. Hey, we haven’t tried imbecilic nonsense with North Korea, so lets’ see if that works.

“Hey, North Korea. I’m rubber, you’re glue. dot. dot. dot. dot. Fire and fury. dot. dot. dot. I’m great. Did you see my win in Michigan? dot. dot. dot. Fire and fury.”

Damn, I miss George Bush.

Trump tweeted, “there will never be a time that we are not the most powerful nation in the world!”. The man is literally talking like Kim Jong Un. I’m surprised it wasn’t delivered in Korean. Sebastian Gorka, a very angry Trump adviser running with scissors, went on Fox News and said, “we were a superpower, we are now a hyperpower.” Mmmmmkay. Isn’t it bad enough we have Trump making dumb statements? He doesn’t need any help.

That was almost as stupid as Stephen Miller’s statement, that Trump is the “most gifted politician of our time, and he’s the best orator to hold that office in generations.” Hide the scissors from that guy. On second thought, let him run.

On that note, Trump also tweeted, “my first order as President was to renovate and modernize our nuclear arsenal. It is now far stronger and more powerful than ever before….” Uh, I’m sure this is some stupid bullshit his sycophants will believe, but anyone with half a brain knows Donald Trump has not done shit to change our nuclear arsenal in the past six months. Not for better, not for worse, no change at all. It’s just a stupid, imbecilic, idiotic comment from the president of the United States. The man has taken credit for the economy, job rate, stock market, and the decrease in border crossings, all leftover from Obama’s watch. So, he probably read a brief, or had it read to him on how many nuclear weapons we have, and believes we acquired it last January.

It’s no wonder seven out of ten Americans can’t believe anything that comes from the president or the White House. Kim Jong Un doesn’t believe him either, which is why he crossed Trump’s red line and issued, not just another threat, a greater threat. A very specific threat.

I’ll be sleeping under my bed.

Creative notes: Much like the Angry Birds movie, I will not be seeing The Emoji Movie. Has Hollywood totally run out of ideas? But, I do hope this idea hasn’t already been used by another cartoonists.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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Fire And Fury


cjones08112017

Today sucked. The Washington Post reported that North Korea can now miniaturize a nuclear warhead, our worst people are on the case, and drawing a fallout shelter stuck a tune from the rock band Fallout Boy in my head. This day was truly terrible.

After the report was published about the DPRK and their nukes, we waited for the president to respond. It’s time to be presidential. He tweeted. He attacked “fake polls” and the “Amazon” Washington Post. Honestly, I think we’re all a little surprised his first response to the North Korea problem wasn’t weighing in on the Chris Pratt/Anna Faris divorce.

Finally, he commented on the North Korea situation and…now we all need bomb shelters. As one of those cartoon gangsters once told Bugs Bunny, “shut up shutting up.” Donald Trump needs to shut up.

We are not to trade rhetorical and bombastic statements with North Korea. There’s no telling what sort of crazy fucker you’re dealing with who issues statements about “fire and fury like the world has never seen,” and that was just from our leader. The North Koreans issued something about us being “wolves trying to strangle them”, which doesn’t even work.

Donald Trump is the last person on the planet who should get into a dick measuring contest. If you challenge North Korea with that sort of threat, there’s a good chance they’re gonna whip it out and you’re gonna see that dick. Nobody wants to see either of these two men’s dicks.

North Korea responded by pointing their dick at Guam. It doesn’t help matters that Trump can’t find Guam on a map.

It was all amusing, fun, and games with Trump content to ruining our health care, education, civil rights, environment, and becoming an international embarrassment. But, now his fuckery is putting lives in danger. Citizens from at least four nations are threatened between two man-babies with nuclear weapons. From the sound of it, both want to see a mushroom cloud in the very near future.

Now is the time when Republicans need to stand up and oppose Donald Trump. We can’t afford to wait for his support to wane from his idiotic base. Why should lives be threatened because stupid people worship a cult of personality? We need leadership now.

A new poll shows seven out of ten people don’t believe anything that’s coming out of the White House. Trump said those are fake polls, but seven out of ten people didn’t buy that. Another poll says a majority of Americans don’t believe Trump can handle North Korea. That’s because he can’t handle North Korea.

We can’t afford another three and a half years of Trump because we can’t afford “fire and fury.”

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

North Korea Missile


cjones08012017

Donald Trump ran for president promising he was going to rebuild our military, as though it is falling apart and in ruins. If you want our military to be the best, which means you want the best people. You don’t ban people from serving because they make you uncomfortable.

