No Hablo Trumpism


cjones09052015

A student asked Jeb! Bush a question in Spanish the other day and Jebby! answered him in Spanish. Immediately Donald Trump attacked Bush and stated he should only speak English in America.

Technically, Mr. Trump, they’re speaking Spanish all over America. They’re speaking it in Argentina, Mexico, Venezuela, Costa Rica, Uruguay, Chile, Belize, Etc. They’re even Speaking Portuguese in Brazil. America is not just the United States even though we like to claim it. Even Canadians are Americans. Perish the thought. This is just a small detail that kind of annoys me. It’s like when a tourist in Hawaii refers to the mainland as “the states.” That’s a good way to piss off a resident of Hawaii. I learned that one the hard way.

What is the point of being bilingual if you can’t use it? Why are we so threatened by another language? Why do we admonish people for being intelligent enough to speak more than one language? Agh, stop being smarter than me!

It’s also arrogant for Europeans to bring a language to a strange land and then insist that only our language be spoken.

If it’s your attitude the language the majority speaks be the only language spoken, will you cling to that argument when Spanish speakers become the majority?

Personally, I think I need to know more Spanish than what I’ve learned off the Taco Bell menu.

I’m convinced Campaign 2016 is making us dumber. I can’t even watch Idiocracy anymore because the comparisons scare me.

A Gay Time In Kentucky


cjones09042015

I’m going to catch some Hell for this one. I’m talking about Hell on Earth, in this life.

I’m not just going to catch it from readers. Many newspapers who subscribe to my cartoons are small newspapers in Red states such as Mississippi, Georgia, Alabama, Texas, Kansas, Arkansas, Montana, South Carolina, West, Virginia, Indiana, Missouri, Arizona, Nebraska, etc. I’ll probably be OK with my newspaper in Utah. They’re pretty provocative.

I don’t follow the Bible. I’m not religious. That doesn’t mean I believe people should live a guilt and conscience free life without consequences. I believe people should treat people in a Christian way. There are redeeming values in religion. One of those values is that you shouldn’t treat people like crap.

I don’t care if people believe in God. I’m not on a mission to convert anyone. Atheists who do so annoy me more than religious people. Half the point of being an atheist is that I don’t have to go to meetings and we don’t have to wake up early on Sundays and listen to terrible music. I also don’t believe people should try to convert you to their god.

I also believe that you should understand the job description before you take the job. The County Clerk in Rowan County, Kentucky, Kim Davis, should quit her job. She’s refusing to issue marriage licenses to gay couples. She’s citing her religious beliefs and religious freedom. Religious freedom does not you have freedom to crap on people who have beliefs and lifestyles you frown upon. Plus, it’s really hard to sell you’re defending God’s viewpoint when you have violated it multiple times yourself by being thriced divorced and having had committed adultery.

If you really hate alcohol and believe it’s a sin then maybe you shouldn’t get a job as a liquor distributor. If you believe certain people shouldn’t have the right to get married then maybe you shouldn’t have a job issuing marriage licenses. If your conscience is so thick with the burden then quit your job.

I also don’t want to hear your argument when you believe in talking snakes, the Earth is only 6,000 years old and it was populated by a couple with two sons.

Plus, I can’t get on board with that no eating bacon thing.

Go Tell It On The Mountain


cjones09032015

“Man, I love putting a lot of words in a cartoon” said no cartoonist ever. I take that back. I think those cartoonists who draw for alternative weeklies love putting more words into their cartoons instead of art. It’s their thing. The reason I’m not crazy about a lot of words in a cartoon is that it’s a lot of work that’s tedious. Plus, I think most people are lazy and stop reading when there’s too many words. I know I do. At least I didn’t draw a mountain and label it “debt” which I saw in two cartoons today or call it “Mt. Denial” which I saw in about 48 cartoons today.

Obama has officially renamed Mt. McKinley in Alaska Mt. Denali.

Republicans howled in protest faster than they could pull up Wikipedia to find out just who the Hell is William McKinley.

