Chatty Marco


cjones02082016

Chatty Cathys haven’t been made since the 1950’s but everyone knows what they are. It’s a pretty good insult for someone who won’t get off the phone…or shut up. The Rubio campaign should love this comparison.

Marco Rubio is a very talented politician. Of course being a talented politician doesn’t always mean you’re talented at accomplishments. You may only be talented at running for office. For years people in politics, members of both parties, have made accusations that Rubio is a talking points kind of guy. He’s good in a debate, giving a speech, conducting an interview, but he’s not good if he has to stray from the talking points, or if he runs out of them.

Chris Christie has been harping about this for a while but nobody’s been listening because he’s Chris Christie. He finally got his chance during Saturday’s GOP debate. Rubio went into his talking point about “Obama knowing what he’s doing and he’s transforming the country, blah blah blah.” Christie said “there it is. That’s his “memorized 25-second speech.” Marco responded by repeating the same talking point and Christie nailed him with an interruption and pointing out he was doing the speech again. Shortly after this exchange Rubio gave the same talking points again. Yikes. It as like going to see Skynyrd and they play “Free Bird” for two hours.

It’s the kind of thing that could be damaging. This could be hurtful on a Howard Dean Scream level.

This will probably hurt Rubio Tuesday night in the New Hampshire primary and not help Christie at all. Christie doesn’t get points because Rubio sucks. He’s just really good at being a bully and fun to watch while doing so.

Update and correction: A sharp reader of mine pointed out that Chatty Cathys were sold during the 1960’s, not the 1950’s as I had written. I actually went to the Wikipedia site for Chatty Cathy looking for information on it and still messed it up. I was born in the 1960’s but I don’t remember them (most people can’t remember that decade for other reasons). Plus, I never played with dolls for girls. I swear. I had superheroes, GI Joes, a Fonzie and even the Sweat Hogs from Welcome Back Kotter.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Cruzin’ Over Carson


cjones02072016On Monday before the Iowa caucuses got rolling, Ben Carson decided to go home to get fresh clothes. What? Several questions before I get to the part where Ted Cruz is a total sleaze bag.

Why do you fly half way across the country for clothes? Why didn’t he pack enough clothes? Why can’t he do laundry in Iowa? Why can’t he buy new clothes in Iowa? Why can’t someone send him clothes? Do we need to have a clothes drive for Dr. Sleepy as if his house burned down, which celebrities did once for Tom Petty? Maybe Stevie Nicks has something in Ben’s size.

OK, now let’s bash Cruz.

CNN reported that Carson was taking a break from the campaign. In the first tweets from CNN political reporter Chris Moody, he reported that Carson was going home to Florida but he would stay in the race no matter what the Iowa results were.

After that Jake Tapper, Dana Bash, and Wolf Blitzer reported the Carson story and stated it was very unusual. It’s more unusual than the name “Wolf Blitzer.” But they never said he was suspending his campaign. Check it out at Politifact.

At 6:53 PM a Carson spokesperson tweeted that Carson “will be going back to Florida to get fresh clothes b4 heading back out on the campaign trail. Not standing down.” Three minutes later….three minutes, The Cruz campaign sends an email telling supporters, “The press is reporting that Dr. Ben Carson is taking time off from the campaign trail after Iowa and making a big announcement.”

Seven minutes later, the Cruz campaign app (they have an app?) sent a message to supporters that Carson “will stop campaigning after Iowa.” Then Cruz endorser Representative Steve King tweeted that Carson was suspending his campaign. The message on the campaign app told supporters to tell Carson supporters not to waste their vote, and vote for Cruz. And why not? If they want a gay bashing, immigrant hating, Theocracy slug unqualified for the presidency, well you can’t go wrong with Cruz.

Later, Cruz apologized but what happens so often when you lie you end up telling another lie to cover for the lie. Ted Cruz blamed CNN. He says they reported that Carson was suspending his campaign. Either Cruz is a bald-face liar or he lacks the ability to comprehend. Probably both.

It came up again at Saturday night’s debate, after Carson finally made it to the stage. He stopped during his introduction and loitered in the hallway. I thought maybe he fell asleep. That would make me suspect Cruz slipped him a roofie.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Those Damn Emails


cjones02062016

Full disclosure: I used to work for Blockbuster and I used to screw with people by telling them they didn’t rewind their DVD.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Shkreli Slimes Through Congress


cjones02052016

On Thursday, Martin Shkreli, the pharma bro who jacked up the price of a potentially life-saving drug percent, testified before the Congressional House Oversight Committee.

Before doing so Shkreli boasted “I would love to talk to Congress. I would berate them. I would insult them.” Shkreli got his change and totally clammed up.

For each question, other than how to pronounce his name, he pleaded the fifth. He wouldn’t even answer a question about his purchasing the only copy of the infamous Wu Tang Clan album.

Chairman Jason Chafettz and fellow Republican Trey Gowdy usually have little agreement with the leading Democrat on the committee, Elijah Cummings, but they all seemed to share a distaste for the most hated man in America as he smirked at them.

And smirked away he did. Cummings pleaded with him to “to use any remaining influence you have over your former company to press them to lower the prices of these drugs.” Shkreli continued to smirk, looking away, as if he couldn’t care less about scalping the terminally ill. And he doesn’t.

This guy might possibly make Ted Cruz appear cuddly. OK. He’s not that slimy, but close.

Shkreli is under investigation for securities fraud unrelated to the price-gouging. Maybe in the future he’ll face karma, whether he decides to talk or not.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Hillary Is Progressive


cjones02042016

There’s a really stupid argument right now in Campaign 2016 and it’s between the two most qualified for the presidency.

