Roy Moore

Stranger Danger


cjones11232017

The three largest newspapers in Alabama are pleading with the state’s voters not to send Roy Moore to the United States Senate. The Birmingham News, The Mobile Press-Register, and The Huntsville Times (all owned by Alabama Media Group) don’t want the voters to embarrass Alabama.

While we’re wondering how so many people can defend and choose a suspected pedophile over a man who has prosecuted members of the KKK for killing children, let me remind you that this is not new territory.

In 2016 our choices were the most qualified person to ever run for the office of President of the United States and a man who didn’t exhibit any qualifications, knowledge, or capability for the job, and only displayed childish, immature, stupid, racist, and narcissistic tendencies, while spreading conspiracy theories and lies. It not only amazed me that people could be undecided in the days leading up to the election, but on Election Day, many voters chose the stupid candidate and put him in the White House.

Voters polled before the election gave Trump higher marks in honesty than Clinton despite the fact checkers grading over 90 percent of Trump statements as lies. I underestimated the stupidity and pettiness of the American voter. I don’t think we should underestimate it in Alabama.

Roy Moore’s defenders believe there’s a conspiracy against him. They “know” The Washington Post paid women to accuse him of sexual transgressions, one committed against a 14-year-old. They think the Democrats and the Republican establishment are after him.

One defender compared his actions to Joseph being with Mary because Joseph is supposedly older according to their mythology. While arguing he never committed any of the acts he’s accused of, his supporters find ways to justify them. And, then there are those who believe the accusations and still support him.

For Alabama Republicans, being a Democrat and believing in the separation of church and state and the U.S. Constitution is a greater sin than pedophilia. The governor said she believes Moore’s accusers, but she plans to vote for him anyway.

Last week, White House goon Kellyanne Conway said, “there is no Senate seat worth more than a child.” Now, it seems she’s had a change of heart and there is one Senate seat worth more than a child.

The White House and Trump have been very cowardly regarding Moore. Trump was wrong once in his endorsement for Alabama’s Senate seat and he doesn’t want to be wrong again. He’s afraid of upsetting his base, and in Alabama, his polls are extremely high. His supporters might be stupid, but he doesn’t want to lose them.

The White House has been trotting out the argument that Alabama voters need to select their next Senator. They don’t want to explicitly endorse a pedophile, but they also don’t want to discourage people from sending him to Washington.

Yesterday, Conway made comments on Fox & Friends that left even those nitwits confused. They weren’t sure if they should jump on the Moore bandwagon or what. Their directives from the White House are normally much clearer, and they’re not good with subtle hints.

Conway was arguing against Doug Jones, the Democrat facing Moore for the Senate seat. Conway said, “and Doug Jones in Alabama? Folks, don’t be fooled. He’ll be a vote against tax cuts. He’s weak on crime, weak on borders. He’s strong on raising your taxes. He’s terrible for property owners. And Doug Jones is a doctrinaire liberal, which is why he’s not saying anything and why the media are trying to boost him.”

Co-host Brian Kilmeade asked, “so, vote Roy Moore?”

Conway initially seemed confused in how to reply before she responded, “I’m telling you that we want the votes in the Senate to get this tax bill through,” and then she remembered the art of deflection and turned it around on Al Franken with, “and if the media were really concerned about all these allegations and that’s what this was truly about … Al Franken would be on the ash heap of bygone, half-funny comedians. He wouldn’t be here on Capitol Hill.”

This is tribalism. They would rather get the worst of the worst and sacrifice their principles to pass their agenda. But, I could be wrong.

Maybe they’ve never had principles.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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Partisan Outrage


cjones11202017

When Roy Moore, Alabama’s Republican nominee for the U.S. Senate, had a woman accuse him of trying to have sex with her when she was 14, she wasn’t alone. Three other accusers joined her. More accusers came out the next day, and the next, and the next. We’ve hit double digits. You can make a pun out of “Moore” accusers.

