Debt Ceiling

Kickin’ It With Chuck And Nancy


cjones09112017

To help set the proper mood, THIS is the music for the first panel, and THIS is the music for the second.

An expression I’m sick and tired of is “nothing burger.” It’s popular with conservatives, who also love “fake news.” Both terms are often used together, as in “this Russian collusion story is a nothing burger and fake news.” Leave it to Republicans to muck up their metaphors since neither can actually exist. Technically, if it’s fake then it’s not news, and if there’s nothing on that burger then how can it be a burger? You can’t give me two slices of bread and tell me that’s a sandwich.

When someone describes something as a “nothing burger,” that just means there’s a lot of shit on that burger. Or, when they say “fake news,” you might wanna check to make sure we’re not at Defcon Five. It’s kinda like when George W. Bush said the Keystone Pipeline was a “no brainer,” when it was actually something that you might want to apply some brains to….or Donald Trump’s use of “believe me” is his way of saying “I’m lying my ass off and I should probably go to prison for this shit.”

The great deal maker that is Donald Trump totally caved into Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi. He did it on his own turf, the Oval Office, and in front of Majority Leaders Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell. I think Anthony Scaramucci must have left his “front-stabbing” knife in the White House because Trump took it and cut Ryan and McConnell’s guts out.

But you know, maybe if you had to choose between making a deal with Democrats or guys who look like Eddie Munster and a turtle, you’d deal with the Democrats too.

Trump’s deal with Chuck and Nancy was to kick the can of the debt ceiling down the road for three months which will keep the government running and to provide disaster relief for the hurricanes. While Republicans are howling in protest, it might be the first smart thing Trump has done and is in the best interest of the country.

Why? For starters, Democrats round up their votes. Republicans are herding cats. Really stupid cats. The other reason it was a smart deal is that over 100 Republicans voted against disaster relief…including several from Texas and Florida. I told you them cats be stupid. They also have back-stabbing knives they use on their constituents.

Republicans are surprised that Trump sold them out. It’s kinda like being surprised that Donald Trump is a Nazi-hugging bigot after he just spent the last two years attacking Mexicans, Muslims, women, transgenders, etc.

The guy who had to eat the most poo was Paul Ryan. Mitch McConnell has been eating it for a while. But, Ryan really had to master some spin on this deal. Before the deal was made Ryan described the Democrats’ proposal as “ridiculous.” The day after he was spinning it as Trump wanting a “bipartisan response and not a food fight on the timing of the debt limit.” Paul, there is a food fight but it’s not food your party is throwing.

Paul Ryan had a reputation for being intelligent, and he was known as a policy wonk. Now he’s coming off like that kid you knew in high school who required seven attempts to get his learners permit. Ryan’s driving into trees and snow banks.

Every Republican exposed their backside to Trump’s treachery when they got in bed with him, and they’re all dumbasses, but Ryan was supposed to be the smart one. Since Ryan can’t legislate or lead his party then he’s no different or better than say, a Mitch McConnell. Mitch can’t accomplish shit either. How’s that Obamacare repeal working out? Are you tired of winning yet?

Trump wanted to win, and to win he had to play with Democrats. Maybe he is learning on the job. Making deals with the opposition party worked for Reagan, Clinton, Bush I, and Bush II. The Republicans problem is that they’re just not as smart as the Democrats…and that’s not exactly a high bar for comparison.

Now if only Republicans could be as upset about Trump’s collusion with Putin as they are for his dancing with Chuck and Nancy.

Creative notes: I had to Google some weird stuff for this cartoon. I’m not alone in this house and I had my door open so cats could run in and out and not sit outside my shut door meowing to come in. So, I was afraid someone would walk by or visit just as I was looking up outfits for Vladimir and Trump. There are two ladies in this house and I’m not sure they’d buy the “researching for work” excuse.

Another concern was “boogers” and “cat poop.” I know some editors are skittish and that could kill this cartoon, but then I realized, if they get past the feather duster then I probably don’t have to worry about the boogers or cat poop.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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It’s Raining Mayhem


cjones09082017

I consider myself a well-read person. I read into every issue I cover, and I go down internet worm holes and read stuff that’s not important to anybody. I know stuff. But, there’s a lot of stuff I will never understand.

I don’t understand why now is the best time to revoke DACA, and threaten to deport around 800,000 young adults who were brought to this nation by no choice of their own when they were children. Trump says he only wants people who are educated, working, and can be a benefit to this nation…so why kick 800,000 people out who fit those guidelines? I guess I can understand it if the explanation is that Donald Trump is racist toward brown people. Even if he’s not, his base is racist.

I don’t understand why we’re talking about pumping billions into a useless wall on the border that can be circumvented by a $45 ladder when FEMA is about to run out of money from rebuilding American cities struck by two major hurricanes. I do understand that it’s feeding a racist base, but I don’t understand why anyone, even racists, support something so expensive and useless.

