Campaign 2016

Cheer Up, Sparkles

cjones04162020

I realize the majority of my readers, those who receive emails each time there’s a new blog post (when the WordPress system works) and followers on social media, agree with me. Most of the time, I’m preaching to the choir. Well, there may not be much singing today.

There is one area where a lot of my readers disagree with me and that’s on Bernie. No, it’s not that I don’t like Bernie or support him. In fact, I love Bernie. I would love to see every policy Bernie pushed be passed by Congress.

I don’t believe free college and healthcare for everyone are pipe dreams. I know they’re very realistic. What I don’t think is that they’re possible with the public and lawmakers. At least, not at this time. While I think it can be done financially, I don’t think they can be passed, even if Democrats control both houses of Congress. But you know, maybe one pandemic can put socialism over the top.

Where a lot of my readers disagree with me is on supporting a candidate who is not Bernie. Hey, I get it. I’m more liberal than the majority of the nation yet also realize I can’t get everything I want. And I don’t think I can get what I want by embarrassing you in a shopping center by dropping to the floor and start kicking and screaming.

Where I really piss off Bernie Bros is when I point out they’re a lot like Trump supporters. How so? First off, they participate in online smear campaigns, they lie, and they don’t deal with facts very well.

Yesterday, I watched one Democrat tell a Bernie supporter that if he stays home or refuses to vote for Joe Biden, then he’s helping keep Trump in office. The Bernie Bro replied, “That’s where we have to disagree.”

No. You don’t disagree with facts. If you don’t vote for the Democratic candidate, you’re voting for Trump. End of case. End of story. End of the United States of America. You might as well wear a MAGA shirt and buy some $15 pencils at the Trump store.

Remember when President Obama nominated Merrick Garland to the Supreme Court? A lot of lefties weren’t happy. He wasn’t liberal enough. He was male. He was white. Bleagh. Boring. And what they got was Neil Gorsuch. Happy?

Or better yet, remember when you rejected Hillary Clinton so you got Donald Trump?

I am not excited about Biden. In fact, if I was to be a baby about the Democratic primary, then I would have had my first fit over Kamala Harris, my second fit over Elizabeth Warren, my third fit over Bernie, and then my final fit after you reject Joe Biden and keep Donald Trump in office. But trust me on this, you’re going to like Joe Biden’s judicial appointments a lot better than Donald Trump’s.

Grow up. It’s not about one person. When I refer to one person, I’m not talking about Bernie, Biden, or Donald Trump. I’m talking about you. It’s not just about you.

You’re not enthusiastic about Joe Biden? Me neither. I’ll give you something to be enthusiastic about: Getting rid of Donald Trump and listening to him bitch about it for the rest of his life. Listening to every MAGAt bitch about it for the rest of their lives. Can you get enthusiastic about the shit fits to be thrown by Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, and Donald Trump Jr? Can you get enthusiastic about making Matt Gaetz cry?

I don’t care if the Democratic nominee is a chunk of yellow snow someone put their cigarette out in. I’m enthusiastic about getting rid of Donald Trump and every sycophant in his administration. Fox News can’t hire them all.

Vote for Joe Biden. Grit you teeth, hold your nose, and vote for Joe Biden. It’s not just about you, so get over yourself.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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The Morning After

I am drawing for the days after the election. As I wrote yesterday, the window for election cartoons is closed. I still might do something on Jim Comey as that’ll probably be discussed beyond Tuesday.

I know you’re on Facebook. Everyone is on Facebook. I have friends whose dogs are on Facebook. Those dogs might be the only members of the social media community who haven’t unfriended someone over political beliefs.

There’s been a lot of talk about people unfriending and blocking others for disagreeing. I have seen people post “if you’re voting for Trump unfriend me now.” I think that’s extreme. Personally I want to know the arguments of people I disagree with, even the most hateful and vile people. I want to know what they’re saying. If they’re really stupid and engage in conspiracy theories I tend to ignore them. If there’s one good thing about social media and this election is that now you know which of your friends are racists. And to think before all this all you had were suspicions.

