Kevin McCarthy said he didn’t make any deal with Matt Gaetz to give him the chairmanship of a House Armed Services subcommittee, but expect Gaetz to land the chairmanship with McCarthy fumbling out some sort of reasoning like, “I just now realized he’s the best person for the job.”
When asked by CNN why he stopped opposing McCarthy’s speakership, Matt “Captain Forehead” Gaetz said he “ran out” of things to ask for.
There was not a long period of time between Gaetz voting against McCarthy and his agreement to change his vote so McCarthy would win the speakership. During the vote to adjourn, McCarthy went from having a conversation with Gaetz to changing his own vote for adjournment…and then patted Gaetz on the back. It looked like someone made a deal.
So, did Gaetz run of out of things to ask for because McCarthy agreed to it all? Did Gaetz get the chairmanship he was asking for? We know that the Rules Committee will now seat at least three of the Republicans who initially opposed McCarthy.
Gaetz claims that at the beginning of this process, McCarthy asked his Chaos Caucus for a list of demands. Gaetz said they provided the list and then McCarthy leaked it to the press to make the Chaos goons look bad. They do look bad because while claiming they were trying to drain the swamp, they engaged in the swampy behavior of offering to trade their votes for committee assignments.
In the interest of transparency and ethics, Kevin McCarthy needs to reveal every deal he made. Oh wait, one of the deals was to kill the ethics committee.
Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.
Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.
Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.
Yes, I stayed up all night to watch Kevin McCarthy finally become the Speaker of the House after 15 ballots. One thing that’s for certain is that McCarthy enters the office as the weakest Speaker in House history.
There are actually a lot of certainties with this, one being that the Goon Caucus or Chaos Caucus which consisted of nihilists like Matt Gaetz, Lauren Boebert, Paul Gosar, Andy Biggs, Bob Good, Scott Perry, Chip Roy, and Eli Crane are not people of principles or who keep their word. They’re all liars who were inconsistent throughout the entire ordeal. Each of them promised they’d never vote for Kevin McCarthy and described themselves as “Never Kevins,” but each of them eventually supported Kevin McCarthy. And yeah, a vote for Present was a vote for McCarthy. But then again, we also saw a bunch of so-called Never Trumpers become Trumpers.
Some members of the Goon Squad kept changing who they’d vote for. Gaetz voted for Jim Jordan, Donald Trump, and Present throughout the process. Someone eventually tried to literally kick his ass which would have been the most positive outcome in all of this. We’ll never know for sure if Matt Gaetz has a punchable face if people keep holding back the people trying to punch him. Sheesh.
Since there wasn’t actually a plan to replace McCarthy with another candidate, the obvious object was to hold the process hostage to make deals. Now, the party that demands transparency needs to be transparent and tell us every side deal Kevin McCarthy made for votes. He said he didn’t promise the chairmanship of a subcommittee to Matt Gaetz, who seemed to change his vote immediately after the attempted assault, but we all know that since Kevin McCarthy is a flake and a Republican, he is a liar. Why did he give Gaetz a pat on the back shortly before the final ballot?
So maybe Republicans should have just elected lying George Santos as Speaker because Kevin McCarthy started his speech after winning the speakership by lying.
He talked about ending the woke culture in schools, stopping the politicization of the FBI, and revoking a passed bill authorizing the hiring of more IRS agents. McCarthy started his tenure as Speaker lying and gaslighting America and also assuring us that he’s only going to fight for the rich and powerful. What do you think that IRS thing is about?
Already he’s writing checks his ass can’t cash, and it’s not a stolen Brazilian check from George Santos. This House with a Republican majority that needed 15 ballots to finally elect a Speaker, weakening him in the process, will not accomplish anything significant over the next two years. Every bill they try to pass will be held hostage by the Goon Squad who will demand trades and deals for their votes. And I don’t think McCarthy has anything left to trade. Because of the narrow majority, they will need those votes. Matt Gaetz has shown us how the next two years are going to go. And even if they manage to pass anything, it has to get through the Senate which has a Democratic majority. And even then, it has to get past President Joe Biden, who’s not going to sign any bullshit bills from this House. What are they going to pass, a law that bans wokeness in schools? All this House is going to do for the next two years is conduct bullshit investigations that will go nowhere, but may succeed in demonizing their political opponents.