Here’s a brief history of the dispute:

Mt. Denali in Alaska is the highest mountain peak in North America. It’s taller than that pile of stuff coming from Donald Trump (the rest of the blog won’t rely on such a lame joke). It is the third most prominent peak in the world. For centuries the Koyukon Athabaskans who inhabit the area have referred to it as Denali. In 1896 a gold prospector named it McKinley. William McKinley was a presidential candidate at that time and eventually went on to become the 25th president of the United States. Eventually the federal government recognized it as McKinley. In 1975 the Alaskan state government changed it back to Denali, which is what everybody local called it anyway.

There have been bills in Congress to change it back to Denali but Republicans from Ohio have blocked it. How dare they change something back so historic.

Considering the age of mountains, a hundred years is a blip in time. There is nothing historic about that mountain and William McKinley. McKinley never climbed the mountain. He never saw the mountain. He never even visited the state of Alaska. But suddenly Republicans are running to the defense of William McKinley having his name on a mountain that maybe he heard of.

McKinley wasn’t a bad guy. He was president during the Spanish American War. He made Teddy Roosevelt his V.P. He was assassinated and not by a Koyukon Athabaskan. I’m sure there’s all sorts of things in Ohio, where he’s from, that can be named after him. I’m just John Boehner would love spending hours laying in the William McKinley Tanning Bed (I lied about no more lame jokes). I just don’t see why people are upset that someone removed his name from a mountain in Alaska.

With the Republicans fake outrage over this, you would think it was Obama who changed the name…oh yeah right.

Republicans are fun with names. Currently they’re on a mission naming things after Ronald Reagan. There’s actually an organization whose existence is based on naming stuff after Ronald Reagan. In fact, their mission is have at least one notable landmark in each state and all 3067 counties named after Reagan. The organization is called The Ronald Reagan Legacy Project.

There are schools, roads, parks, buildings, etc. named after Reagan. I dated a girl once who had a daughter later (way after dating me) and guess what she named her. Yup. Reagan! I know a very conservative racist-homphobic-sexist artist and guess his wife’s name. Yup again. Regan! Did he Craigslist that shit?

There’s an aircraft carrier named after Reagan. The airport in Washington used to be the Washington National Airport. Now it’s the Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport. That one is kind of a stick in the eye to aircraft workers since Reagan once laid off the nation’s flight controllers. Congress changed the name of the metro station at the airport to Reagan and the metro board fought it until Republicans threatened to withhold funding. Nice. They even want that funding, as in currency, to bear Reagan’s likeness.

Now they want to name the Pentagon after Reagan. There’s a movement to name the International Space Station after Reagan. It’s like they don’t understand the word “international.”

If only there was a mountain named after Reagan…oh wait.

Mt. Reagan is in New Hampshire except it’s not officially Mt. Reagan. The state legislature named it after Reagan in 2003 but the U.S. Board On Geographic Names (which has not been renamed after Reagan…yet) still lists it as Mt. Clay.

Mt. Clay. I think they should stick with that.

Red Blood/Blue Blood


cjones09022015

I drew this early Tuesday morning before the latest shooting of police in Illinois.

A policeman was shot in Houston, reportedly 15 times, over the weekend. The first response from the police was to blame the Black Lives Matter movement. I haven’t heard anything about an actual motive or how the suspect got the gun. There are new reports the shooter is mentally ill.

Black Lives Matter is not to blame for a crazed individual shooting policemen. No one from the movement has said anything about shooting police. A movement trying to prevent police brutality is not complicit when a cop dies. It’s a fact there is too much police brutality toward the black community in this country. It’s a fact.

Police say they’re a target just for wearing a uniform. Nothing justifies senseless killings. Hearing the police say they’re targets sounds like another group who believe they’re targeted just for the color of their skin. One thing just about everyone can agree on is that there is heavy mistrust between police and African Americans. How did this happen? This has been cultivated by police and authority for decades. Police say “Police Lives Matter.” Of course they do. But here’s the thing: Police lives have always mattered. This whole Black Lives Matter thing, it’s kinda new. When you say “all lives matter” you’re saying let’s forget the black part and go back to the way it was…you know, when black lives didn’t really matter.

