Campaign 2016

Bungling Bill


cjones04122016

Former president Bill Clinton is spending as much time defending his legacy as he is advocating for his wife’s presidential campaign.

During his presidency Clinton signed a crime bill. This was widely supported by Republicans and a lot of Democrats. Even Bernie Sanders voted for it and it was written by Joe Biden. It did some good things like put more police on the street and banned the manufacturing of 19 types of semi-automatic weapons. It also eliminated education grants for inmates, instituted life in prison with the three-strike rule for violent offenders, and constructed a lot of new prisons. Many people blame Clinton for the spike in incarceration rates for minorities.

Some of the people came to a rally and protested while Bill Clinton was speaking. As a few members of the Black Lives Matter movement shouted at Clinton, he argued back. He kept arguing. Then he argued some more. He even seemed to be engaging with one protester in particular. His wife the candidate, was totally out of the conversation for a while and it was just Bill Clinton engaging hecklers and defending his presidency.

There have been other times when Bill Clinton has acknowledged the sentencing structures in the bill were a mistake. Mandatory sentencing is a mistake. Those decisions should be in the hands of judges and juries who can consider the circumstances.

Hillary Clinton has to spend time discussing this bill, which was passed in 1994, six years before she entered the U.S. Senate.

There’s been a lot of talk about being presidential. Bill didn’t look very presidential arguing with protesters, but then again, he did a lot in office that wasn’t very presidential.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Advertisements

Bernie’s Tokens


cjones04092016

I’ll catch some heat for this one. If you think the vitriol is heated between Sanders and Clinton, check out what their supporters are hurling at each other? Many are pledging they won’t support the other candidate if he or she becomes the nominee. They seriously need to calm down before we have a President Trump, President Cruz, or even a President Ryan.

Bernie Sanders promised not to go negative. A few days ago he said Hillary Clinton is not qualified to be president. That’s pretty negative. On Friday he stated that she was qaulified. Where did this come from? Before all this, Clinton gave an interview where she was asked if Sanders was qualified. She never stated he was, but didn’t say he wasn’t. That ticked Sanders off.

You can hate Hillary, believe she’s the spawn of Satan, that the FBI is going to send her to prison, whatever and that’s fine. But she’s the most qualified candidate running for president. She was a United States senator twice elected for the second largest state in the country. She was Secretary of State. She’s pretty qualified. She also eventually stated that Sanders is qualified for president.

The other part of this is Sanders’ statement that you need a token to get on the Subway. What? I have never been on the NYC subway but I know they don’t use tokens. I would just assume they wouldn’t because I’ve been on the D.C. metro thousands of times and they haven’t used tokens since before 1998 when I first rode them. Hillary also had a problem swiping her card to get on the Subway. Let’s face facts here. None of the candidates are frequent users of public transportation. They probably don’t even drive themselves, except for Sanders.

I didn’t intend to throw a lot of art into this cartoon but I had to put Bernie in the foreground so the text on the tokens are readable. After I was done penciling I realized I had the stalls backwards. The entry was facing away from Sanders. I almost let it slide but it bothered me enough to know it was really gonna annoy me after it was published. There would be that one New Yorker to notice and scream at me.

Correction: I meant to double check before I published but forgot. New York is the FOURTH largest state, not the second. It goes in order of California, Texas, Florida and then New York. Florida and New York do have the same number of electoral votes.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Cruz In New York


cjones04082016

It was a few months ago that Ted Cruz attacked Donald Trump for having “New York values.” That went over pretty well in the sticks of Iowa and is the sort of insult that appeals to the rube voter. Now Cruz is in New York.

After making his New York Values insult, Cruz said it wasn’t hard to figure out what it meant and that people in South Carolina knew what it meant. Now, despite it not being hard to figure out, Ted is spinning his definition as something directed toward New York big city liberals. No matter how terrible he views New York, he wants some of its 90 delegates. Cruz is handing this awkwardness about as well as someone who just asked a non-pregnant woman when is her baby due.

