Jared Kushner

Coupers and Gropers

We have found out which members of Congress asked the White House for a pardon. The list includes Andy Biggs, Mo Brooks, Matt Gaetz, Louie Gohmert, Scott Perry, and Marjorie Taylor Greene. Each were part of the Big Lie that Trump “won” the election and helped try to overturn the election their party lost. Each are enemies of democracy and support fascism.

Trump’s former head of presidential personnel, Johnny McEntee, testified that Trump “had hinted at a blanket pardon for the Jan. 6 thing for anybody.” That’s exactly what Matt Gaetz asked for, a “blanket pardon.”

Eric Herschmann, a White House lawyer for Trump, testified that Gaetz asked for a blanket pardon like the one Richard Nixon got from President Ford for his coverup of Watergate. Herschmann testified, “He mentioned Nixon, and I said, ‘Nixon’s pardon was never nearly that broad.’” 

You probably know that Matt Gaetz is currently under an FBI investigation for sex trafficking minors. If he’s innocent of that then why would he request a pardon? Hmm?

Cassidy Hutchinson, a former adviser to Trump’s Chief-of-Staff Mark Meadoes, testified that Gaetz, Gohmert, Perry, and Biggs all expressed interest in pardons. She also testified that Jim Jordan of Ohio “talked about” pardons but did not directly ask for one, and that she heard of newly elected Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia also expressing interest to the White House Counsel’s Office. MTG should have gone to Jared.

Once upon a time, it would have been considered unfathomable to keep serving in Congress after admitting you committed a crime, because asking for a presidential pardon is a confession of guilt. There was a time when members of Congress wouldn’t have looked the other way or made excuses for their law-breaking colleagues, even if they were members of their own party. But now, the Republican Party is the party that tried to overturn an election and commit a coup. The GOP tried to destroy democracy…and they’re still trying.

And maybe Dan Snyder should ask for a pardon even though no criminal charges have been brought up on him yet.

Just like with the Trumpers who refuse to testify before the January 6 Committee investigating Trump’s coup attempt, Washington Commanders owner Daniel Snyder is refusing to testify before the House Oversight Committee about the “toxic” workplace environment he created at the team. Snyder is too busy being on a French vacation to testify which is like some crap a Trumper would come up with.

There is a culture among these people from Trump to Snyder that they’re too important and entitled to comply with a congressional subpoean.

Committee Chairwoman Carolyn Maloney says Snyder “himself fostered” the football team’s “toxic workplace” and then “conducted a shadow investigation to target his accusers, pin the blame on others, and influence the NFL’s own internal review.”

She said Snyder “fired women but not men who engaged in relationships with other employees, while defending male executives accused of sexual harassment.”

She also said that Snyder sent private investigators to former cheerleaders’ homes, “offered hush money to buy their silence,” created a “dossier” of communications from journalists, attorneys and former employees who accused the team of harassment, and tried to blame former team President Bruce Allen for the team’s troubles. Maybe Snyder should have hired Rudy Giuliani to harass people. I hear he needs the work.

Maloney also said, “The NFL was aware of his actions, but failed to stop him.” It’s the NFL’s reluctance to make their own investigation of Snyder public that spurred the investigation by Congress, which Republicans like Jim Jordan are trying to discredit. Snyder, like the Trumpers, know that if the GOP retakes Congress that in January, all this will go away.

Despite refusing to make the findings of their investigation public, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell testified before the panel on Wednesday and said that the Commanders’ culture was “not only unprofessional, but toxic for far too long.”

He also said, “It is clear to me that the workplace in Washington was unprofessional and unacceptable in numerous respects: bullying, widespread disrespect toward colleagues, use of demeaning language, public embarrassment and harassment,” Goodell said. “Moreover, for a prolonged period of time, the Commanders had a woefully deficient HR function, particularly with respect to reporting practices and recordkeeping.”

The NFL fined the teams $10 million and Goodell seems to believe that with Snyder stepping aside to let his wife run the team, then everyone should just move on.

The billionaire boys club of NFL owners need to impeach Dan Snyder.

While Republicans are trying to discredit the hearings, Maloney noted that attorneys general in six states had told the NFL in April of their “grave concerns” about allegations of workplace harassment of women and minorities. And if the NFL isn’t going to protect these people, then Congress needs to step in and do it.

That’s what Congress should do, protect us from a toxic culture…like the culture of Republicans breaking laws, trying to overturn the government by throwing out elections, trying to install fascist groping dictators, and then asking for pardons for their all while continuing to serve in office while defending their crimes and continuing their lies.

Lock them all up, the coupers and the gropers.