I have two predictions. Kevin McCarthy won’t last two years and at the end of that, Republicans still won’t have produced anything solid from Hunter Biden’s laptop.
Facebook Suspension Update: There are5 days left (ooh, we’re getting closer), so it says, in my Facebook suspension for typing the word “Taliban.” Quannah had a countdown clock for it, but it broke.
Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.
Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.
Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.
I told you I wasn’t going to draw a Groundhogs Day cartoon, but I’m breaking my rule.
I didn’t want to use Groundhog Day to comment on the current debacle of Republicans being unable to elect a Speaker of the House. I felt it was too much of a cliché since everyone on all the news shows has been using it which means there will soon be a dozen political cartoons using it. I’ve already seen one by a cartoonist with a rep for phoning it in. But I decided I could use it in a different way like how I used Pinocchio last week, which I also knew beforehand that there’d be other cartoons on George Santos with that trope.
In case you haven’t watched a movie since before 1993, Groundhog Day is an excellent film, that’s become a cult classic, by Harold Ramis about a TV weatherman, played by Bill Murray, who is forced to go to Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, and cover Groundhog Day which he believes is beneath him. He’s a local newscaster and he expects the networks are going to come calling any day now. He refers to himself as “the talent.” A blizzard arrives, which he assured on TV was not going to happen and strands him, his producer, and his cameraman in Punxsutawney. He’s a real sarcastic condescending miserable jerk to everybody, even before he has to start re-living the same day over and over again. What seems to make it even worse for him is that every person he encounters is really chipper, who all point out that his name, Phil, is like the Groundhogs.
He doesn’t take to re-living the same bitterly-cold day over and over again surrounded by happy-faced people well. He actually becomes more miserable and a larger jerk to everyone around him as he relives each day. It seems the intention of the Groundhog Day gods is for him to become a better person, which he eventually becomes.
But the thing is, Groundhog Day is only repeating for Bill Murray. For everyone else, each repeat of the day is the first time for them as no one except Phil (the human, not the groundhog) remembers they’ve already done this before. He’s living the Groundhog Day hell all by himself, alone. So this is where our current situation is NOT like Groundhog Day.
We’re all reliving this hell. You would think Kevin McCarthy would be reliving these daily rebukes and humiliations all by himself, but nope. We’re all along for the ride…and I’m OK with that. Personally, I like seeing McCarthy humiliated on a daily basis. Much like the newscaster in Groundhog Day, I can also be a condescending miserable sarcastic jerk and chipper people really piss me off. Is it just me, or do people who are cheerful all the goddamn time come off as morons?
Right-wing fuckos on TV keep saying this is bad because it gives the impression that Republicans are the party of chaos and will not be able to govern. But that’s not true. It’s not just an impression. They truly are the party of chaos and they can not govern. As of this writing, there have been 11 failed ballots to elect a speaker. ELEVEN!!! If nothing else, Kevin McCarthy, who is the choice for the majority of Republicans, can’t count votes. And idiot Matt Gaetz keeps nominating Donald Trump, which means Trump keeps losing more elections. If Matt Prom King Gaetz nominates Trump again today, on January 6, that’ll be like nominating Osama bin Laden on September 11.
And there is something truly uniquely horrifying about Matt Gaetz’s head and face, like his mother licked car batteries while she was pregnant with him.
Get the popcorn (hit, that’s another cliché), because I love watching this repeat over and over and over (except for the nominating speeches. Ugh). But, I’m loving it for now. If this prolongs indefinitely, it will drive us all mad.
