Jared Kushner

Ivanka’s Daddy


cjones07022021

If you support right-wing troglodyte asshole policies and you live in New York City, you’re not entirely on an island by yourself (See what I did there? Four of the five boroughs are literally on islands). There are plenty of Republicans in NYC. Unfortunately, those assholes are mostly in Staten Island. If you’re a Manhattan socialite who loves living high up in a tower where you can look down on everyone else, you do not want to go to Staten Island.

When you look at a map of New York City, you might wonder why Staten Island isn’t a part of New Jersey. It’s closer to New Jersey than it is to the rest of the city it belongs to. It’s the only borough without subways. It’s also the only borough that voted for Donald Trump which would explain why there are no subways. Nobody from the rest of the city wants to go there. Not even the C.H.U.D.s. And with the reputation Javanka, now knowns as “MAGA Non Grata,” built for itself as part of the Trump reign of terror, even the C.H.U.D.s won’t want to be seen with Javanka, also referred to as, “JaWannabe.”

Now there are news reports Ivanka, often called, “Bullshit Barbie,” and her husband, who New Yorkers affectionately refer to as “Skinnyman,” are trying to rehabilitate their image. It would be greatly beneficial to Javanka, nicknamed, “Dumbshit Barbie and Ken,” if we could all just pretend everything it did for the Trump administration never happened. Let’s start with Jared Kushner, who the Lincoln Project dubbed, “Secretary of Failure,” solving and bringing peace to the Middle East. That’s an easy one to remember that never happened. Jared was also referred to as “Princess Daisy Cakes.”

Remember when Donald Trump, often called, “Angry Creamsicle” ripped families apart after they crossed the border, wouldn’t allow them to ask for asylum or refugee status, and threw the babies into cages? Remember when during that time, Ivanka, commonly referred to as, “Princess Sedition,” tweeted a photo of herself and her baby with the caption, “I love Sunday mornings”? Yes, let’s forget that tone-deafness ever happened.

Remember when Ivanka, often called, “Ivanka the Terrible,” criticized Roy Moore, nicknamed “Food-Court Valentino,” for his past of trying to pick up teenage girls? Remember afterward, Daddy Donald, commonly referred to as, “Amnesty Don,” expressed huge support for the accused pedophile? Remember Ivanka, often called “Ivanka Antoinette (let them eat coronavirus)” not saying anything else on the matter? Never happened.

Remember when Ivanka, “Nepotism Barbie,” expressed support for the 24 women her claimed her father, “Gropey McGroperson,” either groped or raped them? Remember how Ivanka, “Silicone Barbie,” spoke out against her father, “Orange Julius,” over the grab-them-by-the-pussy tape? Just pretend she never spoke out about those instances because she really never did speak out. Remember how Ivanka, “Swamp Mistress,” promised to be a champion of issues important to women while she was in the White House?

It’s not just the past for years they want you to forget. They want you to stop paying attention to what’s happening now. They don’t want to be associated with the election lies being told by Daddy Trump, affectionally called “Orange Shitweasel,” “Hair Fuhrer,” “Adolf Twitler,” “Baby Fingers,” “Tiny,” “Diaper Don,” “Blitzkrieg Bozo,” “Boiled Ham In A Wig,” “Boldfinger,” “Bumbledore,” “Butternut Squash,” Captain Chaos,” “Cheeto Mussolino,” “Cinnamon Hitler,” “Creep Throat,” “Donald Tax Duck,” “Failed Mail-Order Meat Salesman,” “Reality Cheaty,” “Fascist Oompa Loompa,” “Fuckface Von Clownstick,” “Grandpa Fucko,” “Groper-in-Chief,” “Godzilla but with less foreign policy experience,” “Mussolini’s Taint,” “Screaming Carrot Demon,” “Twitler,” and “GropenFuhrer.”

Donald Trump, who some people call, “Cheddar Boy,” keeps talking about how the election was stolen from him and he’ll be reinstated in August. That is so crazy, even tone-deaf Javanka, who’s been called, “The Nordic Goddess and The Norwegian Wood Inducer,” doesn’t want to be seen in that photo-op.

Ivanka, “Little Miss Ice Princess,” went on every foreign trip her father, who I’ve heard called, “Dickhead Donald, took while he was president (sic), took. She wanted to be treated like royalty and have as much of the presidential (gag!) privileges rub off on her. She got to sit at tables with world leaders. She even sat in the president’s seat, not his lap, at summits. She got to huddle with diplomats over international issues and pretend like she knew what everyone was talking about. She got to stick her toe into North Korea just to say she’s been there. Javanka, also called, “Children of the Orange Corn,” got the opportunity to meet the Queen of England and to make sure it was seen in the windows of Buckingham Palace, which was creepier than the twins from The Shining. But now, Javanka, “Creatures of the Orange Lagoon,” don’t want to play with Donald, “White House Wanker,”…or at least be seen when they are. Give them at least a little credit for barely visiting Mar-a-Lago these days.