Creative note: I went into a spaghetti coma last night and screwed up my sleep schedule. So, I drew this after midnight and didn’t listen to any tunes as I was going from one page to another to focus on the caricatures. I was also getting a lot of congratulatory messages on the SDX Award which I haven’t told you about yet.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Cash and Coups

During most of the time Republicans were screaming about Hunter Biden’s laptop without any substance to speak of, Jared Kushner was sitting on top of $2 billion received from the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia. Yes, that’s the same crown prince who ordered the execution of a Washington Post journalist. Also, while MAGAts were screaming about Hunter Biden, there was the existence of texts from Donald Trump Jr. to Trump chief-of-staff Mark Meadows about stealing the election before the election was called.

Republicans have been screaming about this laptop bullshit for over two years without providing any substance as to why it’s important. So far, the bulk of their argument is that since it exists, it means there was corruption from Hunter Biden which means there’s corruption from President Joe Biden. They also say there’s evidence of Hunter using drugs, which we already know, and that the laptop has images of Hunter having sex with minors, which is not true.

What is true is there’s an email from a business contact in Ukraine thanking Hunter for introducing him to Vice President Joe Biden at a dinner with a dozen other people in public. There’s another email, after the Obama presidency from a Chinese business contact, that mentions giving Joe Biden a cut, and there’s a third email from Hunter saying Joe Biden wants nothing to do with the deal, which never got off the ground. A lot of this is in code, but that’s all they have.

Photos have been posted that Republicans claim show Hunter smoking crack, but Hunter’s drug use and addictions are public knowledge. Hunter and his father have been open about this. Also, how do you know it’s crack he’s smoking? Photos of someone smoking crack or marijuana are just photos of someone smoking. They don’t fly in court. The claim that child pornography is on the laptop comes straight from InfoWars. Also, keep in mind that this laptop was in the possession of Rudy Giuliani.

One thing that is a fact is Hunter Biden was never a member of the White House staff in the Obama or Biden administrations or ever given the responsibility of international diplomacy. But Jared Kushner was.

Jared Kushner, along with his wife, was on the staff of the Trump White House (sic). In case you forgot, Jared is married to Ivanka, Donald Trump’s daughter. In case you’re a Republican, that makes Jared Donald Trump’s son-in-law.

Jared was put in charge of a lot of stuff, like immigration and denying states medical equipment during the COVID pandemic. He was also involved with foreign policy, outside the boundaries of the State Department which frustrated the entire department. Part of Jared’s job was to build a relationship with Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman of Saudi Arabia.

Jared and MBS, the Crown Prince, liked to communicate through WhatsApp, a phone app that’s encrypted and is an excellent way to talk in secret so your conversations are NOT archived, as required by the Presidential Records Act. Basically, it’s a great way to talk privately when you’re involved in some sketchy shady shit. Jared is a big fan of back-channel communications and asked the Russians to create a backchannel to talk to the Trump administration (sic).

The Crown Prince is not a nice guy. He ordered the murder of Jamal Khashoggi, a Saudi journalist under the protection of the United States and employed by The Washington Post. Khashoggi was murdered inside Saudi Arabia’s Turkish embassy where they dismembered him with a bone saw. Jared, who probably sees himself as a prince, is buddy-buddy with the Crown Prince, a ruthless person who orders murders. Jared helped broker $110 billion in weapon sales to Saudi Arabia over the next decade and defended the Kingdom from congressional criticism over its involvement in the Yemeni Civil War and the murder of Khashoggi.

During this time, Jared’s failing 5th Avenue property, 666, was bailed out by a Canadian asset company that signed a 99-year lease and paid a near-century’s worth of rent upfront. This saved Kushner from defaulting on a mortgage he couldn’t afford which would have brought all his debtors down on him. One of the owners of the Canadian asset company is the nation Qatar. The deal came through right after Jared helped negotiate the end of Saudi Arabia’s blockade of Qatar. I’m sure the timing was just a coincidence. Qatar even denied they knew it was going down even though it was widely reported and Jared’s company had sough investment from them before. But the Canadian company was a much better attempt at hiding their involvement.

Jared had financial involvement with multiple foreign nations before Trump became president (sic). That should have automatically disqualified him from working in the White House. It took over a year for him to receive a security clearance as he had to reapply three times as he kept omitting important business and relationship details on his applications. Remembering stuff is hard. Finally, Trump, as president (sic), ordered that Jared and Ivanka both be given security clearances despite what the background checks found.

Jared’s newly formed private equity firm, Affinity Partners, received $2 billion from a fund led by the Crown Prince six months after he left the White House. The Saudi fund’s advisory board objected to the investment. According to the minutes of the meeting, the board cited “the inexperience of the Affinity Fund management”; the possibility the kingdom would be responsible for “the bulk of the investment and risk”; due diligence on the fledgling firm’s operations that found them “unsatisfactory in all aspects”; a proposed asset management fee that “seems excessive”; and “public relations risks” from Jared’s prior role as a senior adviser to his daddy-in-law, President (sic) Donald Trump.

Basically, the advisory board cited that Jared had zero experience in this sort of business enterprise, is inept, is shady as fuck, and that eventually, the Saudi fund would end up eating its investment because it fucked up and got into business with a Trump.