According to WhatCulture.com, Bill Murray’s character in Groundhogs Day was stuck in that loop for 33 years and 350 days. Man, that’s specific. That means he relived the same Groundhogs Day stuck in Pennsylvania 12,395 times. I don’t even like having to stop at Pennsylvania rest areas when driving through the state (it could be worse. He could have been stuck in Indiana) If we have to relive these failed speaker vote days, that means there will be at least three ballots a day, which means there will be around 37,185 nominating speeches singing the praises of Kevin McCarthy.
That also means a lot more nominations for Hair Fuhrer. Matt Gaetz might enjoy licking Donald Trump’s sweaty orange ass 37,185 times, but I don’t want to have to watch it.
Facebook Suspension Update: There are 7 days left (I forgot to update this part over the past few days), so it says, in my Facebook suspension for typing the word “Taliban.” Quannah had a countdown clock for it, but it broke.
Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.
Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.
Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.
Anytime I hear someone on a news show use an analogy or metaphor to describe an issue, that rules out my using the metaphor in a cartoon. During the Republican primaries in 2016, I may have been the only cartoonist in the country who didn’t draw a clown car. Chris Wallace used the term about 15 times a night, so I knew it was played out if that guy was using it.
“Clown car” has come back to describe Kevin McCarthy’s failed attempt (so far) to be Speaker of the House, losing six votes so far (as of this writing). Other terms being used and my ruling them out for a cartoon is “popcorn,” as in Democrats eating popcorn while watching the Republicans destroy themselves, and “Groundhog Day,” a reference to the movie as in the same day being repeated over and over. I’ve seen the popcorn metaphor in a cartoon and a few memes (which also rules it out for me) and I expect to see Groundhog Day in a cartoon before the day is out. It is too bad that Groundhog day is about a month away. Can you imagine how many of those we’d be seeing in relation to McCarthy if it wasn’t?
So, I try to avoid tropes used by the Talking Heads on TV because they are not the most original or insightful people talking about current events (Ironically, the band Talking Heads was very unique and original. Go figure). But, one analogy I haven’t heard them use yet is “poo-flinging monkeys.”
Referring to the likes of Matt Gaetz, Lauren Boebert, Paul Gosar, Andy Biggs, Bob Good, Scott Perry, Chip Roy, and Eli Crane (no goon squad is complete with a Chip and an Eli) as “poo-flinging monkeys” is fair, not that a political cartoonist has to be fair.
The reason it’s fair is that these poo-flinging monkeys don’t have a plan beyond preventing McCarthy from becoming Speaker. The evidence of that is one day they’re all voting for Jim Jordan and the next day they all voted for Byron Donalds. The only objective is to destroy, make a lot of noise, get a lot of attention, all while laughing maniacally.
In the “Dark Knight,” Batman is trying to figure out what the Joker wants. What’s his goal? What’s his objective? What makes the Joker tick? But Alfred pointed out that Bruce (spoiler alert: Bruce is Batman) has never dealt with a person like the Joker before because “some men aren’t looking for anything logical, like money. They can’t be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.”
The Joker might be a psychopathic genius, but the poo-flingers in the House are just psychopathic. There was intelligence to the Joker. There’s nothing intelligent coming from Lauren Boebert or Matt Gaetz. Please.
The poo-flinging monkeys, who I think are being led by Matt Gaetz, which tells us everything we need to know about them, are not people to be reasoned with. You can’t negotiate with them and right now, Kevin McCarthy is trying to negotiate with terrorists.
The poo-flingers’ demands keep changing. And no, getting rid of the ethics watchdog in Congress isn’t a sticking point because all the Republicans want that gone. One of the stipulations the poo-fingers are demanding is that any one member at any time can call for the removal of the Speaker of the House. This is terrorism. That means that the Speaker, whoever that is, has to constantly live with the fear of being removed. There should be a higher standard to call for the Speaker’s removal, no matter who that Speaker is.
