United Kingdom

Trump Baby


cjones07102018

 

For the first time in my life, I think I feel sorry for the Queen of England.

At some point between meeting Prime Minster Theresa May, Boris Johnson, listening to bagpipes, golf in Scotland, lots of executive time, and avoiding protesters, Donald Trump will meet Queen Elizabeth. God help the Queen.

It’s the protests that may be the most interesting. Over one million people signed a petition to ban Trump from visiting the United Kingdom. It worked for a while as Trump canceled a previously planned trip. He blamed the excessive cost of the American embassy and blamed Obama, despite the embassy being planned during the second Bush administration.

Street protests against America’s wannabe fascist are expected to draw over 100,000 people in London, which Trump plans to mostly avoid. The mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, who Trump has feuded with, says Trump is not welcome in his city. He’s even gone so far as to approve a permit for a giant Trump baby balloon to float above the Palace of Westminster.

Trump Baby is a cartoonish depiction of Trump as an infant (about the same age as migrant children he’s been throwing into baby prisons). The floating caricature looks angry, is wearing diapers, and holding a cell phone. Organizers set a fundraising goal of $20,000 for the Trump Baby, which they surpassed. Apparently, more people in London want to see Trump Baby than the real man baby.

Some people in the UK don’t like it. UKIP leader Nigel Farage said the plan was “the biggest insult to a sitting US President ever.” Maybe he’s not a history buff and is unaware of the time Britain literally burned down the White House.

Though Trump Baby has been approved by the mayor’s office, it still needs permits from the National Air Traffic Service and the Metropolitan Police.

According to people close to Trump who like to leak embarrassing details about their boss, he really hates being called or treated like a baby, which is really odd because he expects to be coddled everywhere he goes. He’s even planning some alone coddling time with Vladimir Putin during their summit in Finland next week. Maybe they can get a honeymoon suite at the Helsinki Hilton.

Since the organizers exceeded their fundraising goal, they plan to send Trump Baby on a world tour. The plan is to have the balloon haunt Trump wherever he goes. I think Tom Steyer, the impeach Trump guy, should spend his billions on funding Trump Baby’s journey. It’d be a more effective way of trolling Trump than those commercials, and funnier too.  Perhaps your city could float its own Trump Baby as a Trump deterrent.

It may also keep scarecrows out of your cornfields.

Watch me draw.

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MayHem


cjones06142017

If you’re unfamiliar with how the British parliamentary system works, you’re not far behind me. It can be a little confusing if you’ve been in the American system your entire life with Republican versus Democratic in Presidential, House, and Senate elections. The Brits do it a little different.

I’ll explain how it works. Consider it a UK primer for dummies written by a dummy.

The UK has The Conservatives (like our Republicans) and the Labour party (which is like our Democratic party). The voters don’t elect a Prime Minister outright. They vote for Parliament and the majority party sends their leader to 10 Downing Street (their White House, sort of). The unique thing about this is that the Prime Minister is still a member of Parliament. Imagine if Donald Trump was still a Congressman while he’s also president.

Like the U.S. the United Kingdom has scheduled elections, but under certain circumstances, the Prime Minister can call a “snap” election. What sort of circumstances? Usually, because they want to. The next regularly-scheduled election was for 2020 but Theresa May got a little antsy.

After the Brexit vote the Prime Minister, David Cameron resigned. He had opposed leaving the European Union and left to make way for a Prime Minister who would support it. Enter Theresa May, the new Prime Minister. Theresa wanted to increase her majority so she would have a mandate for negotiating leaving the EU. She and the Conservatives felt they would greatly increase their numbers. It didn’t work out for them.

They still have their majority but the Conservatives lost 13 seats, thus they lost their “working” majority. The Labour party picked up 30 seats. Before the election was called the Conservatives were leading in the polls by 20 points.

What hurt the Conservatives? First off, Theresa May is a terrible campaigner (imagine Hillary but less charming). The choice to leave the European Union started to sour. The terror attacks hurt, but probably not as much as Theresa’s response which was to instill fear and hate in her nation. Theresa May was sounding a bit too much like Donald Trump. Guess who’s not very popular in the UK. Donald Trump. In The UK, “Trump” is slang for fart. It’s becoming slang for a LOT of things in the U.S.

Trump wasn’t popular in the UK before the recent attacks in London. The animosity towards him increased after his response was to criticize and feud with the city’s mayor. Theresa May didn’t stick up for the mayor. Many felt she is an appeaser to Trump. We have a bunch of those here in the U.S.

Trump is so unpopular in England that he’s now considering delaying his upcoming visit. According to The Guardian, Trump told May “he did not want to visit until he had support from the British public.” So apparently Trump is NEVER going to visit England. Trump likes adoring crowds. Not crowds that will call him a “Cheeto-stained shitgibbon.” I think “shitgibbon” is the British way of saying he’s a “shit weasel.”

Theresa May may want Trump to delay his visit. While she has a majority, she does not have a “working” majority which her party needs to control Parliament. The only way they can have the working majority is to create an alliance with a fringe political party from Northern Ireland (Parliament has several parties while we just have the two). Her party is already upset with her for calling an unnecessary election and losing seats. New video footage of May holding hands with Trump, like she did in Washington, probably won’t warm her up more to the Brits, and her party can dump her for a new PM.