Mohammad bin Salman ignored the advice and invested $2 billion anyway. This was back in July of 2021 and we just now finding out about it. The $2 billion probably isn’t all from MBS, as it’s a fund, but that amount is probably nothing to him anyway as reports put his net worth between $10-18 billion. He’ll be worth a lot more when he’s king.

This deal is not illegal. Jared had a right to do business with foreign nations after serving in a presidential administration. But, it sure does seem like a payoff of some sort for services already rendered. You would need testimony and documents to prove this was discussed while Jared was in the Trump administration and remember, he and MBS used WhatsApp.

There were tons of sketchy foreign deals with Javanka during the Trump presidency, like that time Ivanka was granted three trademarks in China the very same day she and daddy Dingdong had dinner with the Chinese president. What another coinkydink. And if photos had come out of Ivanka smoking crack during the dinner, Republicans would still be talking about Hunter Biden’s laptop.

Steve Baby FishMouth Mnuchin, Treasury Secretary for Trump, also received $1 billion from the Saudi fund.

Before the Trump administration (sic) was over, Donald Trump Jr was texting Mark Meadows about how his father could stay in power despite losing the election. Before there was a coup attempt, Jr was suggesting a coup attempt. In November 2020, before the election was called for President Biden but while it was still in the air, Jr texted Meadows on how they could overturn the results. They knew they were going to lose the election.

This included having Republican-controlled state Houses discard the electors legally won by Joe Biden, and putting forward “Trump electors” in their place. Referring to recounts and audits, he texted, “It’s very simple. We have multiple paths We control them all.”

He was also suggesting they at least create enough confusion that the election was never called or confirmed by Congress, then have the House vote for the president by state delegations. Even though the House was Democratic Party controlled, Republicans had the most state delegations.

Looking at how much money the Trumps were making off the presidency, it’s no wonder they tried to steal the 2020 election. The Trump presidency may be over but the Trump Crime Family is still in business. But hey, let’s keep talking about Hunter’s laptop.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Ivanka’s Daddy

cjones07022021

If you support right-wing troglodyte asshole policies and you live in New York City, you’re not entirely on an island by yourself (See what I did there? Four of the five boroughs are literally on islands). There are plenty of Republicans in NYC. Unfortunately, those assholes are mostly in Staten Island. If you’re a Manhattan socialite who loves living high up in a tower where you can look down on everyone else, you do not want to go to Staten Island.

When you look at a map of New York City, you might wonder why Staten Island isn’t a part of New Jersey. It’s closer to New Jersey than it is to the rest of the city it belongs to. It’s the only borough without subways. It’s also the only borough that voted for Donald Trump which would explain why there are no subways. Nobody from the rest of the city wants to go there. Not even the C.H.U.D.s. And with the reputation Javanka, now knowns as “MAGA Non Grata,” built for itself as part of the Trump reign of terror, even the C.H.U.D.s won’t want to be seen with Javanka, also referred to as, “JaWannabe.”

Now there are news reports Ivanka, often called, “Bullshit Barbie,” and her husband, who New Yorkers affectionately refer to as “Skinnyman,” are trying to rehabilitate their image. It would be greatly beneficial to Javanka, nicknamed, “Dumbshit Barbie and Ken,” if we could all just pretend everything it did for the Trump administration never happened. Let’s start with Jared Kushner, who the Lincoln Project dubbed, “Secretary of Failure,” solving and bringing peace to the Middle East. That’s an easy one to remember that never happened. Jared was also referred to as “Princess Daisy Cakes.”

Remember when Donald Trump, often called, “Angry Creamsicle” ripped families apart after they crossed the border, wouldn’t allow them to ask for asylum or refugee status, and threw the babies into cages? Remember when during that time, Ivanka, commonly referred to as, “Princess Sedition,” tweeted a photo of herself and her baby with the caption, “I love Sunday mornings”? Yes, let’s forget that tone-deafness ever happened.

Remember when Ivanka, often called, “Ivanka the Terrible,” criticized Roy Moore, nicknamed “Food-Court Valentino,” for his past of trying to pick up teenage girls? Remember afterward, Daddy Donald, commonly referred to as, “Amnesty Don,” expressed huge support for the accused pedophile? Remember Ivanka, often called “Ivanka Antoinette (let them eat coronavirus)” not saying anything else on the matter? Never happened.

Remember when Ivanka, “Nepotism Barbie,” expressed support for the 24 women her claimed her father, “Gropey McGroperson,” either groped or raped them? Remember how Ivanka, “Silicone Barbie,” spoke out against her father, “Orange Julius,” over the grab-them-by-the-pussy tape? Just pretend she never spoke out about those instances because she really never did speak out. Remember how Ivanka, “Swamp Mistress,” promised to be a champion of issues important to women while she was in the White House?