Another demand is personal and has nothing to do with House procedures. The poo-flingers are demanding that McCarthy, and probably the GOP establishment, stay out of Republican congressional primaries. Last year we saw panties-wearing goon Madison Cawthorn (who was almost as big of a liar as George Santos) defeated in a primary after the GOP establishment supported his opponent. The goons want more goons in the House.
The poo-flingers are not responsible people and if at least five of them stick to never voting for McCarthy, then McCarthy will never be Speaker of the House and these multiple attempts to elect him are a waste of time. As bad as the goons are, the entire GOP majority is a trainwreck waiting to happen…if it hasn’t already (see? Another metaphor. Quick, somebody draw a cliff!). Not only are repeated nominations of McCarthy a waste of time, negotiating with the poo-flingers is a waste of time.
The New York Times published a piece on how far right the poo-flingers are and 12 of the 20 are election deniers, believing Trump won. Most were endorsed by Trump. Nearly half objected to certifying the 2020 presidential election. Nearly half are from Arizona, Texas, and wait for it…Florida.
You can’t reason with people like Matt Gaetz, Lauren Boebert, and Paul Gosar. It’s like negotiating with terrorists because as soon as you have a deal, they’ll hold you hostage again.
Some men, women, swamp things, and poo-flingers just want to watch the world burn.
Update on the Groundhog Day concept:Told ya. But then again, this is one the laziest in the business. Oh, and here’s a new clown car.
Music note: I listened to the Meat Puppets, Hüsker Dü, and the Screaming Trees
Facebook Suspension Update: There are 7 days left (I forgot to update this part over the past few days), so it says, in my Facebook suspension for typing the word “Taliban.” Quannah had a countdown clock for it, but it broke.
Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.
Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.
Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.
If Donald Trump somehow manages to retake the White House, that’s when we’ll miss Nancy Pelosi the most because she had his number.
Nancy Pelosi stepped down last night from Democratic leadership, though she’s going to remain a member of Congress. Republican representative Ronny Jackson, a man who has literally been inside Donald Trump, tweeted how she’s now unemployed and no longer living off the taxpayers. She is NOT unemployed and Jackson is also living off the taxpayers. Republicans are enthusiastic that they “fired” Pelosi, but she’s stepping down. She hasn’t been fired.
I thought of doing a cartoon on a new problem for Republicans, which will be their hunt for a new boogeyman. For the past two decades, they’ve been vilifying Pelosi though none of them can actually tell you what’s so bad about her. They trashed her to the point that a terrorist broke into her house and assaulted her husband, cracking his skull open with a hammer. Today, they’re still vilifying her.
I saw a cartoon last night with this concept and another colleague commented on it, saying he was working on the same concept. But, boys…you’re forgetting something and that is, Republicans don’t work with reality. Republicans are still attacking Hillary Clinton and she hasn’t made a political move in six years. How many times in the past two years have you heard a Republican warn that Hillary Clinton is planning to run for president? MAGAts scream at me for drawing Trump, saying I should leave him alone since he’s not president (sic) anymore. But they really enjoy all those Hillary cartoons conservative cartoonists are still drawing.
But I wanted to draw a cartoon that’s more about Pelosi than about Republicans.
What’s so “bad” about Nancy Pelosi for conservatives is that she was good at her job. In fact, she was great. She is the greatest House speaker in the history of the House. Put aside whether you agree with her or not, or if you even like her personally, she knew how to keep her members in line and push measures. There would be no Obamacare if Nancy Pelosi wasn’t Speaker at the time. If Pelosi hadn’t been Speaker for the last two years of Trump’s presidency (sic), he might have gotten funding from Congress for his racist border wall instead of having to steal it from the Defense Department’s budget.
During Pelosi’s speech, she mentioned that she enjoyed working with Presidents Barack Obama, Joe Biden, and even George W. Bush. She didn’t mention Trump, but maybe she should have, because I’m sure she enjoyed beating his ass time and time again.