Did I mention they loved the royal treatment? Before leaving Washington, Daddy Trump, adoringly called, “Cheez Doodle,” made sure to extend their Secret Service protection for another six months. Why should the taxpayers stop paying for someone to open doors for Javanka, who are also called the “Shirkalocks”? Then, not wanting to be associated with Daddy Trump, “Orange Shithead Sultan,” anymore, Javanka promptly moved to Florida with him. Why didn’t it return to NYC? You know Jared, often referred to as, “Jar-Jar Jared,” still owns property there because while he worked in the White House, his buildings, like the one with the address “666,” were being financially bailed-out by oil-rich kingdoms in the Middle East. By the way, Middle East princesses would call Jared, “Finger Puppet.”

There are also reports Donald, “Herr Lugenpresse,” is jealous of Jared, also nicknamed, “FratsPutin.” No, not for that reason, you sicko perverts….well, maybe that too. But, no. Donald, often called, “Money Diaper McStupid,” jealous because Jared, whose Secret Service codename was, “Fluffy,” got a seven-figure book deal to write about his experience of helping Donald Trump, who the Brits call, “Tangerine Wankmaggot,” trash the nation for four years. Why doesn’t anyone want to pay Donald, who the Brits also call, “Witless Fucking Cocksplat,” to gaslight about the past four years?

Javanka, who many call, “Girlfriend #1 and Girlfriend #2,” wants the world to see they’re not totally bad people and for other rich people to invite them to play at the Hamptons again. They would like to visit parts of NYC that’s NOT Staten Island. Has Javanka, both born and raised in the city but often called, “Nepotism Nitwits,” ever been to Staten Island? Has Donald, “Shitler,” ever been there?

Javanka, “Polite Society Pariahs,” is trying to rehab its image. It’s even donating a week of lunches to the first responders to the collapsed condo in Miami which is only a block from its new house which it moved into after helping Trump, “Tiny-Fingered, Cheeto-Faced, Ferret-Wearing Shitgibbon,” trash the nation. Helping with something AFTER it’s collapsed is a total new experience for Javanka, who some call “Cuddlepuss.” Helping with something that’s collapsed instead of making it do so is truly a wonderful thing to…wait a minute.

Javanka, “Thing 1 and Thing 2,” live only one block from the collapsed condo? One block? That’s amazing and I’d like to point out one little factoid:

That condo never collapsed before Javanka, “spoiled rich little trust-fund babies,” moved into the neighborhood. I’m not saying we can totally blame Javanka, soon to be referred to as “inmate #167834” and “inmate 239876,”. I’m just saying.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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GRRRRRRRRReat Peace Negotiator


Cjones05162021

Do you remember the TV show “Finding Bigfoot?” In case you never saw it, it was about four morons traipsing through the forests of America looking for a creature that doesn’t exist. I didn’t see every episode, but of the few I did see, I never saw them tell a witness that their experience probably wasn’t a bigfoot encounter. Anytime a “witness” told them they heard some rustling in the woods, these “Squatch” experts would always say some shit like, “From my many years of squatching, it sounds like you definitely, positively, indeedly, and absolutely had a bigfoot encounter.” Never mind the fact there are animals in the woods that are known to make noises.

These guys, and one skeptical female, have been “squatchin'” for over three decades which they feel qualifies them as experts at finding bigfoot despite the fact (spoiler alert) they never do find a bigfoot.

The TV show ran on Animal Planet for nine years. Nine freaking years and not one bigfoot. Hell, not even a littlefoot. They never found any mermaids, unicorns, leprechauns, Loch Ness monsters, or fiscal Republicans either. But these guys should go ahead and build an institute for finding bigfoot where they can explain the techniques to finding bigfoots, their habits, traits, what kind of food they eat, their mating habits, and why they refuse to sit still for photos…even though none of them has never actually seen a bigfoot. The closest thing this nation’s ever seen to a skunk ape is Donald Trump and that skunky-bleached thing on his head.

They can build the Institute for Finding Bigfoot next to Jared Kushner’s Institute for Peace.

Yes. Jared Kushner, the same Jared Kushner who was appointed by his father-in-law to solve the conflict between Israel and Palestine, is building an institute that will follow his leadership on bringing peace to the Middle East. Has anyone asked people in Israel and Palestine lately, “Are you tired of winning yet?”

With Israel and Hamas attacking each other and rockets landing everywhere, buildings collapsing, and children dying, where’s Jared? I thought Jared fixed this.

Jared recently wrote an op-ed in The Wall Street Journal giving advice to President Biden on how to bring peace to the Middle East, which is confusing because I thought Jared had already done that.

Jared wrote he “set the table” to “unleash the Middle East’s potential, keep America safe, and help the region turn the page on a generation of conflict and instability,” and if Joe Biden was “smart,” his administration would embrace the opportunity created by the Trump administration.