It’s not just the past for years they want you to forget. They want you to stop paying attention to what’s happening now. They don’t want to be associated with the election lies being told by Daddy Trump, affectionally called “Orange Shitweasel,” “Hair Fuhrer,” “Adolf Twitler,” “Baby Fingers,” “Tiny,” “Diaper Don,” “Blitzkrieg Bozo,” “Boiled Ham In A Wig,” “Boldfinger,” “Bumbledore,” “Butternut Squash,” Captain Chaos,” “Cheeto Mussolino,” “Cinnamon Hitler,” “Creep Throat,” “Donald Tax Duck,” “Failed Mail-Order Meat Salesman,” “Reality Cheaty,” “Fascist Oompa Loompa,” “Fuckface Von Clownstick,” “Grandpa Fucko,” “Groper-in-Chief,” “Godzilla but with less foreign policy experience,” “Mussolini’s Taint,” “Screaming Carrot Demon,” “Twitler,” and “GropenFuhrer.”

Donald Trump, who some people call, “Cheddar Boy,” keeps talking about how the election was stolen from him and he’ll be reinstated in August. That is so crazy, even tone-deaf Javanka, who’s been called, “The Nordic Goddess and The Norwegian Wood Inducer,” doesn’t want to be seen in that photo-op.

Ivanka, “Little Miss Ice Princess,” went on every foreign trip her father, who I’ve heard called, “Dickhead Donald, took while he was president (sic), took. She wanted to be treated like royalty and have as much of the presidential (gag!) privileges rub off on her. She got to sit at tables with world leaders. She even sat in the president’s seat, not his lap, at summits. She got to huddle with diplomats over international issues and pretend like she knew what everyone was talking about. She got to stick her toe into North Korea just to say she’s been there. Javanka, also called, “Children of the Orange Corn,” got the opportunity to meet the Queen of England and to make sure it was seen in the windows of Buckingham Palace, which was creepier than the twins from The Shining. But now, Javanka, “Creatures of the Orange Lagoon,” don’t want to play with Donald, “White House Wanker,”…or at least be seen when they are. Give them at least a little credit for barely visiting Mar-a-Lago these days.

Did I mention they loved the royal treatment? Before leaving Washington, Daddy Trump, adoringly called, “Cheez Doodle,” made sure to extend their Secret Service protection for another six months. Why should the taxpayers stop paying for someone to open doors for Javanka, who are also called the “Shirkalocks”? Then, not wanting to be associated with Daddy Trump, “Orange Shithead Sultan,” anymore, Javanka promptly moved to Florida with him. Why didn’t it return to NYC? You know Jared, often referred to as, “Jar-Jar Jared,” still owns property there because while he worked in the White House, his buildings, like the one with the address “666,” were being financially bailed-out by oil-rich kingdoms in the Middle East. By the way, Middle East princesses would call Jared, “Finger Puppet.”

There are also reports Donald, “Herr Lugenpresse,” is jealous of Jared, also nicknamed, “FratsPutin.” No, not for that reason, you sicko perverts….well, maybe that too. But, no. Donald, often called, “Money Diaper McStupid,” jealous because Jared, whose Secret Service codename was, “Fluffy,” got a seven-figure book deal to write about his experience of helping Donald Trump, who the Brits call, “Tangerine Wankmaggot,” trash the nation for four years. Why doesn’t anyone want to pay Donald, who the Brits also call, “Witless Fucking Cocksplat,” to gaslight about the past four years?

Javanka, who many call, “Girlfriend #1 and Girlfriend #2,” wants the world to see they’re not totally bad people and for other rich people to invite them to play at the Hamptons again. They would like to visit parts of NYC that’s NOT Staten Island. Has Javanka, both born and raised in the city but often called, “Nepotism Nitwits,” ever been to Staten Island? Has Donald, “Shitler,” ever been there?

Javanka, “Polite Society Pariahs,” is trying to rehab its image. It’s even donating a week of lunches to the first responders to the collapsed condo in Miami which is only a block from its new house which it moved into after helping Trump, “Tiny-Fingered, Cheeto-Faced, Ferret-Wearing Shitgibbon,” trash the nation. Helping with something AFTER it’s collapsed is a total new experience for Javanka, who some call “Cuddlepuss.” Helping with something that’s collapsed instead of making it do so is truly a wonderful thing to…wait a minute.

Javanka, “Thing 1 and Thing 2,” live only one block from the collapsed condo? One block? That’s amazing and I’d like to point out one little factoid:

That condo never collapsed before Javanka, “spoiled rich little trust-fund babies,” moved into the neighborhood. I’m not saying we can totally blame Javanka, soon to be referred to as “inmate #167834” and “inmate 239876,”. I’m just saying.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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GRRRRRRRRReat Peace Negotiator

Cjones05162021

Do you remember the TV show “Finding Bigfoot?” In case you never saw it, it was about four morons traipsing through the forests of America looking for a creature that doesn’t exist. I didn’t see every episode, but of the few I did see, I never saw them tell a witness that their experience probably wasn’t a bigfoot encounter. Anytime a “witness” told them they heard some rustling in the woods, these “Squatch” experts would always say some shit like, “From my many years of squatching, it sounds like you definitely, positively, indeedly, and absolutely had a bigfoot encounter.” Never mind the fact there are animals in the woods that are known to make noises.