Despite my open mindedness toward people I disagree with I have had to block a few people. Not so much because they disagree but for other reasons. I blocked one person for constantly bombing my wall with memes and harassing my friends. I had to block a couple others for similar reasons. And I block people who tag me in those stupid Ray-Ban ads but that doesn’t count (someone once put a porn picture on my wall too which had to go). But usually I’m the one who is unfriended. I have been unfriended a lot. Conservative cartoonists have been unfriending me waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay before Donald Trump announced he was running for president. You name the cartoonist, yeah he’s probably unfriended and blocked me. In their defense I am kind of a jerk.

I have two sisters and neither are my friends on Facebook but in my defense they’re both insane (still love them). I’ve heard of a lot of other people who can’t talk to family members right now which makes me feel a little better (I still have my big brother, son, and several nieces and nephews who probably never read this blog). My best friend from high school, who is still married to the woman I introduced him to, has unfriended me (and I never even talked to him about this election). However, his wife is still my friend. A friend I’ve known for 16 years and who I helped move once unfriended me a couple days ago (he was always kind of a stupid baby about everything anyway. And he likes Nickelback so no big loss there). There’s probably a dozen others I’m not even aware of. At some point I’ll think of someone and wonder how come I never see their posts anymore and then figure it out. I didn’t even know one of my sisters had blocked me until the other texted to inform me (neener neener). But this election has brought me more readers, friends, and fans. I look forward to many years of annoying them.

To my Facebook friends who’ve argued with me and have remained mature enough not to unfriend, thank you. I’m sure we’ll bicker in the future. I don’t get angry or take it personal with stuff like that. I can argue with you and then share a sandwich together. A few of my Republican friends can vouch for that. One of them helped me set up this website and he knew I was going to use it to publish godless liberal cartoons drawn for heathens. He also fed me ribs that night. Nice guy.

But you know what? If you don’t want to talk to people you disagree with about politics then maybe you shouldn’t talk about politics. Don’t make political posts if you don’t want knuckleheads coming in and disagreeing with you. And if you don’t like seeing what your friends post, then don’t join the conversation. Move on with your life. Just keep scrolling. There are plenty of selfies, food and cat pictures on social media (which annoys me more than any pro Trump posts). Seriously, people. How come that crap hasn’t gotten old to you yet? I’m not interested in your fascination with your face, your cat, and unless you’re buying me lunch I really don’t need to see a picture of it.

But come Wednesday morning, call your mom. Call your dad. Call your crazy uncle. Call your brother. Call your sister. Well…you might wanna give the sisters a few more extra days (in my case, years). Actually, if they supported Trump they’re really not going to be in a good mood for a while so you might wanna give them a month….or two…..just forget it. They’ll call you.

Then buy them a sandwich.

Psst. There’s a few Easter eggs in this cartoon. Give yourself ten points if you can find one.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

An Election Illustration

This isn’t really a cartoon. It’s an illustration for my clients. An editor for one of my subscribing newspapers asked me if I had an illustration he could use. I did not but I thought it might be a nice gesture on my part to give him and my other clients something. They can use it as a standalone, with an editorial, column, or other feature as they see fit.

It also gave me something else to do because the window for election cartoons is now closed. It’s closed for any new cartoons I can create that will be published before Wednesday. That makes me very sad.

I’ve been hitting the danger of Donald Trump for 18 months. I’ve weathered the fury of readers and editors alike. I’ve gained a few clients and I’ve lost others. I have also gained a lot of new readers and hopefully a fan or two. I can reflect on the cartoons I’ve drawn on Hillary Clinton but after Tuesday I’m going to have at least four more years of drawing Hillary. It’s also not over for Trump. He will not go away quietly into the night and his supporters aren’t going to slink back into the chuck holes they slithered out of.

Last night I had two Trump ideas but knew that even one may not ever make it into print. I had a hard time choosing. I even wrote the blog for the one I didn’t go with. It’s hilarious. You’ll never see it. A colleague told me I should take tonight off and that was a good idea. I could have gone out for a couple of drinks with a friend or stayed in and rent a movie and eat popcorn (those are kinda my only two options for a night off). But this illustration gave me something to do, plus I really enjoy coloring these things. Drawing is fun too but it’s still work. Coloring, especially in the program I’m using, is playtime.