Yeah, if you’re smart, you’ll listen to Jared, who was also put in charge of our immigration crisis at the border, the opioid crisis, justice reform, and he was the liaison to Mexico, China, and the U.S. Muslim community. He was also in charge of the heat lamps keeping all the Big Macs toasty every time a sports team visited the Trump White House.

Donald Trump put Jared in charge of resolving the decades-on-top-of-decades conflict between Israel and the Palestinians. Jared, being a trust-fund baby and real-estate guy who actually sucks at real estate, thought the conflict was merely over real estate…and then helped Israel further its expansion into Palestinian-held areas. He thinks it’s all about real estate and all the real estate belongs to Israel. They also though moving the U.S. embassy to Jerusalem would solve the crisis and be welcomed by the Palestinians.

Donald Trump actually believed Jared was the right man for the job, despite not having any experience with diplomacy or foreign policy, because he’s Jewish…and there has never been anyone Jewish working on peace in the Middle East.

Jared did bring peace between Israel, Bahrain, and the United Arab Emirates Republic, two nations Israel has never been at war with. Jared may as well have negotiated a peace deal between Israel and Iceland. He struck a deal with Saudi Arabia that now allows Israeli planes to fly through Saudi air. He also negotiated personal business bailouts from Qatar which some people may refer to as a “bribe.”

The Israel-Palestinian conflict wasn’t mentioned with the “peace accords” between Israel and nations it’s never been at war with, but Jared did address that issue by saying the problem could be solved if Palestinians could just stop being angry with Israel. My god. He is a genius.

Now, if we put Jared in charge of finding that Houston tiger, he’ll probably come back with a ferret he painted stripes on. We could even put him in charge of finding bigfoot. After all, we’ve already seen him in photos with a bleached skunk ape.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Runs In The Family


cjones12062020

As we have all discovered over the past five years, and if you haven’t then you weren’t paying attention, Donald Trump projects.

The guy who had people chant “lock her up” at his hate rallies watched several of his friends be locked up. For others, he issued pardons. While accusing Joe and Hunter Biden of corruption in Ukraine, Trump and Rudy Giuliani were practicing corruption in Ukraine. All they could come up with were conspiracy theories accusing other people of what they were guilty of. Trump’s Ukraine actions made him an impeached president.

Naturally, an impeached president will pardon goons. Naturally, an impeached president only has goons as friends. If you are a friend of Donald Trump’s, you may want to reassess your life. If you work in his administration, you’ll have plenty of time after January 20 to reassess because it’s not like anyone’s going to hire you. Enjoy all those covid parties now because you’ll probably never be invited to a party ever again.

During the campaign, Trump and his people couldn’t shut up about Hunter Biden. He was the star of their convention. He was brought up at the debates. Donald Trump tried to paint the Bidens as corrupt and Joe as a bad father.

Here’s a question: If three out of five of your children go to prison, are you a bad father? That goes for pardons too. If three of your children…and a goon one of them married, all need pardons, you probably did something wrong. Naming the first one after your corrupt orange ass was a bad start. For the Trump family, issuing pardons is just another day of business. For the Trump family, corruption is the business.

Hunter Biden doesn’t need a pardon. Hunter Biden is not under investigation…not even by Trump’s Justice Department. Why? Because he didn’t do anything illegal. But Ivanka, often referred to as “Grifter Barbie,” had to answer questions in an investigation over the inauguration. That’s just warming up.

Why was Ivanka paid as an outside consultant to the Trump Organization while she was also employed by the Trump Organization? The payments were used as tax write offs for Donald Trump. Where is all that money donated to the Trump Inauguration, which Ivanka played a huge part in? What about all those patents granted to Ivanka in China? Ivanka also violated the Hatch Act by endorsing a product and campaigning for a presidential candidate while employed by the White House. A lot of government employees did that by the way.

How about all the foreign bailouts for her husband’s companies? Why did her husband lie again and again on his security clearance application? Why did he want a back channel to Russia? Why did he engage secretly with the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia, who ordered the murder of a Saudi journalist under U.S. protection? In 2018 alone, Ivanka and Jared made over $138 million from foreign businesses while they were government employees.

What all sorts of goonery has Don Jr. been sniffing up? Jr and Eric have continued to promote their father’s presidency for overseas business. The Republican National Committee spent $100,000 on copies of Jr’s horrible book. The boys have grifted the government by overcharging the Secret Service at Trump resorts. Eric’s wife and Jr’s screechy girlfriend are both receiving salaries from the Trump Campaign. What a bunch of fucking grifters.

So after a couple of years smearing Hunter Biden, it’s the Trump kids who are in discussion over receiving pardons…along with Rudy, Roger Stone, Paul Manafort, and probably a few hundred more Trump goons. What I wonder, while others who don’t hold dirt on Trump may have to purchase their pardons, will the Trump kids’ pardons be Christmas gifts? I’m sure they’ll make excellent stocking stuffers.