These guys, and one skeptical female, have been “squatchin'” for over three decades which they feel qualifies them as experts at finding bigfoot despite the fact (spoiler alert) they never do find a bigfoot.

The TV show ran on Animal Planet for nine years. Nine freaking years and not one bigfoot. Hell, not even a littlefoot. They never found any mermaids, unicorns, leprechauns, Loch Ness monsters, or fiscal Republicans either. But these guys should go ahead and build an institute for finding bigfoot where they can explain the techniques to finding bigfoots, their habits, traits, what kind of food they eat, their mating habits, and why they refuse to sit still for photos…even though none of them has never actually seen a bigfoot. The closest thing this nation’s ever seen to a skunk ape is Donald Trump and that skunky-bleached thing on his head.

They can build the Institute for Finding Bigfoot next to Jared Kushner’s Institute for Peace.

Yes. Jared Kushner, the same Jared Kushner who was appointed by his father-in-law to solve the conflict between Israel and Palestine, is building an institute that will follow his leadership on bringing peace to the Middle East. Has anyone asked people in Israel and Palestine lately, “Are you tired of winning yet?”

With Israel and Hamas attacking each other and rockets landing everywhere, buildings collapsing, and children dying, where’s Jared? I thought Jared fixed this.

Jared recently wrote an op-ed in The Wall Street Journal giving advice to President Biden on how to bring peace to the Middle East, which is confusing because I thought Jared had already done that.

Jared wrote he “set the table” to “unleash the Middle East’s potential, keep America safe, and help the region turn the page on a generation of conflict and instability,” and if Joe Biden was “smart,” his administration would embrace the opportunity created by the Trump administration.

Yeah, if you’re smart, you’ll listen to Jared, who was also put in charge of our immigration crisis at the border, the opioid crisis, justice reform, and he was the liaison to Mexico, China, and the U.S. Muslim community. He was also in charge of the heat lamps keeping all the Big Macs toasty every time a sports team visited the Trump White House.

Donald Trump put Jared in charge of resolving the decades-on-top-of-decades conflict between Israel and the Palestinians. Jared, being a trust-fund baby and real-estate guy who actually sucks at real estate, thought the conflict was merely over real estate…and then helped Israel further its expansion into Palestinian-held areas. He thinks it’s all about real estate and all the real estate belongs to Israel. They also though moving the U.S. embassy to Jerusalem would solve the crisis and be welcomed by the Palestinians.

Donald Trump actually believed Jared was the right man for the job, despite not having any experience with diplomacy or foreign policy, because he’s Jewish…and there has never been anyone Jewish working on peace in the Middle East.

Jared did bring peace between Israel, Bahrain, and the United Arab Emirates Republic, two nations Israel has never been at war with. Jared may as well have negotiated a peace deal between Israel and Iceland. He struck a deal with Saudi Arabia that now allows Israeli planes to fly through Saudi air. He also negotiated personal business bailouts from Qatar which some people may refer to as a “bribe.”

The Israel-Palestinian conflict wasn’t mentioned with the “peace accords” between Israel and nations it’s never been at war with, but Jared did address that issue by saying the problem could be solved if Palestinians could just stop being angry with Israel. My god. He is a genius.

Now, if we put Jared in charge of finding that Houston tiger, he’ll probably come back with a ferret he painted stripes on. We could even put him in charge of finding bigfoot. After all, we’ve already seen him in photos with a bleached skunk ape.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Runs In The Family

cjones12062020

As we have all discovered over the past five years, and if you haven’t then you weren’t paying attention, Donald Trump projects.

The guy who had people chant “lock her up” at his hate rallies watched several of his friends be locked up. For others, he issued pardons. While accusing Joe and Hunter Biden of corruption in Ukraine, Trump and Rudy Giuliani were practicing corruption in Ukraine. All they could come up with were conspiracy theories accusing other people of what they were guilty of. Trump’s Ukraine actions made him an impeached president.

Naturally, an impeached president will pardon goons. Naturally, an impeached president only has goons as friends. If you are a friend of Donald Trump’s, you may want to reassess your life. If you work in his administration, you’ll have plenty of time after January 20 to reassess because it’s not like anyone’s going to hire you. Enjoy all those covid parties now because you’ll probably never be invited to a party ever again.

During the campaign, Trump and his people couldn’t shut up about Hunter Biden. He was the star of their convention. He was brought up at the debates. Donald Trump tried to paint the Bidens as corrupt and Joe as a bad father.