Speaking of shootings let’s get a few other things clear that’s been brought up recently by the Dumb-Dumb Lives Matter movement:

You can’t compare the shootings of blacks by police to black on black crime. Why not? Because it’s a false equivalence. If a black man kills another black man and is caught he’s going to jail. The black suspect is not authority. Courts don’t let him walk because he’s black. If a cop shoots a black man he might be suspended with pay. Too often there’s not even an investigation unless there’s a riot and national outrage. We’ve even seen situations, like in Ferguson, where the grand jury is a joke and the prosecutor doesn’t even want to go through the motions. It’s always a shock when a policeman is fired and charged for shooting an unarmed person. Can you understand why this upsets people?

And while I’m at it I will set the record straight on this: Dylann Roof committed a hate crime. Vester Flanagan/Bryce Williams did not. Roof shot nine people he had never met. He even went to a city he didn’t live in to shoot up one of the nation’s most historic black churches. Flanagan had a grudge against a former employer and shot people he knew and who represented the former employer who fired him and who Flanagan later sued for discrimination (and his suit was thrown out). Roof was motivated by hate groups. Flanagan said he wanted to start a race war and wanted to respond to Roof shooting African Americans. Flanagan also ranted about other issues and his suicide letter was 23 pages long. Again, he shot people he knew. Race didn’t really have anything to do with it.

Other people who can’t understand how comparisons work have said the gay pride flag should be banned since Flanagan was gay. Of course these people are upset for the national scorn the Confederate flag has received. Except the Confederate flag is representative of racism. It stands for white supremacy and was waved by a secession movement trying to preserve slaving an entire race. The gay pride flag represents equality for homosexuals. It is not a hate symbol and the gay movement isn’t out there yelling to enslave or kill straight people or encourage violence of any sort. A straight person isn’t in danger of a gay person killing them as much as he’s in danger of a gay person telling him he’s fashionably uncoordinated.

There’s too much senseless violence in this country. Some people want us to stop talking about. They believe talking about it and bringing it to light is more dangerous than the actual violence. If you get upset when a cop is shot, good. If you’re silent when a cop shoots an unarmed black person then you’re a troll. You apparently have ulterior motives and I can guess what they are. It’s not pretty.

We need to respect police. And police need to earn our respect. Discrimination needs to stop. We need to stop leading the world in prison population. We need to stop shooting children for playing with a toy gun. We need to stop throwing black women in jail for a busted tail light. We need to stop killing black men for selling loose cigarettes. Cops need to stop sitting on top of black teenage girls while planting a knee to the back of her neck for going to a pool party.

We need background checks for guns. We need additional laws and we need to enforce them. We need laws that limit how much ammunition a gun can hold. We need to end online sales for guns. We need to end gun shows. We need to stop leading the industrial world in gun deaths. We need to abandon the idiotic, stupid and ridiculous argument that more guns mean fewer shootings. While no one is coming to take your guns, we need fewer guns in this country.

Maybe if we work toward those goals cops won’t be shot by crazy people while just sitting in their squad car or refilling their gas tank.

Guns are a bigger problem in this nation than immigrants crossing our border. Candidates need to talk about this more. You need to talk about this more.

Kanye For President


cjones09012015

At last weekend’s MTV Video Music Awards (they still have those?) Kanye West says he’s going to run for president in 2020. Why 2020 and not 2016? Because there’s so much insanity in Campaign 2016 that we’re going to have to save some for 2020. Donald Trump has started talking about perverts for God’s sake. Campaign 2016 is the best presidential campaign ever! Well it is for me, the general public not so much.

Since one of the GOP candidates is black the party can now claim diversity. None of their voters are African American but that one black candidate who’s campaigning on issues that will benefit rich white men totally diversifies the party.