Cruz visited the Bronx on Wednesday where he might have been greeted a bit nicer than Hitler would have been walking through a Warsaw Ghetto. Cruz was shouted at in a variety of languages as he was met by protesters. One stated “Ted Cruz has no business being in the Bronx, this is an immigrant community,” He had to cancel a visit to a Bronx high school Thursday as students threatened to walk out. Many in the five boroughs are telling Ted what he can do with his photo op. Too bad there’s not a primary in Canada.

New Yorkers aren’t in love with Donald Trump either but in a race against Cruz he’s pulling in over 50% in the most recent polls. I guess they can forgive he uses a fork to eat a New York slice. He held a rally, also greeted by protesters, but also left many supporters unable to squeeze into the room. Suddenly, Trumps New Yorker accent got a lot thicker. “This guy, he talks about us like we ain’t no good.”

John Kasich stand no chance to win in New York, but he does know how to experience the city. Ohio’s governor visited Mike’s Deli in the Bronx and got food busy. He ate two plates of spaghetti bolognese. That would have been lunch for me but Kasich didn’t stop there. Next he tackled a sandwich called the Yankee Stadium big boy which contains mozzarella and four types of meat. The sandwich was huge. He then had some pasta fagioli and a little red wine. Kasich left the deli wiping sweat off his brow. If he’s anything like me he went into a food coma and needed a nap later. Damn. Now I’m hungry.

Cruz also visited Mike’s Deli on Wednesday where he was told how to eat a sandwich. Apparently it’s bad luck to place it upside down (I always do that whether it’s a sandwich or a burger. Uh Oh!).

When Cruz made his remark on New York Values we had yet had a primary. Since then he lost big where he was supposed to win, the South. Evangelicals voted for Trump. How about that, Ted? All of a sudden Cruz needs New York. If Cruz had done better in the South he wouldn’t even be campaigning in New York today. But hey, Ted, if you can make it there you can make it anywhere. You ain’t gonna make it. There’s four more boroughs in the city and I think I can speak for everyone that you should visit each of them. The New York Daily News splashed across their front page “Take the FU train, Ted.” Good idea. Don’t expect to use tokens.

I think it’s safe to bet neither Trump or Cruz would ever eat anything named “fagioli.”

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Losing With Grace


cjones04072016

Ted Cruz and Bernie Sanders won their respective primaries in Wisconsin. They each won by healthy margins. Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump both responded to their losses. Not sure if John Kasich made a statement but he’s not important anymore anyway, so nobody cares.

Clinton sent out a statement congratulating Sanders while still touting her lead. Candidates do that. They keep hope alive with their supporters.

Donald Trump issued a statement also. His was less than cordial. His read:

Donald J. Trump withstood the onslaught of the establishment yet again. “Lyin’ Ted Cruz had the Governor of Wisconsin, many conservative talk radio show hosts, and the entire party apparatus behind him. Not only was he propelled by the anti-Trump Super PAC’s spending countless millions of dollars on false advertising against Mr. Trump, but he was coordinating with his own Super PAC’s (which is illegal) who totally control him. Ted Cruz is worse than a puppet— he is a Trojan horse, being used by the party bosses attempting to steal the nomination away from Mr. Trump. We have total confidence that Mr. Trump will go on to win in New York, where he holds a substantial lead in all the polls, and beyond.”

Yes, I’m surprised as you. Trump knows the big word “apparatus.” 

There’s many things wrong with his statement. First he starts by bragging about himself. Then he goes into “Lyin’ Ted.” Classy. Then he accuses the guy of violating election laws before he goes back to calling him a name again, trojan horse. But you know what? He’s not entirely wrong.

The establishment is backing Cruz, the candidate who once billed himself as anti establishment. Of course, he also insulted all of New York and he’s now in that state groveling for votes and trying to sell that his “New York Values” comment meant something other than an attack on all New Yorkers (or Jews).