Here’s a question: If three out of five of your children go to prison, are you a bad father? That goes for pardons too. If three of your children…and a goon one of them married, all need pardons, you probably did something wrong. Naming the first one after your corrupt orange ass was a bad start. For the Trump family, issuing pardons is just another day of business. For the Trump family, corruption is the business.

Hunter Biden doesn’t need a pardon. Hunter Biden is not under investigation…not even by Trump’s Justice Department. Why? Because he didn’t do anything illegal. But Ivanka, often referred to as “Grifter Barbie,” had to answer questions in an investigation over the inauguration. That’s just warming up.

Why was Ivanka paid as an outside consultant to the Trump Organization while she was also employed by the Trump Organization? The payments were used as tax write offs for Donald Trump. Where is all that money donated to the Trump Inauguration, which Ivanka played a huge part in? What about all those patents granted to Ivanka in China? Ivanka also violated the Hatch Act by endorsing a product and campaigning for a presidential candidate while employed by the White House. A lot of government employees did that by the way.

How about all the foreign bailouts for her husband’s companies? Why did her husband lie again and again on his security clearance application? Why did he want a back channel to Russia? Why did he engage secretly with the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia, who ordered the murder of a Saudi journalist under U.S. protection? In 2018 alone, Ivanka and Jared made over $138 million from foreign businesses while they were government employees.

What all sorts of goonery has Don Jr. been sniffing up? Jr and Eric have continued to promote their father’s presidency for overseas business. The Republican National Committee spent $100,000 on copies of Jr’s horrible book. The boys have grifted the government by overcharging the Secret Service at Trump resorts. Eric’s wife and Jr’s screechy girlfriend are both receiving salaries from the Trump Campaign. What a bunch of fucking grifters.

So after a couple of years smearing Hunter Biden, it’s the Trump kids who are in discussion over receiving pardons…along with Rudy, Roger Stone, Paul Manafort, and probably a few hundred more Trump goons. What I wonder, while others who don’t hold dirt on Trump may have to purchase their pardons, will the Trump kids’ pardons be Christmas gifts? I’m sure they’ll make excellent stocking stuffers.

The likes of Roger Stone doesn’t care about being seen as guilty and corrupt, but do the Trumps? Because, when you accept a pardon, you accept guilt. I guess they can make it work for them since Donald Trump has made being an impeached president kinda his thing. Being guilty, corrupt, and pardoned can be the Trump kids’ jam.

These are people who never accomplished anything on their own…ever. So with pardons, what’s one more thing to inherit?

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw:

Goodbye, Turkeys

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I’m breaking a couple of my rules with this cartoon. One is, I’ve drawn enough turkeys this year. The other is drawing a cartoon with a holiday theme that’s dated after the holiday. This is dated for Friday, which as you probably know, is AFTER Thanksgiving. But, I don’t make my clients embargo my cartoons by the dates, which means they can run them as soon as they get them.

But, I like drawing turkeys…and I like drawing Trump goons. And in my defense, how many more opportunities do I have to draw these people? Have you seen the type of people Joe Biden’s putting in his administration? Adults! How am I supposed to work with that?

In the Biden administration, I don’t see any inept son-in-laws wanting to create a back channel with Russia while taking loans from Arab kingdoms. I don’t see a daughter and her husband receiving security clearances when they don’t qualify. I don’t see a veep lavishing worship on the boss every minute while attracting flies. I don’t see an Attorney General turning the Justice Department into an agency that acts as the president’s personal attorney…which they did in going to court to block a civil suit against Trump by one of his sexual accusers. I don’t see a baby Goebbels in this administration writing policies that’ll kill immigrant children. I don’t see a goon going to prison whose sentence the president will commute. Say what you want about Hunter, but I don’t see a son in this administration as stupid as Donald Trump Jr. I don’t see a personal attorney spreading conspiracy theories outside a dildo store while his hair is leaking transmission fluid. I don’t see the president encouraging right-wing terrorists to shoot and murder protesters or telling them to “stand by.” I don’t see Nazis and Klansmen holding parades for this incoming president. I don’t even see hamburgers.

So, how much fun do I have left? It’s not like next Thanksgiving, when President Joe Biden is pardoning a turkey, I can compare it to him pardoning his goons, children, or even himself. Sheesh! What sort of presidency is this going to be for cartoonists? We have been spoiled by Donald Trump. With Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, I’m going to have to go back to writing my own material. Dammit all.

Sure. Joe Biden has gaffes but they’re not going to make up for a president (sic) who tries to redirect a hurricane with a Sharpie, or asks about nuking that hurricane, or advises people to rake forests, or talks about windmill cancer. Joe Biden has never gone to a debate and talked about the size of his penis. Seriously, people…you left me nothing to work with here.

Maybe our new Secretary of State will scream at a reporter and challenge her to find Ukraine on a map. No? He’s not an asshole? Aw, man!