The likes of Roger Stone doesn’t care about being seen as guilty and corrupt, but do the Trumps? Because, when you accept a pardon, you accept guilt. I guess they can make it work for them since Donald Trump has made being an impeached president kinda his thing. Being guilty, corrupt, and pardoned can be the Trump kids’ jam.

These are people who never accomplished anything on their own…ever. So with pardons, what’s one more thing to inherit?

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

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Goodbye, Turkeys


cjones11272020

I’m breaking a couple of my rules with this cartoon. One is, I’ve drawn enough turkeys this year. The other is drawing a cartoon with a holiday theme that’s dated after the holiday. This is dated for Friday, which as you probably know, is AFTER Thanksgiving. But, I don’t make my clients embargo my cartoons by the dates, which means they can run them as soon as they get them.

But, I like drawing turkeys…and I like drawing Trump goons. And in my defense, how many more opportunities do I have to draw these people? Have you seen the type of people Joe Biden’s putting in his administration? Adults! How am I supposed to work with that?

In the Biden administration, I don’t see any inept son-in-laws wanting to create a back channel with Russia while taking loans from Arab kingdoms. I don’t see a daughter and her husband receiving security clearances when they don’t qualify. I don’t see a veep lavishing worship on the boss every minute while attracting flies. I don’t see an Attorney General turning the Justice Department into an agency that acts as the president’s personal attorney…which they did in going to court to block a civil suit against Trump by one of his sexual accusers. I don’t see a baby Goebbels in this administration writing policies that’ll kill immigrant children. I don’t see a goon going to prison whose sentence the president will commute. Say what you want about Hunter, but I don’t see a son in this administration as stupid as Donald Trump Jr. I don’t see a personal attorney spreading conspiracy theories outside a dildo store while his hair is leaking transmission fluid. I don’t see the president encouraging right-wing terrorists to shoot and murder protesters or telling them to “stand by.” I don’t see Nazis and Klansmen holding parades for this incoming president. I don’t even see hamburgers.

So, how much fun do I have left? It’s not like next Thanksgiving, when President Joe Biden is pardoning a turkey, I can compare it to him pardoning his goons, children, or even himself. Sheesh! What sort of presidency is this going to be for cartoonists? We have been spoiled by Donald Trump. With Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, I’m going to have to go back to writing my own material. Dammit all.

Sure. Joe Biden has gaffes but they’re not going to make up for a president (sic) who tries to redirect a hurricane with a Sharpie, or asks about nuking that hurricane, or advises people to rake forests, or talks about windmill cancer. Joe Biden has never gone to a debate and talked about the size of his penis. Seriously, people…you left me nothing to work with here.

Maybe our new Secretary of State will scream at a reporter and challenge her to find Ukraine on a map. No? He’s not an asshole? Aw, man!

Maybe Ashley Biden will sit in for the president at international summits, or get a bunch of Chinese patents, or be investigated for tax fraud. No? She’s not corrupt? Maybe Jill Biden will say “fuck Christmas.” I know. Not very likely when you replace a porn model with a teacher who has a doctorate.

Thanks a lot, America. Sure. You saved the nation from a stupid narcissistic racist reality TV show host and his grifting, and now we’ll stop putting babies in jail and ripping families apart. We’ll save the climate, perhaps stop palling around with dictatorships, and start using complete sentences again…but at what cost? Did you think about the cartoonists and comedians? Did you not think about the satire? No, you didn’t. I hope you’re proud of yourself, America.

It’s not fair. Even the democratic goons Biden could have hired, Donald Trump took. I don’t even have a Blagojevich with this administration. Shit.

So because of all that, you get another turkey cartoon. You can’t blame me. All I have left is an administration full of adults to try to make something out of with my cartoons.

And the fact Donald Trump and his goons will never go away or stop tweeting. Never ever ever. I guess there’s that.

Update: I went back and added Michael Flynn after he was pardoned today.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

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The Trust-Fund Baby Speaketh


cjones10302020

These people can not see themselves. First off, they can’t see they’re someplace they don’t belong.

Nepotism has run rampant throughout the lives of Javanka. It would most likely not be rich if it wasn’t born rich. It would not be in the White House or government service if its father and father-in-law was not president. To be fair, maybe Javanka could have qualified for a job at the DMV.

Javanka is tone deaf and obtuse. Ivanka sat down at the president’s (sic) seat at an international summit oblivious to how it would look…or she just didn’t care. Javanka made sure its faces were photographed creepily staring out of Buckingham Palace. Ivanka made sure to skip over the demilitarized zone into North Korea…despite there being prohibitions against it. Javanka is oblivious to the fact that overspending on real estate and selling handbags is not experience that qualifies you to become a presidential adviser.