But fighting against a potential Trump presidency and lampooning his entire disaster of a campaign that’s exposed the ugliness of our nation…yeah, that’s over. Other than the year I spent cartooning in Hawaii these past 18 months have been the most fun in my career. I hope I don’t have time to suffer from withdrawal. I feel like I’ll need a new challenge after this. Maybe I’ll finally work on that children’s book a few friends have nagged me about. It’ll be about a boy who lost his favorite toy.

Let’s not write election 2016’s obituary yet. There’s still a little life left in Campaign 2016 so let’s go then go out with a bang.

Come to this website Tuesday night and hit refresh all night long. I will be live blogging the election as results pour in, providing I survive voting earlier in the day. I haven’t come to a firm decision exactly how to do the posts, but I think I’m going to insert them all into one long blog post. I’ll be drawing very rough sketches and providing the style of snarky commentary you’ve come to love and loathe all through the evening. I’m going to remain sober but I highly recommend you have a cocktail or two. It’s going to be a very stressful night. And if you’re driving around my city, bring me a sandwich. The taco trucks won’t arrive until Wednesday morning.

There will be two more cartoons before Tuesday’s live blog and they will both be a challenge as they will be aimed at publication dates after the election. I’ll try not to be boring.

Night Of The Comet

In the 1980’s one movie so bad that is was almost good was Night Of The Comet. It’s about a comet wiping out the entire planet except for two teenage girls. Mutant cannibals and other survivors with nefarious intentions show up while the girls and a guy they meet run wild shopping in Los Angeles. I’m sorry to inform you the movie totally lacked sex and gore. Your kids can watch it. If this movie was made in 2016 the two girls wouldn’t notice humanity has been obliterated because they’d be too busy taking selfies.

I’m sure if a comet did wipe out the planet then only two of the survivors would be Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. And Seth Rogen. That would suck.

A new Washington Post/ABC News poll gives Donald Trump an unfavorable rating of 51%. Things are only a little better for Clinton who is disdained at the moment by 34%. She’s two points higher in likability. Hillary Clinton’s great fortune is her opponent is Donald Trump. But still, there’s not a lot of bragging rights to being preferred just 11% higher than an egotistical, pathological lying, blowhard, ignorant, stupid racist with comical hair and an orange spray tan. These are Idi Amin numbers.

There was another poll last week asking people which would they prefer: Clinton presidency, Trump presidency, or planet destroyed by meteor. Public Policy Polling conducted the poll and 43% picked Clinton, 38% picked Trump and planet-destroying meteor got 13%. Seven percent were unsure. Maybe they wanted more details like: would it be a quick and painless death? Do I have time to make one last Facebook status? Will I at least be able to watch Seth Rogen die? I mean seriously, we don’t need Seth Rogen. We have Jonah Hill. They’re basically the same person.

I think we can call people who’d prefer death by meteor over a Trump or Clinton presidency, glass-half-empty-people. That’s some pretty negative expectations and outlook for the future.

I’m not a fan of Hillary Clinton but I still believe our nation has a great future ahead with her as president. We’re moving in a progressive direction and I don’t think she can mess that up too much. There will be aspects of it I won’t like. There will be scandals, congressional investigations, special prosecutors, and moments of cringe-worthy embarrassment. Wall Street will love it. I still prefer her over Trump.

I’m not worried about a Trump presidency because it’s never going to happen. I guess I’m a glass-half-full-person because I can’t believe my country is stupid enough to give the White House to an Oompa Loompa troll. Even if Trump does win the presidency I would probably be more concerned with his V.P pick as Trump will be impeached. Trump believes he’s above the law now. What’s he going to try to get away with as president?

I can understand the negative and hopeless outlook for people who believe Hillary Clinton is just as bad or worse than Trump. I mean, if the only options were Trump or meteor, I’d consider the meteor….if I was a normal person.