You’re also not going to bolster our military if you view it as something to be used to throw red meat to shore up support from your base of haters. I would hope the Commander in Chief would have more respect for our armed forces than to use them as political props. I also expect those who say they support our troops, to support all of our troops.

North Korea tested another missile last week and experts are in agreement that they’re getting closer to acquiring the capability of not just hitting targets in Asia, but also Hawaii, Alaska, and the continental United States. We probably need to focus on how to prevent that from happening instead of wasting time on problems that don’t actually exist. North Korea launching a nuclear-capable intercontinental ballistic missile is the kind of stuff that should keep Trump up at night, not transgenders in our military.

You would think there’s a better way to handle the issue of North Korea’s nuclear and missile program other than tweeting at China. Of course, we’re talking about a man who doesn’t understand the nuclear triad.

Trump needs to focus on real problems. He needs to give our military and those who serve more respect than something he can use to distract us from his personal problems. Donald Trump will never truly respect the military, not just because he didn’t serve, but because he’s not intelligent enough.

The world doesn’t need the threat of an insane madman propped up by a cult of personality who has nuclear weapons at his disposal. It doesn’t need Kim Jong Un either.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Twitter Diplomacy


cjones07072017

I don’t have faith that a man who can’t handle insults by a television morning show host, can handle an international crisis that threatens the life of millions of people. I can’t see a man who dishes out childish, petty immature insults, being diplomatic with a tyrant who is leading a rogue state. A man who retweets violent GIFS off Reddit isn’t one to educate the world on peace.

China and Russia got together and said the United States can do its part in decreasing the hostile atmosphere on the Korean peninsula by ending its war games with South Korea. With that statement, they’re comparing our nation’s behavior with that of the DPRK. That would be an outlandish comparison if our leader wasn’t also a crazy-haired juvenile narcissist screaming about fake news and conducting public temper tantrums over stuff that doesn’t exist.

On Monday, a day before our Independence Day, North Korea launched another missile. Experts on such military stuff say this was an ICBM and that the rogue state may have reached the ability to strike as far as Alaska. No one outside that secretive state knows when they’ll acquire the capability to arm a missile like this with a nuclear weapon. Trump handled the situation with a tweet.

He tweeted out, “North Korea has just launched another missile. Does this guy have anything better to do with his life? Hard to believe that South Korea and Japan will put up with this much longer. Perhaps China will put a heavy move on North Korea and end this nonsense once and for all!

I’m sure that exclamation point will show Kim Jong Un that Trump is serious. Publicly pondering why Kim doesn’t have anything better to do is childish. Kim doesn’t have talk show host to battle with or hold reelection fundraisers six months after entering office. I don’t think Kim plays golf or waste hours a day gauging his press coverage on television (maybe if Fox And Friends would say something nice about him).

Trump also questions why South Korea and Japan puts up with the threat of North Korea. He should remember that the president of China told him it’s not as easy of a situation as he thought it was as a candidate. Urging our allies in Asia to develop and arm themselves with their own nukes isn’t a responsible or safe solution.

Trump has criticized the way former U.S. presidents have dealt with North Korea, but sitting around tweeting and playing golf while hoping China takes care of it will be doing less than nothing to solve the crisis.

Trump claims he has the best words, and from those words he chooses to describe what North Korea does as “bad.” He’s also considering doing “pretty severe things.” The man has everything except a thesaurus. In the film “Kingpin,” Woody Harrelson is asked what the Bible says about “not forgiving people.” He answers “it’s against it.” Like Woody in that movie, Trump needs to study the problems he’s supposed to understand and that he claims he’s the only one who can fix.

Trump’s ambassador to the U.N., Nikki Haley (who has no previous experience in foreign policy), read a statement about North Korea that sounded like it was coming from a middle school student who had just learned about North Korea by writing a C- report on the nation. She also tweeted out that thanks to North Korea she had to spend her Fourth in meetings.

There’s another quote from Kingpin that comes to mind. It’s, “everybody run! There’s a shit cloud coming!”

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $50 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Health Care Detained


cjones06222017

I know. This cartoon is pretty harsh. While I don’t believe Republicans really want to hurt Americans, I do believe the majority of them put their special interests above the health of our citizens. They don’t want us to see what’s going on behind their curtain.

It’s terrible that Otto Warmbier was detained for 17 months by North Korea for swiping a propaganda poster he wanted to keep as a souvenir. It’s a tragedy that the Kim regime returned him in a coma, which he died from on Monday. The mystery is: what did the Kim regime do to Warmbier that put him into a coma?

My point here is that Republicans in Washington need to express a bit more concern than Kim Jong Un does for the health of Americans. They can start by crafting their health care plan in open and not in secret away from the American public, their Democratic opponents, and even the majority of their own party.