No, it’s not Trump angry at Ted Cruz for telling Iowa voters Ben Carson was withdrawing before they voted. It’s not Chris Christie calling Marco Rubio the “Bubble Boy.” It’s not even Jeb Bush pleading with his audience to clap.

It’s between Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders. Bernie says Hillary isn’t really progressive and Hillary thinks that’s a personal attack. First, it’s not a personal attack. You’re ugly, you like Ted Cruz, you bought “The Art Of The Deal,” you love Nickelback, those are personal attacks.

We’re arguing over labels now? I mean labels other than “socialist” that Republicans believe mean communism. Hillary has claimed in the past she’s moderate. Now she wants people to know she’s progressive. Bernie says you can’t be both. Can you? I would have to spend a lot of time thinking about where you draw the line.

You can be progressive on a lot of issues and still think trickle down works. You can a liberal and want voucher schools. You can be a conservative and believe gays should be free to marry (which is actually a conservative position when you really think about it).

I don’t care about those labels. I want to know the issues. Do you believe in universal health care? Free college? Wars paid with tax cuts? Barring Muslims from entering the country? The separation of Church and State? Labels Schmabels.

These two candidates need to define who is the candidate that believes in “progress” for this nation and to prevent (here’s a few labels) the racists, xenophobic, bigoted, regressive policies of the Republicans from taking this nation backwards.

I am not lampooning Hillary Clinton because I’m a Bernie Sanders supporter. I haven’t made up my mind between the two of them. There’s a lot of animosity between Sander’s and Clinton’s supporters and I’m not a part of that and don’t intend to jump in.

This is the first cartoon I’ve drawn this week that’s not disgusting by featuring political sex, vomit, or Ted Cruz. Are you proud of me? I had to draw this cartoon now because my next cartoon might feature a little bondage action. You’ve been warned.

I drew Flo about 40 times. That was a lot of erasing and I almost destroyed my paper doing it. She has a lot of features in a limited amount of space. I looked at photos of her and then I looked at caricatures of her. The way other people draw doesn’t work for me so I went back to the photos. I finally got one down I could live with and I don’t think the way I drew her is indicative of my usual style. Now that it’s done, I like it better than I did before. I’ll hate it tomorrow.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Iowa Coin Toss


cjones02032016

Ever see one of the many scenes in Family Guy where Cleveland is naked in his bathtub, his house destroyed and he and the tub are about to crash to the ground from the second story? As the tub is sliding before eventually falling Cleveland is saying “no, no, no, no.” That’s pretty much every human being’s reaction before any physical contact with Ted Cruz. The guy is creepy.

That was his daughter’s reaction this week when Daddy Ted came in for a kiss. No, no, no, no…ew. It happened.

Everybody hates Ted. His college roommate hates him so much that he’ll pick anyone in the phone book for president over Ted Cruz. A lot of people would extend that list to include those with unlisted numbers. Ted is probably responsible for a lot of people changing their digits.

George W. Bush said “I just don’t like the guy.” John Boehner called him a “jackass.” John McCain, Rand Paul, Mike Huckabee, Lindsey O. Graham, fJohn Cornyn, John Thune, and Tom Coburn have all publicly stated in regards to Cruz, “ew.” Bob Dole said that if Cruz is the nominee that he might oversleep on election day.

Not one member of the U.S. Senate, Cruz’s colleagues, has endorsed him for president. Ted Cruz was the kind of kid that required a pork chop tied around his neck so his dog would play with him. During his college years he would hang outside the womens’ showers in a bathrobe. Reportedly the women are still trying to wash the ick off.

On top of all that he looks like Grandpa Munster and he has really tiny hands. I don’t care who you are, that’s just creepy.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

 

Trump Sick Of Winning


cjones02022016

Football is ending just in time for a political junkie like myself. Watching the Iowa Caucuses results all night is a sport for me.

Usually after an election I like to focus on the winner, unless the loser is a bigger story. While Ted Cruz is a totally vile human being whose own daughter doesn’t want physical contact with him, Trump is the kind of guy who has too much physical contact with his daughter. Ew.

Trump has spent the last seven months talking about how he leads in the polls…and finally when one counts he comes in second. That’s a top story. It’s funny that second is a loss for Trump while third is a win for Rubio.

The race has come down to those three, Cruz, Trump, and Rubio.

There’s a lot of carton subjects from Monday night. What will I do with Cruz winning Iowa? What about Hillary’s and Bernie’s “tie?” Oops! It’s 3:40 AM on the East Coast and Hillary was just declared the winner.

The speeches and lack of speeches were interesting. Hillary’s campaign declared victory early though she didn’t mention it in her speech. Cruz talked about God and how our rights were granted by him (OK then). Rubio talked about God and how Hillary was disqualified from being president. Trump talked Trump. Bernie Sanders gave the best speech I’ve heard in a long time.

I tweeted early in the evening with a prediction a Republican would drop out after the results. If you had Huckabee in the office pool you’re a winner. O’Malley dropped out too. Reality doesn’t hit these guys as much as an empty campaign coffer. I’m sure someone else will drop out Tuesday. The rest, Bush, Carson, Fioriana, Santorum (I think he’ll drop out), etc., are living in denial.

I emailed the cartoon to my clients before I had a chance to write this blog and post the cartoon. One, The Moderate Voice, immediately emailed me that they were posting it. I got scooped by my own client. Go visit them.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!