United Kingdom

Trumpet Crumpets


cjones07282020

Donald Trump is corrupt. His cult points at him donating his salary to different government agencies while ignoring his frequent trips to his own golf resorts and every foreign diplomat and Republican in Washington, D.C. booking hotel and party rooms at his hotels. Attorney General William Barr spent over $30,000 to rent a conference room at Trump’s Washington hotel for an asshole party. There are other hotels and conference rooms in Washington, D.C. Former Secretary of the Interior Scott Pruitt tried to buy a used mattress from the Trump hotel. There are better places to buy a mattress in the Washington, D.C, area, and maybe even get one at a better price that didn’t have Russian hookers doing lord-knows-what-disgusting things on it.

When Donald Trump visits his shitty golf resorts, the governments has to book rooms. That means they have to pay for them. In fact, they have to book rooms surrounding the dates for Trump’s visits for security purposes and the possibility that he’ll stay longer. We, you and I, still have to pay for those rooms. The Trump Organization isn’t cutting us any slack. Donald Trump even charges the Secret Service rent at Trump Tower and for the use of golf carts to follow him around while he cheats at golf by stealing little boys’ balls. The motherfucker literally charges the Secret Service to protect his fat orange ass.

Donald Trump promised to drain the swamp. But the mere fact he’s continued Washington’s swampy ways is that he awards ambassadorships to campaign contributors. For example, the ambassadorship to the United Kingdom is probably the most lucrative diplomatic post we have and Donald Trump gave it to a guy named Woody. Woody Johnson is a billionaire and the owner of The New York Jets. He gave over a million dollars to the Trump Inauguration Committee where millions of dollars have just vanished. It’s like nobody’s even looking into that anymore. Zip. Bye-bye, money. For his donation, Woody got London.

Now, it’s been revealed that Woody was poking around trying to get the British Open, which is a golf tournament, to be awarded to…wait for it…oh fuck it, you know where this is going…to one of Donald Trump’s shitty resorts. Shockingly enough, he was trying to get it to one of Trump’s resorts in the UK and not one in the U.S.

When Donald Trump first banned travel from Europe because of the coronavirus pandemic, he made exceptions for nations that had…wait for it…oh you know this….exceptions for nations that had Trump resorts. Why? Because Donald Trump is corrupt. We need to talk about this a lot more often.

Woody apparently brought the subject up to Scotland’s Secretary of State. Scotland is where Trump’s Turnberry resort is located. In case you’re a Republican, Scotland is a country that’s part of the United Kindom. This is something that probably confused Trump previously as he’s shown confusion over what is the United Kingdom, England, Britain, and person, woman, man, camera, TV.

Woody told several colleagues he was going to make the request and his deputy, Lewis Lukens, a holdover from the Obama administration, told him it was a really bad idea. Asking for a personal favor, basically, a bribe to the president of the United States isn’t just not diplomatic, but it’s unethical and…wait for it again…has to be illegal.

Lukens was fired. Now, there’s confusion over whether he was fired for not liking the idea of asking host nations for bribes or if he was dismissed for saying something nice about President Obama at a diplomatic function. You know what type of little titty babies these people are in the Trump administration.

Woody Johnson tweeted, “I have followed the ethical rules and requirements of my office at all times,” which was about as much a denial as Congressman Ted Yoho’s apology to congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez for calling her a “fucking bitch” was an actual apology.

Donald Trump claimed he never spoke to Woody Johnson about it which is either a lie or the truth as he could have spoken to someone else to speak to Johnson about it. And, while denying that he was trying to benefit his property as president (sic), Donald Trump promoted his property from the presidency. He said, “No, I never spoke to Woody Johnson about that, about Turnberry. Turnberry’s a highly respected course, as you know, one of the best in the world. I read a story about it today, and I never spoke to Woody Johnson about doing that, no.” Also, you can probably get a really sweet deal on a used mattress from Turdberry.

Is Donald Trump the kind of guy who’d use his office to profit? Is he the kind of guy who’d ask for a major golf tournament to be hosted at one of his resorts? We do know he’s the kind of guy who’d try to host the G-7 at one of his shitty resorts.