Maybe Ashley Biden will sit in for the president at international summits, or get a bunch of Chinese patents, or be investigated for tax fraud. No? She’s not corrupt? Maybe Jill Biden will say “fuck Christmas.” I know. Not very likely when you replace a porn model with a teacher who has a doctorate.

Thanks a lot, America. Sure. You saved the nation from a stupid narcissistic racist reality TV show host and his grifting, and now we’ll stop putting babies in jail and ripping families apart. We’ll save the climate, perhaps stop palling around with dictatorships, and start using complete sentences again…but at what cost? Did you think about the cartoonists and comedians? Did you not think about the satire? No, you didn’t. I hope you’re proud of yourself, America.

It’s not fair. Even the democratic goons Biden could have hired, Donald Trump took. I don’t even have a Blagojevich with this administration. Shit.

So because of all that, you get another turkey cartoon. You can’t blame me. All I have left is an administration full of adults to try to make something out of with my cartoons.

And the fact Donald Trump and his goons will never go away or stop tweeting. Never ever ever. I guess there’s that.

Update: I went back and added Michael Flynn after he was pardoned today.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw.

The Trust-Fund Baby Speaketh

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These people can not see themselves. First off, they can’t see they’re someplace they don’t belong.

Nepotism has run rampant throughout the lives of Javanka. It would most likely not be rich if it wasn’t born rich. It would not be in the White House or government service if its father and father-in-law was not president. To be fair, maybe Javanka could have qualified for a job at the DMV.

Javanka is tone deaf and obtuse. Ivanka sat down at the president’s (sic) seat at an international summit oblivious to how it would look…or she just didn’t care. Javanka made sure its faces were photographed creepily staring out of Buckingham Palace. Ivanka made sure to skip over the demilitarized zone into North Korea…despite there being prohibitions against it. Javanka is oblivious to the fact that overspending on real estate and selling handbags is not experience that qualifies you to become a presidential adviser.

It’s not just that they don’t belong in the White House…they literally don’t belong. It couldn’t obtain a security clearance without the president (sic) overriding the FBI’s rejection of Javanka. In fact, Jared had to submit his application for a security clearance multiple times because he’s a lying, spoiled shit who’s deep in debt to foreign nations and tried to establish back channels with Russians.

Now, Javanka has been able to use their positions to get foreign bailouts on its real-estate debt and to get trademarks in China.

Now, Jared is telling black America that it has to want to be successful to be successful. Seriously. Who knew that’s all it took?

Talking to Fox and Friends, Jared said, “One thing we’ve seen in a lot of the Black community, which is mostly Democrat, is that President Trump’s policies are the policies that can help people break out of the problems that they’re complaining about. But he can’t want them to be successful more than they want to be successful.”

That’s your problem, Black America. You haven’t wanted to be successful. If you tried harder, or at least as hard as Jared has, you could have been born rich too.

Jared didn’t just stop there. He’s not just a presidential adviser. He’s a Black community adviser.

Jared said that after the “George Floyd situation,” a lot of people were more concerned with “virtue signaling” than in coming up with “solutions.”

Wow. What brilliance. What understanding. Why isn’t Jared president? Mr. Trust-Fund Baby with his home in a Trump building on Park Avenue sure does understand the Black community.

Take this example of Jared’s brilliance: “They’d go on Instagram and cry, or they would put a slogan on their jersey or write something on a basketball court. And quite frankly, that was doing more to polarize the country than it was to bring people forward. You solve problems with solutions.”

Yeah, the guy who advises the guy who gives shout-outs to racists and defenses of tiki-torch Nazis thinks basketball players and Black Lives Matter are “polarizing” the country.

Maybe an example of an acceptable solution is when a journalist writes negative things about you, you chop him up with a bone saw. That’s what his buddy, the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia, did. Jared likes to communicate with him through WhatsApp, so nobody can ever know what they’re talking about. Good job, Jared.

White House Spokesgoon Kayleigh McEnany tried to defend Jared for his insensitive, obtuse, and quite frankly, racist comments and said, his remarks were taken out of context and accused unnamed “internet trolls” for trying to “distract from President (sic) Trump’s undeniable record of accomplishment for the Black community.”

That’s exactly who you want when you get into trouble with the Black community, porcelain spokesgoon Kayleigh McEnany defending you.

I told you they were obtuse. For the gang who claim they have multiple Black friends, you’d think they’d use one.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Corona Barbie

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The Lincoln Project, a group of Republican Never Trumpers who have spent millions of dollars advertising against Donald Trump, has now placed two billboards in Times Square featuring Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner.

As you probably know, Ivanka is Donald Trump’s daughter and favorite offspring (he likes her so much, he talks about dating her) and Jared is her husband. They are both unpaid advisors to Donald Trump and rumor has it, they’re worth every penny they’re paid.