It’s not just that they don’t belong in the White House…they literally don’t belong. It couldn’t obtain a security clearance without the president (sic) overriding the FBI’s rejection of Javanka. In fact, Jared had to submit his application for a security clearance multiple times because he’s a lying, spoiled shit who’s deep in debt to foreign nations and tried to establish back channels with Russians.

Now, Javanka has been able to use their positions to get foreign bailouts on its real-estate debt and to get trademarks in China.

Now, Jared is telling black America that it has to want to be successful to be successful. Seriously. Who knew that’s all it took?

Talking to Fox and Friends, Jared said, “One thing we’ve seen in a lot of the Black community, which is mostly Democrat, is that President Trump’s policies are the policies that can help people break out of the problems that they’re complaining about. But he can’t want them to be successful more than they want to be successful.”

That’s your problem, Black America. You haven’t wanted to be successful. If you tried harder, or at least as hard as Jared has, you could have been born rich too.

Jared didn’t just stop there. He’s not just a presidential adviser. He’s a Black community adviser.

Jared said that after the “George Floyd situation,” a lot of people were more concerned with “virtue signaling” than in coming up with “solutions.”

Wow. What brilliance. What understanding. Why isn’t Jared president? Mr. Trust-Fund Baby with his home in a Trump building on Park Avenue sure does understand the Black community.

Take this example of Jared’s brilliance: “They’d go on Instagram and cry, or they would put a slogan on their jersey or write something on a basketball court. And quite frankly, that was doing more to polarize the country than it was to bring people forward. You solve problems with solutions.”

Yeah, the guy who advises the guy who gives shout-outs to racists and defenses of tiki-torch Nazis thinks basketball players and Black Lives Matter are “polarizing” the country.

Maybe an example of an acceptable solution is when a journalist writes negative things about you, you chop him up with a bone saw. That’s what his buddy, the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia, did. Jared likes to communicate with him through WhatsApp, so nobody can ever know what they’re talking about. Good job, Jared.

White House Spokesgoon Kayleigh McEnany tried to defend Jared for his insensitive, obtuse, and quite frankly, racist comments and said, his remarks were taken out of context and accused unnamed “internet trolls” for trying to “distract from President (sic) Trump’s undeniable record of accomplishment for the Black community.”

That’s exactly who you want when you get into trouble with the Black community, porcelain spokesgoon Kayleigh McEnany defending you.

I told you they were obtuse. For the gang who claim they have multiple Black friends, you’d think they’d use one.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Corona Barbie


cjones10282020

The Lincoln Project, a group of Republican Never Trumpers who have spent millions of dollars advertising against Donald Trump, has now placed two billboards in Times Square featuring Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner.

As you probably know, Ivanka is Donald Trump’s daughter and favorite offspring (he likes her so much, he talks about dating her) and Jared is her husband. They are both unpaid advisors to Donald Trump and rumor has it, they’re worth every penny they’re paid.

They are very upset about these billboards in Times Square. They’re so upset, they had their legal counsel, crazy-hair Marc Kasowitz (a former White House lawyer who also has Putin Pals as clients) threatening to sue the Lincoln Project. Kasowitz called them, “false, malicious and defamatory,” which sounds like a defense from Cosmo Kramer’s lawyer, Jackie Chiles. And if Kasowitz continues defending Trumps, his next Jackie Chiles-inspired quote will probably be, “This is the most public yet of my many humiliations.”

The photo of Ivanka used on the billboard is from her famous Goya photo-op which many legal experts believe is illegal. You’re not supposed to pimp products while working in the White House. Ivanka’s billboard includes statistics about Covid deaths substituting for the beans. Jared’s has the quote, “New Yorkers are going to suffer and that’s their problem.” He’s also accompanied by body bags.

Jackie Chiles, I mean, Kasowitz says Ivanka never made any such gesture, except she did, and that Jared never made the quote.

The quote is from Vanity Fair in a very detailed article which is claims is a first-person account. Jared was referring to New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, and how he “didn’t pound the phones hard enough to get PPE for his state…. His people are going to suffer and that’s their problem.”

If Kasowitz sues for Boy Kush and Corona Bean Barbie, he can expect more quotes attributed to Jared to be dug up…and for witnesses to provide them. They don’t want this.

What will be more interesting will be how Ivanka and Jared are greeted if they return to New York City after the Trump administration is defeated. It’s not like they’re going to be invited to all the balls. They joined a corrupt administration that fought their city and state. They helped enact policies designed to hurt New York during the pandemic.

What Ivanka and Jared need to understand, other than how not to be tacky, is that when you work in high-profile positions in the government, you’re going to be criticized. You’re going to be held accountable. For Ivanka, working in the White House been all about Chinese patents, photo-ops, and trying to appear important at world summits. For Jared, it’s been about helping his father-in-law rule, not govern, and secret conversations with dictators who order journalists to be chopped up with bone saws.

According to some reports, Jared and Ivanka will be welcomed back in New York City…in Staten Island. Ew.