After Minnesota Senate Democrat Al Franken’s accuser came out, she was alone and nobody has joined her since. The comparison between Moore and Franken isn’t fair. One was trying to get his rocks off with teenage girls while the other was staging comedy bits. One set a pattern while the other did not. But, politics is not fair.

Donald Trump tweets out an attack on Al Franken while remaining silent on Roy Moore and being tone-deaf regarding over 20 of his own accusers. Trump has boasted, very proudly, about groping women and barging in on teenage girls while they’re naked in a dressing room. Sarah Huckabee Sanders said it’s different because Franken admitted wrongdoing while Trump has denied his ever happened, even though he’s on tape admitting it.

For Republicans, lying, deflecting, and calling your accusers liars is more honorable than being honest, apologizing, and calling for an ethics investigation on your own past behavior.

People talk a good game about bridging the partisan divide, but they crap all over themselves when the perfect opportunity confronts them. Alabama’s governor has stated she believes Roy’s accusers but, she’s gonna vote for him anyway. She would rather have a pedophile in the Senate than someone she disagrees with. How is that being a good Christian?

The accusations against Franken won’t be the last to hit Washington. Watch how Republicans respond. The same people critical of Franken and have yelled for him to resign will be silent when Republicans are hit. The hypocrisy won’t matter. It’ll be like it just doesn’t exist to them.

Republicans will take a cue from Trump and Roy Moore. They’ll lie, deflect, and attack the accusers. Being honest is for Democrats.

Creative notes: I completed this cartoon early last night but I held it for today. I sent it to my clients and one of them has already scooped me and published it on their site.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Franky And Donny


cjones11182017

I wasn’t sure about this cartoon. I don’t want to come off as if I’m deflecting for Al Franken when I think the accusations against him should be taken seriously. And, then…Trump tweeted.

Do you know why Democrats have a harder time with sexual misconduct than the Republican Party? It’s because there’s a consensus among Democrats that it’s always wrong. With Republicans, it’s up to debate.

Democrats want every woman who accuses to be listened to and believe there should be a no-tolerance policy. On the other hand, Republicans think maybe it is OK if it’s just locker room talk. Maybe you can do what you want when you’re famous. Maybe it’s alright for a 32-year-old to stalk teenage girls at the mall. Maybe it’s OK to call them up at their high school to ask them out on a date. Maybe it’s all clear if you can compare your candidate’s groping to Jesus. Basically, it’s permissible when committed by a Republican, and when committed by a Democrat it’s all aboard with selective outrage on the douche-wagon.

Yesterday, I mentioned I saw five cartoons from conservatives using the talking point of using Bill Clinton to deflect from the accusations against Roy Moore. One of my right-wing colleagues, who have not mentioned anything about Roy Moore made, five posts today about Al Franken. He wrote “it’s crickets from liberals” regarding the Franken scandal. In reality, where most of us live, liberals are taking this on. Using cartoons as an example, I’ve seen ten (and they all play on the “doggone it, people like me” bit), and they were all drawn yesterday. My “friend” also wrote, “Christmas came early.” That’s exactly how they see it.

For conservatives, it’s not about ending sexual harassment, assault, transgressions, pedophilia, sloppy-unwanted kisses, and pussy-grabbing because you can get away with it when  you’re famous. It’s about attacking liberals and ignoring scandals involving conservatives and, Donald Trump proves I’m right.

Trump might be the only Republican in D.C. who has not pulled his endorsement of Roy Moore. White House Spokesgoon Sarah Huckabee Sanders gave the usual tripe regarding Moore saying the president finds it troubling blah, blah, blabbity, blah but,  whether he should drop out of the race or not she said, “that is a decision the people of Alabama need to make, not the president.” Trump has refused to discuss the Moore issue. He promised us a big announcement when he returned from his trip to Asia. Instead of his “big announcement” being on Moore, it was a huge revelation that Trump was praised and complimented during his trip to Asia like no one in history ever before. He has even refused to give an opinion on Moore, even as reporters were shouting questions at him about it. But guess what he does want to talk about.