The establishment, talk radio guys, and the entire party’s “apparatus” are backing Cruz and trying to prevent Trump from acquiring the number of delegates he needs to secure the nomination. They don’t care if Cruz gets the delegates needed (and they probably don’t want him to either. They’re pretty confidant he can’t). The mission is to stop Trump and that’s it. When the convention rolls around they will toss Cruz aside. Ted Cruz does not know this yet as the man is not humble and is oblivious to obvious things.

I don’t expect Trump, Cruz, or even Kasich (snicker) to be the Republican nominee. They will recruit Paul Ryan, who insists he doesn’t want it like he insisted he didn’t want to be Speaker of the House.

That may not come true but I have another prediction where I’m very confidant: The next two weeks with the candidates battling in New York, the center of the media universe, is going to be a total blast for me. I wish I was there.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Grabby 2016


cjones03302016

Michelle Fields, a reporter for Breitbart, claimed that Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski grabbed her and left bruises on her arm. This happened after a Trump press conferences in Jupiter, Florida, on the night of a primary.

The Trump campaign never admits wrongdoing or apologizes. They claimed it never happened. Lewandowski tweeted, because these people tweet, that he never touched or met Fields. Trump said it never happened. Fields published pictures of bruises on her arm.

Field’s organization, Breitbart, failed to back her up so Fields resigned.

Lewandowski was arrested Tuesday on charges of battery in Jupiter, Florida, where the incident happened. Video is out of the guy grabbing the female reporter. Now Trump says he “brushed by her.” I guess it turns out they did meet, though it probably wasn’t a formal introduction like “hello, I’m Corey Lewandowski. May I manhandle you?”.

On the video the reporter is walking along Trump, trying to ask questions. Lewandowski comes up from through the crowd and behind Fields, grabs and stops her as Trump keeps going. He definitely did more than brush by her. The Trump campaign is trying to do the Jedi-mind trick on the public by saying what you’re seeing on the video isn’t really what you’re seeing. This is not the assault you’re looking for.

Fields claimed afterward that she was grabbed by the arm and almost yanked to the ground. The video makes the Trump campaign look like liars. It makes Fields out that she exaggerated the incident.

Yeah, she was grabbed. It probably lasted a second. That’s long enough to leave a bruise. Is that battery? In Florida, yes it is. There is no excuse to grab anyone without permission. If they give you permission as in “yes, please grab me” then go ahead and get all grabby and up in their business. Campaigns don’t have habit of rouging up reporters, no matter how much the campaigns hate the press in their love/hate relationship.

Campaigns also don’t understand that when they write rules for the media, as in “don’t ask questions,” that the media has no obligation to obey those rules. Campaigns don’t dictate journalism. I know. Wouldn’t it just be easier for candidates if the media would only ask pre-approved questions?

Now Breitbart really isn’t journalism. It’s a right wing troll site. If you’re ever debating someone over politics and they cite a Breitbart article, you automatically win the argument. Working for Breitbart makes any claim by Fields questionable, even in conflict with Donald Trump. We’re talking about a “journalist” that chooses to work for a news organization that doesn’t operate or conduct itself with the same ethical or moral guidelines as the legitimate media. They are not news. They exist to obstruct Obama and encourage fear, racism, and feed lies that will make their readers angry at liberals. Imagine Fox News without any moral or ethical code. I know. You already thought they didn’t have any. Go read a Breitbart article, then read the comments section, then take a shower.

Fields did exaggerate. I don’t believe she’s been taught that journalists aren’t supposed to make stuff up. But she’s not wrong in that she was violated. She was grabbed. It’s a blurry video but you can tell she’s suddenly stopped as soon as Lewandowski reached her.

The Trump campaign has less credibility than Breitbart. Breitbart backed Trump up by not demanding an apology or an explanation from the Trump campaign. Fields resigned for their lack of support to which I ask Fields: What did you expect from Brietbart? You lie down with snakes, don’t be surprised when they bite. I’m sure she won’t have any issues with integrity in the future since she now works for Fox News and The Daily Caller (insert eye roll here).