But then again, they may not have to worry about that as they both may be wearing orange. Do they serve Goya beans in prison?

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Virtual Haters


cjones09022020

I’ve heard some viewers of the Democratic National Convention say they preferred it without a live crowd. Not me. Speakers need momentum. Playing to a crowd helps with that more than talking to a camera. When it comes to sports, fans don’t just make it more interesting, they’re part of the game.

Fans often distract and taunt players from opposing teams. Football stadiums are designed to maximize the crowd noise. Fans of the Seattle Seahawks calls themselves the “12th Man.” In case you’re not a football fan, there are 11 players on the field for each team at a time. In case you’re a Donald Trump supporter, 12 comes after 11.

Without fans in attendance, sports can be boring. It’s tough to watch baseball with cutouts of fans behind home plate. The NHL has been praised for the way it has handled games during the pandemic. Wrestling has to be even more ridiculous without an audience to play to, but maybe now they can look into CGI. But the NBA seems to have handled it the best.

The NBA has inserted monitors displaying fans in real time watching the games. They may not actually be there, but you can see and hear them. Each team has different criteria for how fans are selected to be on the monitors. Let’s see if drawing a cartoon of the virtual fans is one of them.

The NBA is the most progressive league in major league sports. Nearly 75% of players are black. The players may be the most interactive and in touch with their communities. The majority of the NBA stands with Black Lives Matter.

Donald Trump was upset at NBA players for kneeling and said, “They’ve had horrible ratings, low numbers. People are angry about it. They have enough politics with guys like me. There was a nastiness about the NBA the way (protesting) was done. The NBA is in trouble, bigger trouble than they understand.” As it turns out, his numbers are very low. His speech accepting the Republican nomination was lower than Joe Biden’s Democratic acceptance speech. Maybe Donald Trump is in bigger trouble than he understands.

Trump said, “There are some very, very, very nasty, frankly very dumb players.” He has feuded with LeBron James, Stephen Curry, and Kevin Durant. Once upon a time, a president was too busy to angry tweet athletes.

The Milwaukee Bucks and Orlando Magic postponed a playoff game in protest of the police shooting of Jacob Blake in Kenosha. Jared Kushner, a trust-fund baby who has his position and security clearance in the White House only because his father-in-law is the president (sic), said, “NBA players are very fortunate that they have the financial position where they’re able to take a night off from work without having to have the consequences to themselves financially.” Jared, you’re fortunate to not be in prison.

Golden State Warriors coach Steve Kerr said, “Jared, your father in law spreads hatred and division daily. Spare us your confused lecture and try to teach the president to not be racist.”

Jared also said he’d like to talk to Lebron James and, “I’d like to see them start moving into concrete solutions that are productive.” I guess Jared isn’t familiar with James’ I Promise School in Akron or his More Than A Vote foundation, which he formed with fellow athletes to work on fighting voter suppression. Jared works in a White House that creates voter suppression.

We’re not going to get solutions to racism from racists. Jared, you don’t need to talk. You need to shut up and listen.

Hey, maybe you can shut up and dribble.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Fox V. Fauci


cjones05202020

The current talking point in attacking Dr. Anthony Fauci, the leading infectious disease expert in the United States, is that he’s “unelected.”

Senator Rand Paul said he’s not the “end-all” of understanding how viruses and pandemics work. Actually, he is. Laura Ingraham points out he’s unelected. Tucker Carlson did the same while also calling him a “buffoon.”

These buffoons need to understand something. Dr. Fauci isn’t closing states, businesses, or schools. He’s giving advice. His advice comes from knowledge and experience. While Dr. Fauci isn’t a politician and isn’t an expert on the economy or business, the Fox buffoons are not doctors or scientists. Rand Paul is a doctor, but he’s an eye doctor and even then, I don’t think he’s the “end-all” of poking shit in your eyeball.

Do you know who else isn’t elected? Stephen Miller. Nobody voted for Stephen Miller yet he’s drawing up our immigration policy. Other than Mike Pence and Donald Trump, there’s not one person in the Trump administration anyone voted for. Not Betsy DeVos, Ben Carson, William Barr, or Mike Pompeo. Nobody voted for these people to be in their current positions but they’re all there legally.

And nobody voted for Jared Kushner. While you can argue over the experience of some of the cabinet members, Jared comes with none. Nada. Zilch. Zero. Jared’s expertise is only in being Donald Trump’s idiot son-in-law. Yet, Jared has been in charge of immigration and peace in the Middle East. Now, he’s one of the directors of our response to the coronavirus and told us the government stockpile of medical equipment wasn’t for the states and is “our stockpile,” as in the federal government’s stockpile.

Now, Jared is floating the idea of delaying the general election. Wouldn’t Republicans just love that? Hey, just like if you don’t test then you don’t get positive results, if we don’t hold an election, then we don’t have to count all those votes against Trump.