Turdberry is a major money sucker and Trump has lost millions in it. He’s been craving for a major golf tournament to be hosted at one of his resorts for years but he’s been denied again and again. Why? Because his golf courses are crap. Several of his resorts are losing money, like Doral in Miami which is why he wanted the G-7 to be hosted there. Also, Doral is full of bedbugs so be careful if you go mattress shopping from a Trump property.

Donald Trump is corrupt. He’s raking in millions without even asking…but he’s asking too. And there’s no better way to lose respect in the international community than for our president (sic) to be asking our allies for bribes. It’s a bribe. Make no mistake about it. Bribe, bribe, bribity, bribe, bribe. It’s a fucking bribe. It’s not just unethical, it’s a crime for which Donald Trump should eventually go to fucking federal prison…among all the other multiple crimes he’s committed that he should go to fucking federal prison for.

And the new normal in Trump corruption is that this story lasted a day. It was swept aside for his canceling a convention in Jacksonville and for, “Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV.” It’s scary enough the Trump cult doesn’t care about Trump’s corruption, but that the rest of have become used to it. This is a big freaking deal. Everyone needs to freak out about it. I am. Can we all agree it’s wrong for the president (sic) to enrich himself from his office? Can we agree it’s wrong for the president (sic) to ask for bribes?

And since Republicans in Washington won’t remove Donald Trump for being corrupt, the responsibility is on us. We need to remove him in November. It’s important.

Donald Trump is corrupt and his supporters have a Woody for it.

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New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Ring-a-Ling Zelensky


cjones10012019

Volodymyr Zelensky, the president of Ukraine, is about to learn the hard way that everything Donald Trump touches…dies.

Zelensky ran on a campaign of fighting corruption. So imagine his horror when the transcript of his phone call with Donald Trump was released exposing him patronizing Trump’s conspiracy theories as well as expressing a willingness to assist Trump in bringing down his political opponents.

In case you’re a Republican, accepting help from a foreign government in your election is illegal. Hell, Mike Pence knows it. During his vice-presidential debate with Tim Kaine, he made a passionate argument that foreign governments can’t be involved in our political campaigns. But then again, Mike Pence has abandoned a lot of his previous positions to serve Trump.

Zelensky stated yesterday that he wasn’t pressured by Donald Trump to investigate the Bidens, who have not been implicated in anything corrupt in Ukraine. But the transcript shows there was intense pressure from Trump. Trump stated the U.S. has been very good to Ukraine but it hasn’t been reciprocal. As Zelensky talked about purchasing anti-tank missiles, Trump pivoted to asking for a “favor.” Yes, he used that word. Then, he dived into the Biden conspiracy, asking for it to be investigated. Zelensky made it clear that he had talked to Trump’s private lawyer, Rudy Giuliani. Trump asked him to speak with him again and that he’d also connect him with the U.S. attorney general, William Barr.

OK, two things. Why is Trump’s personal lawyer acting as a government lawyer and why is the attorney general acting like Trump’s personal lawyer? Despite being mentioned in this conversation, William Barr is not recusing himself from any of the investigations. This is not fighting corruption. This is corruption.

What really came to a shock to many in Ukraine was Zelensky’s statement, “The next prosecutor will be 100 percent my person.” Prosecutors in Ukraine, much like the attorney general in the U.S., are supposed to be independent, not anybody’s “person.” Zelensky’s got some ‘zlaining to do.

Zelensky’s best defense will be to argue that he was patronizing Trump because that’s every nation’s strategy that wants something from the United States. Kiss Trump’s ass and flatter his ego. Zelensky did that earlier in the call by saying he used some of Trump’s campaign techniques for his own campaign. His best bet will be to say he was agreeing with Trump without any intention of following through because there’s nothing really to follow through with, unless they make some crap up.  There isn’t any dirt on Biden. There’s no there there, as Republicans like to say.

Joe Biden called for a Ukrainian prosecutor to be removed. It’s argued that he wanted him removed because the prosecutor was investigating his son, Hunter Biden. That’s not true. The prosecutor had actually dropped an investigation into the company where Hunter was on the board. Hunter Biden himself was never being investigated. The position to remove the prosecutor wasn’t just Biden’s. It was the position of the United States and the European Union. In fact, those fighting corruption in Ukraine wanted the prosecutor removed.

