Hillary

Hillary Berns


cjones11072017

There are a couple of things I find particularly interesting about Hillary Clinton. The first is she’s been investigated for over 20 years without anything incriminating ever being found on her, yet Republicans keep demanding new investigations. Now, they’re screaming for investigations over the dossier, something that isn’t illegal. The other thing is, the people who keep telling her to shut up and go away are the same people who can’t stop talking about her. It’s like breaking up with someone who never calls you but you call them to tell them to stop calling you.

Now, Clinton’s critics from Donald Trump to the idiots at Fox News to that one crazy guy you’re still friends with on Facebook but you don’t know why has another reason to talk about Hillary.

It’s bad enough that conspiracies hound her, from a child sex ring in the basement of a D.C. pizza shop that doesn’t have a basement, to her lesbian lovers, to her debilitating health, and that hiring someone to research her opponent is somehow colluding with Russians. Despite the facts and impression being bad enough over her involvement with the Democratic National Committee, I expect more conspiracy theories to enter the mix.

Hillary’s critics will have to read and comprehend the facts of her deal with the DNC to use it against her. Since that’s out of the question, they’ll do what they do best which is making shit up, like screaming it’s rigged.

If you want to start a fight on social media, you don’t have to pit Trump sycophants against Clinton supporters. Just start a thread between Hillary and Bernie supporters. The Democrats won’t figure out how to defeat the GOP until they stop defeating themselves.

Former DNC interim chair Donna Brazile revealed Clinton gained partial control of the DNC months prior to winning the nomination.

Berners accused the DNC of supporting Clinton before the primaries were over, and they still haven’t gotten over it. While there doesn’t appear to be anything illegal about the deal, it does seem unethical. Trump and other Republicans are crying for the FBI and Justice Department to look into it, even though it doesn’t seem to be a crime. Trump tweeted that Brazile said the primaries were “rigged,” despite the fact she never said that and replied to Trump that wasn’t the case.

I’m not sure anything had to be “rigged” at the DNC as it was and still is an incompetent organization. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz was a terrible chairperson. Thanks to her leadership and Obama leaving expensive consultants on the payroll, the party was near bankruptcy.

Clinton’s campaign came to the rescue, covered the majority of the party’s debt, and put them on a monthly allowance, but they had conditions. The campaign would control the party’s finances, strategy, and all the money raised, what anyone would demand if they’re bailing you out financially. You don’t give someone a million dollars to pay off gangsters, only to watch them spend the money at the casino again. Her campaign had the right of refusal of who would be the party communications director, and it would make final decisions on all the other staff. The DNC also was required to consult with the campaign about all other staffing, budgeting, data, analytics, and mailings. They couldn’t send out a press release without it going through Clinton’s staff in Brooklyn first.

Normally, the winner of the primaries exercises more control of the DNC. If there’s an incumbent in office, like the case with Obama, then he retains control until the next election. Hillary was treated as a winner before she won. She took control of the party in August 2015, just four months after she announced her candidacy.

Being unethical isn’t entirely new to the Clintons. Still, you can’t find anything illegal about the deal or how money was spent and shifted around. From Brazile’s notes, it seems careful steps were put into place to follow legal guidelines, like how much money could be contributed to the DNC, Clinton’s campaigns, and state-level fundraisers, and how that money could be moved from one to the other. It was actually very smart while also being unfair to Bernie Sanders and his supporters.

There is one little nugget you have to keep mind. Bernie is not a Democrat. Why would the party treat both candidates fairly when only one is a member? And, she wasn’t just a member, she was keeping the party afloat. I don’t find as much blame on Hillary as I do the DNC, Wasserman-Schultz, and to a lesser extent, Obama who ignored the heavy spending and debt at the DNC.

Democrats are tired of re-litigating the last election. Now, they’re not even getting over the primaries. They need to prepare for 2020, the midterms in 2018, and dammit, the election next week for Virginia’s governor.

Yes, it sucks the primary process wasn’t fair. Democrats need to learn from it and use that lesson, so they don’t get rolled by Trump voters again. No wonder they lost Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin.

And, seriously…if the Nazis win Richmond Tuesday, I’m gonna be pissed.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Advertisements

A Cartoon About Creepers


cjones08272017

I’m not a fan of bullies. Nope, I don’t like them. And Donald Trump is the Bully In Chief.

Excerpts of Hillary Clinton’s upcoming book, “What Happened,” were released this week, much to the chagrin of Republicans and probably a few Democrats. A lot of people don’t want to relitigate the election…except for Donald Trump, of course.

The excerpts cover the second presidential debate, the one where Donald Trump was stalking Clinton all over the stage, usually standing directly behind her each time it was her turn to speak. Clinton writes that her “skin crawled,” and she considered telling him to “back up, you creep.”

