Royal Family

Wanker Investigations

Prince Harry fled to the United States and did the most American thing one can do, publish a tell-all. Harry says that he hopes to repair his relationship with his family in the future, but you don’t do that by publishing a tell-all.

I’m not taking sides. I care about Harry versus Willy about as much as I cared about Jacob versus Edward. I’m disgusted that I can even know that reference.

I watched some of the Oprah interview with Harry and Meghan, but I didn’t watch the 60 Minutes or ITV interviews of Harry. I did read a couple of analyses of it, including this one by CNN. My greatest take from them is boo-hoo-hoo.

These royals are spoiled welfare babies who live in a bubble and will turn on each other for the slightest bit of good press in the tabloids. Drugged-out rock bands don’t turn on each other as badly as this for good press. According to Harry, his own father would leak damaging info about his two sons in order to gain sympathy from the public. Now, Harry is doing the same thing to gain sympathy from the public, and in order to do so, he’s dishing dirt on his father and brother.

Harry makes his father and brother look like jerks. He claims his brother physically assaulted him during an argument over press coverage of Meghan. He says his father didn’t hug him when he told him his mother, Diana, had died. He claims in his book, “Spare,” that his dad would joke that one of his mother’s lovers might be his real father.

My father told some revolting jokes to his children, but never anything as bad as, “Who knows if I’m even your real father? Maybe your real father is in Broadmoor, darling boy!” Of course, if my father had ever called me “darling boy,” then I’d start to suspect he wasn’t my father.

My main gripe over the coverage of the royals is the sexist treatment Meghan Markle receives. Maybe some of that is also by the royal family. But it’s sexist to blame her for the rift between Harry and his family. Yes, if you’ve shared a Yoko meme, you’re being sexist. Just like John Lennon was when the Beatles broke up, Harry is an adult and is responsible for his own decisions and actions. Blaming Meghan may also be racist.

I don’t really care that much about the royals, but there’s more meat to this than with Hunter Biden, who is not a royal. If the Tories in Parliament were as vile, horrifying, and stupid as the House Republicans, then they’d be starting investigations into Prince Harry as a distraction.

It’s a lot easier to politicize something for the noise it makes than it is to pass significant legislation. The House Republicans will prove this over the next two years because they’re going to make a lot of noise without passing anything that’ll make it through the Senate and land on the president’s desk. Matt Gaetz has already made an appeal for the cameras in the House chamber to be on 24/7.

On another note about families: Notice that Harry didn’t publish his book while his grandmother the queen was still alive. If he had, She probably would’ve kicked his ass.

Music note: I listened to The Pixies.

Facebook Suspension Update: There are 2 days left in my Facebook suspension for typing the word “Taliban,” and I’m raising hell when I return.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Meghan Was Right

Buckingham Palace has been in damage control ever since Harry and Meghan fled to the United States and accusing the royal family of racism. According to the couple, one member of the royal family questioned what color their baby would be. Spoiler alert: It’s baby colored.

The royals are slow to adapt which was evidenced this week when Prince William’s godmother and royal courtier interrogated a Black British charity chief at a palace charity event, asking her repeatedly, “Where are you from?”. The answer, “England,” apparently wasn’t satisfactory.

Susan Hussey was “Number One Head Girl” in Buckingham Palace, serving as “Woman of the Bedchamber” meaning she was the Queen’s right-hand woman. After the Queen’s death, King Charles moved her to work for him as an “honorary” lady and to assist with palace functions. Her new duties included helping smooth the way at events, being nice to guests, and making them feel at home. Fail.

It was at a reception in Buckingham Palance hosted by Queen Consort Camilla for campaigners who are working to end violence against women and girls where Lady Susan messed up. This was an event to stop abuse againts women, and Lady Susan abused one of the guest, Ngozi Fulani, a Black Briton and the chief executive of the domestic-abuse charity Sistah Space.