The question to ask Trump and every other Republican is, what are you investigating? Are you investigating that there needs to be an investigation? I mean, what did Hunter Biden do? What criminal act is there? Can you at least make something up other than screaming he’s corrupt? Seriously, pay attention to what they’re saying on the news. What you’re not hearing are actual allegations.

Trump’s defense here is that he engaged in corruption to root out corruption. Now, most Republicans are saying there’s no “quid pro quo,” despite the fact there doesn’t have to be (even though in the phone call, there is).

Several Republicans are arguing that by releasing the transcript of the phone call, other foreign leaders will be hesitant to talk to Trump out of fear the conversations won’t be private. So the argument is, they’re afraid to talk to Trump because he’s stupid and corrupt and he’ll drag them down with him? The truth is, that stupid ship sailed and sank around the time Trump gave away classified information to Russians in the Oval Office. Classified information he acquired from an ally…and then gave to an enemy. Yeah, methinks the trust in Trump went bye-bye a long time ago.

If world leaders don’t know they can’t trust Trump, then they shouldn’t be leading their nations. Quite frankly, nobody should be as dumb as the United States to place an idiot like Donald Trump at the head of their government…except the United Kingdom, oh, and Israel.

I hope Zelensky has call waiting.

Support the cartoonist.

As I noted in a previous cartoon, these are perilous times for political cartoonists. But you can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print).I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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Toadies Over Tories


cjones09132019

Imagine if Lindsey Graham called Donald Trump a “race-baiting, xenophobic bigot,” but today, not back in 2015. Imagine if Devin Nunes demanded a fair investigation into Russian meddling in our election instead of running to the White House under the cover of darkness to align talking points. Imagine if Jim Jordan and Matt Gaetz demanded accountability from Donald Trump and didn’t just sit on committees shouting down those who did. Imagine if Ted Cruz had a backbone and could remember Donald Trump accused his father of murder and insulted his wife’s looks. Imagine any of the Trump kids being anything other than mindless remoras.

Like Donald Trump, Boris Johnson did not become the leader of his nation with a mandate. Instead, both men assumed power with the support of a minority of their citizens. Most people, not just in the United States and the United Kingdom, but worldwide, detest both men. Johnson became prime minister after his predecessor, Theresa May, failed to get a Brexit deal through Parliament. Johnson promised a Brexit deal and called his critics “doubters, doomsters, and gloomsters.” Now it turns out, those “doubters, doomsters, and gloomsters” aren’t just in the opposition or even in his own party, but also in his own family.

Britain didn’t think there could be a worse prime minister than Theresa May. Just as we were in our opinions about George W. Bush, they were wrong.

Johnson lost every one of his first votes in Parliament. He expelled 21 members from his party for voting against him, thus removing his majority. The biggest humiliation for Boris was when his own brother, Jo Johnson, resigned from parliament this week saying he was “torn between family loyalty and the national interest.”

If only the Republican Party would put the national interest over the cult of Donald Trump. Even the ones who don’t want to play along anymore would rather resign than stand against Russian meddling, racism, defending Nazis, or Trump’s ignorance and stupidity. They would rather take their ball and go home than to stop pretending Donald Trump is NOT a narcissistic pathological liar whose hatred and dumbfuckery are tearing the nation apart. None will speak out on Trump taking money from the military for his racist border wall. The GOP won’t even speak out on Trump’s grifting and his using the presidency to increase his wealth.

While Trump boasts that he donates his $400,000-a-year salary back to the government, his golf trips have cost taxpayers, so far, over $110 million. Forbes speculates it’ll eventually be over $340 million. He’s spent over 200 days at his own resorts, which puts government money into his pocket. He’s proposing that the next G7 Summit be held at one of his failing clubs arguing it’s a great idea because it’s close to an airport. Meanwhile, Mike Pence went three hours out of his way to stay at Trump’s Irish golf resort, which involved an hour-long motorcade from his hotel to the airport to get back to Dublin.

Pence’s business in Ireland was in Dublin, but on his boss’s “suggestion,” he decided to stay 140 miles away at Trump’s Doonbeg club, continuing the Trump administration’s pattern of corruption. Additionally, it was reported this week that Pence’s PAC has spent a quarter of a million dollars at Trump properties. Don’t expect the attorney general to look into any matters of emoluments, as he plans to spend $30,000 of his own money on a party at Trump’s D.C. hotel.