Trump tweeted about Al Franken. He tweeted, “the Al Frankenstien picture is really bad, speaks a thousand words. Where do his hands go in pictures 2, 3, 4, 5 & 6 while she sleeps? …..” The dot, dot, dot dot, dots  and misspelling of “Frankenstein” are his. And then he tweeted, “and to think that just last week he was lecturing anyone who would listen about sexual harassment and respect for women. Lesley Stahl tape?

The Lesley Stahl thing is a reference to Franken describing a bit he wrote for SNL that never aired. Breitbart ran a story about it which is why it’s on Trump’s radar.

Leeann Tweeden, a TV host, and sportscaster accused Franken of kissing and groping her without her consent in 2006 when they were on a USO tour together. She produced a picture of Franken posing in front of her while she slept while wearing a helmet and flak jacket, and Franken appears as though he’s about to grope her breasts. She says Franken wrote a comedy bit where he tries to kiss her and she rejects him. She says Franken insisted on practicing the kissing scene when she didn’t want to, and eventually, he forced his tongue into her mouth.

Franken says he remembers their rehearsals differently, but he apologized and said the photo was stupid. Tweeden accepted his apology.

Every accuser should be listened to. The evidence that comes along with their accusations should be paid attention to as well. Franken does recall the rehearsals differently but maybe she’s absolutely right and it did happen the way she has described. But, if her issue is the sexual stuff then why did she make other details personal? She talked about how nobody wanted Franken’s autograph at signing sessions. She went into details in how disgusting Franken’s kiss was. She talked about how Franken drew goatees and devil horns on photos of her.

Yesterday, Trump supporter Roger Stone said, “it’s Al Franken’s time in the barrel,” apparently knowing something was about to come out. Tweeden also works for Fox Sports and has been a guest on Sean Hannity’s show. Surprise!

Franken didn’t offer excuses and said the photo was in poor taste and Tweeden has every right to be upset over it. He apologized and she accepted. The thing about the photo is, even though it is in poor taste, it’s staged and not a hidden incident. There were a photographer and others in the room. I’ve seen it mentioned on social media that Tweeden was pretending to be asleep for the photo, but I can’t find verification for that, but watch for it to come up.

Franken has called for an ethics investigation into his own conduct. In contrast, during the 2016 presidential campaign, at least eleven women accused Trump of sexual harassment. Trump has called them liars and has threatened to sue them. Nine women have made accusations against Roy Moore, and he’s taken the Trump route, calling them liars and is threatening lawsuits, even against the media. Also, Tweeden is not 14-years-old with Franken trying to pick her up out of her high school trigonometry class.

Conservatives and even a few liberals are calling for Franken to resign. I’ll agree if more credible accusations come forward. For now, I think he should run for president. He’s still one of the sharpest minds in Washington and this nation needs a voice like his, despite doing an idiotic stunt in 2006 that he’s not trying to cover up or make excuses for. But I will make a deal with you.

I will call for Franken to resign if conservatives make the same demand for Donald Trump and every Republican who receives credible accusations in the future. But, looking at Republican hypocrisy today, I don’t think they’d keep the bargain.

There’s another way around this mess too, and that is…elect more woman. We tried that last year with the presidency but many of you didn’t cooperate.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Bama Jewy Robo Call


cjones11172017

When you’re on the right side of an issue, you don’t have to make shit up. That totally explains why Roy Moore, his wife, their racist lawyers, Breitbart, Alabama Republicans, and all the hideous goons on social media are making shit up.

I’m glad I’m not a conservative cartoonist, but if I was then I like to think I wouldn’t act like a hideous ogre and follow talking points designed to defend a pedophile. Today, I’ve already seen four political cartoons using the sexcapades of Bill Clinton as a deflection for Roy Moore’s pedophilia. In addition to those four cartoons, there was a propaganda piece masquerading as a political cartoon by that Branco guy (look him up) following the same talking point. I can’t wait to see what Ben Garrison does on it (whatever it is, it’ll include about 38 labels). But then again, these are the same people who defended Nazis recently.