I know what she means by the “skin crawling” description. If someone stands directly behind me, I will get a chill running up the back of my neck, and that’s without the offender attempting to bully me. Some people are just creepers.

My skin crawled a bit when I was watching that debate. Clinton isn’t wrong to feel Trump was trying to bully her, as I wasn’t the only one to notice. The rest of the nation noticed, commentators discussed it, and Saturday Night Live even spoofed with Alec Baldwin portraying Trump lurking behind Clinton while the theme to “Jaws” played.

Trump is a shark. A 71-year-old mentally-unstable shark. Clinton’s book isn’t revealing new news that Trump is a creepy jerk. Trump has spent the last 30 years with his creepiness on public display, and he’s been rewarded for it.

And when it does happen, there are people who defend the perpetrator with “get over it,” or “you probably encouraged it,” or “maybe it was something you wore.” And it’s not just men who defend other men when they bully or sexually harass a woman. Women do it too. Kellyanne Conway is criticizing Clinton’s book, which I know she hasn’t read because, A. It’s not out yet, and B. It’s a book.

Conway said Democrats want Clinton to, “either make herself useful or fade out of the limelight.” I have to disagree with Kellyanne. I think Clinton’s book may serve a purpose by detailing all the horrible crap that happened that stuck us with a narcissistic man-baby for president. That would be much more useful than going on CNN and telling Chris Cuomo about terrorist attacks in Atlanta that never happened.

Trump understands bullying and sexual harassment. He’s just too stupid to realize his defense of it reveals that he is an offender. During the campaign, he claimed he never harassed one woman because he “didn’t find her attractive.” Being attracted to someone doesn’t have much to do with harassment. It’s about control. And, saying you wouldn’t harass because you don’t find them attractive tells us that you would harass them, you know if they resembled an Eastern European supermodel or a teenage beauty-pageant-contestant half-naked in a dressing room.

How would the public have responded if Clinton did tell Trump, “back off, you creep?” Would they have applauded her? Would she have won the election? Or, would every conservative had accused her of being a snowflake over something that didn’t happen, and by the way….EMAILS!?

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Tofurky


cjones11242016

Among all the stupid and idiotic issues Donald Trump ran on the promise of jailing his political opponent was the dumbest.

First, it’s illegal. It was one of the Articles of Impeachment written up for Richard Nixon, and yet Trump ran on it. He was promising to be impeached. Second, it’s not what we do. We’re not a banana republic, or at least we weren’t.

His supporters feel betrayed. He encouraged chants of “lock her up.” He said he’d order his Attorney General to open an investigation of Hillary Clinton. During the last debate he said she’d “be in jail” if he was in charge (between his sniffles). He claimed her email scandal was larger than Watergate. Now he says “never mind.”

Even Breitbart, the alt-right bastion of hatred and a magnet for white supremacists and Nazis is upset. They supported Trump during the campaign and even took his side after his (now former) campaign manager roughed up one of their female reporters. Their leader is taking a job as Trump’s Chief Nazi Strategist.

The thing is, Trump doesn’t decide who gets investigated. The president does not do that. If he does do that then he and his Justice Department are breaking the law. Donald Trump is either a huge liar who lied all along or he doesn’t know what his new job entails. It’s not king. I don’t care if he does convince Scotland to move windmills away from his golf club.

Donald Trump is going to break a lot of promises so his supporters should get used to it. Now he says he’s “open minded” about climate change and wants to keep parts of Obamacare. You know that wall he promised and you voted for? Yeah, that’s now gonna be a fence and in some parts, an imaginary wall. You fell for the sales pitch of a con man.

If you’re a liberal disappointed that Trump won’t pursue punishing his political enemy because you wanted to see him impeached, don’t worry. He’s guaranteeing us the most corrupt administration in American history. He’s holding meetings with foreign leaders and bringing up his business and having his daughter, who will lead his company, in on the meetings. He’s stated that a president “can’t have a conflict of interest,” which is like when Nixon said “it’s not illegal if the president does it.” Maybe this is something he will learn.

Creative stuff: This is the second Thanksgiving themed cartoon I’ve drawn this year. It’s also the last since I’m not usually fond of them and this is dated for Thanksgiving day. Some cartoonists continue to draw holiday themed cartoons even after the particular holiday is over. I don’t get that. At least I didn’t use the pardon or a Pilgrim about to chop off a Turkey head.

I had fun with Trump’s mouth. That didn’t sound right. Let me rephrase it. I had fun DRAWING Trump’s mouth for this one. I tried something a little bit different and took a cue from Alec Baldwin’s impersonation of Trump he performs on Saturday Night Live. He does this thing where he leaves his mouth hanging open, like a mouth breather, and gives the impression he’s confused and trying to think with great difficulty. It really works.