Pence isn’t the only good Trump toad. At least 24 of the 32 people who have served in Trump’s cabinet (which is another issue as there are only 15 cabinet positions) and 26 (that we know of) of the 53 Republicans have spent money at Trump’s hotels, totaling (so far) over $20 million. Pence called his out-of-the-way stay at Douchebag, er…Doonbeg, “logical.” For Republicans throwing money, theirs and yours at Trump properties, it’s also logical.

Donald Trump is about the Benjamins. Trump is very easy to manipulate with flattery and one way to flatter the man is to throw money at him. It’s why foreign governments make sure to book Trump hotel rooms when they’re in the country, even when like the Saudis, they don’t actually stay there (and if you’re really going to stay at the best, you don’t stay at Trump).

The United Kingdom followed America in installing a boorish, unpopular, racist as their leader. Now, the United States needs to follow the UK’s lead and put the nation over the manbaby in the White House.

Support the cartoonist.

As I noted in a previous cartoon, these are perilous times for political cartoonists. But you can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print).I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Boris Baby


cjones07302019

Boris Johnson is the new prime minister of the United Kingdom and not the “United Kingston” as Ivanka Trump tweeted. The Princess of Nepotism underscores just how much we have in common with our greatest ally, and that is stupid, narcissistic, racist leadership that may destroy our countries.

And the two leaders, Trump and Johnson, have a lot in common. They were both born in New York City and wear bleached dead wombats on their heads. They’re both liars, Boris lost a newspaper job for plagiarism and even lied about Brexit which helped lead to its passing. Trump lied about Brexit too, claiming he stood in Scotland the day before Brexit predicting it would pass, but the fact is, he was in Scotland the day AFTER Brexit passed, predicting it would cause the collapse of the European Union, something he and Vladimir Putin would rejoice over.

As The Guardian compares them, “Both are loudmouthed man-children, with a history of adultery and other scandals, whose professional success is a combination of immense privilege, unscrupulous opportunism, and relentless self-promotion, all happily promoted by a complicit environment.”

Both are bigots. Just last week, Trump told black women to “Go back to where you came from.” In the past, Boris has referred to Africans as “pickaninnies” with “watermelon smiles,” to writing in a column for The Daily Telegraph that Muslim women wearing burqas look like “mailboxes,” “bank robbers” and “letter bombers.” He’s referred to gay men as “tank-topped bumboys” and female Labor MPs as “hot totties.”

Another thing they have in common is that they were both put into office by a minority of the population. Boris actually has a smaller mandate than Trump, who won roughly 46% of the popular vote, coming in behind Hillary Clinton by nearly three million votes. Boris was chosen by the membership of the Conservative party, which accounts for roughly 0.2% of the British population. Boris’ electorate is actually older and whiter than Trump’s. Both men will refuse to be leaders of their entire nations and will cater to just their base, which is racist white people.

Trump ran for president promising to build a wall on the southern border and Mexico would pay for it. Boris lied with a xenophobic strategy as well during the Brexit campaign, claiming Turkey would join the European Union and become a back door for Syrian refugees to enter the UK. Then, he promised to build a wall on the French border and make Syria pay for it (I made that part up).

Both men are prone to attack the physical appearances of others despite the way they look. Trump insulted then-presidential candidate Carly Fiorina’s face, called Rosie O’Donnell “fat” and “ugly,” and even called a winner of his Miss Universe pageant “Miss Piggy,” despite the fact he looks like a rancid muppet. Boris once said that Vladimir Putin looked like Dobby, the house elf from Harry Potter.

It’s interesting that within another similarity, you find that one difference. Neither man would be in the top office of their respective nations today without an assist from Putin, yet Johnson will criticize Putin while Trump only lavishes worship and praise on the Russian strongman.

When Putin said, “The liberal idea had outlived its purpose,” and “the liberal idea has become obsolete.” Boris said history would prove Putin wrong. Trump, being unable to comprehend that Putin was attacking western democracies and not his Democratic Party rivals and liberals in California, rejoiced in Putin’s statement and added that Putin “congratulated” him as “every other leader of every other country” had done.