Ben Carson isn’t just a candidate. He’s the number two candidate. And unlike Trump he’s running a very quiet campaign. What boggles my mind is that Carson is a doctor. He’s separated conjoined twins. Yet he talks like he’s never cracked open a science text book before, especially when he makes statements like “a lot of people who go in­to pris­on go in­to pris­on straight””and when they come out, they’re gay.”

He says some other crazy stuff too like this is Gestapo age. I thought the Gestapo age was the age when the Gestapo actually existed. Maybe I should crack open a history book. Maybe he was talking about gazpacho. He could be a cold soup fan.

He could use some time in front of a history book also. He’s stated that student who graduate from advanced history courses would be ready to sign up for ISIS. What? He’s also compared Obamacare to slavery. Again….what?

We should probably warn Australia that Carson’s wife has stated they’re prepared to move there if the election doesn’t go their way.

Other than that, I just like to draw Republicans being stupid. It fits. Did you know that a recent poll found that 29% of Republican voters believe Obama was born in the United States. If you think that’s stupid, 40% believe Ted Cruz was born in the United States. There are some things I can’t make up.

Paying For The Wall


cjones08312015

The Donald Trump Xenophobia Campaign isn’t just rolling along, it’s steam rolling. It’s gaining so much support that the other GOP candidates are competing for racist and outrageous comments.

Wisconsin governor Scott Walker says we should build a wall on the Canadian border. I think if a Republican wins the presidency then Canada will want that wall. How many people will flee to Canada?

By the way: Rush Limbaugh promised he’d run away to Costa Rica if Obamacare lasted five years. Why’s he still here?

I’m hearing a lot of hardcore conservatives rant about Trump. They’re not happy. But here’s the thing, my conservative friends: What does it say about your party that Donald Trump is leading the polls and by such a wide margin?

Conservatives built this monster called Trump. They have spent decades cultivating votes from uneducated people. They have spent years misinforming people so that poor white voters vote for them. They have spent years attracting racists. Now they wonder how a Donald Trump can lead in the GOP polls. This is your baby.

I came up with this idea after reading a news item on Walker. I almost tweeted a satirical comment about it until I stopped myself realizing it was my next cartoon.

Utah Stomps On Planned Parenthood


utah08302015

Utah’s governor Gary Herbert is trying to defund Planned Parenthood because of all those sneaky (probably illegal) videos made by the Center For Medical Progress. That’s an odd name for a group trying to restore back-alley-clothes-hanger abortions.

These videos are smearing Planned Parenthood and trying to mislead the public. Never mind the fact PP is not doing anything illegal. Five states, Pennsylvania, Georgia, Indiana, South Dakota, and Massachusetts, have already ruled that PP is clear of any wrongdoing (chew on that). You won’t read that at Breitbart. Another thing you won’t read at right wing troll sites is that the Center For Medical Progress receives funding from Operation Rescue which has an ugly history of being connected to violence against abortion clinics and doctors.

Being anti abortion is fine. That’s your opinion and you’re entitled to it. Spreading false information is not fine. It’s disgusting and irresponsible. It’s especially disgusting if you’re elected to serve the public or you work in the media. It’s revolting for journalists to engage in lying. Yes, if you’re in the opinion game in the media, talking head, editorial writer, columnist or even political cartoonist, you’re a journalist.

If you have information that doesn’t help your argument then you tend to ignore it. To ignore it and keep spreading lies is a violation of ethics and it makes you a liar. Unfortunately too many appear not to have any ethics and they don’t have a problem being a liar. I know ethics is something some “journalists” don’t think about but guess what, you’re supposed to have them (I’m willing to venture that the publications that run your work actually have ethics policies. You should look into it). If you have to lie to support your argument then you have a weak argument.

I think what really infuriates me is that lying to support your cause works. It’s been working for a long time. Republicans have been doing it effectively for a long time. It helps their base is stupid. But it does work. Ask Joseph Goebbels.

Here’s the rough.

WP_20150827_001