Just when I thought to deflect for a pedophile was rotten enough, news came out yesterday that some right-wing troglodytes are robocalling voters in Alabama to increase support for Moore. Every campaign conducts robocalls for their candidate, but in this case, the calls are pretending to be something they’re not.

The person on this call is posing as a Washington Post reporter offering money to anyone who claims they were sexually assaulted by Roy Moore.

The caller, going by the name the very Jewish-sounding name “Bernie Bernstein,” says, “I’m a reporter for The Washington Post calling to find out if anyone at this address is a female between the ages of 54 to 57 years old, willing to make damaging remarks about candidate Roy Moore for a reward of between $5,000 and $7,000.” The caller also states they will not be “fully investigating” the claims and could be contacted at albernstein@washingtonpost.com. The email is phony and will bounce back if you use it. They don’t really want a reply. They’re just trying to piss people off.

The first clue it’s a fake call is that the name doesn’t match the email address. The second clue is that the email doesn’t work. Another big one is the fact The Washington Post does NOT pay for stories or to sources. They’re not the National Enquirer.

Moore’s supporters have already spread stories that were quickly debunked, that the Post paid the women accusing Roy Moore of sexual misconduct. If you’re wrong, you make shit up. You make a divisive situation more divisive. You also hire a racist lawyer to defend your lying candidate.

If you think my cartoon is stereotyping, wait until you hear about this.

Yesterday, an attorney for Moore went on MSNBC and told host Ali Velshi that his “background” would help him understand Moore’s “process.” 

Co-host Stephanie Ruhle asked the attorney, Trenton Garmon, why  Moore “would need permission from any of these girls’ mothers if they weren’t underage.” Garmon replied, “Culturally speaking, obviously there’s differences, (I) looked up Ali’s background there, and wow, that’s awesome that you have got such a diverse background, it’s really cool to read through that. But point is this, each culture has…” Then Ruhle interrupted him and asked, “What does Ali’s background have to do with dating a 14-year-old?”

Garmon said, “Sure — in other countries, there is arrangement through parents for what we would refer to as consensual marriage… “ Ruhle interrupted to inform the racist attorney that Velshi is from Canada. The attorney continued to drown from there…which is what everyone is doing who are defending Roy Moore.

As for me, I know how to swim. I suggest conservatives who are defending Moore take a few lessons.

Creative notes: So yesterday, my research entailed asking a friend, who is Jewish, if the term is “Jewy” or “Jewwy?” I’m fortunate she’s a really cool person and knows what I’m up to when I ask what seems like an absurd, and anti-Semitic question. I didn’t ask her because she’s Jewish. I worked with her at my last newspaper job, and I still ask her to proof text and the phrases for a lot of my cartoons. So, she gets a lot of crazy questions from me. I usually don’t tell her what I’m working on just so it’ll get her curiosity up.

Also, yeah I stereotyped the South with this cartoon…but I can do that. I’m from the South. But, in all honesty, the people in this cartoon are everywhere. Alabama just has a lot more of them. The people I have worked with in the South are some of the most creative people I’ve ever worked with, and they educated me on this business. And like Jews tell the best Jewish jokes, nobody laughs harder at Southerners than Southerners.

I have covered local issues before on people keeping chickens inside their homes, but most of that was when I was working in Honolulu. In fact, that city had to pass a law limiting how many chickens people can keep in their apartments. Seriously.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Pervy Politics


cjones11152017

I’m old enough to remember when Republicans wrote bathroom laws to protect our children from sexual predators.