Pelosi out-negotiated Donald Trump more than once, even during a government shutdown he initiated over funding for his wall. He left that negotiation with nothing and reopened the government. She impeached him twice and reconvened the House after his terrorist attack on it.
Pelosi didn’t mention Trump in her speech yesterday but subtly referenced him saying, “American democracy is majestic, but it is fragile. Many of us here have witnessed its fragility firsthand, tragically, in this chamber. And so, democracy must be forever defended from forces that wish it harm.”
Kevin McCarthy, who will most likely be the next Speaker, showed what kind of speaker he plans to be by not attending Pelosi’s speech. He criticized Pelosi for not delivering the speech when he could have been available. Shame on her for not checking with him first.
Republican Steve Scalise attended her speech, and was the only member of House GOP leadership to do so, and applauded for her.
Republican Doug MaLafa, one of the few who attended, said, “It has been historic. She’s been strong for her conference all this time. There’s a rivalry with opposite teams and all that stuff, but you know, at the end of the day, we all try to remember and reflect on how you get along with people.”
Republican Dan Meuser praised and insulted her, saying, “She’s got quite a legacy, that’s for sure. She’s an incredibly strong lady, hard worker, determined; certainly proved to be an excellent leader for her Democrat Party. I disagreed with her probably 98% of the time. But you’ve got to respect what she’s done. I was here because it was historic. The first woman speaker of the House and now, stepping down for the second time. So she’s quite a lady… and I don’t necessarily mean that always in a positive way.”
But in case we forgot that most Republicans are vile, there were those to remind us. Republican Jeff Duncan said, “Thank you for tendering your resignation from House Leadership today, @SpeakerPelosi, but I believe the American people fired you first.” They didn’t fire her from Democratic leadership, you ignorant turd. The only person the GOP has fired from House leadership was Liz Cheney, and that was for having principles.
The always classy Lauren Boebert tweeted, “Good riddance,” even though she hasn’t officially won her reelection yet. After a recount where she leads by a little over 500 votes, we could be saying “good riddance” to her. The likes of Boebert really can’t miss an opportunity to be as vile and shitty as possible.
Republican Tim Burchett said, “We don’t agree on anything. And I went up and talked to her, and she hugged my neck, and she asked me how my little girl Isabel was doing. She has a granddaughter named Isabel.” That’s the kind of person Pelosi is, and not the character the GOP has made her out to be over the past two decades.
Pelosi was the first woman to become Speaker of the House. She referenced the progress saying, “When I came to the Congress in 1987, there were 12 Democratic women. Now there are over 90… and we want more.”
Senator Tammy Duckworth said, “She’s broken glass ceilings and been a true role model for generations of women, including myself.”
Nancy leaves leadership with grace, civility, and dignity, all of which are sorely lacking in the new majority.
Creative note: I used this concept back in 2016 after Trump “won” the election, but with Uncle Sam grabbing onto President Obama’s leg, though that cartoon didn’t feature Trump. I thought it was fitting then and I think it’s fitting now.
Music note: I listened to CeeLo Green
Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.
Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.
Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.
As the Democratic Party readies itself to take control of the House of Representatives, a small group of the party is talking about a need for fresh leadership.
There is not a debate that Minority Leader and former Speaker of the House from 2007 to 2011 Nancy Pelosi is up there in years. At 78 years of age, she’s two years older than Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, and six years older than Donald Trump. Of course, no one is arguing about replacing those two old guys. They’re not even arguing about replacing 67-year-old Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer, who lost seats in the midterms.
But the House, which gained 37 seats (and still counting) under her leadership, is debating about replacing Pelosi. If I didn’t know better, I would think there’s a little sexism involved here.
I think Pelosi’s critics have a good argument about fresh faces, new blood, and a younger generation to lead the party. But, I think there’s a better argument for experience.