I’m not a normal person though. I’m a political cartoonist. Can you imagine the fun I would have with a Trump presidency? I mean, at least before he had me imprisoned, or accused of being Mexican and deported after someone tells him where Mexico is located.

Or he’d throw me in a cell with Seth Rogen. I’m gonna put some more thought into that meteor thing.

Third Party Enthusiasm

The Never Trump crowd has a party they can vote for while claiming innocence over Hillary Clinton becoming president. The Bernie Sanders flock can also keep their promise to never support Clinton without supporting Donald Trump, directly.

Former Republican governor of New Mexico, Gary Johnson, is running for president. He hasn’t secured the nomination for the Libertarian Party but he’s the favorite to beat “what’s his name?” and “who that’s face?”. His Veep running mate will be William Weld, a former Republican governor of Massachusetts. What this gives the U.S. is a platform that’s Republican on economics and Democrat on social issues. This will not appeal to liberals who want a more fair economic system and Ted Cruz troglodytes who want abortion eliminated entirely and for the United States to resemble a Right-Wing Christian Taliban Theocracy.

While these two guys might be well known in New Mexico and Massachusetts, the rest of the country is going to to say “who?”. Remember that time Johnson signed that bill making something into a law and when William Weld stood up for something?…yeah. No idea.

That may not matter to many as the most important aspect will be they’re neither Trump or Clinton. There’s a report that one of the Koch brothers is pledging millions to the Libertarian campaign, which will turn off Democrats.

Basically we have two more old white guys. With neither hurling insults at their opponents or promising to build walls they’re going to come off as pretty boring. The excitement still remains between Trump and Clinton. While the Republican turnout in the primaries has been the highest ever (Trump has received more Republican votes than any Republican before him. Even Reagan), and the votes in the Democratic primary is lower than the last two contests, it’s hard to predict if there will be a large turnout for the general election. With the negatives so high for the two major party candidates, a lot of people will be staying home instead of holding their nose while voting.

Sanders’ supporters say they won’t vote for Hillary Clinton, which won’t change much as they’re not really voting now. They just like rallies. Women and minorities won’t vote for Trump. The Libertarians won’t carry a single state. Hillary Clinton will be the next president of the United States.

Show Me The Money…Or Not

It was an interesting and busy news day for the Trump Train.

Donald Trump met with former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger to discuss foreign policy. I hope he didn’t fall asleep as this is an area where The Donald doesn’t have any interest.

He also said he would talk to North Korean leader Kim Jong Un directly face-t-face. I had a cartoon idea for that one where he and Kim get into a hair debate. I decided against it as I figured a lot of other cartoonists would go there. One cartoonist and a buddy of mine was inspired by my tweet (he told me so) that he went ahead and drew one. Maybe I had to point out that it was obvious.

Trump released a bunch of names of people he’d consider for the Supreme Court. Little premature, right? This is a move to show the base he is a conservative and not trying to put his liberal sister on the court as each pick is anti-women, anti-LGBT, anti-voting, anti-civil rights, etc. This might help with finally getting that Paul Ryan endorsement. Also, each one of these individuals is very white.

Trump’s wife Melania issued a statement that Donald is not Hitler. Really? The best defense of the guy, from his wife, is that he’s NOT Hitler? Gee, it sucks being married to this person but hey, they’re not Hitler. They should put that underneath the slogan on the cap. “Make America Great Again. Also, not Hitler.”

Since none of this news was creepy enough, Trump’s daughter Ivanka spoke to the press and assures us that her dad is “not a groper.” This from the woman whose father said he’d be dating her if she wasn’t his daughter. Seriously? Your kid is talking about your sex life? It seems if you were a groper that you wouldn’t conduct yourself that way around your child. Hey, he’s gotta respect women because he made his daughter head of his company.

Finally we come to Trump’s taxes. The guy still won’t release them. He says he can’t because he’s being audited. Yes he can. The audit doesn’t stop that. He released a financial report to show us that yes, he really is rich. That doesn’t show how he made his money, where his money comes from, who he’s in bed with, or how much he gives to taxes.