Answering a question from Time Magazine about postponing the general election because of the pandemic, Jared said, “I’m not sure I can commit one way or the other, but right now that’s the plan.” Yes, Jared. You can commit one way or the other. That way would be, “No. There are no plans to postpone the election because I’m not the one to make that call…and neither is Donald Trump.” That’s how you answer that question.

Who the hell is Jared Kushner to even tell us if there’s a plan or not on delaying the general election? What sort of arrogance and narcissism must this guy have to act as though he could plan it? Even DonaldTrump can’t plan it.

While the Covidiots at Fox News screams about Fauci being unelected and call him a “buffoon,” they ignore Jared’s idiocy and lack of qualifications while he floats the idea of violating the Constitution of the United States. Jared Kushner has NEVER accomplished or achieved anything in his life, other than being born rich, inheriting riches, and marrying rich.

The funny thing about the general election. It’s in the Constitution. Federal law stipulates when we hold the election, when states’ electors cast their votes and send them to Congress, and even when the president and vice-president’s tenures expire.

Congress would have to change federal law (one House is held by Democrats who are lead by Nancy Pelosi) to change the date of the election.

And, look at it this way: If we don’t hold an election, the president and vice president’s terms will automatically expire at noon on January 20, 2021, either way. If Donald Trump’s term expires and there’s no duly elected president because there wasn’t an election, say, “Hello, Madam President.” Because if there’s no election, she’s guaranteed to still be Speaker of the House and she’s next in line for the presidency after Trump and Pence.

Hmm. Maybe this no election thing isn’t a bad idea after all.

Here’s the other thing that pisses me off about this, that burns my cheese, chokes my goat, the fire that burns my ass: Fox News expressing concern about someone being unelected.

Fox News doesn’t care that Donald Trump is in the White House without a mandate. They don’t care he’s there after the majority of voters rejected him in 2016. They don’t care that Russians tampered with our election. They don’t care that Donald Trump is inviting foreign nations to tamper with the next one.

Fox News does not care when minority voters’ civil rights are violated by being removed from voter rolls. They didn’t care when thousands of American voters were removed from the rolls in Georgia’s last state election. They didn’t care that the guy who could remove them was the Republican candidate for governor. They didn’t care when he won.

Fox News didn’t care when thousands of Native Americans, people who are way more American than anyone at Fox News, weren’t allowed to vote in North Dakota.

So, Fox News…spare me your fainting spells over shit you don’t really care about. But, if you want to do it your way, Fox News…let’s hold Dr. Anthony Fauci to an election over Donald Trump.

As it currently stands, over 60% of Americans trust Dr. Fauci. Donald Trump, your hero, is hovering around 30%.

Quite frankly, Fox News buffoons…you don’t do well with elections so maybe you should stop talking and making demands about them.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Success Story


cjones05072020

Peter Bergen, CNN’s national security analyst wrote, “What is most galling as the nation faces its worse crisis since World War II is how the Trump family keeps demanding recognition for their brilliant work and also our thanks for the catastrophic mess they have helped land us all in.” That’s probably just a little more galling than the fact Donald Trump appoints family members to manage the worse crisis since World War II.

Would you have felt comfortable if the response to the attack on Pearl Harbor or on the World Trade Center was to be handled by Jared?

Jared, like his father-in-law, inherited everything he has in life and has the distinction of making the worst real-estate purchase in the history of Manhattan when he bought 666 5th Avenue. Perhaps his first clue should have been the address, “666.” But then again, perhaps Jared saw the address and it felt like home.

These are idiots, losing vast amounts of money on real-estate and bankrupting casinos, who can’t manage their own businesses…and for some reason we expect them to capably manage ours? For three years, we kept saying how lucky we’ve been that the only challenges Donald Trump’s had to face as president were the ones he created. Our luck ran out. Why did anyone believe a reality television host who bankrupts casinos and spreads conspiracy theories could lead the federal government through a pandemic challenge?

On The Apprentice, Donald Trump fired Gary Busey. Frankly, I’d rather have Busey managing this crisis over Jared Kushner.

Do you remember Jared’s championing of the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia? You know, the murderer? Do you recall his handling of our immigration policy? You know the one, where we’re throwing babies in jail. Do you recall his botching any chance of peace in the Middle East by taking Israel’s side and telling Palestinians that there will be no two-state solution?

If those aren’t recent enough, perhaps you can remember back to last March when Jared boasted about a Google site where you could have your symptoms tested. That site still doesn’t exist. Or how about when he told us the federal stockpile of medical equipment wasn’t for the states’ use…when that’s exactly what it’s for?

Last Wednesday, he went on Fox News to proclaim the Trump administration’s response to the coronavirus is “a great success story,” claiming “we have all the testing we need to start opening the country,” and “by July, the country’s really rocking again.”

I don’t see much of a success with the death of over 64,000 Americans, and counting. Not only are these idiots demanding to be congratulated and praised for doing a horrible job, but they’re also still lying about their horrible job.