OK, that’s another difference. Boris can read and comprehend.

Before the Brexit vote, the Russian government was interfering by promoting false information on social media with Twitter bots and Russian troll farms in a similar manner in which they meddled in the U.S. presidential election in favor of Donald Trump. Cambridge Analytica aided both campaigns and may have coordinated with Russia to spread their propaganda.

If there was no Russian meddling, Trump wouldn’t be in the White House and Boris wouldn’t be moving into 10 Downing Street today. Right now, Putin must be happy despite looking a lot like Dobby.

These two babies belong to Putin but its the rest of us who will have to clean up their mess.

Support the cartoonist

As I noted in a previous cartoon, these are perilous times for political cartoonists. But you can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print).I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

UK Baby Baby


cjones06052019

When Donald Trump pays an international visit, he’s not courted and given pomp and pageantry because he’s liked, admired, and well respected. He’s given all that because of the direct opposite. He’s given, no pun intended, the royal treatment because foreign leaders understand his fragile ego soaks it up and it makes it easier for them to manipulate him. Trump’s visit the United Kingdom is only the third time a state visit has been given to an American president (the other two being George W. Bush and Barack Obama).

Trump has been given state dinners, parades, and even a sword dance. Basically, he’s feted this way because he’s a baby. The majority of the UK’s citizens understand this and have chosen to welcome Trump, once again, with a giant blimp of a Trump baby.

Trump displayed his level of class for his host by calling Princess Meghan Markle “nasty,” then denying it happened, despite there being audio of it. He used the same insult for London’s mayor, Sadiq Khan. Then, he griped about the impression CNN is giving the world of the United States (while watching local coverage in London), and suggested consumers should boycott the network and its parent company, AT&T. He’s also attempted to interfere in the debates over Brexit and the decision on who will serve as the next prime minister.

Trump stated, “Haven’t seen any protests yet, but I’m sure the ‘fake news’ will be working hard to find them.” Yeah, I’m not sure finding them will be that difficult when they’re flying a giant orange balloon shaped like a Trump baby. Last year during Trump’s visit, over 250,000 crammed the streets of London, with a further 150,000 around the UK to protests America’s baby. Hearing of the balloon, Trump decided to avoid London because it hurt his feelings, which makes me think we should put a Trump baby on every street corner in the United States.

Trump has a 70 percent negative rating in the UK. You don’t have to be a far-left liberal to see that Donald Trump is a xenophobic, racist, sexist, Nazi-defending ignoramus. Trump should be protested and unwelcomed everywhere he visits. Protesting is standing against the hateful agenda of Donald Trump. This treatment shouldn’t just be expressed by the citizens, but by government leaders as well.

It’s disappointing that world leaders patronize the actual Trump baby, even if it’s for the benefit of alliances and trade. Trump doesn’t deserve tea with the Queen. He deserves a milkshake. Stop patronizing and start protesting.

Music and humor are the two things I’m proud of most with my British ancestry. Now, when citing the Beatles, Monty Python, and the guys who gave us Shaun of the Dead, I can also point to the protesters who fly the Trump Baby.

Thank, you UK. Fly, baby, fly.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch Me Draw.

Trumped Up Brexit


cjones05282019.jpg

Voters in the United Kingdom can be just as poorly informed as their counterparts in the United States. They can also be just as easily manipulated by Russian troll farms.

While the European Union isn’t perfect and there are serious issues for each nation involved to resolve, it’s stupid for the United Kingdom to leave it and form an isolationist position. That’s exactly why Vladimir Putin directed the Kremlin to engage in election meddling in the UK’s EU vote. Russia does not have the UK’s best interest at heart.

Likewise, Russia wants what’s worse for the United States which is why they meddled in our election to help elect Donald Trump. I have often said that a voting primer is to vote against Vladimir Putin’s best interest. You would have to be an idiot to vote for Putin’s candidate.

Idiots in the United States gave us Donald Trump. Now, Boris Johnson is about to become Prime Minister because of a bunch of British idiots…and Welsh, Scottish, and Irish (though fewer Scots and Irish supported Brexit than people in England and Wales).