If Theresa May doesn’t understand that her nation doesn’t like Donald Trump, then she’s more out of touch with the United Kingdom than I am.

Creative notes: A few of my cartooning colleagues have made comments to me about my knack for drawing crowds. Most refuse to go into it as much as I do because they hate drawing crowds. That’s OK because each of them does something really detailed and technical that I can’t draw.

Most cartoonists hate lettering and drawing a whole bunch of people. I don’t really mind either, but I don’t want to do a lot of it every day. This cartoon has both so my next drawing will probably be wordless stick figures.

I did some research on this and visited a few sites to look up British insults (again. Hey, there might be something new), and protest signs. I also made a call to my friend, Rebecca Hendin, who is an American working for Buzzfeed in their London office. She’s the perfect person for me to get details from since she’s in London, she draws cartoons, and being a fellow Yank, she knows how stupid I am. She threw about 29 links at me, each of a different protest. They’ve been having a LOT of protests in England lately.

Some signs in this cartoon are from actual protesters. Others I manipulated and made my own. There were several words I chose not to use as I want this cartoon to be printed in U.S. newspapers and some of my editors might look up the definitions. Those words are “wanker,” “Brexshit,” “tosser,” “twat”, and “bawbag.” I really wanted to use “bawbag.”

The two things I’m really proud of with my English lineage is the style of humor and the cursing. Nobody curses better than those in the UK. They’re just mean, especially the Scottish. I’m kinda scared of Scotland.

By the way, this cartoon took over EIGHT hours to draw. Yes. Eight. This is what it looked like around six hours.

20170612_053927

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Toodle Pip, EU


cjones06252016

I’m a fan of British humor. From Monty Python to The Young Ones to The Three Flavours Cornetto Trilogy to the first two Beatles movies. One of the biggest aspects of the humor, or “humour” to me is the slang. American slang sucks compared to the English, especially when it comes to insults.

Donald Trump might have learned that Friday if he had the capability to comprehend and learn stuff.

On Friday after the Brexit vote Trump sent out a tweet while he was promoting his failing golf club in Scotland. There’s no larger evidence that Trump’s presidential campaign is more about his brand than policies than him taking a break to promote a failing golf club overseas.

I digress. Trump celebrated the United Kingdom leaving the European Union, even though he probably doesn’t understand it. He had it explained to him a few weeks ago on live television. Now he thinks it’s a great development. His tweet stated “Just arrived in Scotland. Place is going wild over the vote. They took their country back, just like we will take America back. No games!”

The most ignorant thing about Trump’s tweet is that Scotland voted 62% to 38% to stay in the EU. One clever twitter user replied to Trump’s tweet with “Scotland voted Remain, you weapons-grade plum.”

It didn’t stop there. Please forgive the not safe for family newspaper language here but further insults were:

Delete your golf course.

Scotland voted Remain you muppet.

Scotland voted to stay you numpty.

Scotland voted to remain, you tit.

Oi, buttplug face, Scotland are pro-EU.

Scotland voted overwhelmingly to stay in Europe you toupéd fucktrumpet

SCOTLAND VOTED TO STAY, YOU WITLESS FUCKING COCKSPLAT!

No, they aren’t you cockwomble.

Scotland voted remain  you incomprehensible jizztrumpet.

Scotland voted stay & plan on a second referendum, you tiny fingered, Chetto-faced, ferret wearing shitgibbon.

Scotland hates both Brexit and you, you mangled apricot hellbeast.

They voted remain you spoon.

To top his day off, one Scottish protester dropped golf balls all around him at his press conference. The golf balls were emblazoned with Swastikas. Too bad Corey Lewandowski had been fired and wasn’t there to rough the Scot up.

Trump is a spoon. A great big touped, Chetto-faced spoon.

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Great Reason To Leave The EU


cjones02232016

Have you ever turned on BBC and watched a debate in the UK’s House Of Commons? I don’t recommend it for Americans because it will make you sad. It’s pretty civil and intelligent compared to our Congress. While the Brits are expounding their positions in great relevant detail, we have congressmen throwing snowballs on the House floor to debunk Climate Change.

I apologize to all my British friends for the over use of stereotypical slang from England in this cartoon. Also, how often can I put the term “wanker” into an editorial cartoon? That might scare off my editors but let me defend it. From the Urban Dictionary (there’s a trusted source!), “While to ‘wank’ means ‘to masturbate, the term “wanker” is seldom if ever used in British slang to denote “one who wanks”. It is quite wrong to infer from somebody’s being a wanker that they in fact wank (and vice versa), but of course, fair to assume they do in any case. Herein lies the genius of the insult: if you call someone a wanker, it’s probably true, but only literally.

So there you go. “Wanker” is OK. And I seriously doubt anyone but MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough is wanking off Donald Trump.

There’s a lot of people threatening to leave the United States if Donald Trump becomes president. Cape Breton is an island in the Canadian province (that’s like a state, you wanker) of Nova Scotia inviting Americans to immigrate if the horror of a Trump presidency actually happens. Meanwhile, we’re still waiting on Rush Limbaugh to move to Costa Rica, which he promised to years ago if Obamacare ever became law. Why is he still here?

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!