Trump Train

Not His Favorite Baldwin


cjones10202016

I think it’s safe to say that Alec Baldwin is not Trump’s favorite Baldwin brother. It’s probably Stephen who’s a right-wing evangelical and a conservative nut job. Was that redundant? He’s also the star of the much-acclaimed film Sharks In Venice. How he didn’t snag an Oscar for that performance is a true injustice of the movie award voting system. It was probably rigged.

If you had not seen Alex Baldwin’s portrayal of Trump on SNL but read Trump’s tweet saying “it stinks” then you’d get the impression that Baldwin is killing it. He is.

Today president Obama told Donald Trump to stop whining. Trump has gone beyond whining and into insanity over the past few days.

He’s complained that the election is going to be rigged. It’ll be rigged by bankers, “global business elite,” The media, and Saturday Night Live. He’s also accused Carlos Slim, a Mexican billionaire, of guiding The New York Times coverage of his sexual assaults.  Never mind the fact that voter fraud doesn’t really exist. Let me write that again. It doesn’t exist.

When Trump loses this election he is going to lose it fair and square. The only disadvantage he has is that he’s an idiot. He’s surrounded himself with idiots. A lot of people say they don’t want to besmirch Trump supporters, but I will. His supporters and entire base is composed of idiots. Did you hear me? You’re all idiots. Move along now.

Trump supporters (idiots) are towing the “rigged” election line despite lack of any evidence. Even Mike Pence (another idiot) was complaining about the unfair media coverage and how it’s so negative of Trump. I’m sorry, Governor Pence, but when your running mate only says negative things and the press reports it, it’s not their fault the coverage is negative. It’s like the media is biased against Trump for reporting what he actually says. Hours, and often times minutes, his supporters (again, in case you forgot, idiots) are on the air explaining what he really meant.

He has also called for drug tests before the next debate. Seriously. I mentioned this in my last blog and mentioned how bizarre it is that Snorty McSnorterson is the one who wants drug tests. I didn’t believe Trump has a cocaine habit. I thought it was irresponsible for Howard Dean to accuse him of it but now…looking at his history of projecting…yeah he might be dancing with a white rabbit. If the man’s erratic behavior is any indication he’s probably responsible for three fourths of Bolivia’s economy.

Trump also said he walked past Clinton at the debate and he “wasn’t impressed.” Yes it’s a very important quality in a female presidential candidate that she serves fries with that shake. Trump’s comment backs up both of my earlier theories. He’s projecting and he’s totally riding a white horse to the next debate.

In regards to Alec Baldwin, the talented Baldwin (not that idiot shark-movie-making Baldwin), Trump is not amused. He tweeted that SNL isn’t funny anymore while also voicing his displeasure with Baldwin’s orange impression (For the record, Kate McKinnon is also nailing it with her impression of Hillary Clinton). Dude, people have been saying SNL isn’t funny anymore since 1980. Trump didn’t mind SNL’s brand of comedy when he hosted the show last year. He even tweeted how much he thinks of the show. It’s kinda like his hate for the media while loving the fact they’ve given him billions in free campaign coverage.

Hillary Clinton is going to win this election, fairly, and with a huge electoral landslide. Despite that she will not have a mandate because the person she’s going to defeat is a lying, narcissistic, racist, xenophobic, insane bully. And Trump will still be here after the election. He’ll be whining about the media, accusing the election of being rigged, try to start an armed insurgency (as long as he and his children aren’t fighting), all while trying to start his brand new TV network.

The crazy Trump train will keep chugging after November. Toot! Toot!

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Debate That Badonkadonk


cjones08172016

I don’t believe the word “badonkadonk” is one I would ever use in a conversation. “Bow chicka bow wow” however… Naturally I had to look up how to spell both words. Did you know there’s a country song titled “Badonkadonk?” Do yourself a favor and do not look it up. I don’t want to be blamed if you listen to it.

Donald Trump continues to be tone deaf and unrealistic. He campaigns in states he doesn’t stand a chance of winning, like Wisconsin, Maine, and Connecticut. He complains that the polls are turning against him yet he’s not actually campaigning. He gives a speech about how the Democrats are exploiting African Americans, to an entirely white audience.

Trump has called women “dogs,” “fat pigs,” “slobs,” and “bimbos.” He accused Megyn Kelly of having “blood coming out of her whatever.” He kicked a mother and her baby out of one of his hate rallies. He said if his daughter was sexually harassed at work that he’d expect her to just find a new job.

Trump is losing the women vote to Hillary Clinton by double-digit margins in seven key battleground states.