Fulani told BBC Radio, “It was like an interrogation. I guess the only way I can explain it, she’s determined: ‘Where are you from? Where are your people from?'” This can also be interpreted as “what are you doing here?”. In the deep American south, it means “you don’t belong here, boy.”

Fulani also said, “I have to really question how this can happen in a space that’s supposed to protect women against all kinds of violence. Although it’s not physical violence, it is an abuse.”

The palace issued a statement saying that “the individual concerned would like to express her profound apologies for the hurt caused and has stepped aside from her honorary role with immediate effect.”

Many people are saying this is common old-people type racism as Hussey is in her 80s. They excuse it as something harmless, no harm was intended, and they just don’t know better because the perpetrator is from another age, like during the period when Chinese immigrants were building American railroads or some shit like that.

But that in itself is ageism and Fulani points that out, saying, “Let us be clear what this is… I’ve heard so many suggestions it’s about her age and stuff like that, and I think that’s kind of a disrespect… an ageism kind of thing.” Fulani sounds smarter than most people to me.

There are plenty of older people who don’t look at a person of another race and ask, “But where are you really from?”. You can be old and woke. And that’s part of being woke, not going around being a racist fuck to people. Someone tell Ron DeSantis, who says, “Florida is where woke goes to die.”

Whenever you think “where is that person really from?” when you see someone of a different race, spoiler alert: that person is probably from the same place you’re from, that being the nation you’re standing in. Where are you really from? If a non-white person born and raised in the USA isn’t “really” from here, then neither am I, and that means I’m “really” from where Lady Susan was asking racist questions. And sure, the United Kingdom is probably whiter than Idaho, but Lady Hussey shouldn’t act so surprised at seeing a non-white person.

I think the best thing to do in cases where you don’t know another person’s ancestry or heritage is not to worry about it. Treat them as if they’re a fellow human being; spoiler alert: because they are.

And before Meghan married Harry, was the royal family the last family on this planet to be a mixed-race family? Did Lady Susan prove that racism is a part of palace culture? I think there’s racism in the palace, and they don’t know it. Hell, David Duke and Donald Trump don’t think they’re racist. Spoiler alert: they’re soooooooooooooooo fucking racist.

In my family, we don’t ask what color a baby is going to be. We only ask how crazy that thing’s going to turn out. Spoiler alert: we’re all crazy.

Music Note: I listened to Tom Petty.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Royal Potatoes

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Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

When Meghan and Harry talked about someone in the royal family, the Firm, expressing concern over their baby Archie’s skin color, I could relate. I believed them.

My family is closer to trailer parks than it is to palaces, but we have the same shit as the royal family. We have racism and I have family members I can’t talk to anymore.

In 2015, when Donald Trump was just a candidate for the presidency, I had to stop talking to two family members. It wasn’t because they were Trump supporters but them being Trump supporters is indicative of why we don’t talk. The obnoxious hate, ignorance, and narcissism that makes one a Trump supporter extends to other facets of people’s lives

I have several nieces. At that time, one of them was pregnant. She is white though she is Latina but most people may not be aware or they just forget…but whatever. She appears white. Her boyfriend, the father of the child, is black. They all live in a different state than I and you’re about to find out why I don’t want to live near my family.

A family member told my pregnant niece that society would not accept her baby because it would be half black. When I first heard this, I thought maybe there was miscommunication, someone was making it worse than it actually was, or even that she did say something horrible but it wasn’t racist. You see, my family has a penchant for drama and there are members with histories of making shit up. I did not hear it directly from the accused but I wanted to find out for myself.

My sister in-law told me of the offense. Then I talked to my niece who backed it all up and was obviously very upset. So I went straight to the horse’s mouth. I asked her specifically, “Did you say the baby would not be accepted by society because it would be black and white?” She said yes. She was proud and defiant that she said that.

It broke my heart.