Right now, there’s only speculation on who would replace Pelosi. A better question would be; who has the ability to lead the House? Who can count? Who can herd cats? Who is best to weather juvenile personal attacks in presidential tweets?
Pelosi is really good at all the above. Obamacare never would have passed without Pelosi. In case you have a short memory, let me remind you that Obamacare has only recently become popular among the general public. It was detrimental to the Democratic Party and President Obama’s poll numbers back when it was passed. The Democratic Party lost 63 seats and the House in the 2010 midterms, largely in part to Obamacare. You can probably blame Pelosi for some of that, but you can give her credit for herding Democrats to vote for Obamacare at the risk of losing their seats.
There has been much gaslighting about Pelosi, much like Republicans have done for over two decades to Hillary Clinton. She has been a boogeyman for them in campaigns and the face of all that is wrong with the Democratic Party. Yet, most Republicans couldn’t give you a specific reason why they don’t like her, except that she’s effective. If Republicans hate her, maybe Democrats should keep her.
Will Republicans use her in future campaigns? Most likely, just like they did during the last midterms, which didn’t work out for them.
I’m arguing for youth and experience. We need more youth in Congress, but they need to learn from those who are experienced. Pelosi should remain the Democratic Party’s choice for Speaker, for now. The younger members of Congress should pay attention and learn from her. If they don’t, they’ll end up with Speakers like John Boehner and Paul Ryan, who are two of the most ineffective and inept Speakers in the history of Congress. Democrats don’t need to pull a Boehner. Don’t give Donald Trump an easy foil.
Pelosi may not be as inspiring or energizing as an Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, but she delivers. Hopefully, in her next term as Speaker, the more youthful in the party will learn how to do the same.
Be Complicit
What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you.
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
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Do you eat Cheetos? Well, probably a lot less over the past year than you used to. Suddenly, I’ve lost any desire for them. But I have eaten more than my share of Cheetos in my life. The one thing you learn is that they’re messy.
You get that processed Cheeto cheese dust on your fingers. It’s not a light dusting. It’s caked on. You can’t multitask while eating them as you’ll get that gunk on your keyboard, phone, children, pets, other peoples’ hands, your drawing paper, etc. You can’t just lick it off either. Even a Beagle can’t successfully lick it all off your fingers (I’ve tried this). It takes some scrubbing, preferably with soap. Think a small bag of Cheetos is gunky? Imagine you just rolled around with a 236 lb. Cheeto.
Paul Ryan needs a Cheeto Decontamination Unit to clean him of the funk he embraced not so long ago.
After Trump won the Republican nomination Speaker of the House Paul Ryan refused to endorse him and said “he wasn’t there yet.” Then he got there. Then Trump’s “locker-room-talk” tape came out and Ryan wondered why he ever went there. If Republicans weren’t aware of who and what Donald Trump is then they’re not the people we want running the country. These guys are predicting Iran will break the nuclear agreement but they lacked the foresight to see that a tape would be released of Donald Trump boasting about “grabbing p***y.”
Ryan called a meeting of House Republicans and said they need to do whatever they need to save their seats (literally and figuratively). This means the national party will be pulling much of their funding away from Trump to focus on down-ballot elections, such as congressional seats, senators, and governors. This has upset Tycoon Cheeto. While Trump Cheetos is crack to some others have developed an allergy. Some Republicans are in seats and states where it won’t hurt them by being aligned with Trump. Others, like Senators Pat Toomey in Pennsylvania hasn’t endorsed Trump and John McCain in Arizona is “unendorsing” him. In fact, 87 out of 331 Republican governors, senators, and congressional representatives are not endorsing Trump.
Yesterday Trump went into another Twitter tirade but this time the aim of his vitriol wasn’t Mexicans, Elizabeth Warren, pageant queens, or Rosie O’Donnell. It was his fellow Republicans. He said they’re not as loyal as Democrats. He doesn’t need them. John McCain was groveling for his help in his Senate primary. Speaker Ryan is weak and ineffective, and now without their help he’s “unshackled.”