Trump’s surrogates who are not sleeping with him, that means they’re not his wife or daughter (glad they’re not the same person so he has that going for him), tell us how much the Trump charity gives to worthy causes. The thing is, that’s not Trump’s money. That’s other people’s money.

If you look into Trump’s business history he has a habit of having other people finance his projects and then they go belly up. Now he’s asking people to contribute to his campaign. I’m sure that’ll be as successful as one of his Atlantic City casinos. More of a gamble too.

To sum up: Trump. Still rich. Wants to pal with Kim Jong Un and compliment him on shooting family members. Very conservative. Being advised by Kissinger. Not a gropey Hitler.

America The Beer

Budweiser is renaming their flagship product “America.” It is to commemorate the summer, the Olympics, the elections, and all those drunk, patriotic idiots in bars who scream “Murica!”.

This means if you don’t drink that swill Budweiser sells then you hate America. If you’re a recovering alcoholic and you’ve stayed off the wagon (or is it on?), then you hate America. Get drunk, you traitor. You don’t see ISIS drinking “America.” If you’re one of those beer snobs that demands a pumpkin flavored beer, then you’re just a snooty idiot with a stick up your butt no matter what year or season it is. The only flavor in beer should be beer. Like coffee. There should only be coffee flavored coffee. And what’s up with people who put ketchup on hot dogs? Sorry, I’m getting upset and off track here. Ketchup on hot dogs…the nerve.

The brewery didn’t just change the name to “America” using the Budweiser font. They also included new text citing the Pledge of Allegiance, the Star Spangled Banner, and America the Beautiful.

“King of Beers” has been changed to “E Pluribus Unum,” “The World Renowned” changed to “Land of the Free,” and “Anheuser-Busch, Inc.” updated to read “Liberty & Justice For All.” Even legalese like “Trademark” was changed to “Indivisible,” and “Registered” changed to “Since 1776” (though Budweiser wouldn’t be available for another 100 years).

I probably shouldn’t be so cynical. Maybe it’s not just a promotional campaign to sell more beers from the corporation that’s given us the Clydesdale horses and the talking frogs. Maybe they really do feel patriotism and love for all that’s America. I wonder if the decision came down from their corporate HQ in Belgium.

Did you know that in most of Europe Budweiser can’t use the name “Budweiser?” There’s another Budweiser from Germany and it probably taste like actual beer.

I was hesitant in drawing this cartoon. It felt kinda weird to do something that might appeal to both sides of the aisle. I’ve heard some people describe the Trump phenomenon as America being drunk. There’s a lot of Democrats who aren’t particularly excited about Hillary Clinton and we’ve seen how the GOP is reacting to Trump, though he has received more primary votes than any Republican ever. At this point only 15 congressmen have come out and endorsed the Orange One.

I made one tiny mistake at the bottom of the can. I wrote “and” instead of “for” in the “liberty and justice for all” part. I noticed it right as I was finishing the coloring. It doesn’t bother me enough to change you probably wouldn’t have noticed anyway.

As for making America great again. I’m all for that, if we’re talking about the beer.

All The News That’s Huge

This cartoon has a lot of lettering. If you find some of it too small and hard to read, take your mouse and click on the cartoon. It will open another page with the cartoon, click on it again and it will enlarge the cartoon.

I was debating whether I should draw this cartoon because a couple of other cartoonists have done the newspaper thing in response to what The Boston Globe did. The Globe did a fake front page next to their editorial page of a future Trump presidency. It contained stories of mass deportations and the military refusing to take out family members of terrorists.

Fake newspapers and news used to be done by National Lampoon and The Onion. Over the years The Daily Show got in on the action and then Fox News and sites like Breitbart (except the last two are not satire. They’re just lies).

So yeah, the newspaper cartoon was done but not like this. They didn’t go to town as much as I. So I went ahead and after it was penciled I really liked it more. It wasn’t hard to create all the headlines based on Trumpisms.

Almost every cartoonist will tell you that he or she hates lettering. It’s monotonous. I don’t hate it as much but it’s still time consuming. I usually do the lettering first, as it’s work but it’s very important. Most readers don’t even notice it, even while reading. They only notice if they can’t read it. When I first started cartooning an old veteran cartoonists told me at a convention he didn’t want to waste any more time reading my work because he couldn’t read the cartoons. Ouch and harsh. But he was right. I had lousy handwriting. So I worked at it.

