Howard Schultz is thinking about running for president as an independent. Who? Schultz is the answer no one is looking for. He’s also the former CEO of Starbucks, which also pisses people off. A lot of people have strong opinions about Starbucks. It’s too watery. It’s too corporate. It’s too liberal. What’s the difference between venti and grande? Can I pee here without making a purchase?
The term “starbucking” refers to something corporate coming into your community and making it just like every other community. With Schultz being a rich, white billionaire, he’s starbucking the 2020 presidential election.
Democrats are not excited about Schultz’s potential presidential bid. Republicans love it. Donald Trump even taunted Schultz to run by using schoolyard bullying tactics by saying he’s unintelligent and doesn’t “have the guts.” Hey, if he was dumb enough to fall for reverse psychology from Trump, he’d be a Republican senator from Texas. Trump even told supporters at a fundraiser that he was using reverse psychology, which breaks the first rule of using reverse psychology. Someone probably told Trump that he better not tell supporters he was using reverse psychology.
Trump tweeted, “Howard Schultz doesn’t have the “guts” to run for President! Watched him on @60Minutes last night and I agree with him that he is not the ‘smartest person.’ Besides, America already has that! I only hope that Starbucks is still paying me their rent in Trump Tower!” Trump is correct in that we already have a president who is not the smartest person. Also, I’m glad the president can tear himself away from solving, or starting, all the nation’s problems to pay attention to who’s paying rent in Trump Tower.
He’s also correct (I’ve never said that about Trump twice in one column before) in that we already have what Schultz is presenting. No, not the racist, Nazi-defending part. The egotistical billionaire asshole that’ll make it a priority to give himself a tax cut.
After his first two years in office, what was Trump’s biggest accomplishment? Ending Obamacare? Building a wall? Building a Trump Tower in Moscow? Losing the nuclear football at Mar-a-Lago (if you find it, please call)? None of the above. It was giving himself a tax cut. Schultz is actually promising to give himself a tax cut. The only difference between rich-guy Schultz and rich-guy Trump is that Schultz is actually a billionaire.
Schultz has already argued against a “60-70% tax increases on the rich and a health care system we can’t pay.” So basically, he’s against healthcare for all and taxing the rich. He’s not going to take votes away from Trump with that campaign message.
It’s taking away votes from the Democrats that have Democrats worried. Donald Trump beat Hillary Clinton by fewer than 80,000 votes combined in Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania, which was lower than Jill Stein’s total in those states. People are still arguing that Ralph Nader spoiled the 2000 election for Al Gore, who lost to Bush in Florida by just 537 votes, and Nader scored over 92,000.
The animosity toward Schultz and the potential of handing the 2020 election Trump was well represented at a book signing in New York City this week (oh yeah, he’s promoting a new book).
The protester yelled, “Don’t help elect Trump, you egotistical, billionaire asshole!”
If he does run and Trump wins, he better get used to hearing the word “asshole,” because he’ll be hearing it for the rest of his life.
Creative note: Coming up with fake names for Starbucks beverages that are more ridiculous than the real thing is like caricaturing Trump. You can’t do it. It’s almost impossible to make Trump look more absurd than he actually does, which is why I draw him the way I do. The drink in this cartoon, a venti, soy, no-foam, chestnut-praline frappuccino is actually on the Starbucks menu.
Second creative note: There are two versions of this cartoon. One dirty-word version for news sites and altie newspapers, and a clean non-dirty word version for family newspapers.
Watch me draw.