Theresa May had been struggling for a deal with the European Union on the UK’s exit. Boris Johnson is promising an exit even without a deal. Trump, who claims he’s a great negotiator, has operated the same way. The formula is to throw the baby out with the baby water and hope the other side returns the baby.

Trump left the Paris Climate Accord, the Trans-Pacific Partnership, NAFTA, and the Iran Nuclear Treaty without any replacements. He tried to end Obamacare without a replacement. He’s also threatened to leave NATO. Meanwhile in the Kremlin, Putin is smiling.

Boris Johnson and Donald Trump have much in common. While Boris isn’t as stupid as Trump (it takes a lot more political savvy to weave your way through British politics than it does  to dupe 62 million American voters with “build a wall and Mexico will pay for it”), he is an isolationist populist who puts his own self interest before his nation’s. Both use racist dog whistles. Both are Russian puppets. Both are isolationist and nation first guys. They both troll the least informed for support. Both have ridiculous yellow hair (though Boris’ looks real). They were both born in New York City. And, they both are willing to initiate maneuvers without any regard for the dangerous consequences. If England wasn’t an island, Boris would be chanting for a wall. If you’re a Trump or one of his supporters, yes. England is an island.

Both of these guys serve Russian interests. Boris was even named after a Russian.

Trump once referred third-world nations as “shithole” countries. Boris once compared infighting in his Conservative Party to “Papua New Guinea-style orgies of cannibalism and chief-killing.” Trump is known as a liar and loves to make shit up. Boris was once fired as a journalist for making up a quote.

Donald Trump undermined Theresa May by saying Boris would make a great Prime Minister. He also thinks he’s doing a great job as president.

Most Brits view Trump as a laughingstock. Only one in four of them believe Boris should be Prime Minister which means they’re about to get their own laughingstock. Personally, I have to find time away from laughing at our laughingstock to laugh at Britain’s. Likewise, Brits may have less focus to create Trump Babies because they’ll be making a Boris Baby.

But, the lesson for my British friends is this: Vote stupid, stupid things happen. Need an example? Baby, I can give you one.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch Me Draw.

Trump Baby


cjones07102018

 

For the first time in my life, I think I feel sorry for the Queen of England.

At some point between meeting Prime Minster Theresa May, Boris Johnson, listening to bagpipes, golf in Scotland, lots of executive time, and avoiding protesters, Donald Trump will meet Queen Elizabeth. God help the Queen.

It’s the protests that may be the most interesting. Over one million people signed a petition to ban Trump from visiting the United Kingdom. It worked for a while as Trump canceled a previously planned trip. He blamed the excessive cost of the American embassy and blamed Obama, despite the embassy being planned during the second Bush administration.

Street protests against America’s wannabe fascist are expected to draw over 100,000 people in London, which Trump plans to mostly avoid. The mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, who Trump has feuded with, says Trump is not welcome in his city. He’s even gone so far as to approve a permit for a giant Trump baby balloon to float above the Palace of Westminster.

Trump Baby is a cartoonish depiction of Trump as an infant (about the same age as migrant children he’s been throwing into baby prisons). The floating caricature looks angry, is wearing diapers, and holding a cell phone. Organizers set a fundraising goal of $20,000 for the Trump Baby, which they surpassed. Apparently, more people in London want to see Trump Baby than the real man baby.

Some people in the UK don’t like it. UKIP leader Nigel Farage said the plan was “the biggest insult to a sitting US President ever.” Maybe he’s not a history buff and is unaware of the time Britain literally burned down the White House.

Though Trump Baby has been approved by the mayor’s office, it still needs permits from the National Air Traffic Service and the Metropolitan Police.

According to people close to Trump who like to leak embarrassing details about their boss, he really hates being called or treated like a baby, which is really odd because he expects to be coddled everywhere he goes. He’s even planning some alone coddling time with Vladimir Putin during their summit in Finland next week. Maybe they can get a honeymoon suite at the Helsinki Hilton.

Since the organizers exceeded their fundraising goal, they plan to send Trump Baby on a world tour. The plan is to have the balloon haunt Trump wherever he goes. I think Tom Steyer, the impeach Trump guy, should spend his billions on funding Trump Baby’s journey. It’d be a more effective way of trolling Trump than those commercials, and funnier too.  Perhaps your city could float its own Trump Baby as a Trump deterrent.