So what’s his next move in this area? Recruit his buddy and recently ousted Fox News chief Roger Ailes to prep him for his debates against a woman. Ailes was kicked out of the right wing news organization after allegations of sexual harassment from former Fox News anchor Gretchen Carlson. Now he’s facing the same accusation from at least 19 more women.

Trump has denied Ailes is helping him prepare for the debate and states he doesn’t need coaching and isn’t preparing at all. He’s probably just planing to talk about his and Bill Clinton’s penises.

Ailes has a lot of history of helping Republican presidential candidates prepare for debates from making Nixon look cuddly, Reagan look awake, and George H.W. Bush appear in touch with reality. Maybe he can make Trump look like something other than a dumbass.

Trump is not doing well with Millennials, Hispanics, Blacks, the educated, people who know stuff, or women. I’m not sure that Trump, a serial philanderer, can boost those numbers by having a serial sexual harasser coach him to beat up a woman.

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Pokemon Go….Please Go.


cjones07112016

If you ventured onto Facebook over the weekend, or never got off, you may have noticed a lot of updates about Pokemon. You may have also noticed a lot of other updates with people asking “why the Hell are people talking about Pokemon?”.

After seeing several updates about Pokemon I was definitely in the camp of “why?”. I didn’t really understand Pokemon and kids collecting the cards 20 years ago. My son attempted to get into it but lost interest after about two minutes. For years we had a big Pokemon notebook with three cards. I didn’t understand what the kids were into then and that was before I got old.

In case you don’t know, and you kinda want to without becoming involved, I’ll explain it: The company that owns Pokemon released a new app over the weekend and it really shot up. It’s getting more activity over two days than twitter, even with Donald Trump’s constant updates about the poor treatment he received from “Sleepy Eyes” Chuck Todd, CNN and “the underachieving” John King.

It’s called “Pokemon Go.” You download the app and then you go. go hunting that is. Hunting for Pokemon in the real world. You walk around your neighborhood, city, town, wherever the hell you live, and you find him. It uses a GPS and it designates some landmarks as places a Pokemon hangs out (if there’s more than one Pokemon, is it “Pokemons?”). Pokemon will show up on your screen with your environment as the background. Yes, people are actually doing this. As I understand it, adults are doing this.

I think you collect the Pokemons, throw things at them, make them fight other Pokemons and you’re supposed to take them to a gym where they join a Pokemon gang and where the Pokemon Crips battle the Pokemon Bloods.

People are walking into traffic, down stairs, into walls, other people, and one person in Montana stumbled upon a dead body. Some clever gangsters have used the GPS to lure Pokemon hunters into muggings. Apparently, adults who play with Pokemon aren’t the toughest people around. Shocking.

So yeah. I research some pretty stupid stuff for my work. I read more than one article about this fad that will probably die by next weekend. I did get another opportunity to mock the human Cheeto that is Donald Trump and his total ridiculousness. I predict this won’t be the only cartoon to have fun with The Donald and Pokemon.

A lot of people, those with lives, may not get this as they’ll be unfamiliar with the new fad. To them the cartoon will be another “why is everybody talking about Pokemon?”.

Remember Virtual Pets? They’re were Yamaguchi something or other. In 1997 I had just moved to Honolulu and everywhere I went I saw kids with these Yamaguchi key chains. They were supposed to feed the pets, raise them, neglect them, watch them die, etc. I thought it was only big in Japan and Hawaii but it soon swept the United States for a minute. They probably still make them and it’ll be the new big thing next weekend.

Unfortunately for all of us, Trump will remain a trending topic until at least November and then some. I expect his public meltdown and hissy fit over losing the election can amuse us all the way to January.

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Trump’s Dictator Love


cjones07072016

Donald Trump had high praise for Saddam Hussein yesterday in saying the man was great at killing terrorists. Apparently he loves the way Saddam’s Iraq lacked our judicial process. It’s not the first time he’s praised Saddam, or other dictators.

He bragged about how he’d get along with Russian president Vladimir Putin after there were reports that Putin said Trump was “brilliant.” Trump loves a compliment because he’s insecure. Putin later denied ever using the word “brilliant.”

Trump admired North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un for killing his uncle, asserting his control, and ignoring the hair haters. He said “This guy doesn’t play games. And we can’t play games with him.” He would probably get along great with South Park’s Eric Cartman who also wants people to “respect his authority.”

Trump said Syria’s president Bashar al-Assad should get an A in leadership. You know, that guy who like Saddam gassed his own people. Lovely!

He kinda likes Gaddafi, who was deposed and killed in Libya. Trump said he was an effective leader.