He’s “unshackled?” You mean to tell me all this time he’s been inhibited? He’s been holding back? He’s restrained himself? What the hell does Trump, the guy threatening to throw his opponent in jail, consider “unshackled?” Is he going to drop an N-bomb? Refer to Hillary as the C-word? Talk about the size of her butt? Promise to outlaw tacos?
Speaker Ryan hasn’t unendorsed Trump. He wants it both ways. He doesn’t want to be seen with the guy while also not disavowing him. This is the same practice, attitude, and irresponsibility that gave them the likes of Donald Trump and how they have a second layer of orange Cheeto dust stuck to themselves.
They should have condemned the guy in 2009 when he started his birther campaign, yet the cowards that they are, they didn’t want to anger the racist base of their party. Instead they chose to milk it for all it was worth and screamed with them about “taking our country back” from the black guy who stole it from them. Now they’ll not only lose an opportunity to take the White House, but they’ll lose the Senate, and they’re in danger of losing control of the House.
I told you, that Cheeto funk really sticks.
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I’m kinda disgusted with myself. I feel icky for drawing Larry The Cable Guy, a testament to America’s rejection of intellectualism and a tribute to lowbrow humor and stupidity. I feel all sorts of nasty because I googled quotes from Larry The Cable Guy as I was going to use one for this cartoon and then I decided not to as too many focus on farting. Finally, after reading all the Larry poop jokes I must have lost a few brain cells as I was on the verge of texting copy editor friends of mine with “is it ‘Get ‘Er Done'” or ‘Get-R-Done?'”. All that’s missing is some Luke Bryan music playing in the background (Luke Bryan’s a country singer, right? I can’t Google anymore stupid tonight).
I need a shower but I probably don’t need one as much as Speaker of the House Paul Ryan’s going to after speaking at the Republican National Convention next month in Cleveland.
Before Ryan endorsed Trump he said if Trump didn’t want him at the convention he was cool with it. It probably went down like “really! I’m cool with it. I’ll be fine. I’ll find something else to do. It’s all good. Just go on without me. Seriously.” But then the idiot went and endorsed Trump the same day he described some of Trump’s words as “racist,” and got himself back into that stinky convention commitment. Try worming your way out of it now, Mr. Speaker.
Trump has been reaching a lot of voice mails lately. He’s calling people to speak at the convention and a lot of them aren’t answering, or they’re changing their numbers, burning their phones, going off the grid, going MIA. Seriously, has anyone seen Arnold Schwarzenegger lately? He’ll be back.
Chris Christie will attend but there’s probably catering (that’s not entirely a fat joke as I myself have attended some messed-up stuff for a buffet. I have probably attended 17 Rotarian meetings where the speaker was Trent Lott every. single. time. I’m a newspaper person and we’ll go anywhere for a free sandwich). Newt Gingrich will be there but he’s always selling a book or something (this year it’s a pop-up and the reviews have been amazing. I made that up…about the pop-up and the reviews). Usually congressmen are clawing over each other for a speaking spot. This year they’re running away as if Trump had a leprosy Chlamydia combo going. It’s Chlamydprosy. You don’t want that. It’s hard enough getting people near you as a Republican.
Trump has also stated that if people don’t endorse him, specifically the former GOP candidates like Ted Cruz and John Kasich, that they shouldn’t be allowed to speak at the convention. That might bother Ted Cruz because he’s an attention whore, but John Kasich seems fine with it. He doesn’t need to make the long hour-long slog from Columbus to Cleveland in July. He’s probably already sent the “you do you” text.
Did you think it got weird in 2012 at the McCain/Palin convention when Clint Eastwood talked to a chair? Wait until Ted Nugent reads a love poem to an Uzi.