I don’t understand why we argue about the debt ceiling each time it comes up. It’s money that was already agreed upon. I do understand why Republicans wanted to use it to shut down the government during the Obama era, as they were just total obstructionist and hated everything connected to Obama. But why are they threatening a government shutdown while they have the House, Senate, and White House? Don’t Republicans understand they control the government? I do understand why Trump made the magic-bean deal with Democrats, and that’s because he’s not a great deal maker. It was great for Democrats and the nation, but not for Republicans. I think Trump made that deal because if the negotiations were to continue, trying to understand how the debt ceiling works would have confused and exposed him. That, or he was too busy ogling his daughter who had walked into the room. Ew.

I don’t understand people who still deny Climate Change. I understand why Republicans oppose it, as they’re funded by oil companies. I understand why conservative think tanks continue to claim it’s a hoax because they’re funded by oil companies. I do understand why Donald Trump believes it’s a hoax created by China, and that’s because he’s an idiot. An editor wrote me a couple days ago and said he’d never run my work because it’s so divisive. Yeah, OK. But I’m not so divisive that I made the weather and climate partisan issues.

I don’t understand why people listen to Rush Limbaugh. I actually worked with two, TWO, editorial writers at The Free Lance-Star who listened to Rush on a daily basis. The man proves time and time again that he’s an idiot, and he doesn’t understand how anything works in the real world. Yesterday, he told his listeners that these hurricanes are never as bad as advertised, and it’s a conspiracy between the media and advertisers who sell stuff during an impending disaster. I guess Rush didn’t watch any of the footage from Houston. Was Harvey not as bad as advertised? I thought it was actually worse.

Would Rush be pushing this theory if he was still hawking Florida orange juice? Years ago he briefly pitched the orange stuff until the company that hired him realized that most people hate Rush. Most would rather throw oranges at him than take his suggestions on what to drink.

The real danger with Rush is that there are idiots who will believe him. Rush may have put stupid people’s lives in danger. Now that I think about it, it might even out. The one question I want answered is; Will Rush evacuate his Palm Beach home, or will he sit on the beach screaming for Irma to bring it on? I challenge him to do a live show from his front porch during the hurricane. He should put his money where his fat-ass mouth is.

I don’t understand Florida. It’s a really weird place. I don’t understand why people retire to live among giant, flying, creepy, stingy, buzzy things. I don’t like bugs. Reptiles, I can deal with. Currently, there’s a really long fuzzy centipede thingy with antennas and a gazillion legs in my shower that someone needs to come over here and kill it for me.

I don’t understand why there’s only one road out of the Florida Keys. I realize it’s a very long road and it’s difficult to build bridges going over seven miles from island to island, but wouldn’t that be much easier logistically than wasting billions on a wall on the Mexican border that goes over mountains, deserts, rivers, and private property? Hurricane Andrew hit 25 years ago. Couldn’t there have been another road constructed in that time frame? Florida, stop electing Republicans who look like Voldemort.

What I don’t understand is why people are at the stores fighting over bottled water at this time. Their water at home has not been turned off yet. Are we such a spoiled, first-world nation that we’d rather punch a guy over a bottle of Dasani, Voss, or Fiji water than to drink out of the tap? By the way, your tap water’s PH level is around 8.0. Dasani is 4.5, Voss is 6.0, and Fiji is 7.5. That stuff from Walmart is 6.5. In a natural disaster, I think you’ll be OK if you drink from the tap for a few days.

Lastly, what I really don’t understand are Trump sycophants. I understand partisanship, spin, and even loyalty. What I don’t understand is tying your little row boat to a sinking yacht. Everyone has flaws and defects, but Trump is just one big defect. The man has proven he is not anything he’s boasted about himself. He doesn’t know more than the generals. He doesn’t understand how government works. He’s not a great deal maker. He doesn’t have the best brain. He doesn’t have the best words. He didn’t even write the book he brags about writing. If we attached a disaster rating system to human beings, Trump would be a category five.

I don’t understand people who believe Obama is a Muslim, but think Trump is a Christian. I get the worship of a cult of personality….but why of a personality that is so stupid? Some people don’t understand why Trump’s attack on veterans didn’t kill his campaign, or his mocking a handicapped reporter, or his “pussy grabbing,” or the racism, or the stupidity and the not knowing anything. For me, I don’t understand why the ridiculous hair didn’t kill the campaign. This man actually chooses to look the way he does. Would you vote for a guy who knew he had a booger hanging and didn’t do anything about it?

Even if you’re a racist, you’d think you’d find a much more competent racist to follow. There are plenty of racists out there who are able to hide it better and are not displaying it on Twitter on a daily basis. I don’t believe that everyone who voted and supports Trump is a racist. But, I don’t understand why racism is not a deal breaker for the rest of them.

Trump understands two things, and that’s marketing his name and his debt. But even the stuff he’s marketed has gone under. And understanding how to make other people pay for your debt doesn’t mean you understand the federal debt. We’re not gonna get Russian banks to finance the border wall. Quite frankly, I’d be surprised if Trump is capable of dressing himself and tying his shoes.

Regarding Irma: I have friends in Florida. If you’re down there, get out. I do hope the hurricane spares the state from the brunt of its devastation. And if you’re staying, you can drink the tap water. You’ll be fine.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.