It may also keep scarecrows out of your cornfields.

Watch me draw.

Thank you for your support. Reader contributions really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and the First Amendment, and independent journalism while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

MayHem


cjones06142017

If you’re unfamiliar with how the British parliamentary system works, you’re not far behind me. It can be a little confusing if you’ve been in the American system your entire life with Republican versus Democratic in Presidential, House, and Senate elections. The Brits do it a little different.

I’ll explain how it works. Consider it a UK primer for dummies written by a dummy.

The UK has The Conservatives (like our Republicans) and the Labour party (which is like our Democratic party). The voters don’t elect a Prime Minister outright. They vote for Parliament and the majority party sends their leader to 10 Downing Street (their White House, sort of). The unique thing about this is that the Prime Minister is still a member of Parliament. Imagine if Donald Trump was still a Congressman while he’s also president.

Like the U.S. the United Kingdom has scheduled elections, but under certain circumstances, the Prime Minister can call a “snap” election. What sort of circumstances? Usually, because they want to. The next regularly-scheduled election was for 2020 but Theresa May got a little antsy.

After the Brexit vote the Prime Minister, David Cameron resigned. He had opposed leaving the European Union and left to make way for a Prime Minister who would support it. Enter Theresa May, the new Prime Minister. Theresa wanted to increase her majority so she would have a mandate for negotiating leaving the EU. She and the Conservatives felt they would greatly increase their numbers. It didn’t work out for them.

They still have their majority but the Conservatives lost 13 seats, thus they lost their “working” majority. The Labour party picked up 30 seats. Before the election was called the Conservatives were leading in the polls by 20 points.

What hurt the Conservatives? First off, Theresa May is a terrible campaigner (imagine Hillary but less charming). The choice to leave the European Union started to sour. The terror attacks hurt, but probably not as much as Theresa’s response which was to instill fear and hate in her nation. Theresa May was sounding a bit too much like Donald Trump. Guess who’s not very popular in the UK. Donald Trump. In The UK, “Trump” is slang for fart. It’s becoming slang for a LOT of things in the U.S.

Trump wasn’t popular in the UK before the recent attacks in London. The animosity towards him increased after his response was to criticize and feud with the city’s mayor. Theresa May didn’t stick up for the mayor. Many felt she is an appeaser to Trump. We have a bunch of those here in the U.S.

Trump is so unpopular in England that he’s now considering delaying his upcoming visit. According to The Guardian, Trump told May “he did not want to visit until he had support from the British public.” So apparently Trump is NEVER going to visit England. Trump likes adoring crowds. Not crowds that will call him a “Cheeto-stained shitgibbon.” I think “shitgibbon” is the British way of saying he’s a “shit weasel.”

Theresa May may want Trump to delay his visit. While she has a majority, she does not have a “working” majority which her party needs to control Parliament. The only way they can have the working majority is to create an alliance with a fringe political party from Northern Ireland (Parliament has several parties while we just have the two). Her party is already upset with her for calling an unnecessary election and losing seats. New video footage of May holding hands with Trump, like she did in Washington, probably won’t warm her up more to the Brits, and her party can dump her for a new PM.

If Theresa May doesn’t understand that her nation doesn’t like Donald Trump, then she’s more out of touch with the United Kingdom than I am.

Creative notes: A few of my cartooning colleagues have made comments to me about my knack for drawing crowds. Most refuse to go into it as much as I do because they hate drawing crowds. That’s OK because each of them does something really detailed and technical that I can’t draw.

Most cartoonists hate lettering and drawing a whole bunch of people. I don’t really mind either, but I don’t want to do a lot of it every day. This cartoon has both so my next drawing will probably be wordless stick figures.

I did some research on this and visited a few sites to look up British insults (again. Hey, there might be something new), and protest signs. I also made a call to my friend, Rebecca Hendin, who is an American working for Buzzfeed in their London office. She’s the perfect person for me to get details from since she’s in London, she draws cartoons, and being a fellow Yank, she knows how stupid I am. She threw about 29 links at me, each of a different protest. They’ve been having a LOT of protests in England lately.