I adored this person. I even let this person live with me for several years rent-free. Once, a friend needed to use my printer and I wasn’t home. But the relative who would later claim society won’t accept a mixed-race baby was home. I told my friend, who is female and black, to stop by my house and my relative would let her in. When she got there, my dog went nuts barking at her. My relative told her, fully believing her bullshit, that the dog was barking at her because dogs can’t see black people clearly because they have dog eyes which only allows them to see a grey silhouette when they look at a black person. Seriously. Never mind the fact the dog was a Jack Russell (they bark at everything. They bark at wind) who had already bitten about a dozen of my friends, most of them being white. It was embarrassing when my friend told me of this later but I chalked it up to my relative’s adorable stupidity. She’s not racist. She’s just ignorant and very stupid so don’t be too mad.

I was wrong. She was racist…and ignorant and stupid.

So years later, she’s back living in the Midwest saying hateful, terrible, and racist things to a pregnant teenager. When she admitted she did it, her argument was that we weren’t raised that way. But the racist motherfucker who raised her didn’t raise me and even if he had…it wouldn’t have been an excuse to carry on any stupid family lineage of hate and ignorance. I had to tell her right then, in 2015, that I couldn’t talk to her anymore. I told her I would not bother her, would not call her, and I would not text her. It’s 2021 now and I haven’t contacted her since.

There were a couple of comments here and there on Facebook (she once made hateful public posts about my girlfriend at the time even though my girlfriend had never done or said anything to her. Drama), but I have since blocked her and two others in my family just so I don’t have to see their shit on other family members’ posts and to keep myself from replying to them…or even thinking about them. And for the most part, I don’t think about them until racist royalty gives me a reminder. Oh, yeah. I have racist fucknuts in my family.

But the racism my family member expressed was only a part of the vile thing she said. Have you ever known a pregnant woman? You don’t say mean shit to a woman who is pregnant. You get in trouble when you say innocuous shit to a pregnant woman. I’ve had things thrown at me for asking a pregnant woman if my hair looked OK. She gave my pregnant niece a vile, despicable, hateful shit sundae. The racism was just the shit cherry on the top of the shit sundae.

I still love my family, even the stupid racist ones. But, that doesn’t mean I have to talk to them. From the sounds of it, Harry is still open to talking to his father and brother. If either of them is the perpetrators of the skin-tone comments, I wouldn’t be in a rush to talk to him. The thing is, racist people are not open-minded. It will be a long time and probably never that they ever call and apologize. They will probably never see they were racists or ever did anything wrong. These people are not good at “sorry.”

When I talk to my family members again, if I do, it will be on my terms, not theirs. People like this are poison. It’s best to cut poison out of your life…even if that poison is family. It’s just too bad but you have to cut it out…especially if you’re building a new family. It’s better to keep that poison away from your wife and child. I totally understand why Harry and Meghan moved to Far Far Away. I did too.

My advice when you have troglodytes in the family: Stay away.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Royal Racism

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I have never been that fascinated with the royal family of the United Kingdom. I’ve always paid some attention to it but not with any obsession. I remember when Charles and Diana were married. I remember the births of William and Harry. My interest lies more in history and I’ve gone down worm holes to understand the role of the monarchy in relation to parliament. I have watched about three episodes of The Crown.

When there is something special about the monarchy on TV, I will usually watch it. When Harry and Meghan were married, Stephanie Ruhl and Katie Tur of MSNBC covered the wedding in London and totally geeked out when Meghan’s carriage passed them. It was embarrassing. That, I don’t understand. But I figured I should watch Oprah’s interview with Harry and Meghan on Sunday night.

I didn’t even know this thing was happening until my editor at CNN told me Friday morning and that he was open to a cartoon about it. He was also open to cartoons about Mr. Potato Head and Dr. Seuss. So I gave him a cartoon featuring all three. Then I thought my clients might want a cartoon on the interview, so I watched.

Since a few details had come out about the special, I didn’t expect any big surprises and wasn’t looking forward to it. I was actually dreading it. Two hours for this? Man, I’m dedicated to my craft. But If I can sit through Donald Trump’s inauguration speech, then I can sit through just about anything.

I expected to be bored and the entire thing to just be trivial pop culture stuff. I was wrong. It was interesting. I expected the couple to come off whiny and entitled. I thought I’d roll my eyes at them and have trouble sympathizing. Instead, I was angry.