I research some bizarre stuff for my cartoons and today I researched Tofurky. Yes, I spelled it correctly. I would have spelled it “Tofurkey” if I hadn’t looked it up (and I just noticed the trending hashtag on Twitter spells it incorrectly). Tofurky is actually the copyrighted name of a product. It’s meatless turkey made from tofu (bleah) and soy (double bleah) and it looks kinda like a roast you don’t want to eat. During my research I even went over a taste test of veggie turkey dinners and some looked like a roast and others resembled cat food. Apparently they all tasted kinda like cat food except for one, which wasn’t Tofurky. I don’t know for sure what I’ll be having on Thursday but I guarantee you it won’t be Tofurky.

Several years ago I was seeing a girl who is Jewish and I went to her home on Thanksgiving. There wasn’t any turkey or cranberry sauce but they had a brisket. On the way home I had to stop at Wawa for their “gobbler” bowl thingy. It wasn’t Thanksgiving for me without turkey, cranberry sauce, and stuffing.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Mall Rats


cjones11082016

First person to leave a comment about a little girl getting a big wiener is banned for life.

I had two ideas on Jim Comey. One was on his hit on Clinton’s campaign but then I thought that aspect wouldn’t be important after Tuesday. His negligence and fumbling will remain an issue so I went in that direction. I don’t think it matters who becomes president. Jim Comey’s career at the FBI doesn’t have a bright future. He’s managed to anger both presidential campaigns.

I had to do a lot of Googling for images while drawing this cartoon. I haven’t been inside a mall in years. I think the last time I went was when my album came out and I couldn’t talk my drummer out of buying ridiculous $200 Ray-Bans. He did get a lot of compliments that day for his Mohawk.

I have never liked mall food court food. Fast food is normally bad but food court fast food is the suck. Panda Express is an insult to China, Sbarro is an offense to Italy, and Orange Julius is an insult to Donald Trump.

Reminder: I am live blogging the election tomorrow night. If you follow me on social media you know I’m prone to making a lot of snarky posts. Tomorrow expect me to spend the entire night drawing those. We’ll start around 7:00-ish  and go until whenever. Just refresh the page all night.

You know you want to want to do it. Between me and Wolf Blitzer who would you rather spend the night with?

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

The Morning After


cjones11072016

I am drawing for the days after the election. As I wrote yesterday, the window for election cartoons is closed. I still might do something on Jim Comey as that’ll probably be discussed beyond Tuesday.

I know you’re on Facebook. Everyone is on Facebook. I have friends whose dogs are on Facebook. Those dogs might be the only members of the social media community who haven’t unfriended someone over political beliefs.

There’s been a lot of talk about people unfriending and blocking others for disagreeing. I have seen people post “if you’re voting for Trump unfriend me now.” I think that’s extreme. Personally I want to know the arguments of people I disagree with, even the most hateful and vile people. I want to know what they’re saying. If they’re really stupid and engage in conspiracy theories I tend to ignore them. If there’s one good thing about social media and this election is that now you know which of your friends are racists. And to think before all this all you had were suspicions.

Despite my open mindedness toward people I disagree with I have had to block a few people. Not so much because they disagree but for other reasons. I blocked one person for constantly bombing my wall with memes and harassing my friends. I had to block a couple others for similar reasons. And I block people who tag me in those stupid Ray-Ban ads but that doesn’t count (someone once put a porn picture on my wall too which had to go). But usually I’m the one who is unfriended. I have been unfriended a lot. Conservative cartoonists have been unfriending me waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay before Donald Trump announced he was running for president. You name the cartoonist, yeah he’s probably unfriended and blocked me. In their defense I am kind of a jerk.

I have two sisters and neither are my friends on Facebook but in my defense they’re both insane (still love them). I’ve heard of a lot of other people who can’t talk to family members right now which makes me feel a little better (I still have my big brother, son, and several nieces and nephews who probably never read this blog). My best friend from high school, who is still married to the woman I introduced him to, has unfriended me (and I never even talked to him about this election). However, his wife is still my friend. A friend I’ve known for 16 years and who I helped move once unfriended me a couple days ago (he was always kind of a stupid baby about everything anyway. And he likes Nickelback so no big loss there). There’s probably a dozen others I’m not even aware of. At some point I’ll think of someone and wonder how come I never see their posts anymore and then figure it out. I didn’t even know one of my sisters had blocked me until the other texted to inform me (neener neener). But this election has brought me more readers, friends, and fans. I look forward to many years of annoying them.

To my Facebook friends who’ve argued with me and have remained mature enough not to unfriend, thank you. I’m sure we’ll bicker in the future. I don’t get angry or take it personal with stuff like that. I can argue with you and then share a sandwich together. A few of my Republican friends can vouch for that. One of them helped me set up this website and he knew I was going to use it to publish godless liberal cartoons drawn for heathens. He also fed me ribs that night. Nice guy.