When my son was born I made a card announcing his birth and it contained a cartoon. My mother said “great lettering. Who did it?” My handwriting used to be bad on epic levels. like a doctor’s prescription. I realized that when you letter you’re not writing, you’re drawing the letters. Today I’m more like that older veteran cartoonist, but hopefully not as brutal. There are cartoonists out there whose work I refuse to read because the letters are too small, or there’s too much of it. I might have violated that one today.

Most cartoonists will also say, and I agree, that the best cartoon is a wordless cartoon. Maybe tomorrow.

Bungling Bill

Former president Bill Clinton is spending as much time defending his legacy as he is advocating for his wife’s presidential campaign.

During his presidency Clinton signed a crime bill. This was widely supported by Republicans and a lot of Democrats. Even Bernie Sanders voted for it and it was written by Joe Biden. It did some good things like put more police on the street and banned the manufacturing of 19 types of semi-automatic weapons. It also eliminated education grants for inmates, instituted life in prison with the three-strike rule for violent offenders, and constructed a lot of new prisons. Many people blame Clinton for the spike in incarceration rates for minorities.

Some of the people came to a rally and protested while Bill Clinton was speaking. As a few members of the Black Lives Matter movement shouted at Clinton, he argued back. He kept arguing. Then he argued some more. He even seemed to be engaging with one protester in particular. His wife the candidate, was totally out of the conversation for a while and it was just Bill Clinton engaging hecklers and defending his presidency.

There have been other times when Bill Clinton has acknowledged the sentencing structures in the bill were a mistake. Mandatory sentencing is a mistake. Those decisions should be in the hands of judges and juries who can consider the circumstances.

Hillary Clinton has to spend time discussing this bill, which was passed in 1994, six years before she entered the U.S. Senate.

There’s been a lot of talk about being presidential. Bill didn’t look very presidential arguing with protesters, but then again, he did a lot in office that wasn’t very presidential.

Bernie’s Tokens

I’ll catch some heat for this one. If you think the vitriol is heated between Sanders and Clinton, check out what their supporters are hurling at each other? Many are pledging they won’t support the other candidate if he or she becomes the nominee. They seriously need to calm down before we have a President Trump, President Cruz, or even a President Ryan.

Bernie Sanders promised not to go negative. A few days ago he said Hillary Clinton is not qualified to be president. That’s pretty negative. On Friday he stated that she was qaulified. Where did this come from? Before all this, Clinton gave an interview where she was asked if Sanders was qualified. She never stated he was, but didn’t say he wasn’t. That ticked Sanders off.

You can hate Hillary, believe she’s the spawn of Satan, that the FBI is going to send her to prison, whatever and that’s fine. But she’s the most qualified candidate running for president. She was a United States senator twice elected for the second largest state in the country. She was Secretary of State. She’s pretty qualified. She also eventually stated that Sanders is qualified for president.

The other part of this is Sanders’ statement that you need a token to get on the Subway. What? I have never been on the NYC subway but I know they don’t use tokens. I would just assume they wouldn’t because I’ve been on the D.C. metro thousands of times and they haven’t used tokens since before 1998 when I first rode them. Hillary also had a problem swiping her card to get on the Subway. Let’s face facts here. None of the candidates are frequent users of public transportation. They probably don’t even drive themselves, except for Sanders.

I didn’t intend to throw a lot of art into this cartoon but I had to put Bernie in the foreground so the text on the tokens are readable. After I was done penciling I realized I had the stalls backwards. The entry was facing away from Sanders. I almost let it slide but it bothered me enough to know it was really gonna annoy me after it was published. There would be that one New Yorker to notice and scream at me.

Correction: I meant to double check before I published but forgot. New York is the FOURTH largest state, not the second. It goes in order of California, Texas, Florida and then New York. Florida and New York do have the same number of electoral votes.

claytoonz

Nationally Syndicated Editorial Cartoonist