Who starts a conversation worried about a baby’s skin tone? Who does that? You’re supposed to be excited about an upcoming birth in your family. If nothing else, you shouldn’t be racist to members of your own family.

Here’s the dirt: Someone in The Firm, as the royal family and the organization that operates it is referred as, brought this up to Prince Harry as a major concern. Apparently, they were afraid of how it would look for the royal family if it had a black member, or at least one darker than Meghan. And it’s not the point as to how dark the baby would be. The issue here is that it was a concern.

When Harry married Meghan, I thought it was a bigger deal that she was divorced and an American. I didn’t think her being of mixed race was any kind of issue at all. Sure, there are racists out there who still get upset over mixed couples in Cheerio commercials but I thought the majority of us, those who didn’t vote for Trump, were over it. Even if you’re not racist, you may have still been surprised by this…20 years ago maybe.

If nothing else, I thought nobody in the royal family would concern themselves with it. I was wrong. Who was it? Harry wouldn’t say.

But what’s clear is that his relationship with his father and older brother, two future kings, is seriously damaged. He wouldn’t go into details except to say he was disappointed in them. Meghan also talked about Kate, William’s wife, making her cry…and then it being leaked to the tabloids that it was reversed, Meghan had made Kate cry.

Before they left the United Kingdom for Canada, and then Los Angeles, the Firm was opposed to giving any royal titles to Archie, the couple’s son. The baby whose skin tone someone was worried about. After they left the Firm, security was stripped from them. There was also talk about an investigation by the Firm over accusations that Meghan was a bully inside Buckingham Palace…but no investigations toward Prince Andrew being a rapist with Jeffrey Epstein. For someone, it was worse to have a black prince than a royal rapist.

So, who in the family was concerned about the baby’s skin tone? Who was so concerned and racist that they actually brought it up? Was it someone in the family or was it someone who works for them? It would be wrong to speculate and I discourage it. That said, I think it was Prince Charles.

Harry expressed how disappointed he was in his father because he had gone through the same kind of negativity and harassment from the British tabloids as he and Meghan were experiencing. The British tabloids are NOT like the legitimate press. They are totally focused on sensationalism. Even New York tabloids don’t have anything on them. The British tabloids are directly responsible for the death of Princess Diana, Harry’s mother. You would think the family would be more supportive.

I’m not surprised racism exists in the United Kingdom. It’s not just an American thing. We’re probably just louder about it after having a president (sic) for four years who encouraged and validated racist organizations. Say what you will about Boris, but at least he hasn’t retweeted Nazis (he hasn’t, has he?). We had a president who literally told white nationalists to march to the Capitol and overturn an election. But who knew there was racism in the royal family?

A Facebook friend of mine who is a Brit and often comments on my work wrote, “America has a race problem disguised as a class problem, we have a class problem which includes racism.” He wrote that before the interview aired. He was talking more about the tabloids and British society’s racism. This was before we learned someone in the royal family is afraid of black babies.

Perhaps the biggest surprise is that to escape UK racism, Harry and Meghan came here. Really? Did they not see that for 74 million Americans, racism was not a disqualifier in voting for Donald Trump? They didn’t see that racism is not a deal-breaker for a huge percentage of the population? I personally know people who have left this nation over the past four years because of racism. I know white people who left this country because of its racism.

They fled the UK where someone in the royal family was concerned about a baby with dark skin tone for a land led by a racist orange baby.

And seriously, worried about a baby having a dark skin tone? Maybe that’s the kind of thinking you get after generations of inbreeding.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Trust-Fund Royalty

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I had an excellent blog planned out in my head and I started on this cartoon at 5:30 a.m. Then, something struck in my stomach and I’ve been laid out nearly all day. I don’t know if it’s the cheeseburger I had last night or that I had two of them.

At any rate, no blog today. You got this. I gotta try to rest up before I start writing ideas for CNN. I hurt.

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