Now, the same people who go into full-blown snowflake meltdown when there’s not a Christmas design on their Starbucks coffee cup are perfectly fine with sticking a pedophile in the Senate. It’s OK because he’s accepted Jesus. There is still some coffee outrage over this Roy Moore scandal. Keurig stopped advertising on Sean Hannity’s fake news show because he kinda endorsed Republican pedophilia. Republicans have responded by destroying their Keurig coffee machine.

People are destroying coffee machines that cost anywhere from $100 to $300. Why don’t you just protest by mailing an envelope full of cash to Keurig? That makes about as much sense. By the way, did you know the coffee pods those machines use are not biodegradable and environmentalists hate them? Yeah, you conservatives can’t win for nothing. Being stupid hurts.

A fifth woman revealed yesterday that Alabama Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore sexually assaulted her. The mainstream Republican Party and even Ted Cruz are now all calling for Moore to drop out of the race. Alabama Republicans, on the other hand, are standing by their man.

Republican logic has been all over the place with this issue.

Evangelicals have spent the past four decades calling themselves the “moral majority,” yet, over 80% of them voted for the orange pussy grabber for president. Republicans impeached Bill Clinton over consensual sex and had to go through three Speakers of the House to do it, as the first two of those turds had sex scandals. And, we found out years later the third one was a pedophile.

Part of the GOP defense of Moore is to talk about other sex scandals, from Clinton to Harvey Weinstein, to Louis C.K. Hell, some are even griping about Joe Biden’s shoulder massages.

Five women have accused Moore of dating teenage girls and of sexual assault. The accusers are backed up by over 30 sources. Others have come out to say it was well-known at the time that Mr. Moore dated teenage girls while he was in his early thirties. The guy would hang out at the mall and high school football games. Eventually, he got banned from the mall for being a Creepy McCreeperson and a stranger danger. Moore has defended himself with the lame excuses that he didn’t “generally” date teenage girls, and that he never dated one without their mother’s permission. He says he doesn’t remember the new accuser or the restaurant where he attacked her, yet she provided her high school yearbook he signed where he also included the name of the restaurant. But, Moore’s supporters don’t believe any of that.

What they do believe, without any evidence, is that The Washington Post paid these women to come forward and it’s all financed by Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. They wonder why these women, who are being publicly shamed by Breitbart and in their communities, being chased into hiding, and who Moore is threatening to sue, didn’t make their revelations sooner.

For what it’s worth, adults don’t sign high school yearbooks unless they’re teachers. I know I haven’t signed one since I left high school. Hell, I didn’t sign that many when I was in school. I wasn’t really popular.

During the recent campaign for Virginia’s governor, the Republican candidate Ed Gillespie ran a lot of race-baiting commercials. Along with those, he ran one accusing Democrat Ralph Northam of being in favor of restoring rights to pedophiles. One person was busted for child pornography right after his rights were restored, and Gillespie’s campaign used that to paint Northam, a pediatrician, as a friend to pedophiles as if he was driving the van with free candy. Voters saw through the lie and made Northam our next governor.

Meanwhile, in Alabama, Republicans are telling people to vote for the pedophile. And, there’s a chance the pedophile might win.

I’m really glad I live in Virginia and not Alabama.

Creative Notes: I took longer than I wanted to with this cartoon. I started around 3:00 AM. I didn’t like the lettering so I redid it. Then I didn’t like the elephants, so I drew them over. Then, I still didn’t like the lettering so I did that again. And then, I realized I still hated the elephants, so I drew them again. And then, I hated some of the colors, so I redid that…and then, the sun came out and eventually 10:00 AM rolled around.

I make it sound like I have high standards but it’s probably more like an obsessive-compulsive disorder…and a lot of coffee.

Speaking of coffee, there’s a Keurig in my house and I had never tried it. All the talk yesterday got my curiosity up, so housemate’s girlfriend showed me how to use it. It was delicious. I didn’t try one as a lame way of sticking it to conservatives. I really wanted to try one. By the way, did you know that Keurig is the most hated thing in Washington state? I think it has to do with being environmental and snooty about their coffee, and not because the people of Washington love pedophiles.