They lied about the testing to begin with and they’re still lying. Donald Trump said, “Anyone who needs a test gets a test.” All the experts say we need to conduct at least one million tests a day by early June and 20 million a day by late July. While Donald Trump brags we’ve tested more than any other nation, we’ve only tested 1.6% or our population. We’re reopening the nation in half the states while our testing is somewhere around 146,000 per day. A Harvard study says our current testing should be between 500,000 to 700,000.

It was a bad joke that anyone could seriously consider Donald Trump for president. That bad joke has become real. It should be another joke he’s even running for reelection yet he could very well win. But why would we want four more years of this insanity? Of this guy approaching a crisis demanding praise for what a great leader he is when he’s not leading?

It’s like Donald Trump and Jared Kushner are demanding Nobel Prizes (or in their cases, “Noble” Prizes) for curing cancer…when cancer hasn’t been cured.

I and many others have been saying for over three years that Donald Trump doesn’t care about you and neither does Jared Kushner. Hailing the death of over 64,000 Americans a “success story” is a testament to that.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Reopening-The-Country Task Force


cjones04172020

Dr. Anthony Fauci said we could reopen the country in May. Will Dr. Fauci still be working for the government at that time?

Yesterday, Dr. Fauci conceded that a quicker response to the coronavirus pandemic could have saved lives. This morning, Donald Trump retweeted a tweet with a hashtag to “fire Fauci.” Fauci has committed the crime of not just disagreeing with Trump but telling the truth. While firing Fauci will get Trump condemnation and criticism from normal people, his base and Fox News will pick up the mantle that Fauci was disloyal.

In this administration, loyalty to an orange ego is more important than saving lives. Trump’s tweet proves that serving his ego and narcissism is more important than saving lives.

On Friday, Donald Trump revealed he was creating a new task for to focus solely on reopening the country. Trump said it would consist of “very good” doctors, business people, and members of Congress, and governors. Thank God he’s not planning to appoint any bad doctors. No word on whether the business people and politicians will be good ones.

During a rambling press conference that lasted over two hours where the creation of the task force was the only new news, Trump said, “This is beyond economic. I call it the ‘opening our country task force’ or ‘opening our country council,’ so we don’t get it confused with the primary White House task force.” The guy can’t even settle on a name but he’s the deciding factor on when the nation reopens? We’re all going to die.

There’s a lot of concern Trump is impatient about restarting the economy. Go read a few posts from right-wingers and Trump cultists and you’ll see the direction is on opening the country now…with great anger that it was ever shut down to begin with. There is deep concern Donald Trump, who is an idiot, will push to reopen the nation too soon, which would be like pouring gasoline on a coronavirus fire.

Donald Trump is the first president in the modern era to lose 3 million jobs a week two weeks in a row. He’s watched the stock market fall. He was slow to react to a virus that may end up killing at least 60,000 Americans. But he wants your ass at Walmart and baseball games.

Trump said the task force will be bipartisan. What does he consider bipartisan? Will he appoint his stupid daughter, Ivanka to the board and say that’s bipartisan because she was a Democrat before being told she had to switch parties to vote for her dad in New York’s Republican primary (she and her two idiot brothers actually missed the deadline and weren’t able to vote for Daddy in the primary)?

Since Trump is creating the task force now, does that mean he’ll say it’s safe to open the nation tomorrow?

Donald Trump was warned about the virus in early January. While he claimed impeachment distracted him, it didn’t stop him from playing golf or holding MAGA rallies. After being warned multiple times, he finally declared a state of emergency on January 31, two days AFTER establishing the White House Coronavirus Task Force.

While that task force has Dr. Fauci, Dr. Deborah Birx, and Surgeon General Jerome Adams, it also has assorted nuts like Mike Pence (who chairs it), Ben Carson, Ken Cuccinelli, Larry Kudlow, and Steve Mnuchin. Behind the scenes, Trump’s idiot son-in-law is running a shadow coronavirus task force, which might also be the reopening-the-country task force. With this group, the only people who are sleeping well at night are Trump cultists who haven’t seen his latest polling numbers…or Joe Biden’s.

The one good piece of information is that Donald Trump does not have the authority, like he believes he does, to order governors to reopen their states. Sure, he has influence and Republican fucknut governors in the south will do whatever he says because unlike Dr. Fauci, they don’t work with facts.

The problem with Trump is that he’ll probably only appoint people to the new task force who will tell him what he wants to hear. He’s not looking at the numbers of cases and deaths. He’s looking at polling and economic numbers. He’s looking at being a failed one-term president…instead of a failed two-term president.

Keep in mind, this is a man who appointed his daughter and her husband as his advisers. He’s put his son-in-law in charge of Middle East peace and immigration. He appointed people to his cabinet like Ben Carson, Betsy DeVos, and Rick Perry. If he ever did own an NFL team, he’d draft Ryan Leaf.

We’re all going to die.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.