Some signs in this cartoon are from actual protesters. Others I manipulated and made my own. There were several words I chose not to use as I want this cartoon to be printed in U.S. newspapers and some of my editors might look up the definitions. Those words are “wanker,” “Brexshit,” “tosser,” “twat”, and “bawbag.” I really wanted to use “bawbag.”

The two things I’m really proud of with my English lineage is the style of humor and the cursing. Nobody curses better than those in the UK. They’re just mean, especially the Scottish. I’m kinda scared of Scotland.

By the way, this cartoon took over EIGHT hours to draw. Yes. Eight. This is what it looked like around six hours.

20170612_053927

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Toodle Pip, EU


cjones06252016

I’m a fan of British humor. From Monty Python to The Young Ones to The Three Flavours Cornetto Trilogy to the first two Beatles movies. One of the biggest aspects of the humor, or “humour” to me is the slang. American slang sucks compared to the English, especially when it comes to insults.

Donald Trump might have learned that Friday if he had the capability to comprehend and learn stuff.

On Friday after the Brexit vote Trump sent out a tweet while he was promoting his failing golf club in Scotland. There’s no larger evidence that Trump’s presidential campaign is more about his brand than policies than him taking a break to promote a failing golf club overseas.

I digress. Trump celebrated the United Kingdom leaving the European Union, even though he probably doesn’t understand it. He had it explained to him a few weeks ago on live television. Now he thinks it’s a great development. His tweet stated “Just arrived in Scotland. Place is going wild over the vote. They took their country back, just like we will take America back. No games!”

The most ignorant thing about Trump’s tweet is that Scotland voted 62% to 38% to stay in the EU. One clever twitter user replied to Trump’s tweet with “Scotland voted Remain, you weapons-grade plum.”

It didn’t stop there. Please forgive the not safe for family newspaper language here but further insults were:

Delete your golf course.

Scotland voted Remain you muppet.

Scotland voted to stay you numpty.

Scotland voted to remain, you tit.

Oi, buttplug face, Scotland are pro-EU.

Scotland voted overwhelmingly to stay in Europe you toupéd fucktrumpet

SCOTLAND VOTED TO STAY, YOU WITLESS FUCKING COCKSPLAT!

No, they aren’t you cockwomble.

Scotland voted remain  you incomprehensible jizztrumpet.

Scotland voted stay & plan on a second referendum, you tiny fingered, Chetto-faced, ferret wearing shitgibbon.

Scotland hates both Brexit and you, you mangled apricot hellbeast.

They voted remain you spoon.

To top his day off, one Scottish protester dropped golf balls all around him at his press conference. The golf balls were emblazoned with Swastikas. Too bad Corey Lewandowski had been fired and wasn’t there to rough the Scot up.

Trump is a spoon. A great big touped, Chetto-faced spoon.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Great Reason To Leave The EU


cjones02232016

Have you ever turned on BBC and watched a debate in the UK’s House Of Commons? I don’t recommend it for Americans because it will make you sad. It’s pretty civil and intelligent compared to our Congress. While the Brits are expounding their positions in great relevant detail, we have congressmen throwing snowballs on the House floor to debunk Climate Change.

I apologize to all my British friends for the over use of stereotypical slang from England in this cartoon. Also, how often can I put the term “wanker” into an editorial cartoon? That might scare off my editors but let me defend it. From the Urban Dictionary (there’s a trusted source!), “While to ‘wank’ means ‘to masturbate, the term “wanker” is seldom if ever used in British slang to denote “one who wanks”. It is quite wrong to infer from somebody’s being a wanker that they in fact wank (and vice versa), but of course, fair to assume they do in any case. Herein lies the genius of the insult: if you call someone a wanker, it’s probably true, but only literally.

So there you go. “Wanker” is OK. And I seriously doubt anyone but MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough is wanking off Donald Trump.

There’s a lot of people threatening to leave the United States if Donald Trump becomes president. Cape Breton is an island in the Canadian province (that’s like a state, you wanker) of Nova Scotia inviting Americans to immigrate if the horror of a Trump presidency actually happens. Meanwhile, we’re still waiting on Rush Limbaugh to move to Costa Rica, which he promised to years ago if Obamacare ever became law. Why is he still here?

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!