But you know what? If you don’t want to talk to people you disagree with about politics then maybe you shouldn’t talk about politics. Don’t make political posts if you don’t want knuckleheads coming in and disagreeing with you. And if you don’t like seeing what your friends post, then don’t join the conversation. Move on with your life. Just keep scrolling. There are plenty of selfies, food and cat pictures on social media (which annoys me more than any pro Trump posts). Seriously, people. How come that crap hasn’t gotten old to you yet? I’m not interested in your fascination with your face, your cat, and unless you’re buying me lunch I really don’t need to see a picture of it.

But come Wednesday morning, call your mom. Call your dad. Call your crazy uncle. Call your brother. Call your sister. Well…you might wanna give the sisters a few more extra days (in my case, years). Actually, if they supported Trump they’re really not going to be in a good mood for a while so you might wanna give them a month….or two…..just forget it. They’ll call you.

Then buy them a sandwich.

Psst. There’s a few Easter eggs in this cartoon. Give yourself ten points if you can find one.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

An Election Illustration


illustration

This isn’t really a cartoon. It’s an illustration for my clients. An editor for one of my subscribing newspapers asked me if I had an illustration he could use. I did not but I thought it might be a nice gesture on my part to give him and my other clients something. They can use it as a standalone, with an editorial, column, or other feature as they see fit.

It also gave me something else to do because the window for election cartoons is now closed. It’s closed for any new cartoons I can create that will be published before Wednesday. That makes me very sad.

I’ve been hitting the danger of Donald Trump for 18 months. I’ve weathered the fury of readers and editors alike. I’ve gained a few clients and I’ve lost others. I have also gained a lot of new readers and hopefully a fan or two. I can reflect on the cartoons I’ve drawn on Hillary Clinton but after Tuesday I’m going to have at least four more years of drawing Hillary. It’s also not over for Trump. He will not go away quietly into the night and his supporters aren’t going to slink back into the chuck holes they slithered out of.

Last night I had two Trump ideas but knew that even one may not ever make it into print. I had a hard time choosing. I even wrote the blog for the one I didn’t go with. It’s hilarious. You’ll never see it. A colleague told me I should take tonight off and that was a good idea. I could have gone out for a couple of drinks with a friend or stayed in and rent a movie and eat popcorn (those are kinda my only two options for a night off). But this illustration gave me something to do, plus I really enjoy coloring these things. Drawing is fun too but it’s still work. Coloring, especially in the program I’m using, is playtime.

But fighting against a potential Trump presidency and lampooning his entire disaster of a campaign that’s exposed the ugliness of our nation…yeah, that’s over. Other than the year I spent cartooning in Hawaii these past 18 months have been the most fun in my career. I hope I don’t have time to suffer from withdrawal. I feel like I’ll need a new challenge after this. Maybe I’ll finally work on that children’s book a few friends have nagged me about. It’ll be about a boy who lost his favorite toy.

Let’s not write election 2016’s obituary yet. There’s still a little life left in Campaign 2016 so let’s go then go out with a bang.

Come to this website Tuesday night and hit refresh all night long. I will be live blogging the election as results pour in, providing I survive voting earlier in the day. I haven’t come to a firm decision exactly how to do the posts, but I think I’m going to insert them all into one long blog post. I’ll be drawing very rough sketches and providing the style of snarky commentary you’ve come to love and loathe all through the evening. I’m going to remain sober but I highly recommend you have a cocktail or two. It’s going to be a very stressful night. And if you’re driving around my city, bring me a sandwich. The taco trucks won’t arrive until Wednesday morning.

There will be two more cartoons before Tuesday’s live blog and they will both be a challenge as they will be aimed at publication dates after the election. I’ll try not to be boring.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Negan Trump


cjones10292016

Did you see the premiere for season 7 of The Walking Dead? It was brutal. So brutal that a lot of people complained about the blood, gore, and just sheer brutality. They want that sort of stuff off television so they don’t make the stupid mistake of letting their children watch it again.

Seriously, the show is in its seventh season. The gore and brutality isn’t a new thing. People complaining that they let their kids watch are also announcing their sloppy parenting skills. Don’t like it? Don’t watch it.

But Negan is one scary guy.

The increase in insurance premiums for a lot of people covered by Obamacare might be the GOP’s best issue to save the Senate and House. Well, the House isn’t in real danger but they’ll lose some seats. The Senate is in real trouble and Trump has no shot at the White House.

The increase isn’t hitting most people but a lot of people hate Obamacare just because they enjoy hating things. If they started calling french fries “Obama fries” Republicans would stop eating potatoes.

The other thing is, what will the GOP replace it with? Trumpcare?

“Trumpcare.” Now that’s an oxymoron.

I just discovered that if you use the hashtag #TWD on Twitter, a baseball bat symbol is displayed next to it.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!