He likes guys like that. Trump was quoted saying “”We would be so much better off if Gaddafi were in charge right now. If these politicians went to the beach and didn’t do a thing and we had Saddam Hussein and if we had Gaddafi in charge, instead of having terrorism all over the place.”

Are you starting to see a pattern here? Trump has also talked about how the people need to appreciate him to the point that they build him a giant statue. What’s next? Palaces and airports named after him? Oh wait…he already names everything after himself. He even claims there are products, Trump Wine, Trump Steaks, Trump Water, etc., named after him that don’t even exists anymore.

I’m sure Trump would have gotten along fine with al-Assad, Gaddafi, and Hussein, because they don’t like Jews either.

Trump has spent the week praising dictators, sending out dog whistles to white supremacists, and searching for his vice presidential running mate. He’s done a better job with the first two. The racists love him. Potential running mates, not so much.

Tennessee senator Bob Corker said no thanks. Iowa senator Joni Ernst said nada. Newt Gingrich is giving signs that he’s not interested. In the past several other Republicans have said no, some vehemently, that they would never run with Donald Trump…or even be in the same room with him. Endorsing Trump is killing Paul Ryan’s career. Can you imagine the lasting effect it’s going to have on his running mate?

Trump is going to have to pick someone really stupid to be his veep pick, which shouldn’t be a problem in today’s GOP. This person will have to believe this is a great career move and that the ticket can actually win. Does Chris Christie even believe Trump can win? But in the stupid department, he’s still got Ben Carson and Sarah Palin.

I really want Sarah Palin. We should tell Trump he’s not brave enough to pick Palin. That’ll do it.

Saddam wouldn’t take that crap.

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Trump Sees Stars


cjones07052016

David Duke once ran for president (maybe twice) and even he can’t match Donald Trump’s penchant for bigoted statements made by a presidential candidate.

Trump has made derogatory comments toward women, veterans, and journalists, but his real gift is attacking race and religion. He attacked Ben Carson’s religion. He Implied Ted Cruz can’t be Methodist because no one of that religion comes from Cuba (Cruz was born in Canada and raised in Texas). He calls Senator Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas.” He’s accused Mexican immigrants of being rapists and murderers. He says a judge can’t sit over his scam university trial because the judge is of Mexican descent. He wants a ban on Muslim immigrants. He’s voiced a racist Asian accent. He’s even mocked a New York Times reporter for being handicapped.

Over the weekend Trump sent out a tweet attacking Hillary and in that tweet was the Star Of David. Trump reversed course and retweeted the retweet with the star replaced by a circle and then tweeted that the original star was NOT the Star of David and could have been a sheriffs badge.

Yeah. A sheriff badge though the tweet originally came from a Neo-Nazi group. Trump and his surrogates insults all of us for believing we may be stupid enough to believe the “sheriff badge” explanation.

This isn’t one transgression in this area for Trump. He’s retweeted tweets from racists groups before. Maybe if Trump wants to stop sending out these tweets, and defending them (he never apologizes), he should stop subscribing to racist websites.

He has to be subscribing to these hate groups. Where else is he finding such a smorgasbord of hatred? I read everything newsworthy and I never see crap from Neo-Nazis, White Supremacists, or skin heads, unless they’re retweeted by Donald Trump.

I told a colleague over the weekend that I didn’t believe Trump is antisemitic. He’s just too stupid to realize stuff. What kind of stuff? Anything. His daughter converted to Judaism so golly, how can the guy be racist? But then I thought about it and changed my mind.

The guy is aiming for this stuff if he’s subscribing to it. It’s in his news feed.

I really hate to compare anyone to Hitler. Usually you lose an argument as soon as you make that accusation. But dammit it’s really hard not to if Trump won’t stop goose stepping.

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Night Of The Comet


cjones07042016

In the 1980’s one movie so bad that is was almost good was Night Of The Comet. It’s about a comet wiping out the entire planet except for two teenage girls. Mutant cannibals and other survivors with nefarious intentions show up while the girls and a guy they meet run wild shopping in Los Angeles. I’m sorry to inform you the movie totally lacked sex and gore. Your kids can watch it. If this movie was made in 2016 the two girls wouldn’t notice humanity has been obliterated because they’d be too busy taking selfies.

I’m sure if a comet did wipe out the planet then only two of the survivors would be Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. And Seth Rogen. That would suck.

A new Washington Post/ABC News poll gives Donald Trump an unfavorable rating of 51%. Things are only a little better for Clinton who is disdained at the moment by 34%. She’s two points higher in likability. Hillary Clinton’s great fortune is her opponent is Donald Trump. But still, there’s not a lot of bragging rights to being preferred just 11% higher than an egotistical, pathological lying, blowhard, ignorant, stupid racist with comical hair and an orange spray tan. These are Idi Amin numbers.