They are very upset about these billboards in Times Square. They’re so upset, they had their legal counsel, crazy-hair Marc Kasowitz (a former White House lawyer who also has Putin Pals as clients) threatening to sue the Lincoln Project. Kasowitz called them, “false, malicious and defamatory,” which sounds like a defense from Cosmo Kramer’s lawyer, Jackie Chiles. And if Kasowitz continues defending Trumps, his next Jackie Chiles-inspired quote will probably be, “This is the most public yet of my many humiliations.”

The photo of Ivanka used on the billboard is from her famous Goya photo-op which many legal experts believe is illegal. You’re not supposed to pimp products while working in the White House. Ivanka’s billboard includes statistics about Covid deaths substituting for the beans. Jared’s has the quote, “New Yorkers are going to suffer and that’s their problem.” He’s also accompanied by body bags.

Jackie Chiles, I mean, Kasowitz says Ivanka never made any such gesture, except she did, and that Jared never made the quote.

The quote is from Vanity Fair in a very detailed article which is claims is a first-person account. Jared was referring to New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, and how he “didn’t pound the phones hard enough to get PPE for his state…. His people are going to suffer and that’s their problem.”

If Kasowitz sues for Boy Kush and Corona Bean Barbie, he can expect more quotes attributed to Jared to be dug up…and for witnesses to provide them. They don’t want this.

What will be more interesting will be how Ivanka and Jared are greeted if they return to New York City after the Trump administration is defeated. It’s not like they’re going to be invited to all the balls. They joined a corrupt administration that fought their city and state. They helped enact policies designed to hurt New York during the pandemic.

What Ivanka and Jared need to understand, other than how not to be tacky, is that when you work in high-profile positions in the government, you’re going to be criticized. You’re going to be held accountable. For Ivanka, working in the White House been all about Chinese patents, photo-ops, and trying to appear important at world summits. For Jared, it’s been about helping his father-in-law rule, not govern, and secret conversations with dictators who order journalists to be chopped up with bone saws.

According to some reports, Jared and Ivanka will be welcomed back in New York City…in Staten Island. Ew.

But then again, they may not have to worry about that as they both may be wearing orange. Do they serve Goya beans in prison?

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Virtual Haters

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I’ve heard some viewers of the Democratic National Convention say they preferred it without a live crowd. Not me. Speakers need momentum. Playing to a crowd helps with that more than talking to a camera. When it comes to sports, fans don’t just make it more interesting, they’re part of the game.

Fans often distract and taunt players from opposing teams. Football stadiums are designed to maximize the crowd noise. Fans of the Seattle Seahawks calls themselves the “12th Man.” In case you’re not a football fan, there are 11 players on the field for each team at a time. In case you’re a Donald Trump supporter, 12 comes after 11.

Without fans in attendance, sports can be boring. It’s tough to watch baseball with cutouts of fans behind home plate. The NHL has been praised for the way it has handled games during the pandemic. Wrestling has to be even more ridiculous without an audience to play to, but maybe now they can look into CGI. But the NBA seems to have handled it the best.

The NBA has inserted monitors displaying fans in real time watching the games. They may not actually be there, but you can see and hear them. Each team has different criteria for how fans are selected to be on the monitors. Let’s see if drawing a cartoon of the virtual fans is one of them.

The NBA is the most progressive league in major league sports. Nearly 75% of players are black. The players may be the most interactive and in touch with their communities. The majority of the NBA stands with Black Lives Matter.

Donald Trump was upset at NBA players for kneeling and said, “They’ve had horrible ratings, low numbers. People are angry about it. They have enough politics with guys like me. There was a nastiness about the NBA the way (protesting) was done. The NBA is in trouble, bigger trouble than they understand.” As it turns out, his numbers are very low. His speech accepting the Republican nomination was lower than Joe Biden’s Democratic acceptance speech. Maybe Donald Trump is in bigger trouble than he understands.

Trump said, “There are some very, very, very nasty, frankly very dumb players.” He has feuded with LeBron James, Stephen Curry, and Kevin Durant. Once upon a time, a president was too busy to angry tweet athletes.

The Milwaukee Bucks and Orlando Magic postponed a playoff game in protest of the police shooting of Jacob Blake in Kenosha. Jared Kushner, a trust-fund baby who has his position and security clearance in the White House only because his father-in-law is the president (sic), said, “NBA players are very fortunate that they have the financial position where they’re able to take a night off from work without having to have the consequences to themselves financially.” Jared, you’re fortunate to not be in prison.

Golden State Warriors coach Steve Kerr said, “Jared, your father in law spreads hatred and division daily. Spare us your confused lecture and try to teach the president to not be racist.”

Jared also said he’d like to talk to Lebron James and, “I’d like to see them start moving into concrete solutions that are productive.” I guess Jared isn’t familiar with James’ I Promise School in Akron or his More Than A Vote foundation, which he formed with fellow athletes to work on fighting voter suppression. Jared works in a White House that creates voter suppression.

We’re not going to get solutions to racism from racists. Jared, you don’t need to talk. You need to shut up and listen.

Hey, maybe you can shut up and dribble.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.