A note about signed prints: I’m going to run this note for a week or so. Several people have sent me $40 over the past few months without requesting a print. Please, when you make a payment/contribution, tell me which print you want. I’ve written each of those people but some haven’t replied. If I owe you a print then please tell me so. I’m not trying to stiff you people. Thanks!

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Creeping With Roy


cjones11122017

There’s a saying in Southern politics I’m sure you’ve heard before. It goes something like, “the only thing worse than getting caught with a dead girl is a live boy.” Though kinda tasteless, it’s funny because it’s true.

Alabama just may show us how true it is because, between the choice of Not A Republican and Pedophile, Republican voters have to think it over.

Senator John McCain is the only elected Republican I have heard so far stand up for what is right. He said Roy Moore should step down as a candidate for the Alabama Senate seat after accusations were revealed by The Washington Post that he sexually assaulted a 14-year-old minor, and dated other under-age girls, ages ranging from 16-18 while he was in his early 30s.

Other Republicans have said he should step down IF the accusations prove to be true. Donald Trump, who is on tape boasting about sexually assaulting women and who didn’t need anything more than an accusation to determine Harvey Weinstein is guilty of sexual assault, joined his colleagues in the “IF” department. A statement from the White House said, “we cannot allow a mere allegation, in this case one from many years ago, to destroy a person’s life.”

The four women, who don’t know each other, have gone on the record with their claims backed by 30 sources. Yet, Moore is refusing to step down and blamed the Democratic Party, The Post, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama.

Moore is an insane person (being gay should be illegal, Muslims can’t serve in Congress, birther, etc.) that mainstream Republicans don’t even like, which means Ted Cruz loves him. But, they’d still rather be associated in the Senate with a pedophile than a Democrat.

As allegations of impropriety, assault, and even rape emerge, the outrage people express often depends upon their politics. Many will demand justice for one perpetrator while remaining silent about another. It’s a disgusting place we’ve come to when we allow our partisanship not just to make us liars, but also terrible human beings.

Breitbart, an inviting outlet for horrible and revolting people, is defending Moore. He has other defenders within the Republican Party. John Skipper, a former chair of the Mobile County Republican Party, declared the allegations “total contrived media garbage.” Jim Zeigler, the state auditor said, “single man, early 30s, never been married, dating teenage girls,” as if it wasn’t a big deal. Zeigler also said, “take Joseph and Mary. Mary was a teenager and Joseph was an adult carpenter. They became parents of Jesus.” Not only will some Republicans stick up for pedophiles, they’ll use their religion to defend them.

Steve Bannon, former campaign manager and senior adviser to Trump and head of Breitbart is a staunch supporter of Moore’s. Steven Law, the head of a McConnell-aligned “super PAC” excoriated Breitbart for “defending ‘consensual’ sex between a 32-year-old and a 16-year-old.”

A former aide to Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, Josh Holmes said, “This is what happens when you let reckless, incompetent idiots like Steve Bannon go out and recruit candidates who have absolutely no business running for the U.S. Senate.”

It shouldn’t be difficult to disagree with Mr. Holmes, no matter which political side you’re on. Pedophilia may be the most horrible thing a person can inflict upon another. Child abuse should never be tolerated. But, this is what many Republicans have reduced themselves to, defending pedophiles. What’s next? A statue of Dennis Hastert?

The actions of Republicans and evangelicals are never as strong as their words. While demanding wholesome candidates with family values, they strongly support the likes of Donald Trump, who brags about assaulting women and barging in on teenage girls while they’re changing into swimwear. Alabama, a state where Trump is actually still popular, went big for the guy in 2016.

Last Tuesday, the women’s march turned out candidates who sent several Republican incumbent males packing in Virginia. Even gerrymandering couldn’t save those guys. I know Alabama isn’t as enlightened or as progressive as Virginia, but hopefully, women in that state won’t send a guy to the United States Senate that they wouldn’t want around their teenage daughters. Personally, I wouldn’t let the guy dog sit.