Traditionally every Republican party leader attends the convention and speaks. Trey Gowdy’s going to the beach and Mark Sanford is walking on a trail. Mitt Romney’s staying home to count his car elevators. John McCain can’t think of a worse place to be, and he was a POW. If there’s a tarnished former president like Richard Nixon, they kinda shove him aside and don’t speak of him. But traditionally former presidents show up. Neither George H.W. or George W. Bush aren’t attending. This is the first time not going to a party is George W. Bush’s choice.
This pretty much leaves speaking at the convention to the likes of Mike Ditka, Bobby Knight, Dana White (he runs that UFC stuff), Tom Brady (he’s a maybe), Brian France (who runs NASCAR which is kind of a sport), and Mike Tyson who’s not even capable of speaking. We’ll probably also be treated to appearances by Sarah Palin and Chachi.
Have you ever seen the warm up acts for a Trump speech? Yesterday in Maine the warm up guy was doing a racist imitation of Native Americans while calling Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas.” Look forward to three full days of that.
Did anyone invite Carrot Top? He was a last-second addition to this cartoon. I know he’s working Vegas but he’s probably available for $300 and a bus ticket. Someone should call him and “get ‘er done.”
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Paul Ryan told his Republican colleagues that he will be Speaker of the House if they all get along, don’t challenge him, elect him unanimously, kiss his butt, stop being such turds in general, act like adults, make every Tuesday spaghetti Tuesday, make Talk Like A Pirate Day a national holiday, and abide by the often ignored rule that if you bring bubble gum then you better bring enough bubble gum for everybody.
Then he rode off on a great white Unicorn.
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There has been no shortage of cartoon issues this week. Between Russia in Syria, Hillary taking a position, Ben Carson’s stupidity and Thursday Congressman Kevin McCarthy surprised everyone by removing himself from becoming Speaker of the House.
The crazies that make up the Teapublican wing of the party in Congress has made the Speaker job a position no rational person wants to deal with. Congress needs someone who can do the business of government but the Tea Party wackos truly want someone who will disrupt government, make politics out of every issue and refuse to work with the president. These are the people who want to shut down the government.
They don’t make up the majority of the party but they are enough of them to disrupt the government, and curtail a rational person from getting enough vote from becoming Speaker.
There is speculation the real reason McCarthy stepped aside is because he has been having an affair with a fellow member of Congress. Since the affair is only speculation I don’t want to contribute to rumors that McCarthy, who’s married, has been having an affair with a female member of Congress, who’s also married, thus making it an affair. So let’s not speak of this affair business anymore. Though earlier this week another Republican Congressman wrote a letter to the GOP conference chairman that any member who’s done any misdeeds, like having an affair, since becoming a member of Congress, thus embarrassing themselves (with an affair), should not run for Speaker. That would cover something like an affair. But again, let’s not speculate on anyone having an affair.
The Republicans will find someone willing to take the job. The trick is to find someone smart enough not to take the job, but guilt him into taking the job anyway. Jason Chaffetz, the guy who embarrassed himself and got his butt handed to him at the hearing over Planned Parenthood, wants the job. That guy can’t even read a graph correctly or validate it’s authenticity. Sure, he should be in charge. The Democrats are loving this.
As a citizen I want this to settle down. I want Congress to select a rational speaker who will conduct the business of government and finds common ground with the president and the opposing party in Congress (even Gingrich did that). As a cartoons I want them to select the craziest bomb thrower there is that goes so bad it taints the GOP’s presidential aspirations. What a cartoonist wants is never good for anybody.
I have drawn my share of holiday-cliche cartoons throughout my 25-year career. The past few years I’ve done a good job of avoiding them. It’s my attempt to be original, irreverent, interesting…not boring. I am bored with drawing Cupids, Santas, Christmas trees and turkeys. You always see a thousand cartoons of sitting on Santa’s lap, a turkey about to get his head chopped off, the Ground Hog, and trick er treaters. Halloween is a lot harder to avoid because the imagery is a lot more fun than other holidays. So I gave you a few treaters today but I think I made up for it by throwing in a Wookie.
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