There was another poll last week asking people which would they prefer: Clinton presidency, Trump presidency, or planet destroyed by meteor. Public Policy Polling conducted the poll and 43% picked Clinton, 38% picked Trump and planet-destroying meteor got 13%. Seven percent were unsure. Maybe they wanted more details like: would it be a quick and painless death? Do I have time to make one last Facebook status? Will I at least be able to watch Seth Rogen die? I mean seriously, we don’t need Seth Rogen. We have Jonah Hill. They’re basically the same person.

I think we can call people who’d prefer death by meteor over a Trump or Clinton presidency, glass-half-empty-people. That’s some pretty negative expectations and outlook for the future.

I’m not a fan of Hillary Clinton but I still believe our nation has a great future ahead with her as president. We’re moving in a progressive direction and I don’t think she can mess that up too much. There will be aspects of it I won’t like. There will be scandals, congressional investigations, special prosecutors, and moments of cringe-worthy embarrassment. Wall Street will love it. I still prefer her over Trump.

I’m not worried about a Trump presidency because it’s never going to happen. I guess I’m a glass-half-full-person because I can’t believe my country is stupid enough to give the White House to an Oompa Loompa troll. Even if Trump does win the presidency I would probably be more concerned with his V.P pick as Trump will be impeached. Trump believes he’s above the law now. What’s he going to try to get away with as president?

I can understand the negative and hopeless outlook for people who believe Hillary Clinton is just as bad or worse than Trump. I mean, if the only options were Trump or meteor, I’d consider the meteor….if I was a normal person.

I’m not a normal person though. I’m a political cartoonist. Can you imagine the fun I would have with a Trump presidency? I mean, at least before he had me imprisoned, or accused of being Mexican and deported after someone tells him where Mexico is located.

Or he’d throw me in a cell with Seth Rogen. I’m gonna put some more thought into that meteor thing.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Donald Loves Chachi


cjones06212016

Scott Baio, the actor who played Chachi on Happy Days and its spin off, Joanie Loves Chachi, and Charles In Charge and the teen booby movie Zapped! (which I thought was amusing because I was 15 at the time and it had boobies) has spoken out on President Obama and terrorism.

Chachi is a Trump supporter. Big surprise. He enlightened all of us on Fox Business (go figure) and said Obama is a secret Muslim whose “end game” is to “totally eliminate the United States as it was created.” He also said Obama is “dumb, a Muslim, or a Muslim sympathizer.” We should all drop everything and support Trump because The Chach has spoken. Maybe he’s running for Arizona’s senate seat.

Is Baio a moron? As Fonzie would say, correctamundo. Now Baio is threatening to sue anyone who accuses him of being a moron over his Obama statements. He made the threat on Twitter. I don’t want Chachi to sue me so when I state that Mr. Baio is a moron, it’s not JUST for his statements that the president is a secret Muslim.

No. Mr. Baio is a moron for supporting Trump. He’s also a moron for tweeting in 2010 “Taxes are DONE…That should feed, house & provide medical for a few lazy non working people at my expense.” Not finished with causing a Twitter stink in 2010, he tweeted a photo of Michelle Obama with the caption “WOW He wakes up to this every morning,” so he’s also a moron for that.

Additional evidence to Mr. Baio being a moron are his comments toward Hillary Clinton which are “Hollywood votes the way Hollywood votes. They are predominantly liberals. And I can’t understand why, because Hillary Clinton is basically a socialist, and if they want all of their toys taken away from them eventually, then you vote for her.”

I just conducted the only Google search ever on Scott Baio. I’m sure when his phone’s not ringing, that’s Joanie not calling.

But hey, being a moron could be financially beneficial for Chachi. He says Trump is great and we all know how much Trump loves flattery. It seems he doesn’t value experience as he just fired Corey Lewandowski, his campaign manager, who had zilcho experience running a political campaign. Previously, after Mr. Lewandowski faced charges of assaulting a reporter Trump stood by his man and said “I don’t discard people.”

Now that Mr. Lewandowski has been discarded perhaps Mr. Baio can resurrect his career with Donald Trump as his new campaign manager. And if Trump actually wins we can all title this spin off Crappy Days.

During Happy Days and the spin off, there was an attempt to start a fashion trend of morons like Chachi tying a bandana  around their thigh. It didn’t catch on. The fact I remember that makes me very sad at how old I have become.

By the way, “Chachi” rhymes with “Nazi.” Work that out.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!