Alabama votes in 30 days for their new Senator. I hope they’ll do the right thing and elect Doug Jones, a man whose involvement with underage girls is prosecuting the Ku Klux Klan for killing four of them.

On one hand, you have a man who put away murdering racists. On the other hand, you have a guy who groped and dated underage teenage girls.

Don’t tell me you have to think about it.

Creative note: I drew this same escalator scene last year on October 26. I didn’t look at it until I was done drawing this one. I thought I was changing the angle a bit, but nope. They’re pretty much the same.

I had another idea on this subject but I felt this was funnier. Then, I received a visitor at 4:00 AM who told me I picked the right cartoon.

I had a girl visit me in my bedroom at 4:00 AM bringing batteries. Sounds dirty, right? Yeah, go me. Actually, she was coming over to see her boyfriend who is not me, and she brought me batteries for my new wireless mouse…which is awesome. It’s my first wireless mouse. I’m turning into an old guy who can be slow with techie stuff. Hell, I’m so old I remember when defending the United States from Russians was a part of the Republican platform.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Some Alabama Strange


cjones09282017

The day before the runoff vote in the Alabama Republican primary for the U.S. Senate, Vice-President Mike Pence was campaigning for Luther Strange. Pence said, “I stand for Luther.” Being that Pence refuses to be alone in a room with a woman who is not his wife, I cracked on social media that Pence would never say, “I stand for Strange.” Get it? Strange, as in getting some strange? At least two people understood it on Facebook. Never mind.

The GOP establishment wanted them some strange, and some strange is what they got. Now, the only thing standing between a gun-totin’, religious zealot, right-wing fanatic from becoming a United States Senator is his Democratic opponent. Unfortunately for liberals, a Democrat winning a statewide race in Alabama has about as much of a chance as a Democrat winning a statewide race in Alabama. It’s not happening. I dare Alabama to prove me wrong.

Roy Moore is the anti-establishment Republican. Did I mention he’s a zealot? If, and when he’s elected, he will be the most radical and scary senator in the Senate. Yes, I’m aware Ted Cruz is still a senator. He’s that freaking bad. Every senator, even the Republicans, can’t stand Ted Cruz. Yet, this guy makes Ted Cruz look like Fozzie Bear.

Roy Moore was the Chief Justice on the Alabama Supreme Court. He decided that he needed to erect a display of the Ten Commandments in the court. He refused to take them down after a court order told him to remove it. He got kicked off the court. So, since Supreme Court justices in Alabama are elected, he ran for the office again…and won. And, got kicked off again. The second time he was booted from office was because he directed probate judges to continue to enforce the state’s ban on same-sex marriage after the U.S. Supreme Court struck down that ban.

Roy Moore hates gays so much that he once issued an opinion that the state should punish homosexual behavior. He also opined that a parent’s sexual orientation (in this circumstance, homosexuality) should be a factor in refusing custody. He hates gays so much, I expect him to be busted in a men’s room stall in Dupont Circle.

Moore believes in the supremacy of God’s law over man’s. When he was a circuit court judge, he would open sessions with a prayer beseeching Divine Guidance for jurors in their deliberations. In at least one instance, Moore asked a clergyman to lead the court’s jury pool in prayer. Hey, guess how you can get out of jury duty in Alabama.

In case you’re still thinking, “gee…that still doesn’t sound too bad.” Well then, hold my coffee. Did I mention that Dudley-Do-Fuck is a birther, and he still believes Obama was not born in the United States? He also believes that a Muslim should not be allowed to serve in the United States Congress, taking issue with Minnesota representative Keith Ellison. He claims Sharia Law is being implemented in Illinois (Yankee state). He has suggested the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks happened because America has turned away from God. On top of all that, he’s spoken to white-supremacists groups, where I’m sure some of the attendees were “very fine people.”