I’m for open government, here and in North Korea. I’m also for punishing those who seek to hurt Americans, intentionally or not.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Creepy’s Creeping Closer


cjones05192017

Each time North Korea has a failure with a missile launch there’s mockery and jeers from the West. We shouldn’t do that.

Is any test a failure if it teaches you how to make the next one a success, and the one after that a larger success? With each test, whether it explodes seconds after launching or lands in the Sea of Japan, North Korea is getting closer to putting a warhead in a missile. And with each missile test, they get closer to reaching Seoul, Tokyo, Honolulu, and Seattle.

Scientists and engineers in Kim Jong Un’s failed state don’t suffer when they fail. They continue to be rewarded and lavished with comfort and riches that escapes the rest of the population. Sure they suffer from massive radiation poisoning, physical deformities, and are sexually dysfunctional, but they eat well. They’re also given wives and go mentally insane (not because of the wives). On their journey to a youthful death from all the radiation, they are encouraged more to succeed than discouraged from failing. Kim can’t kill scientists and expect his rockets to fly. It’s hard enough to keep them from defecting. It’s also difficult to run across a border with gonads the size of watermelons.

Between 2012 to 2015 the DPRK conducted one test a year. In 2016 they conducted two. This year they have increased their pace and have conducted six. Are they becoming more provocative or are they making strides in their development? They do want to send a message to South Korea, Japan, and the United States, but the provocations are probably a bonus while making technological advancements. They’re still several years away from the capability of putting a warhead on an ICBM, which is what it would take to strike the U.S., but they will get there. Targets, including Americans, are much closer in Asia and they may have the capability to strike those now.

The DPRK’s test on Sunday was a finger in the eyes of Tokyo, South Korea’s new president, and Donald Trump. They also succeeded in annoying China and Russia. This launch was conducted while China is hosting a globalization economic forum which included 28 visiting heads of state. Russia usually doesn’t give much of a response to Kim’s shenanigans, but this missile landed about 60 miles off Russia’s coast.  That probably didn’t make Putin feel all warm and squishy on the inside.

The debate is how to handle North Korea. So far nothing has worked. What options are left? Limited missile strikes? Full-fledged invasion? A Donald Trump chocolate cake summit?

If we go the Trump summit route, he might want to make sure that Kim receives as much ice cream as he does for dessert. You never know what will set either of them off.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Best Marshmallow Ever


cjones04182017

Did you know that North Korea has an official Twitter account in English? It’s really difficult to understand. It’s like following Donald Trump’s Twitter.

North Korea celebrated the birth of its founding ruler yesterday, or today. I’m not sure anymore since they changed their time zone from what is internationally recognized. Insanity isn’t just setting your country years behind the rest of the world, it’s setting your clocks back thirty minutes. And you thought Daylight Savings Time was annoying.

Not only is North Korea behind South Korea by thirty minutes, their “Juche” calendar doesn’t recognize time before 1912, the year of the birth of Kim II-sung, the founding leader. So 2017 in North Korea is year Juche 106. Now you know more about North Korea than our president.

While you’re thinking that they’re really nuts with their Dear Leader, crazy times, silly years, massive parades with missiles overcompensating, and you DO NOT want to try the Koryo burger, but keep in mind that’s exactly the type of parade our Duh Leader wanted on inauguration day.

During our election campaign right wing wackos were spreading fear of war between the U.S. and Russia if Hillary Clinton was elected. Those fears were brought up again after Trump launched missiles into Syria. I’ve also seen articles recently about a possible war with China. I’m not worried about either of those hypothetical situations.

North Korea is scary. They’ve been scary for years. What amazes me is that our president scares me more. Trump is launching missiles, dropping huge bombs on caves, and sending what he called an “armada” of ships to the Korean peninsula while tweeting that the DPRK is “looking for trouble.”

This is kinda like high school when the two toughest kids wanted to fight. But in this case it’s the two dumbest kids. Trump seems to enjoy dropping bombs and they sure seem to distract us from his connections with Russia. His son, Junior, likes it too as the spoiled trust fund baby who never enlisted was cheering Daddy Duhbucks on from Twitter.

North Korea believes any strike against them will be meant to topple their government. How does America go to war with North Korea without starting a war? It’s complicated.

What inspired this cartoon wasn’t just stupid Republicans praising Trump for his war mongering, but also many in the media and the left. MSNBC’s Brian Williams described the missiles flying toward Syria as beautiful. Nice job on joining the complicit, Brian.

As President Tiny Penis leads us to Armageddon, I think about everyone who voted for him.

Thanks a lot, fuckers.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.