What’s next? Lewandowsky will be slapped on the wrist if the charges are not dropped. The Trump campaign increases its campaign of violence, hate, and misogyny. This issue will be a footnote in July when the Republicans hold their convention in Cleveland. There will be new scandals. Maybe Trump will toss a midget.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

 

Heidi, Heidi, EW!


cjones03242016

I know this cartoon is mean and it’s not fair but I don’t claim to be fair. You already know I don’t draw nice cartoons. Basically, Ted Cruz is gross. He’s icky. He’s creepy. A little bit slimy. He’s definitely not someone you want touching you. It’d be like walking into a spider web where you do that dance with an invisible partner.

Before the Utah primary an anti-Trump super pac aired an ad that ran only in that state. The ad featured a really smokin’ hot photo of an almost naked pic of Melania Trump (Trump’s third wife) from a magazine photo shoot (one of those magazines for men who are too cowardly to read real porn). The super pac’s idea was that it would make Mormons really not like Donald Trump, because Mormons are against porn and naked stuff I guess.

Super pacs are not supposed to coordinate with campaigns. This super pac isn’t even a pro-Cruz super pac. They apparently just want to bring down Trump. Well screw facts. Donald Trump tweeted out a threat to Cruz. He blamed him for the ad and said that “Lyin’ Ted” better be careful or he’ll spill the dirt on Ted’s wife, Heidi.

First off, Ted didn’t have anything to do with that ad. He’s a disgusting, vile, Creepy McCreeperson but there isn’t any evidence he had anything to do with the naked Melania ad. Second, Trump is not afraid to insult women. He’s proven that. He’ll just make stuff up if he has to.

Third, what would he have on Heidi, other than she’s married to Ted and has the ridiculous Snow White name of “Heidi?” I guess Trump could point out the fact that she once suffered from depression, but who hasn’t? That would probably just endear her to people. Could a human being actually marry Ted? You would think that kind of woman would have to be created in a lab in Romania.

Maybe Trump could point out that she works as a managing director for Goldman Sachs which also gave out a sweet heart loan to Ted for his Senatorial campaign, and then he misreported it on campaign finance forms because he lies a lot. He also claimed they liquidated all their assets for the campaign which of course was another lie. Again, that’s Ted stuff. None of it really hits Heidi.

I suspect Trump is just making stuff up. He’ll proclaim “we’ll reveal all the dirt on Heidi” and then turns to his staff and asks “do we have anything on Heidi?”

There is one thing that is not a lie. When it comes to first ladies and dignity we’re really going to miss Michelle Obama.

Update: Today Cruz called Trump a “sniveling coward.” I agree but Ted is the last person who should call anyone “sniveling,” or regarding his reaction to terrrorism, “coward.” Cruz also stole lines from the 90’s flick An American President in responding to Trump. I knew he was into The Princess Bride but who knew he’s got a thing for Michael Douglas movies?

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Hasta La Vista, Marco


cjones03162016

Marco Rubio has dropped out of the presidential race and it’s a tragedy that makes me very sad. I was just starting to enjoy drawing the religious zealot. The only candidate left promising to rule us all by the hand of God now is Ted Cruz. Did I just get a chill?

Rubio lost in his home state of Florida to Donald Trump. He didn’t just lose. He lost big. He only won one county, his home of Miami-Dade. It’s as if nobody in Florida had ever heard of their Senator…or in his case, they were very familiar with him and didn’t like what he had to offer, or his performance as Senator. Rubio started running for the presidency as soon as he won his senate seat.

I worked in Batesville, Mississippi for five years and in that time I probably talked in person to then Senator Trent Lott seven times. The mayor of Tampa said he never met Marco Rubio.

Now Rubio can spend the next four years running for the presidency in 2020, but not on the taxpayer’s dime. I’m sure he’ll get plenty of job offers from think tanks and consulting firms.

I am going to miss his bottles of water and platform heels. I won’t miss his condescending tone of speech. Being humbled may be good for Marco. Let’s hope it’s a lesson his rival Ted Cruz learns very soon…and after that Donald Trump. Who am I kidding? These people don’t have the ability of understanding reality to be humbled.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!