Just in case there were some voters in Alabama not finding him scary enough, he brought a revolver on stage with him at his Monday night rally and waved it around. If Luther Strange was smart, he would have brought a bigger gun on stage and had mocked Moore’s tiny pistol. But, these are Republicans. They’re not smart.

Republicans were so scared of Moore, that Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, who can’t do anything right lately, had his super PAC raise millions of dollars for Strange. He even got Donald Trump to campaign for Strange, even though Moore is just the kind of fuck nuts that should appeal to Trump. Obviously, he appealed to Trump’s voters in Alabama where Cheeto Potentate still has ridiculously high approval ratings.

Strange had serious baggage. He was the Attorney General for Alabama, and he was supposed to be investigating the governor who was doing all sorts of illegal shenanigans to cover up the fact he was boinking a staffer who was not his wife (I still have nightmares over those sexual tape recordings. Old, crotchety, craggly-ass Alabama Republicans are not sexy). The governor took care of that investigation by appointing Strange to the Senate after Jeff Sessions was confirmed as the Trump’s Attorney General (though he was eventually tossed out of office).

Trump didn’t have much enthusiasm with his endorsement. At a rally last Friday in Huntsville, Trump spent most of the time talking about himself (shocking), and the NFL anthem protesters. While Strange was standing on the same stage, Trump stated, “I’ll be honest, I might have made a mistake.” He even expressed concern with how the media would play it for him if Strange lost.

Moore held rallies with Sarah Palin, the Duck Dynasty weirdos, and Trump’s former chief strategist, Steve Bannon. Bannon suggested to Fox News that Trump was duped into supporting Strange. Thanks for admitting what we already know, that Trump is a sucker. We’ve seen his retweets.

At Moore’s rally on Monday, Bannon argued for the anti-establishment platform. He said, “Mitch McConnell and this permanent political class is the most corrupt and incompetent group of individuals in this country. They think you’re a pack of morons. They think you’re nothing but rubes.” Well, yeah. They’re kinda counting on it, but so is Bannon. This guy and a bunch of Russians helped convince 62 million rubes to vote for Trump.

These guys do not like Mitch McConnell. Moore attacked the Majority Leader at the same rally and said in the past that he’ll vote against McConnell remaining Majority Leader. I predict some awkward moments after Moore arrives in Washington.

For Republicans, Moore’s victory is bad news. They were looking forward to spending all their money on defeating Democrats in 2018 and increasing their Senate majority. But now, Moore’s victory will give other anti-establishment troglodytes inspiration to run against GOP incumbents, which will make Republicans spend their money before they even face the Democrats. Senators Jeff Flake of Arizona, Dean Heller of Nevada, and Roger Wicker of Mississippi may have trouble in their primaries. Senator Bob Corker of Tennessee announced yesterday that he’s had enough. He’s not having fun with Trump as the leader of his party, plus he may have been in a huge, nasty primary fight with a Tea-Party knuckle dragger.

For a Republican Senate that doesn’t know how to legislate and has no accomplishments since Trump took office, Roy Moore promises to make things go from shitty to super shitty. As for Trump, he won’t admit he supported the wrong guy. He’ll probably blame McConnell and perhaps forget he ever endorsed Luther Strange. Kinda like how he forgot he ran a birther campaign for five years. Trump has already deleted his tweets that were supporting Strange. Fortunately, Mr. Moore can refresh his memory that they’re both conspiracy nut jobs.

One last note; Please don’t inform Roy Moore that carrying a firearm is illegal in the District. Of course, if he’s arrested for packing, he’ll just claim carrying a gun is God’s law.

Creative note: I got this idea, and then I got another I liked better for a minute. It involved Moore holding two tablets with his ten commandments. So, I wrote all ten of the commandments, and halfway through I decided the idea was just meh. But, because I have OCD I had to finish writing all the commandments. I couldn’t leave it uncompleted.

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